Chapter 1
one
LOST AND FOUND.
Wet skin bathed in warm light. Sun-kissed, perfect muscles that rippled as he laughed. He was beautiful, the only thing I could tolerate about this place now that Logan was gone.
I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be looking.
Jarred Harrington could never be mine. No man ever could be, unless I wanted to follow in my brother’s footsteps and leave the family.
This was my first year visiting Silverpines Lake without him.
Logan left us just one month ago, in such a rush to cut ties with our family he didn’t take anything with him, not even Celestine, his beloved Burmese python.
He just abandoned us to go live with some rich boyfriend he’d never told me about.
He didn’t even say goodbye. Just told Dad he was leaving and that we shouldn’t contact him anymore.
I’d thought maybe he would have come back by now. Logan always was kind of impulsive. Maybe he just left after another fight with Dad, and he’d be back soon, and we’d just pretend none of it happened like we always did. I was still waiting.
Coming on our annual trip without him felt wrong. My stomach twisted constantly in discomfort, because now it was starting to feel real. What if he really wasn’t coming back?
Laughter resonated from the edge of the water. Jarred had such a loud, beautiful laugh. I’d never told anyone how I felt about him, not even Logan. If I didn’t speak it out loud, then maybe it would be okay to have this. As long as I never did anything about it, no one would ever have to know.
He laughed as he threw Sophie into the lake. She kicked and screamed until she hit the surface, and the others with them laughed too. I wasn’t like them. Did Jarred feel interested in her the same way I was interested in him?
“What ya looking at, Harpy?” A loud and unwelcome voice made me jump. I turned to see Tristan Moore’s obnoxious grin.
“Nothing,” I answered shortly. “And don’t call me that.”
“Logan calls you that.”
“You aren’t Logan.”
Tristan smiled. He was always smiling, as if everything was so damn amusing to him. Like it was all one big game. Well, I wasn’t playing. I shouldered past him, a little harder than necessary, though with our dramatic height difference I doubted it had the effect I wanted it to.
“Speaking of Logan, have you heard from him?”
I paused, turning to face him again. “No. Haven’t you?”
“Nope. Not for a couple of weeks now.”
Tristan and Logan had always been inseparable on these annual lake trips.
It was like I didn’t exist when they were together.
I wasn’t even allowed to hang around with them.
I’d complained to Logan about it before.
When it was just the two of us, he was my best friend, but when Tristan was around, it was like he turned into a different person.
When Dad told me Logan had a boyfriend, I’d suspected it might have been Tristan, but for them to not be in contact? Something wasn’t right.
“Just messing with you,” Tristan laughed, reaching for my hair to ruffle it like he always did, and like always, I dodged him and reclaimed my personal space. “Of course I’ve heard from him. He’s fine, by the way.”
Of course he’d heard from him. I hated that Logan talked to him and not me.
“Whatever,” I sighed, marching away from him before he could talk to me about my brother any more. Tristan reacted to weakness like a shark to blood in the water. I needed to get away before he saw the hurt inside me and poked at it.
With every step I took, the heat behind my eyes burned stronger.
Why hadn’t Logan just told me he had a boyfriend?
Did he think I’d react like our parents?
That I wouldn’t love him anymore? He hadn’t messaged me once since leaving, and I hadn’t messaged him either, because why should I be the one to chase him when he was the one who’d decided to leave? It wasn’t fair.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, opening it to our message history, confirming once again that he hadn’t said a word. Was I that easy to leave behind?
“It’s you and me always, Harpy,” he’d tell me.
Well, it wasn’t now. It was just me.
Resentment bubbled over, my fingers typing over the keys, and I sent the message before I could think twice about it.
What happened to you and me always?
The screen blurred as I stared at it. Waiting for a reply. Waiting for something.
“Harper,” a low voice said a short distance away, one I definitely didn’t want to be hearing right now.
I pocketed the phone and turned to face my father.
He was with someone I didn’t recognize, an older man with a stern face.
It wasn’t unusual. Leon Lorens always invited new “friends” on these annual trips.
Packaged as a vacation, it was all just one big business meeting he and his connections dragged their families along to as they pretended to like each other.
Neither man smiled as I approached. “Andor, this is my son, Harper. My heir.”
Heir.
The word dropped like an anvil in my gut. I wasn’t the heir, Logan was.
Andor held his hand out to shake, and my father subtly pinched the back of my arm when I remained frozen in place. I raised my hand, trying not to throw up with the way my stomach twisted and my eyes burned.
“Harper, this is Andor Kovats,” said my father, as if he hadn’t just changed the course of my life in casual conversation.
“Pleasure,” said Andor, a thick accent hanging over the word. “I have sons about your age. They are here as well. Have you met them yet?”
“No, sir.” My mouth was dry as I responded.
“Later, I will introduce you.”
“Yes, sir.”
Andor started speaking to Dad about something I could barely focus on. My mind was spinning and my chest was tightening, and I just wanted to run. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but eventually I was being pulled away by a firm hand on my arm until we were alone.
“Give me your phone.”
Dad’s words reached me. I’d expected to be scolded over something, because there was always something, but not to have my phone taken away from me. “Why?”
“Because you are here to network, just as I am. As the heir, you need to form strong relationships with these people. I don’t want you distracted.”
“But Logan is the—”
“Not anymore. Logan made his choice. He wanted out, and now he’s out. Give me the phone.”
I handed it over in a daze.
“Logan isn’t coming back, Harper. The sooner you accept that and forget about him, the better. Now go. Make connections and don’t disappoint me like your clown of a brother.”
“Yes, sir.” My voice sounded so far away.
I put one foot unsteadily in front of the other.
I just needed to get away. Everything was happening too fast, and I just needed a damn moment to breathe.
When I was out of his eyeline, I broke into a sprint, heading for the tall forest that surrounded the resort, unsure of any destination except away.
I ran until I couldn’t anymore, until my eyes blurred with tears and I couldn’t see where I was going.
My foot caught on a root, and I hit the ground before I could correct myself.
Air escaped me. My limbs felt foreign to me.
Out of my control. The entire world was spinning, and I couldn’t find which way was up as I choked out a sound that had been building inside me for weeks.
How had everything changed so fast? Logan had caused all this and couldn’t even talk to me about it himself?
It wasn’t fair. I wanted to be angry with him, wanted to blame him for all of it.
But I also missed him so fucking much. He was always the one to fix things.
He was always the one to help me. I was so lost without him.
I pushed back against the base of a tree to remain concealed in case anyone came looking, and I cried.
Once I started, I couldn’t stop. It all welled to the surface and flowed over because I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Harder and harder. Until I couldn’t breathe.
Until my limbs trembled and my chest and throat ached, and I still couldn’t stop crying.
“Hey.” Another voice.
I choked back a sob as I snapped toward a face I didn’t recognize. A boy about my age. Why couldn’t people just leave me alone?
“Go away!” I yelled before I could think better of it.
It was a mistake. I knew it as soon as the words left my lips, but instead of apologizing like I knew I should, I started crying harder. Because I was already messing this up. I couldn’t handle it. I was going to disappoint my father. I wasn’t good enough.
My lips tingled, my lungs fought to take in air and expel it at the same time. Too much.
“Hey.” The boy spoke again. His voice was gentle, but him being here made it all worse. “Hey, look at me.”
I couldn’t. His hand gently grasped my wrist, and I pulled it away from him. “No!”
“What color are my eyes?”
What? “I don’t know!” The question made little sense.
“Then look, and tell me.”
I grunted as I pulled away from him, but I cast a quick glance in his direction. Just long enough to see his eyes.
“Brown.”
“What kind of brown?”
“I don’t know!”
“Look closer. Are they brown like chocolate or… brown like shit?”
What was this guy talking about? I looked up at him again, wiping my eyes so I could see him better and answer his stupid question. His eyes were light brown, almost amber. “Neither.”
“Then what?”
I glanced around us, scanning until I found what I was looking for.
Unhooking my arms from around my knees, I crawled toward it, picking up a fallen leaf and shuffling back.
I held it up next to his face as I sniffed.
The dead leaf had lost almost all its former color, leaving behind a soft brown.
It matched his eyes perfectly. “Like this.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded. “Describe it to me.”
“You never looked into a mirror?”
He huffed a laugh. “Just try it?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s light brown, but not like gold, like… caramel.”
“Caramel eyes, hmm? I like that. Yours are the color of the sky.”
I rolled them, and he laughed again. “How would you describe them, then?”
“I don’t know, they’re just blue.”
“But there are lots of types of blue. Yours aren’t blue like the ocean, they’re lighter. Like the sky on a sunny day.”
I huffed. This conversation felt ridiculous. “Why does it matter anyway?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Why shouldn’t it? What about smells?”
“What about them?”
“What’s it smell like here?”
“Like… trees?”
“Describe it.”
This guy was weird, but I indulged him, inhaling deeply. “It smells like dirt, and… kind of damp.”
“Do you have a favorite scent?” This guy and his questions.
Why was I still answering them? “I like vanilla.”
“Me too. And pancakes.”
“That’s not a scent.”
“Of course it is. When you think of pancakes, you know what they smell like, right?”
“I think you’re thinking of maple syrup.”
“Oh. Well then, maple syrup.”
“Still not a scent.” I sniffed, wiping my cheeks on my arm as I dared to give him a small smile. This whole conversation was stupid, but I realized now that was the point, because I wasn’t crying anymore. I could breathe again. “Thanks.”
He smiled. “Don’t know what you’re thanking me for.”
My lips curved further. “Nothing.”
He huffed. “I’m Archer, by the way.”
For the rest of the trip, I sought out Archer whenever I could. He wasn’t like the others. It didn’t feel like he was hiding himself. He also seemed to be alone, like me. He had a few siblings, even a twin brother, but they were all very serious and I didn’t care to be friends with any of them.
Archer lived in Harborview too, on the outskirts near Deltran, but we went to different schools. I gave him my number so we could text when I got my phone back from Dad.
It felt nice to have a friend, and I was excited to talk to him more when we finally left the resort.
I’d almost forgotten the text I’d sent to Logan until I saw the notification that he’d responded.
Logan
I’m done with you, Harper. I want nothing to do with you or our parents. Don’t ever message me again.