Chapter 36 Harper
thirty-six
Harper
WAR DRUMS.
My heart beat like a war drum. The sound of imminent battle. The crossing of the driveway felt like trespassing on enemy territory, opening the front door like breaching the borders.
My “father” and mother were sitting at the dinner table. Mom looked like she was about to fall asleep in her untouched salad at one end, and all the way down the other end of the ridiculously long table, sat Leon.
“What the FUCK?” I screamed.
Leon dropped his fork as his head snapped in my direction, a fire in his eyes as he took me in. “Lower your damn voice when you talk to me.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said fucking NO.”
“I am your father, Harper, and your boss. You will obey me and treat me with respect.”
“You aren’t my father in any way that matters, and if you want to remain as my boss, then you’ll shut the fuck up and listen to me.”
Leon was shocked. I’d never raised my voice to him before. I’m sure he never imagined I’d so bluntly refuse to obey him either. Until yesterday, I’d have thought the same. But then he tried to take my Benny away.
When Benny had told me he knew, I’d been terrified, but then he told me that Leon had tried to bribe him to leave me, and I wasn’t scared anymore. All the fear, all the anxiety and doubts and worries ignited into rage.
I was finally standing up to him, because I finally had something to stand up for. It wasn’t myself, because it never could have been. But Benny? I’d fight a fucking army for Benny.
“How dare you?” I shouted. “How fucking dare you! I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked. I’ve given more of myself to you and that fucking company than anyone, and I finally, finally found something for myself outside of it and you try to destroy it!”
Leon recovered from the shock of my outburst faster than I’d hoped. Already he’d pulled the mask of composure back on.
“You can’t have him.”
The words that lived in my head, the words that had almost torn us apart. His words, finally spoken from his mouth.
“Yes I fucking can.”
“No. You’ll end this now.”
“No. I won’t.”
“You will,” he snarled. “Or I will.”
I scoffed. “You going to offer him more money? He won’t take it, even if you give him your whole big shiny empire.”
Leon shook his head. “There are other things I can do to him.”
An invisible blade pierced my chest, and suddenly some of that fear was seeping back into my bones like it belonged there. Because what was he capable of?
All these years I’d been afraid of him because of that question. And now I was tempting him to give me an answer. Who really was the man I’d called my father? And what lengths would he go to in order to get his way?
I wasn’t scared for myself, not anymore. There was nothing he could do to me that I wouldn’t gladly take if it meant being with Benny. But I wasn’t the only one I had to consider. He could hurt Benny, or Matthew, or anyone else who’d been stubborn enough to care about me.
I inhaled deeply. I had to be firm. “I won’t leave him, but I won’t go public with our relationship.”
“Damn fucking right you won’t go public, because there’s nothing to go public with. End it.”
“No.”
I glared at him. He glared right back.
“Dear…” Mom spoke up from her side of the room.
“Shut the fuck up, Rosanne!” Leon snapped at her. “Don’t you have pills to choke on? Why don’t you go do that and stay the fuck out of my way?”
“Don’t talk to her like that.”
“It’s alright, dear.” Mom stood up, leaving her untouched food as she walked over, gently rubbing my shoulder before simply turning and walking away.
She was leaving me with a wolf. She always had. She’d never stood up for herself against Leon, but she’d never stood up for me or Logan either. Suddenly my rage was directed at her as well. I let her leave.
“I understand why Logan left us now.” I turned my attention back to Leon. “It’s all because of you. Because he fucking hated you so much, he couldn’t stand to be around anything even slightly connected to you.”
Leon laughed. “He left because I let him leave. He was useless to me. He was a curse of a firstborn. Perhaps if he’d been born with a single brain cell, then… But alas, as he was, the company would have been doomed with him as its heir.”
My body burned with indignation on my brother’s behalf.
“You’re different.” His tone calmed. “You were always smarter than him. You were meant to be the heir. My successor. You’ve been doing so well, Harper. Don’t waste it all for him.”
“He means more to me than you ever will.”
Leon clenched his jaw. “Fine. Then do it for him. He doesn’t belong in our world. He doesn’t fit. It’s only a matter of time before he sees that too. Now, I can help him. I can set him and his family up for the rest of his life, but only if you’re not in it.”
I was spiraling. The wall of rage I’d held between us was being chipped away at one doubt at a time. I didn’t want to show weakness, but like blood in the water, Leon could smell it like a shark. He smiled.
“You think he wants to live his life hiding with you? You won’t go public, you said.
Then what… spend your life hiding behind closed doors?
Selfish of you to put that on him, don’t you think?
He’s built a name for himself already, Harper.
He’s used to standing in the spotlight. He won’t be satisfied with you for long. ”
“You don’t know him!”
“I know that he is strong, and you are weak. You have nothing but my name, my money, and only because I’ve given them to you. You have nothing of value without me. You’ll weigh him down and he’ll resent you for it. Let him go.”
“No.” Selfish. Weak. “I love him.”
“A fish may love a bird, but that doesn’t mean they can be together.
They can’t survive in each other’s environment without breathing what wasn’t meant for them and needlessly suffering for it.
You can’t exist outside the company, Harper, outside the family.
Because you shouldn’t. It’s not where you belong. ”
My chest was heaving, and yet oxygen escaped me. He did this, phrased things like he knew everything and I knew nothing. As if he really believed he was doing things for my benefit and not his own, like I was small and stupid and had to rely on his judgment, always. “I won’t leave him.”
“Yes. You will.”
I shook my head.
“You will. Either you hurt a little now, or everyone hurts later. And it will be all your fault. You could have prevented it.”
I shook my head again.
“So be it.”
Words and logic escaped me. He swallowed them up the way he swallowed up joy and love in a void of despair that lived in his core. I wouldn’t let him see me break, which meant I had to leave now, before I couldn’t hold myself together anymore.
I turned and rushed out as quickly as I’d come. Mom was standing just outside the door, her hand reaching for me. I shrugged her off as I continued.
I hardly breathed the entire ride home. All I wanted was to see Benny, to feel his warmth, but instead I went to my apartment. I didn’t want him to see how pathetically I’d failed at protecting what we had.
Benny tried calling me as I paced cold marble floors. I ignored it, and every call after, until not even an hour had passed and the elevator doors opened. I turned to see him rushing at me.
I broke immediately, sobbing as he yanked me into him.
“Why didn’t you come to me?” he said, holding me tighter.
“This is why.” I choked on my own breaths. “Because I knew… when I saw you… I’d break… I didn’t… want to break…”
His warm hand cradled my head to his chest. “This is what I’m for, my love. So I can hold you when you break. And then help you put the pieces back together.”
I cried harder, no matter how hard I tried to stop myself.
He held me until I cried it all out, until all the emotions tearing up my insides had leaked out and all that was left of me was an empty husk. Still, he held me like I was precious.
“Rely on me, please.” He kissed the top of my head so gently.
“I don’t know how,” I whispered, lacking the strength to speak any louder.
“That’s okay. Just start by talkin’ to me. There’s nothin’ you can’t tell me, and nothin’ I won’t help you with. You aren’t alone, baby. We’re goin’ to figure this out together.”
“I’m weak,” I sniffed.
“No. You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t feel strong.”
The longer he held me, the calmer I felt. I still didn’t know what we were going to do, and how we could stand up against Leon. But we had here, and we had now, and he couldn’t take this moment from us.
“I wanna take you somewhere,” Benny said when I finally pulled away.
I nodded. I didn’t know where he meant, but I didn’t care. I’d go anywhere with him.
He led me to my room and pulled out some clothes he’d bought me over the last few weeks, loose-fitting and comfortable.
Then we were in his car, driving through the late-night city until we pulled up in the lot of his gym. It was closed now, with no one but us here as he switched the lights on.
“What are we doing here?”
“We…” He grinned as he rummaged through a large tub filled with boxing gloves and mitts. “Are gonna teach you how to fight.”