3. She’s Your Wife
She’s Your Wife
Leo
Eleven Years Ago
He was thin. That was the thought in my mind as I walked into their apartment to find Luke on the couch. This cancer was quick, shrinking him to nothing in a matter of months. We found it too late. There was nothing they could do, and now we all just had to accept that we were losing him.
‘Hey, man. Thanks for coming.’
He gestured to the chair opposite, but I sat on the couch with him, needing to soak up the moments of closeness. He’d been my cousin for my whole life, but my big brother and one of my best friends for a decade.
I loved him. I loved him so much that I had stuck by his side that whole time. I was loyal to the people I loved, and there was nobody I loved more than Luke. Even when he made the girl I had thought I was destined to marry, his girl, then his wife. I kept it shut and let myself be happy for them.
When they got married, they moved into the apartment above the bar that Zoe and her siblings had inherited from their dad, even though they weren’t old enough to run it yet, and that was that. There was a tattoo of his initials on her ring finger that made me step back once and for all. She was his wife — that made her my family, and that changed everything.
‘Don’t look so nervous.’ He smiled as I tapped my fingertips on my thigh.
‘Well, you’re apparently on a mission to make everybody promise you something, and you know I won’t be able to say no to that, so I am nervous. You hold the power to make me do some stupid shit.’
He tried to laugh and started to cough, and I felt like a dick.
‘Fuck, sorry.’ I helped him get some water and watched as he caught his breath. He was getting weaker.
‘Don’t ever apologize for making me laugh. You have been one of the best parts of my life, brother.’
Fuck. Don’t fucking cry in front of him. We all made a promise not to let him see our tears — he doesn’t need that on his shoulders, but it's hard. We are losing such an important part of our lives.
‘How’s work?’
I widened my eyes at him. ‘You called me here to make small talk?’
He grinned. ‘I just want to know you’re going to be okay.’
‘I am. I’m doing good and loving it.’
I had just turned twenty-one and had finally been able to start my apprenticeship at the tattoo shop where I’d been working since I was eighteen.
‘Good. That makes me happy. Keep going, okay. I know this is going to be real fuckin’ shitty for you, but don’t let my early exit ruin what you’ve got comin’. You’re too talented to throw this away over my stupid ass.’ I shook my head, not wanting to think about what was to come. ‘Leo, look at me.’ I did. ‘I’m dying, brother. You need to face that, or it’s going to knock you on your ass, and I’m relying on you to be strong for Zoe. She’s going to need you.’
‘She has her family,’ I grumbled.
‘You are her family.’
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, not able to look at him. For the most part, I’d been able to forget this thing I held for his wife. I’d been over an hour away from them for three years, only seeing them on the odd weekend I came home, if they ventured into the city, and on holidays. When we were all together, having fun, it was easy for her to just be my friend, Zoe, and for me to relax and enjoy the time with my favorite people, but him asking me to be there for her felt wrong. It felt like a betrayal, and I didn’t know yet, but it was about to get worse.
‘Listen, what I’m about to ask of you is going to seem like too much, but I need you to hear me out.’ I turned my head to meet his gaze, curious as he swallowed hard and struggled to take a breath. ‘I want you to love her.’
I narrowed my gaze at him, my eyebrows pinching in confusion.
‘I do love her.’
He smiled just a little. ‘I mean, really love her the way I love her.’ What the fuck? I turned my body to him now, but I couldn’t speak. ‘She’s twenty-four, Leo. She’s going to be a widow before she’s had a chance to be a mom, before we even bought a house, before so fuckin’ much.’
‘What the fuck are you asking me?’
‘Show her how to love again.’
‘Luke, I know talking sucks for you,’ I shook my head. ‘But I’m going to need you to use more words.’
He took another breath.
‘I’ll talk plain because I don’t have the energy for anything else. I want you to date my wife when I’m gone. I want you to love her and show her she can love you.’ I stood in a rush and paced away from him. ‘Leo…’
‘ What the fuck, Luke? ’ I was yelling at a dying man, great.
‘I know it seems like I’m asking a lot, but…’
‘ Seems like a lot? It fuckin’ is a lot.’ I pinched the bridge of my nose and inhaled deeply, hating that there was a piece of me rejoicing at the suggestion of Zoe and me together while her husband sat dying a few feet away from me. I blew it out and turned to him. ‘Why would you ask me this?’
The expression on his face, in his eyes, told me he was expecting this question.
‘She’s too young to be alone. If we hadn’t got married so young, she might have gone to college, slept around, and experienced more of life. Instead, we got together before we finished puberty. There’s only been her for me and me for her. I want her to feel everything, to live and love and make memories.’
‘She doesn’t need me for that.’
‘You’re connected, you and her. I think the only reason it’s me she married and not you is the age gap between you two, but that doesn’t seem so big now. If I’d never come to Forest Falls, it would be you with her.’
‘Your meds are making you crazy.’ I pointed at him, and he shook his head. This wasn’t going as he wanted.
‘Could you sit, please.’
My heart was racing as I sat in the chair opposite, unable to bring myself to sit too close now.
‘I love you, Leo. You’re my brother in every sense. I know I’m asking a lot, but you and her, you’re everything to me.’
‘No,’ I said softly and watched his eyes close briefly before turning down to look at the hands in his lap. ‘I don’t understand how you can ask me this.’
‘You’re the best man I know.’
‘She’s your wife.’
‘Not for long.’
‘Fuck you, Luke.’ My voice shook with emotion as I tried to hold it together. ‘You can’t ask me to promise you this.’
‘You think I don’t know how you feel about her?’ I glared at him, trying to act dumb like I had no idea what he was talking about. ‘Leo, you loved her before I did.’
‘Luke.’ I sighed.
‘I’m not going to be here. I wish I was going to be the man to grow old with her, but I’m not.’
‘I can’t.’ My voice was barely there, unable to deny what we both knew. Shame and guilt ripped through me. ‘I’ll be there for her, always.’
‘All I want is her happy.’ There were tears in his eyes that broke my heart. ‘You’re the only man I trust.’
‘She doesn’t look at me that way, Luke. I’m not you.’
‘You’re a better man than me.’ I swallowed hard and realized the tears I was holding back had made their way out, so I wiped them away and avoided his gaze. ‘All I’m asking is that you be there for her, and when she’s ready, if you’re free to do so, you be available to her.’ I shook my head slowly but couldn’t look up at him anymore. I wanted it. I hated myself for wanting it, but now my mind was running wild with thoughts of being with Zoe, and I couldn’t stop it. ‘I know you would never betray me. I know while I’m here, you would never overstep, get too close, or act on anything, and believe me, if I wasn’t a dying man, there’s no way I’d be acknowledging this, but I’m not going to be here for her, Leo, and you are.’
‘It’s not fair to ask this of me, Luke. You’re asking me to wait in the wings, ready to pounce. It’s fucked.’
He nodded, digesting my words as I took the opportunity to really look at him. He was small, thin, and tired and not the larger-than-life man I’d always looked up to. He was dying, and he was desperate. I knew at that moment that his request wasn’t some weird way of getting me to admit my feelings for her. It was his way of looking out for her — his way of making sure she didn’t give up on life and love and joy. And fuck, I wanted to give him the peace of knowing I’d be the one there for her.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly. ‘You’re right, it’s not fair. Let me ask you this, then. Live your life, be happy, and if you meet the one and settle down, know that I’m so happy for you because I want your happiness as much as I want hers. But please be there for Zoe. Take her out, make her laugh, listen to her cry. Be her friend, be her connection to me, and know that if the spark I see between you two ignites and becomes something more, there’s nobody I’d rather it be than you.’
I took a breath and blew it out, steadying myself before raising my gaze to meet his and looking him square in the eyes, I made a promise that I didn’t know how I was ever going to keep.
‘Okay, I promise. I’ll love her. For you, I’ll show her that I love her.’