Chapter 8
Amanda
H ave you ever seen one of those reality shows following a bride and groom around as they prepare and then engage in the most fabulous of weddings? Magnify that by about ten million times and that’s how opulent my ‘dream’ wedding to Evan was.
I walked over the verdant green of beautifully manicured grass. The wedding was being held outside. Part of me had hoped for rain. Not just so that the day would match my mood. But also because I could just see Evan yelling at the sky and telling God to knock it off long enough for us to get married.
There were hundreds of guests, literally. I’d never seen so many people in expensive suits and gowns in my entire life. I bet that the cost of the combined wardrobe of those gathered outside of the palatial estate manor house was higher than the gross national product of some small countries. I saw all of the biggest designers, and quite a few that I didn’t recognize—which probably meant they were even more super exclusive and expensive.
The manor was one of several that my husband-to-be—make that fake-husband-to-be—owned around the world. Evan didn’t do things by half measures. If he thought he was going to stay somewhere for more than a couple of weeks out of the year, he bought himself a mansion in that area .
I passed by a champagne fountain, amber fluid spilling down in cascading waves. The bubbles caught the sunlight and splashed it in dazzling colors onto the white lace tablecloth. I wished I could be one of those bubbles. A brief, effervescent existence where you just keep going up, up, up, and then it’s over and you’re never any the wiser.
Queen Bey belted out her top tunes on a private stage built just for the wedding. I had no idea how much my husband-to-be had paid her to be there, but I’m willing to bet it was millions. Probably tens of millions.
I spotted celebrities, movie stars, musicians, and high-ranking politicians from all over the globe. I was way past the point of being star-struck by any of it. There were also a large number of reporters there, the press having been invited because that’s what it really was about.
I passed through the outdoor gala section and came upon the rainforest. Evan had spared no expense, bringing in the hardier species of tree from the Amazon. He wanted a genuine article rather than a facsimile.
When it came to the animals, we didn’t want to traumatize any of them. So, holograms took their place. You could see roaring jaguars, slithering anacondas, and brightly plumaged birds all through the micro forest. I marveled at how amazing the technology was even as I realized that it didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered since it was all a fake wedding anyway.
The only real animals at all were the capybaras. The gentle, docile creatures were extra cuddly, and their petting zoo was one of the more popular areas of my wedding. I kept walking really fast so that nobody would try and strike up a conversation with me. I didn’t want to speak to anyone and let my mask slip. I was afraid I would blow the entire scheme with an errant comment or even just the look in my eyes.
I knew that anyone who got a good look at me would be able to tell something was off. You weren’t supposed to walk around despondent, like you’re in a gulag instead of at your own wedding.
I headed inside the manor house, hoping to run into fewer people there. I meandered around through the kitchen where the cooks strove to keep the steady stream of delicious food flowing to the numerous guests. I passed through the servants’ break room, where they smoked cigarettes and drank coffee and talked about what an amazing wedding it truly was. It made me feel even more ungrateful.
I found my way up the grand marble staircase to the second floor. There I made my way through hallways wide enough to drive a Mack truck through. The artwork on the walls was all original, no prints. Some of it more properly belonged in a museum, it was so historically significant.
I reached the end of the hallway and pushed open a set of glass double doors. From there I stepped onto a half-circle balcony, its rails carved into an elaborate pattern of ivy leaves and vines. I could look down on almost the entire wedding from there. It should have been nothing short of magical.
The only problem? It was fake. All fake. The wedding wasn’t real, so the ceremony, by proxy, wasn’t real, either. It made me angry to think that all of the people at our wedding were having a fabulous time. Meanwhile, me, the bride, the one who was supposed to be having the best time of all, was wallowing in abject misery.
And I couldn’t let on to a single soul that this was what was happening inside of my head. I had to keep the secret for the sake of our big lie. After all, how was he supposed to make his billions of dollars if I didn’t?
The charity would benefit greatly, I kept telling myself. It already had. Already we’d been able to buy vast swaths of the forest back from the logging companies just because Evan knew some people in the government. Who could even tell how much good Evan’s public persona and magnetic personality had done for the cause?
It didn’t feel magical, but at least the logical side of my brain found some benefit. I tried to make that enough but largely failed.
I sensed a presence behind me a moment before the doors to the balcony swung open wide. The diaphanous curtains billowed out and brushed my bare ankle before subsiding. Evan stepped onto the balcony with me. I stiffened up at his arrival. Another expectation laid upon my shoulders.
“Amanda, what are you doing here?” he checked his phone. “We have to take photos in twenty minutes. That doesn’t give you much time for mingling beforehand, not to mention cozying up to the reporters.”
My face twisted up into a scowl, but I wiped it from my face before I turned around to look him in the eyes.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I said, ice in my tone and in my gaze. “Please forgive me, sir. I’ll return to my duties like a good little employee.”
I stormed off the balcony, leaving him flustered and alone. What was he going to do, complain that I’d gone off to do just what he wanted me to? The very definition of a white mutiny.
I mingled with the crowd, pretending to have fun if nothing else. My attempts to put on a mask for the crowd grew even more urgent when I spotted Jennifer, Ramone, and Jake approaching me. Each of them wore a look of concern, and maybe a little guilt.
Jennifer’s face said it all. When she’d told me to go ahead and take a shot at Evan, this wasn’t what she meant. She knew it and I knew it.
“Hey, you,” Ramone said. “How are things going?”
“How do you think things are going?” Jake sneered. “She’s trying to pretend like the wedding isn’t fake.”
“Shhh,” I said, putting my finger to my mouth. “Don’t say that so loud. Or at all. Preferably, don’t say it at all.”
“I feel bad that you’re doing all of this for us,” Jennifer said with a pout.
“Don’t be.” I plastered the fakest, most faux sincere smile onto my face that I could muster. “I’m doing it for the world. We only have one planet, you know. And besides, every girl dreams of a fairy tale wedding. I’m actually getting one. Isn’t it great?”
I gestured around, throwing my arms out like a spokesmodel on the Price is Right.
“Look at my party! I think you guys should go off and enjoy yourselves.”
I hugged them all together, and then made my escape. The smile faded from my face as I found a private, secluded spot next to one of the champagne fountains. I drank an entire glass in one go and gasped at the end as the warmth spread through my belly.
“Shit,” I said with a grimace.
“I hope you’re not getting too drunk for the ceremony, not to mention Evan’s speech.”
I started, then turned around to find Jenna standing there. That personal assistant gave me the creeps. I couldn’t tell if she liked me or hated my fucking guts. She had the same cold stare that Evan had.
“You insisted that Evan give this speech. It’s imperative that you are there, on the stage, with him.”
I heaved a long sigh. “All right, fine.”
Jenna cocked an eyebrow. “Why do you act like you’re going off to the gallows? Are you that fed up with Evan already?”
“Evan? Not Mr. Jones?”
Her eyes narrowed, and a smile played on her lips. “I hope you won’t tell him. Oh, and you should give Evan a chance. He’s not such a bad guy once you get to know him. ”
“And how well do you know him, exactly?”
“Strictly professionally, of course, he is very particular about that. And I know that you won’t believe me, but actually he isn’t my type. But listen, what I want to tell you is that there is a decent person behind that facade. And that you really need to get on that stage, all right?”
I narrowed my gaze at her retreating back as she led me toward the stage. She seemed more or less sincere, like she was trying to build me up. But maybe that had been her game all along. Whatever the case, I was in a damn sour mood when I took up my position. Since my parents had passed away, Ramone did the honors of walking me down the aisle.
The march of the bride is supposed to be that one moment in a woman’s life where everyone in the room is looking at her. For me, it was torture. I kept expecting people to start whispering about how I was a fraud, how the whole wedding was fake. Couldn’t they see that it was all fake?
When I got to the ivory, ribbon-wrapped pillars of the altar, I felt like I wanted to throw up. Ramone kissed me on top of the head, and I hugged him tight. I was glad he was there with me. Then, I had to leave him behind and climb the steps.
Evan cut an impressive figure in his white tuxedo. His handsome face was creased with a smile, a smile so unexpectedly warm that I almost stumbled.
“You are hauntingly beautiful, Amanda,” he said softly as we joined hands at the altar. The minister began his spiel, but I was lost in Evan’s eyes. All of a sudden the warmth was back. The sincerity was back. I felt as if I really were the only woman in the entire world for him at that moment, and the feeling was incredible.
I tried to remind myself it was all fake, but the look in his eyes did not seem fake. When it came time to say our vows, I mumbled through the lines prepared for me by Jenna. I got a few ‘ oohs’ and ‘aaahs’ like it was so sweet, but it didn’t make a lot of impact.
When it was Evan’s turn, he took the microphone off the stand and turned to address the crowd.
“This is the most amazing woman in the entire world to me.”
I flinched and felt a bit dizzy. I knew it was insincere, but it was still nice to hear.
“In fact, she’s opened my eyes to the plight of the Amazon. Or should I say, the plight of the entire planet. If the rainforest goes, our world is in serious jeopardy of becoming unlivable. So, if you can’t find it in your heart to save the rainforest because it’s the right thing to do… do it because it’s going to save your damn life.”
He turned back to me and held my hands.
“How was that?” he whispered.
“Not bad,” I said, though I did it with a cheeky smile. The minister asked us to say our I-do’s. He seemed so sincere when he uttered the words that I melted a little.
Then he kissed me. I felt connected to his body and soul for a few brief seconds. The crowd erupted into applause, and we turned to face them as husband and wife.
Fake husband and fake wife.
I managed to keep smiling all the way through the reception, and even when we climbed into the limo. The moment the door closed, he began kissing the back of my neck, in the way that normally drove me crazy.
I pushed him away from me and sat up very straight in my seat.
“I don’t think sleeping with my employer would be ethical,” I said in a very cold, stiff, and formal tone. “ Sir .”