Chapter 26 Jonah - Past
twenty-six
Jonah - Past
FROM WALLS TO RUBBLE.
Fucking Bryce.
I knew he wouldn’t have been able to keep his obnoxious mouth shut about this, but I still couldn’t have prepared myself for getting Dex’s messages.
He wanted me to bring the fucking bag of sex toys with me to his place.
For what? Was he just curious, or did he plan to do something else with them?
My head thumped face down onto my pillows, barely muffling my scream.
He also knew I’d been wearing his jacket thanks to Bryce, the fucking snitch. I’m not sure what had possessed me to wear it, but it was going down on the long record of stupid fucking things I’d done and would beat myself up for.
Would Dex really know if I didn’t bring everything?
I tried to remember if Bryce had gotten a good look into the basket, but I couldn’t be sure.
I had no doubts Dex was telling the truth about coming to find me if I didn’t do what he wanted, and my dad would be home soon.
As much as I didn’t give a fuck what the man thought of me, I wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of Dex being here in my room doing god knows what to me while he was home.
With a long, exaggerated groan, I rolled off my bed, snatching the unmarked black plastic bag from the floor and shoving it in a backpack instead.
Fucking fuck. I hadn’t even gone through it on my own yet.
Becca had only just left for the day. I’d just showered, and I was building up the nerves just to open the damned bag.
I got dressed, then after another moment of indecision I pulled his stupid leather jacket back on. Why did I always just do what he told me?
There was no time to think about it. I’d already be struggling to make it to Meadow Park in the thirty minutes he’d given me to do so.
Fuck!
By the time I made it to his house, Dex was already waiting for me out front, leaning on his bike as though he really had been preparing to come and find me.
Saying nothing, he turned and marched inside, and I followed him, my heart rate escalating as he took the stairs two at a time in front of me up to his room.
The moment I walked in, he snapped his fingers at me, holding out his hand for the bag.
I took a step back, my hands defensively circling around behind me to guard it.
“Give it to me, Rabbit,” he demanded.
“Why?”
“So I know how much trouble you’re going to be in.”
Indignation flared in my core. “I’m allowed to buy sex toys if I want to.”
“No you’re not,” he said, matter-of-factly. “You’re mine, Jonah. You agreed to that. No one else is allowed to touch you, not even you, and especially not some fucking toys. Now give them to me.”
Toxic. Obsessive. Unreasonable. Unfair. All true. And yeah, they absolutely should have been red flags. I knew they were. But the jealousy in his voice, words, and actions? No one had ever wanted me so much that my own fucking touch made them jealous, and it ignited something twisted inside me.
I handed him the backpack. Dex yanked it open, grabbing the plastic bag from Maxxxine’s and emptying it over his bed.
Everything was still in its packaging. Untouched.
The purple dildo, condoms, lube, a glow in the dark butt plug Becca must have snuck into the basket, along with… an anal douching kit.
I wanted to fucking die.
I thought I might with how rapidly my heart was beating in my chest. On the off chance that I didn’t die from embarrassment, or whatever Dex planned to do to me, then I was absolutely going to kill Becca instead.
Dex tsked, his eyes finally leaving the items on the bed to look at me again. “If you wanted something up your butt, all you had to do was ask, Rabbit.”
“I just—” I stalled, really not knowing what I could say to make this situation any better for myself. “I just wanted to practice. And you didn’t seem like you wanted to anyway!”
“What gave you that idea?”
“You haven’t tried anything!”
“I was waiting for you to tell me you were ready.”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“You’d know by talking to me.”
“You don’t talk to me about it either!”
“I’m telling you now. If you want to do something, tell me. Whatever it is, we’ll do it together. You’re not dealing with anything on your own anymore, Rabbit, not even this.”
My stomach twisted, definitely in anger, but also in something else that always came when I was around Dex.
Whenever I was with him, I felt like the walls I’d built up around me were one slight push away from crumbling.
He made me feel vulnerable, and like maybe it would be okay if I were. It terrified me.
“You say it like it should be easy. It’s not easy.”
“It’s not easy,” he repeated, walking over to me, and I barely resisted the urge to shove at him when his warm hand cupped the side of my face, his other hand found my hip, and he pulled me closer to him. “I know it’s not. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do that,” I told him, my throat feeling tight. “Don’t be gentle with me.”
“Why?” Even his voice was gentle.
“I don’t know what to do with it.” But it was more than that. “I don’t deserve it.”
“This isn’t something you have to earn, Rabbit. I’m giving it to you. It’s yours.”
“What if I get used to it?”
“You should. It’s not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. It’s safe to let me in.”
The walls crumbled to rubble at my feet.
My hands found his hips, and I pulled him closer, so his body could replace the shield he’d torn away from me.
I couldn’t protect myself anymore, so now he’d have to be the one to do it.
My lips found sanctuary in the warmth of his neck, in the strong arms that wrapped around me. Safe, like a cage was safe.
“I want you,” I told him, the words too small to encapsulate the magnitude of everything I was feeling in this moment.
“You have me,” he answered, his lips kissing the side of my head so softly it burned.
“More.”
“My rabbit, you can have everything.”
He shifted ever so slightly, and I clung to him, terrified that I’d crumble along with my walls if he parted from me for even a second.
He understood. His hands moved down over my clothes to my thighs.
Then he was lifting me. I wrapped my legs and arms around him tightly so he could carry me over to his bed.
Even when he laid me down, I refused to let him go.
“I have you,” he told me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I believed him, letting just enough space pass between us so he could take off his jacket, then mine.
His shirt, then mine. His pants, then mine.
Repeating until we were both stripped bare for each other for the first time in a way that was deeper than lost clothing.
I’d tensed when my scars were exposed to him, terrified he’d see the ugly marks and be as repulsed by them as I was, but he barely even glanced at them.
No, when he looked at me, he saw all of me, everything I was, and that was deeper and uglier than any surgery scars.
Still, he looked at me like I was something he craved, something he loved.
Dex Weller was the devil, and he touched me like I was sacred, like it was some form of worship, so what the fuck did that make me?
His hands explored me, all the parts I’d kept hidden. Gently. Reverently. His body over mine, skin against skin. He mouthed at my jaw, my neck. He tasted me. Breathed me deep into his lungs.
His cock was hard against mine, sparks of pleasure and heat rippling over my body as they pressed against each other, but it didn’t feel urgent like it usually did when he touched me, or at least it felt urgent in a different way.
Dex rested his forearms on the bed on either side of me, supporting just enough of his weight that I didn’t feel crushed by him. I wanted to be.
I felt trapped by him, like he was a cage I couldn’t escape from, with walls so thick and high I couldn’t see past them and so little space I was always pressed against him.
And it felt so safe. I couldn’t get away, but nothing else could get in either.
He’d keep the bad things out, he’d keep the world away, and finally, finally, I could relax and let my guard down.
Only in the prison of his love did I feel safe enough to be gentle.
I could exist here without baring my teeth and snapping at anyone who came close.
“More,” I whispered to him. “I want you to fuck me. Please.”
He groaned against my skin, pulling back to seek my lips, claiming them like he would claim the rest of me. Then he was pulling back again, and I fought myself not to chase him, knowing he was coming back to me. Trusting him to.
Dex grabbed the condoms and the lube from where they were scattered further down on the bed, his arm swiping everything else onto the floor for good measure before he was over me again. “I’ll take care of you,” he told me.
“I know,” I answered, and I did know.
I parted my legs for him, seeking his lips again when my stomach twisted with nerves. And he gave them to me, kissing me so deeply I couldn’t think as his slick fingers pressed at my crease, finding my hole, circling it. I tensed on instinct.
“Shhh… it’s okay, Rabbit. Open for me. I won’t hurt you.”
I nodded, forgetting how to breathe as I claimed his lips again, harder, desperately, in need of a distraction that he granted me by taking my bottom lip in his teeth and tugging on it. I groaned. His finger slipped inside me.
“That’s it.” Words spoken against my lips as he sank deeper. “Let me in.”
It felt strange, neither pleasant nor unpleasant, until his lips found my neck again. His teeth traced my skin and then sank in. I cried out, turning my head to give him better access. He bit me again.
“You like that, don’t you? I’m going to mark you up, Rabbit.”
“Do it, then,” I gasped out, and he did, teeth sinking into my flesh in a way that hurt and soothed simultaneously.