13. I Guess You Got It Wrong
I Guess You Got It Wrong
Leo
Five Years Ago
Well, that sucked.
I just spent the last hour passing Zoe on the stairwell and in her apartment, both of us trying not to touch each other but also trying not to make it look as awkward as fuck.
Bree for sure knew what had happened, but Doug absolutely did not.
‘Why did you have to fall for her?’ I asked the patch of grass beneath me. I was leaning against Luke’s gravestone with a four-pack of beers, one down, two and a half to go.
‘If you had just been her friend, I could have loved her without giving a fuck what anyone had to say.’ I leaned my head back against the cold stone. ‘Or you could have just lived. If you hadn’t died, I’d have never let my feelings get the better of me.’
I took a swig of beer. I knew I was being dumb.
‘I miss her, Luke. I miss her so damn much, but we just can’t be in each other’s lives anymore.’ I laughed, but it was humorless. ‘Then her dumb fuck of a brother had to go knock up his fuckin’ ex, and now there’s going to be a baby that brings us all together on the regular. One big goddam happy family.’
‘You were right. I loved her before you did.’ Another swig. ‘I have to get her out of my head, brother. I need to move on because it ain’t me she wants. It’s you, it will always be you.’
I opened another can and poured it into the grass for him.
‘I miss you, Luke. I hate this.’
‘Leo.’
The small voice saying my name pulled my attention up, and I saw Zoe approaching, fresh flowers in her hand, and I took a deep breath. I didn’t fucking need this.
‘Hey.’
I forced a small smile but didn’t get up.
‘What are you…’ she bit her lip. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yep, I’m good. Just catching up.’
I pushed myself up to stand, picked up the cans, empty and full, and put them back into the grocery bag.
Patting a hand on the top of the stone, I turned to walk away.
‘You don’t have to go.’ Her voice shook like she was nervous. It was a knife to the heart. Zoe and I had always been effortlessly comfortable around each other.
‘Yeah, I do. I have to get back to the city.’
‘You’ve been drinking.’
‘I’ve had two beers, Zoe. I’m fine.’
‘Can we—’ She exhaled. ‘Could we talk? I could come up to see you?’
I hung my head for a second and took a breath. We couldn’t keep doing this.
‘Zo,’ I stepped close and leaned in to kiss her head the way I had a million times. ‘We need to accept that our relationship has changed. I’m always going to be in your corner, but it can’t be the way it always was. I’m seeing somebody, and I don’t think it would be fair on her for me to spend time with you.’
It was a lie. A lie intended to create real space between us. I hadn’t expected the look of hurt in her eyes, but I couldn’t take it back now.
‘Okay.’ Fuck, her voice was small. I hated that.
‘See you later, Zo.’
I walked away. I had to walk away.