48. He Wanted This
He Wanted This
Leo
Well, shit. Today is the day.
Zoe showing up at my place and asking to come to San Diego with me was not on my bingo card, but man, did it feel fuckin’ good.
Not having her for those two days after months of her being mine was a hotter hell than all the years of wanting her in secret.
The second she said we were coming clean about us, I realized how badly hiding it had been weighing on me.
We made up over and over, ordered pizza, sat on my bed with a notepad and my laptop, and planned our road trip to California. I had been planning to fly, but since I didn’t actually have to be there for a while yet, we decided to drive, visiting places we always wanted to see and staying in motels and guesthouses along the way.
When we were happy with our plan, we made up some more, and she headed home to start putting stuff in place for her to leave.
Now I’m in my old bedroom getting ready for a goodbye meal she convinced her mama to throw for me, and in a couple of hours, they’ll all know everything.
‘Well, don’t you look handsome.’
Lucy smiles as I meet her and Pop on the porch.
‘Thanks, Lu.’ I turn to my dad. ‘You ready?’
‘Yep.’
The walk to the Campbell house is short, just a couple of doors down, but that doesn’t do anything to settle the buzz in my stomach: excitement, nerves — I just can’t wait for us to be truly official.
‘Uncle Leo.’ Bowie is in the yard with her dog, Harley, when we arrive, and I sweep her up into my arms as she runs at me. ‘You’re really leaving?’
Her little cheeks and nose shine pink from the cool air and the exertion of running around the yard, but this kid will never quit — cold, tired, but still going.
‘I am, honey, just for a bit.’
‘I’m going to miss you.’ I hold her close.
‘I’ll miss you too, Miss Bowie. Maybe your daddy will bring you out to visit, and we can go to the beach.’
Her beaming smile fills me up as Pop, Lucy, Bowie, and I climb the porch steps up to the house.
‘You’re here.’ Lynnie rushes at me, wrapping me up in a huge hug. I love Lynnie. I love that despite my not living in Forest Falls for almost fifteen years, and despite this not being the first time I’ve taken a guest spot in another state, although this is the longest, by some way, Lynnie didn’t hesitate to throw me a going away party.
The smells of the food Merv is skillfully preparing create the perfect mix of excitement and nostalgia that makes me smile. The hugs, kisses, and handshakes fill the room with love and joy, and I can’t help but feel amazing, but there’s something missing, and I need her to get here.
‘So, when are you leaving?’ Cara asks as she, Doug, and I sit on the couch watching Bowie play a board game on the floor with Pop and Lu.
‘Next weekend. It’s a long drive.’
‘Why in the hell are you driving?’ Doug asks in his usual no-bullshit tone, and I’m trying to find a way to answer when the door opens again, and the two women entering steal the attention of the whole room.
Jesus, fuck, she’s beautiful. These family settings, before we tell them, are hellish. I feel like I can’t look at her because they’ll know, and she wants to wait until after we eat.
‘Hey, Leo.’ I stand to hug the approaching Bree. ‘Are you excited for your trip?’
The sparkle in her eyes makes me smile. Bree knows everything.
‘I am, yeah.’ I gift her a smile, and she sidesteps to greet the rest of the family as I lay my eyes on my girl. ‘Hey, munch.’
Leaning in to kiss her cheek, I get a full hit of her perfume, and it almost takes me out. It’s quickly become the scent that I want on my pillows and on my hoodies — when I finally get them back.
‘Hey, Leo.’ She smiles up at me, and I see no worry, no hesitation. We’re doing this.
‘Wait, do you remember how obsessed Zoe was with driving to California when she was a kid?’ Doug asks as we sit around the table, letting the meal digest.
‘She had it all mapped out on her wall.’ Lynnie grins. ‘You’re going to have to send her photos the whole way, Leo.’
I swallow hard as I smile, and then I hear Zoe take a sharp inhale next to me and blow it out. I turn to meet her gaze as she hooks her pinky finger around mine on my thigh.
‘Um, guys.’ Her voice is small and doesn’t grab the attention of the room the way she’d hoped as they all continue to laugh and talk. She inhales deeply and blows it out, then clears her throat. ‘Hey, um, everyone. Can I have quiet for a sec? I have something to tell y’all, since we’re all together.’ Her voice shakes as silence descends, and all eyes fall on her, and I want to do this for her, but I know she needs to own this.
‘Is everything okay?’ Cara asks, concerned.
‘You’re not pregnant, right?’ Doug grunts, a serious look in his eyes.
‘No, idiot.’ She shakes her head.
‘Jesus, Doug,’ Bree grunts.
‘What, I’m just sayin’…’
‘Guys, let her speak.’ I look at Lynnie as she quiets her other kids, and she meets my gaze with a sparkle in her eyes. She knows or suspects, and her slight smile tells me she’s happy about it.
‘Okay, um—’ Zoe swallows and nods her head, steeling herself, and I curve my finger around hers, letting her know I’ve got her. ‘Leo doesn’t need to send me photos of his trip because I’m going with him.’
I take a breath and wait.
‘What?’ Doug spits.
‘What do you mean?’ Lynnie questions.
‘I’m going to California with Leo, um, because I’m with Leo.’
My eyes move around the table, watching the understanding dawn on our family. Bree beams excitedly, then Lynnie and Merv smile. Lucy grins widely, and Pop puts his hand on top of mine on the table. Then my attention lands on Cara, who is watching Doug, and Doug, who is glaring between Zoe and me.
‘What do you mean, you’re with him?’ His tone is sharp, and my heckles rise.
‘We’re together.’ Her voice is stronger now, confident. ‘We’re a couple.’
‘Listen, man…’
‘Are you fuckin’ kidding me?’
‘Doug.’ Lynnie gasps at the language and tone, and I hold his angry stare.
‘You and Zoe,’ he turns to her, ‘Are you for fuckin’ real, Zo?’
‘Watch your tone, brother,’ I warn. He may be my best friend, but she’s my girl.
‘Watch my—’ he laughs, but it’s humorless, and he pushes back his chair, standing.
‘She’s Luke’s wife, you piece of shit.’ He points at me, and I try to hold it together.
‘You take your finger out of my face.’
‘Doug, outside,’ Cara says softly.
‘Oh, I’ll go outside — with this asshole.’ He points at me again, and I stand. Zoe grabs my forearm as I do.
‘Leo, no.’ She shakes her head, and I shrug.
‘It’s okay.’ I look up at Doug and see a fury I never expected from him. It hurts because I’d let myself hope he’d be happy for us. ‘Well, lead the way then.’
Lynnie and Lucy stand, telling us to stop, but Pop hushes them.
‘They’re grown men. Let them do what they gotta do.’
‘Bree, arrest them or somethin’,’ I hear Zoe say as the door shuts behind me, and I follow Doug down onto the grass.
‘We’re really doin’ this, man?’
I’ve been in fights. Not with someone as big as Doug, and I’m used to having him behind me, not in front of me, but we’re here now.
‘You’re fuckin’ his wife,’ he spits, but instead of anger, I hear hurt in his tone.
‘Doug, it’s not like that.’
‘You’re not sleeping with my sister then?’
I shrug. ‘Brother, come on.’
‘She’s his wife , Leo.’
‘He’s dead, been dead a long time.’
‘And you were just waiting for your shot?’ My lips part. I want to say something, but nothing comes out. ‘You think I don’t know you always wanted her? You think any of us didn’t know? Fuck, I think Zoe is the only one clueless enough to think you just wanted to be her friend all this time.’
‘I was her friend all this time. I still am.’
He’s pushing me, and his words awaken a primal protective instinct deep inside me to protect Luke’s memory, protect my promise, protect myself, protect her.
‘I didn’t think you’d do it. I didn’t think you’d shit on his memory like this.’ I notice the tension in his jaw as his teeth grind in anger.
‘I’m not.’ I try to keep my voice calm, but I hear the need in my tone. I need him to know the truth.
‘She was the love of his life.’
‘She’s the love of mine,’ I call out, desperate for him to understand.
‘No, she’s not yours, Leo. I can’t believe you would betray him this way.’
‘I’m not betraying him.’ I shake my head, my voice quieter now.
‘ You are, ’ he shouts, and I’m vaguely aware of Zoe and Bree on the porch, ready to pounce but standing back.
‘You would rather her be with some random asshole than me?’
‘Yes, I fuckin’ would because this way, when it goes to shit, I lose you.’
‘What?’
‘This won’t last. She hangs onto you as a connection to him, don’t you get that?’ He points in her direction, and anger boils in me as Zoe storms to my side, and I stare down at her, but she glares at her brother.
‘You’re way out of line.’
‘Am I, Zo? Any other guy, anyone, but you chose him.’
‘I’m in love with him.’
‘And your husband is turning in his grave.’
I hear her sharp inhale, and I step forward. ‘Doug, you need to back the fuck off,’ I practically growl, getting angrier by the second.
‘He loved you so fuckin’ much.’ His angry stare holds mine.
‘I loved him.’
He shakes his head. ‘Nah. He would be fuckin’ devastated that you did this.’
‘He wouldn’t.’ I shake my head, and he laughs, but it’s humorless.
‘This would break his heart — that you betrayed him this way.’
‘It wouldn’t, Doug.’ Please, brother. Hear me. I need him to trust me on this.
‘This is the most disgusting kind of betrayal of a man who just wanted you to have everything.’
‘He wanted this ,’ I yell, my emotions getting the better of me, and my breath rushes from my lungs with the truth I didn’t want to set free.
‘What?’ Zoe’s small question has me turning to face her.
‘Munch.’ Her nickname is an exhale as she gazes up at me with confusion etched all over her face.
‘Leo, what did you say?’ I press my lips together, inhaling deeply. ‘ Tell me. ’
‘This is what he wanted. This is what he made me promise.’
I’m frozen as she steps back, hurt and confusion twisting her features, and the world stops turning. The only thing in motion is Zoe. Everything, everyone else, is frozen in silence as she holds up her hand, keeping me in place without words and with tears in her eyes. Stay there, don’t follow me —no words leave her mouth, but they don’t need to. I hear them anyway.