Chapter 19. Ethan #2
"I didn't like seeing you with him." It hurts to say. I keep my grip on his wrist, not tight enough to hurt, firm enough that he can't pull away easily. "He's dangerous, Liam."
"Reed's not that bad," he says, frowning.
"Yes. He is. You don't know him like I do."
"Well, after you left me hanging at MMA, he offered to pair up. Instead of leaving me there feeling like shit." His eyes are glistening. "You're the one who ignored me for days, Ethan."
He doesn't try to pull his wrist free. If anything, he leans into the contact.
"Why do you hate him so much?" he asks. "And don't give me the 'he's a bad influence' bullshit. What actually happened between you two?"
I stare at the blood on the porcelain. My jaw works.
Every instinct says to deflect: don't worry about it, it doesn't matter, drop it.
The same walls I always put up. But I just punched a guy in the face over this boy.
I'm bleeding into a sink. He's looking at me with those eyes, and I'm so tired of carrying this alone.
"Reed showed up about six months after me," I say.
Quiet. Not looking at him. "Director's nephew.
Walked in with privileges I'd spent months earning.
He tried to be friendly. We paired at MMA.
I told him I didn't need handouts from someone who hadn't earned his place. He smiled and said okay. I thought that was the end of it. I know I was an asshole. There’s no excuse.
I was just very hurt and depressed at the time.
The kid was lost; he only wanted a friend. "
I stop. Liam waits.
"A year in, I had a mentee. Daniel, my first one.
Had just been promoted to leader. Good kid, fucked-up situation.
He was using pills, whatever he could get.
I found out and I should have reported it.
That's protocol. That's what leaders do.
" My voice is flat. Controlled. Barely. "I didn't. I flushed his stash, covered for him during inspections.
Told myself I could help him get clean on my own. "
Liam's hand is still in mine. His thumb moves slightly against my wrist. He doesn't interrupt.
"He didn't get clean. He got worse. One night I found him unconscious in the bathroom.
I should have called the guards. Called medical.
Instead, I dragged him out, got him conscious, cleaned him up, put him back in bed.
Handled it myself." I swallow. "Reed saw me.
Saw me dragging an unconscious kid through the hallway. He didn't say anything."
Silence. The faucet drips.
"Daniel kept using. I kept covering. Until one night someone else found him, and it was bad enough that medical got involved.
He got transferred to a real facility. Not like this place.
" I finally look at Liam. "If I'd reported it the first time, he might have gotten real help.
Doctors, treatment. Instead, I played God, and he paid for it. "
Liam's expression is open. No judgment. Just listening.
"Reed found me in the gym that night. After Daniel left.
I was alone. He leaned against the doorframe and said, 'Careful, golden boy.
You're not as invisible as you think.' One sentence.
Never brought it up again. Never reported it.
Didn't need to." I pull my hand back from Liam's wrist, gripping the edge of the sink.
"He's been sitting on it for two years. Every time he smirks at me, every time he gets away with breaking rules while I follow every one, he knows I'm a fraud. One conversation with Griff and everything I've built here is gone. And it’s all my fucking fault. I did that to myself. I never apologized for being an asshole to Reed. I covered for Daniel, and he got worse. After that, we argued many, many times, but I always knew he’d get whatever he wanted. I could never say anything."
The bathroom is quiet. Liam stares at me.
"That's why you pulled away," he says. Not a question. "You lost someone before because you got too close."
I don't answer. I don't need to.
"Ethan." His voice is soft. "You were trying to help him."
"I made it worse."
"You were a kid trying to save another kid. That's not playing God. That's just… giving a shit."
My throat closes. I look at the ceiling. Blink hard.
"And now you're scared you'll do the same thing to me," he says. "Mess it up. Make it worse."
"Yes," I say. Barely a whisper. "Ignoring you was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I'm sorry. For all of it. You drive me fucking nuts. I've never felt like this, and I can't cope."
Liam's eyes widen. His expression shifts, softens.
"Took you long enough," he murmurs, and before I can respond, he surges forward and presses his lips against mine.
Pain flares from the split lip. I don't pull away.
I deserve it. I release his wrist to cup the back of his neck, drawing him closer, deepening the kiss despite the metallic taste of blood.
His body pushes mine back against the sink.
His hands find my shoulders, slide up to frame my face.
I kiss him harder, ignoring the sting, wanting to erase Reed whispering in his ear, Reed's hand on his waist, every day I wasted being cold to him.
Wanting to replace all of it with this: my mouth on his, my hands in his hair, the sound he makes in the back of his throat when I bite his lower lip.
When we break apart, his breathing is ragged, pupils blown. My blood on his face. His fingers, faintly red, rest against my neck. I can feel my pulse against his palm. Too fast. Too hard.
"I wanted to do that since the first day I saw you," he whispers.
"Liar. You hated me."
"I wanted to punch you and kiss you. Still do. It's confusing." His thumb traces my bottom lip, careful around the split.
The door could open any second. A guard, anyone. See the two of us pressed together between the sink and the wall, my hands in his hair, his fingers on my face. The end of everything I've worked for.
I can't bring myself to care.
"I'm sorry," I say again. "For pushing you away. I thought I was protecting us both. When you took the blame for me that night… no one's ever done that. I couldn’t cope. And I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't." He laughs, quiet. "Well, the spankings hurt. But I like that."
Something loosens in my chest. I laugh.
I kiss him again. Softer. Careful of the lip. His hands slide down to my chest, palms flat against my heartbeat.
"This is a terrible idea," I say against his mouth.
"The worst," he agrees. Smiling. "We're going to get in so much trouble."
"Definitely." I brush his hair back from his forehead. "I don't care."
And it's true. For the first time since I arrived at Aspire, I don't care about the rules, my record, or my future beyond this moment. All I care about is the way Liam is looking at me like I'm worth something. When he's the one who's worth everything.