THIRTY-FIVE
Max
U ncle Harris’s thick, meaty hand held me down on the bed while the other yanked my jeans past my ass.
“Your daddy said you like dick.” He shoved himself inside me.
The white-hot pain ripped a cry from my throat.
I scream, not sure if I’m dreaming.
Fingers stroke my forehead as a soft voice whispers, “It’s okay, baby.”
“Stop crying, you crybaby. You’re getting my cock all week.”
I bolt up and slap the hand away. “Don’t touch me.”
Go away. Go away. Let me live my life. Alone, miserable, hating myself.
“Whoa. Max, what’s going on? Who...” The voice next to me stops.
I’m in bed with Luca in my dark but fancy hotel suite, not at a dark campsite with my uncle. I grunt and push the covers away to sit on the edge of the bed. Dropping my head in my hands, I mutter, “Nightmare.”
Uncle Harris’s voice in my head as he... As he...
I’ve not had that dream in years. Why? Why now?
“Wanna talk about it?” Luca rolls closer and strokes my shoulder.
I’m torn between wanting to spill out my horrific secret, my worst shame, to see what Luca is made of. Can he handle being with a rape victim? Either I tell him and let him bow out of this, whatever the hell we’re doing now, or risk falling for this guy. And risk that he’ll find out somehow, run some background check on me. Then dump me for this, and not his excuse that he’s leaving the team.
Like when Jake left me.
I can feel my heart being ripped out of my chest.
“It’s some heavy shit,” I say in warning.
“I can handle it,” he says, his hand firm on my shoulder.
“Um. Okay, here goes.” I swallow. “When my father found out about me. The real...me. He felt I needed some butching up.”
“You?” Luca sounds astonished.
“I was fourteen. Scrawny, but strong,” I defend myself. “My father saw all gays as weak.”
“Fuck,” Luca mutters. “If you tell me...”
“Yeah... He asked his brother to toughen me up. Not realizing my uncle was a child molester.”
Luca hops up to sit beside me. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wish I were.” I clear my throat. “I don’t want to go into details, other than he forced himself on me...for an entire week.”
“What the hell?” A murderous scowl creeps across his lips. “And you’ve had nightmares about him ever since?”
“I used to, but not lately.” I shrug. “I think sleeping in the same bed as you awakened them.”
“Ouch.” Luca’s hands hover over me but he doesn’t touch me.
“I’m fine,” I murmur, catching my breath.
Luca leaves my side to go into the bathroom. A slice of light brightens the otherwise pitch-black room. Water runs in the vanity, and when I look that way, the outline of a naked man tightens my chest .
Beautifully sculpted shoulders and curved pecs. Not skinny arms and a chest of coarse hair that reeks of cigarettes and booze.
Luca is a god in his own right. Tough but elegant. Classy and sincere.
Returning to my side, he wraps a cool washcloth on the back of my neck. I flinch, but he doesn’t react.
“Don’t push me away,” he whispers. “It’s me. I want to help you. I care about you. Listen to my words and process them. I won’t hurt you.”
I feared being in the same house with Uncle Harris, and after that weekend, I installed a bolt on my door for whenever he visited.
I eventually give in to Luca’s touch and drop back onto the bed. I hide the emotion of what having sex with Luca, who I know wants to fuck me too, stirred up in me.
I find Luca incredibly hot. That brooding attitude and the way he takes no shit from me is bringing me to my knees.
Literally.
Having him come down my throat and fucking him should have made sleeping with him less awkward, but I’m facing something I didn’t expect. A growing attachment to a man I don’t have a future with.
“Is he the reason you asked me to take that shower?” Luca asks, figuring out where the fear of toxic male body odor comes from.
And it’s not the same as pure, male sweat from the rush of playing hockey.
“You are perfect, Luca,” I say with a scoff. “And dammit, you always smell good.”
Every morning, his curly hair is slicked back, wet from a fresh shower. I like his commitment to hygiene. His fresh, clean smell is like cat-nip to me.
“I guess it’s not that unexpected that what happened with my uncle would come back to haunt me now,” I say. “It’s been a long time since I was with a man.”
“Probably too long,” he says, nodding.
“How long has it been for you?” I ask.
He crinkles the washcloth in his hand. “I was with someone the night you got attacked. I was at the club when I got the call.”
That startles me. He got called while getting laid, or sucked, or sucking another dude off. And he rushed to the hospital. For me.
“And since you’ve been with me, you haven’t snuck off to—”
“I don’t sneak. Bronwin knows about my sexuality.” His strong voice gets the point across. “And no, I’ve not been with anyone else since then.”
I nod. “I have so many questions about that club.”
He tosses the washcloth aside and reaches for me. “Ask me whatever you want while I hold you in bed. Our bed.”
I roll into his arms, facing him, welcoming his warm solidness. “Hey. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for.”
“I mean everything. Being a dick when we first met.”
“You’re forgiven.” He strokes my mouth. “And you’re not the first person to have a tantrum over a bodyguard.”
“Tantrum?” I say with humor.
“How do you describe how you behaved?”
“A tantrum.” I exhale. “Why do you like me?”
“I used to like just the idea of you, the hot hockey god, but now, after knowing you, I like...you.”
His arms tighten around me, and a wave of emotion rides over me. “I... I like you, too. I never had feelings for a man. The last time I felt like this I was a kid who liked another kid.”
“That’s a startling difference.”
I’d tell him that’s a mouthful, but he might give me a mouthful, and right now my nerves are shot, Uncle Harris still in the forefront.
“I also never had feelings for a woman,” I confess. “I thought I was asexual.”
Laughing, Luca says, “After that top-tier blowjob, I can certify you are not asexual. But before you made your move on me, I figured you were straight.”
“I had to make it seem that way.”
“You just haven’t found the right person until now.” He spouts these undeniable truths so easily, and everything feels like it’s going to be okay.
Only... I know that’s not true. Something always goes wrong.
When I fidget, trying to calm down, Luca gets out of bed.
“Where are you going?” I ask, worried when he gets dressed.
“Gym. Walk off this heart attack you gave me.”
“You’re leaving me?” I sit up. “You’re supposed to be protecting me.”
“You’re surrounded by the team. Duncan is posted in the hall.”
I don’t want extra security. I want him . But feeling his body against mine triggered nightmares.
“Relax and go back to sleep.” Luca slips on shoes and then...leaves.
I slam my head down, different emotions warring in all corners of my brain.
“Fuck this.” I get out of bed and dress in my running gear.
I find the hotel gym and am stunned at Luca running shirtless at a speed of 12 MPH on the treadmill. His back is coated in sweat, calf and thigh muscles pulse and bulge.
My cock thickens, which will make for a painful run. But I get on the machine next to him.
He turns his head to me, his face red, veins popping and sweaty.
Our eyes lock and I hold my breath until he...
Smiles at me.