Chapter 22 - Lydia
The grounds were quieter than usual as I left the house and began walking towards the main strip, where I would meet Zoe.
I was surprised that she didn’t swing by the house first since Sebastian had been adamant about ensuring I was always protected, but it was nice not to feel like someone was always hovering.
The gentle breeze was suitable company as I walked. I felt called to take a different path so I could appreciate the warm sun a little longer.
Even though my stomach swelled only faintly, given how early my pregnancy was, I placed a thoughtful hand against the beginning of my belly as I went, losing myself to tender thoughts of the future.
I was looking forward to meeting the little one, and despite not knowing anything about my child yet, I felt so immediately connected to them.
Despite everything else going on around me, I made a conscious effort to appreciate the pregnancy. I knew it was special, and I was beyond lucky to be blessed with it so soon. Even if the tensions with Jack and his pack were still looming overhead, I didn’t want to let it distract from the pure moments unraveling right in front of me.
Thankfully, Sebastian remained positive throughout it all, helping me stay focused on the good things.
My steps halted as I walked along the trees, bristling as I sensed someone nearby. Someone who wasn’t supposed to be there.
Glancing over into the trees in the distance, I froze. My entire body tensed defensively as my mind reeled with the realization.
They were out of sight within the woods but close enough for my heart to hammer in my chest as the reminders of their lies hit me like a wave. Their saddened faces looked back at me, and once they saw I noticed, Mom cracked the faintest hopeful smile.
That alarm rippled through my entire system, urging me to run. Go as fast as I could and find Sebastian, even if he was preoccupied with work. I wanted the comfort of his security and the shield he offered me against their brainwashing.
At the very least, I wanted to go find Zoe.
But as much as I wanted to run, my legs didn’t follow through. Instead, I stood there almost helplessly as I looked at them, at a complete loss. I sucked in a shaky breath and struggled between my choices.
“Honey, we just want to talk,” Mom said, voice traveling between the distance as she waved me over. “Please. We miss our daughter.”
Looking between them, there was no denying the pain in their eyes. I knew they were telling the truth, but I couldn’t shake how they hurt me.
They hurt me. Their own daughter—the one they claimed to miss.
They lied to me to maintain that control over me and ensure I didn’t stray from the path they laid out for me. They convinced me my mate was a monster when that was far from the truth. They kept me from my best friend, all for an alpha they wanted to set me up with.
Even thinking about it made my stomach ache, and I couldn’t shake that feeling of betrayal.
Regardless of their lies and disturbing allegiance to Jack, I still felt guilty for disappearing without a word.
Since I had never stood up for myself before, they had been under the assumption I was okay with their encouragement in allowing Jack to pursue me. I left without a trace, and it struck that little girl within me who sought her parents’ approval. The girl who did whatever they said and followed the rules perfectly, all so that I could remain in their good graces.
As much as I knew that shouldn’t have been my responsibility to bear as a child, that reflex still ached within me—the one that yearned to conform and gain validation through obeying them.
Despite the guilt, I still didn’t trust them. How could I, after finding out everything I thought I knew about Sebastian was a lie?
Dad's expression softened at my hesitation, unable to utter a single word to them, and he held a hand out for me. “We understand that you might be confused and apprehensive about the arrangement back home, but we just want the chance to explain ourselves. We want to work things out, Lydia.”
“Please,” Mom repeated, allowing me to see the emotions gathering in her eyes. “Just talk to us. It’s been so long, and we’ve been worried sick about you.”
While I didn’t doubt that was true, it was difficult for me to discern what was really them speaking and what simply came from their need to maintain control.
Caught between two places—one that spoke of my rage and sadness over their lies and the other being that instinctual need to follow their orders—my stomach was in knots. At that moment, it was all too much.
I should’ve been able to stand my ground and advocate for myself, but seeing them like that, all while knowing the nuances of the situation, I could only reach for a feeble excuse.
I let go of a shaky breath. “I’m meeting someone, and they’ll be here soon.” I couldn’t take my eyes away from them as I did my best to maintain my composure. “Leave before someone notices you’re here.”
Mom’s sadness deepened even more as tears filled her eyes, and Dad put a supportive hand on her shoulder. Even from there, I saw how she shook in place.
“Just…just think about it,” she said, sniffling. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, we’ll be here. You only need to seek us out. We just need to see you in person—it will mean more that way.”
As I stood there like a deer caught in headlights, that guilt and remorse ebbed and flowed within me. On one hand, I wanted to hear what they had to say. I wanted to know what could’ve possibly possessed them to lie to me for so long, but on the other, I was still upset. Facing them from that distance alone was hard enough.
Even if seeing the emotions on their faces made me waver somewhat, I knew I couldn’t talk to them just yet.
I was torn, but I could feel the existence of my bond with Sebastian in my chest. It was the evidence of something meaningful and real between us, not a relationship built on a foundation of lies and deceit.
I trusted him and knew he wouldn’t want me to give in.
At least, I was too paralyzed to make that decision anyway, and keeping my distance was more of a default reaction.
Swallowing back the confusing twist of emotions, I pointed toward them with more urgency. “Go!”
They both flinched slightly at my tone, but with some reluctance, they eventually turned and continued back the way they came. I watched all the while their figures disappeared within the trees with my heart in my throat.
Shaken and distraught about the whole thing, I pulled myself away and hurriedly followed the path into town, afraid I might find myself in a worse situation if I waited around.
All the while, I could barely process the encounter.
A part of me wanted my parents in my life, but I was still angry with them, and I wasn’t sure if that trust could ever be repaired again.
It was all so confusing, and it felt like I had to choose between them or Sebastian, which didn’t make the situation any easier.
I cared very much for him, and I didn’t want anything to come between us and our bond, but it also felt like a piece of me was being pulled away, knowing I couldn’t associate with my family anymore.
Given their associations with Jack, I knew Sebastian would freak out, and I couldn’t blame him. He was working hard to keep me safe.
He was looking out for me as he had been since the day our paths crossed again.
Pulling it together again, I silently urged myself to keep it in. I was about to see Zoe, and I didn’t need her to catch on to the fact that something happened.
I saw a future for myself by Sebastian’s side with his pack, and I didn’t want anything else. I certainly didn’t want to be without him, but something in me still wanted to have faith in my parents.
As I eventually reached Zoe’s place and made my way up the front steps, I tried to put together reasons why my parents could’ve sought me out.
No matter how small, there was a chance that they would still be willing to distance themselves from Jack to have a relationship with me. They could’ve been there to discuss it with me, even if I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.
I knew that seeing my parents and hearing them out could mean more trouble for me, given their connection to Jack, but if that was the case, and they wanted to separate from his pack, then I wasn’t so sure I was cold enough to cut them from my life completely.
While dangerous, the idea tempted me. My curiosity was piqued, and at least some fragment of me wanted to know what they had to say.
“You alright, Lydia?” Zoe asked as I sat in her living room, watching while she sifted through different drawn-up floor plans of the new gym she had in development. She had been preoccupied with the task for most of the day, which was why she asked me to come over instead.
Blinking through my stupor, I met her concerned gaze and nodded. “Yeah, sorry. It must just be the pregnancy exhaustion.”
“Of course,” she returned gently. Despite still looking unsure, she didn’t press. “If you need anything at all, let me know.”
I offered her a smile, still grateful for her support even if I was distracted.
“So,” she began, reaching for two different layouts as she approached me, holding them up. “I’m thinking this one might be a little more beneficial given the additional space. I’m picturing some treadmills here, ellipticals on the other side, and some extra room here for general floor workouts. What do you think?”
Fitness had always been Zoe’s area of expertise, and after begging Sebastian to allow her to put together the plans for a new pack gym, given the poor state of the current one, he finally gave her the green light.
Even if it was a huge undertaking, she was more than happy to oversee the plans and work alongside the contractors.
“I’m not sure I’m the one to ask from a personal trainer standpoint, but in terms of aesthetics, I think that one looks great,” I said, hoping to be encouraging despite my lack of knowledge in that field.
Still, Zoe smiled, looking pleased with my answer. “I knew I was on the right track! This is so exciting. I’ve always wanted to do this and open up my own gym. Thankfully, my stubborn brother managed to see how useful one could be for the pack.”
I was happy to see her genuine enthusiasm and passion for the project; I did my best to be involved, even though my mind was in a completely different place.
I still couldn’t shake the predicament I found myself in, afraid that I could lose out on either my parents or my mate depending on what I decided to do in the end.
It left a sour taste in my mouth, and I didn’t know what to do.