Chapter 14 Harper
fourteen
Harper
OUT OF CONTROL.
I’d always had a plan. Every session, every interaction, was thought out ahead of time. Even last Friday, before I’d arrived to see Benny restrained and the plan had changed, I’d had control.
I didn’t feel in control now.
I’d left nothing but the blindfold for him. No toys. No plan.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t have finished work and rushed home to shower so I could be here, presentable for him, when he couldn’t even see me. I should have just gone for a ride, like I usually did when I needed to unwind.
He was sitting perfectly still. Waiting for my move. My instruction. Naked. Kneeling. Blindfolded. Perfect.
I wasn’t making him wait to test his obedience this time. We were beyond that. I was making him wait because I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. I’d just needed to see him, hear him.
His presence was soothing, and I didn’t know what to do with that. This could never be more than it was. He didn’t even know who I was, what I looked like.
What if everything changes?
Seconds. Minutes. Frozen with indecision.
I shouldn’t be here.
I can’t leave.
His lips parted. Closed. Words swallowed before they escaped. His bottom lip pulled between his teeth.
“Speak.”
He swallowed, releasing his lip, and his tongue darted out to wet it. “A-are you alright?”
He was blindfolded, yet he could see me. Clearer than anyone else. How? When I’d worked so hard to shield myself from everyone, how could he still get through?
Why did I want him to?
You can’t have him.
I stepped closer.
Trembling fingers hovered over hair I knew was soft.
You can’t have him.
I pulled away before touching, my hand restless at my side. I didn’t know how to fight this pull between us. Like a magnet. Like gravity. A longing to touch and be touched.
I can’t.
A step backward. He chewed his lip again. My silence was making him uncertain. Insecure. My brow furrowed. I didn’t want that. Not ever.
Slowly, carefully, I sank to his level, kneeling in front of him. My knees almost touching his.
Don’t do it.
My hand hovered over where his was placed on his thigh. Because that’s where I told him to put them. Because he’d listened. He always listened.
What if he rejects me?
What if he doesn’t?
Benny had taken a chance on me. He’d let himself be vulnerable and trusted me to care for him. I was struggling to let myself do the same.
Breathe.
My hand lowered onto his. He twitched at the unexpected contact, his chest expanding with a heavy inhale, blown out through pursed lips.
I swallowed, giving myself a moment to exist here before my palm smoothed up his forearm. Slow, just like I’d touched him last time. His bicep. Over his shoulder and collarbones. He remained perfectly still.
My hand moved over his bear paw tattoo and stayed there, feeling the rapid beating of his heart. Its rhythm matched mine.
An inch forward and our knees were touching. His heart beat faster, his breathing quicker. Matching mine.
“Ask me.” My voice was quiet, fearful of disturbing this fragile connection.
His brow twitched. “A-ask you?”
“Yes. Ask me. What you always ask me.”
He inhaled fast. Exhaled slow. Lips moved as he searched for his voice, searched for what I meant. I saw the moment he found it, even before he said the words out loud.
“Can I touch you?”
I swallowed. “Yes.”
His head twitched in a nod. After a moment of building himself up to it, his hand lifted from his thigh, moving slow enough that I could stop him, until it rested over mine on his chest. Our fingers laced together.
His hand was so warm.
Then his other hand lifted, finding my wrist, his touch so light as it explored the exposed skin where my smartwatch normally resided. He took his time there, as if that one spot was worth knowing intimately.
Only once he’d explored it completely did he move up to my forearm, over my shirt, his fingers wrapping almost entirely around my arm, even as he moved higher, to my elbow… higher.
I watched his face carefully, looking for hesitation, for disappointment. I couldn’t find it.
His hand reached my shoulder, then moved along the collar of my shirt until his fingertips touched the skin at my neck. They smoothed over my jawline slowly, gently, until his palm pressed against my skin and his thumb smoothed over my cheek.
He held me there, one hand laced together with mine on his chest, and the other cupping my neck and jaw.
Then he smiled, and I couldn’t breathe.
“More,” I whispered.
His thumb stroked over my cheek a few more times before his hand lowered again, never fully leaving me as he smoothed over my chest. My stomach. My waist. My hip. My thigh.
That smile never left his lips.
I laced my fingers through that hand as well, squeezing them both before bringing one to the top of my shirt, my fingers guiding his to the buttons.
“More.”
He exhaled through pursed lips. Inhaled through his nose. Exhaled again. Was he hesitating? Insecurity stabbed through my chest like a blade.
“You don’t have to.” I pulled back, but the hand still laced with mine refused to let me go.
“Please. I want to. Please. I just… needed a moment. It feels like I’ve been waitin’ forever to touch you. I… I don’t wanna do it wrong.”
I pulled my hand away from his, and he whined. His posture slumping, his brow tightening, his smile fading.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
If he was going to reject me, I needed to know now. Needed to just get it over with so I could move on.
I wasn’t careful as I tugged at my buttons, getting my shirt off as quickly as possible and tossing it to the side.
My hands wrapped around his wrists and pulled his hands back to me, over my bare chest. Forcing him to feel me. To touch me and know me.
“More.” It was a demand. Because my walls were crumbling, and his hands would either keep them upright or send them crashing down. I couldn’t exist in the in-between, in the unknown. “Touch me however you want to. It doesn’t matter. Just touch me, Benny. All of me.”
He was fast, like an eager dog just let off its leash.
My back hit the plush rug, and suddenly he was over me—hot breath on my face, my neck, large hands smoothing over my chest and down to grip firmly at my waist. His touch didn’t feel so exploratory now.
It felt like want. Desire. Barely contained.
Benny’s fingers dug in and my back arched to bring me closer to him, his mouth descending, lips caressing my neck. I gave it to him, offering myself up to be consumed.
He made his way down, determined to kiss every inch of my skin. My fingers dug into his biceps like talons, keeping him to me. A silent demand to continue.
Lips over my chest, my nipple… I gasped, surrendering one of his arms to run my fingers through his hair instead, not letting his mouth move from that spot. He obliged eagerly, his tongue swirling, his lips sucking. Pleasure shot through my spine, a ley line from my nipple to my cock.
My head fell back against the rug. Benny’s soft sounds implied he was finding this just as pleasurable as I was. And that only added to how good it felt.
I let him continue until it was too much. My hand pushed his head back, only to bring him down on the other side. He took to that one just as eagerly, and I didn’t doubt he’d stay there for hours if I wanted him to.
Benny’s fingers dug into my waist, his mouth caressed my chest, his large frame over my considerably smaller one.
He was seeing me in all the ways that mattered, and he still wanted me.
He didn’t even seem surprised or taken aback.
He just… accepted me. As if it were easy. As if there was no other option.
“More,” I breathed.
He licked his lips, giving each of my swollen nipples another kiss before he moved further down my body. Kissing. Licking. Tasting.
When he reached my waistband, I released him to open it. His fingers hooked under the fabric, and I raised my hips off the ground so he could pull my pants and underwear down. When they caught on my shoes, he found the laces and pulled them off too.
Then I was bare. As exposed as he was. As vulnerable.
It was terrifying.
It was exhilarating.
Kisses on my knee. My thigh. On skin no one had ever touched but me. He nipped at me there, and I gasped, the small bite like an electric spark. My cock leaked onto my stomach.
“More.”
He did it again. Harder. I moaned. He hummed in satisfaction. Then he sucked and I almost lost it. “Yes! Fuck, pup!”
“Is that what you want, Sir?” his voice rasped against sensitive skin.
I’d never trusted anyone to get this far, to touch me like this. And though we’d talked about him fucking me, it had only been words to me until this moment. A fun fantasy. Unobtainable and unrealistic. Except it wasn’t anymore. I could have it. Right now, if I wanted to.
My cock pulsed, on board with the idea, but I still hesitated. It wasn’t a decision I wanted to make impulsively.
“What I want…” I cleared my throat. “Is for you to take your big cock and rut it against mine.”
He exhaled shakily, then nodded, crawling up my body and planting a hand on either side of my head. I hooked my ankles around his thighs, letting him lower himself between my legs until his dick rubbed against the skin of my thigh.
I reached between us to take hold of him. So hot. So hard. Leaking for me. He angled his hips with my guidance until his dick was next to mine.
The size difference between us was prominent here too. He was big and thick, and I was small and lithe, and our cocks were proportional to that. He didn’t seem to mind.
I couldn’t help but notice just how deep inside me his cock would reach as his precum dripped onto my navel, but that was something to consider later.
For now, I wrapped my hand around us, groaning at the hot velvet skin against mine. Benny bit his lip to muffle his own sounds, and I used my other hand to tug it free. “I want to hear you.”
He nodded.
I’d seen him fuck a pillow, and a fleshlight. I knew how powerful and fast his thrusts could be, and I took a moment to brace myself for it. My ankles would hopefully keep me in place enough to prevent my back and ass from getting carpet burn.
His arms trembled on either side of me, but not from weakness, from anticipation, the force of holding himself back to wait for my order.
“Breathe,” I told him. I told myself.
The silence was loud between us. Heavy. The air thick with it like magic. A spell ready to be broken on a single word.
“Go.”
He grunted, his hips slamming into mine, his cock sliding through my grip. He gave me what we’d practiced. What he’d promised. He gave me more.
Despite my feet locking me to him, I was still pushed up until my shoulders hit his arms and he refused to budge, keeping me in place as he fucked my fist. His cock against mine provided more stimulation than I’d ever had before.
I needed to use both hands on him, determined to keep up.
If he fucked me like this, would he ruin me? Would he split me open on his dick and fuck me beyond repair?
I gasped. He grunted. I groaned. He whimpered.
My whole body was burning up. I wasn’t in control of it. Of anything. And I didn’t fucking care. Because this was everything.
“More.”
He snarled, his hips working faster, harder. It was on the wrong side of too much. Overstimulating. Almost painful. Yet I held him to me. I wouldn’t have him stop. I wouldn’t have him slow. He was desperate and brutal and that’s what I wanted. Needed.
Who else would ever feel this strongly about me? Who else would crave me to the point of wild desperation?
I’d let him ruin me if it meant I could feel desired this deeply.
“I’m gonna come,” I groaned. “Don’t stop.”
He was beyond words, grunting in response as he rolled his hips lower and I lost it, my body and spine seizing up as my cum shot out between us.
His dick slid through it, my slickness easing his path. He moaned, low and desperate, in a familiar way I’d learned meant he was about to come. He faltered, uncertainty seeping in. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed. If I would stop him like I did when we’d practiced.
I was still catching my breath as I pulled one hand away from our dicks, using it to run through the cum on my chest so I could rub it onto his skin.
Claiming his taut abs. More, claiming his sides.
His ass. My finger slid down his crease until I touched his hole and he cried out, his arms trembling on either side of me as he held back his climax with sheer willpower.
I wanted to see how long he could last like that. Next time, though. Because what I wanted more was for him to mark me with his cum as I’d done to him with mine.
“Come on me.”
He slammed his hips down, trapping my hand between us as I felt his cock pulse with his orgasm, his cum joining what remained of mine.
“Good,” I praised, running my hand up his back, damp with sweat. “So good for me.”
Benny trembled, and I slipped my hand free from between us to wrap them both around him, pulling him down. He switched from resting on his hands to his elbows, his chest against mine without crushing me. I almost wished he would.
My lips pressed against his cheek and he trembled harder. “So good. You made me feel so good, pup.”
Once he’d calmed, I sensed the uncertainty stirring inside him. He wasn’t sure what came next. Neither was I.
But we’d come this far without a plan, and I wouldn’t have changed any of it.
He knew my body by touch, even if he didn’t know it by sight, and he was still here. He still wanted this. He still wanted me. He hadn’t rejected me yet.
The voice of doubt that always resided in me was silent. I didn’t want to think rationally. I didn’t want to be logical and smart.
Being impulsive had gotten us here, and I really liked it here.
“Benny?”
“Yes?” His voice was soft.
I placed a hand on his chest, gently urging him up onto his hands again. My ankles locked him in when he tried to move too far away.
My eyes caught on his lips for a long moment before I could drag them away. My hands smoothed up his chest, over his shoulders, behind his neck.
Trust him.
A deep inhale. Then my fingers slipped under the back of his blindfold, and I pulled it away.
His eyes were closed. His breaths harsh and short. His brow pinched together.
“Open,” I whispered.
Brown. His eyes were a deep, rich brown. So full of color. They glassed over. His lips twitched up into a crooked smile. “Hi.”
I sniffed. “Hi.”
His eyes flicked between mine, taking me in like he had to memorize me.
“Am I… what you expected?”
He huffed, bringing a hand to my face to wipe away a dampness I wouldn’t acknowledge.
“You’re…” He smiled. “You’re everything.”