Chapter Twenty-Two
I’ve never been this stunned in my entire life.
Even seeing the trio of demons in my room on the day I moved in instead of Rohit pales in comparison.
Did Zarmenus just say I’m his boyfriend?
This has to be some other horror that’s fallen upon our room.
Have we been unknowingly transported into some nightmare dimension?
That somehow seems more plausible than what is going on.
“What!” says Maleilius, clearly delighted by this revelation. “That’s excellent news! Tell me everything!”
Maleilius turns to me, his face shifting from the anger he showed before back to his original cheery self. Okay, so Zarmenus is not leading the charge on this one; I’m expected to answer this question.
The problem is I don’t know what’s going on. Clearly Zarmenus was worried about his Dad being mad at him, so he’s told him that he’s in a relationship with me to deflect and distract. But this is already an incredibly flimsy lie. Last night we had a huge, public fight.
And now we’re supposed to be boyfriends?
“I,” I say. The only thing keeping me from just straight up telling Maleilius his son is lying is that he is the king of Hell and, for whatever reason, he is clearly quite pleased with this development.
His entire demeanor has shifted, and the darkness has left his eyes, making him seem much more like the jovial demon I met when I first moved in.
With all this going through my head, I barely even have time to think about what to say. “Um.”
“He’s nervous,” says Zarmenus. “You’re so cute, babe. You don’t have to be scared, Dad’s supportive. You can tell him.”
Tell him what, exactly? And did he seriously just call me “babe”?
“It just sort of happened,” I say. “It surprised me more than anyone.”
“It always does,” says Maleilius. “Oh, Zarmenus, this is incredible! Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”
“I was waiting for the right time.”
“This is brilliant. Oh, it fixes everything. What better way to show people that we can coexist than with a love story!” Maleilius starts pacing around the room, his mind clearly elsewhere.
“Not that the two of you are together solely for that. Lysteria sensed how attracted the two of you were to each other when you first met.”
Wait, what? Is Zarmenus actually attracted to me? Or is that something he’s just saying?
“Owen, when did you first realize you liked my son?”
“Um, right away, I guess,” I say. “I just took me a while to work up the courage to admit that to myself.”
“You can tell him,” says Zarmenus. “It was when I came out of the shower in just a towel, right?”
“Yeah,” I say, acting bashful.
“And after that we…”
“Please!” says Maleilius. “Spare me the details. But what about your fight last night? It seemed quite heated.”
“Lovers’ quarrel,” says Zarmenus. It’s scary how good of a liar he is. Even though what he’s saying is a complete fabrication, I still find myself somewhat believing him. “But Owen set me straight and I couldn’t be happier.”
“Ah, young love,” says Maleilius. “I remember when I first fell for your mother. It was on a school excursion to the skeleton sands, and she looked so hideous among all the bones.” He lets out a sigh.
“Well, this is an unexpected, but joyous, twist of fate. Would the two of you be open to a photo shoot? I could speak to my connections at Vogue, I’m sure they’d be interested.
Or we could try TMZ, I know a lot of people who work there.
In any case, going public with this would be a good distraction from your recent activities, Zarmenus. ”
“It’s still new,” says Zarmenus. “We do want to tell people, but we’d prefer to keep this to ourselves for now.”
Maleilius stops pacing. “I understand, and I do wish I could give the two of you that. But with your actions being the way they have been, the tide is shifting against us, and we need to act quickly before public opinion is set in stone. How about the end of the week?”
“Two would be better,” says Zarmenus.
“A week and a half is the most I can give you. That would be next Wednesday. Perfect! I’ll set everything up.”
“Wait,” I say, and the energy in the room comes to a screeching halt.
This is moving so quickly, and I need to stop it.
I am not Zarmenus’s boyfriend, and I’m not going to go talk to freaking Vogue or TMZ about being in a relationship with him.
As scary as it is, I need to tell Maleilius the truth right now before this gets totally out of hand, if we aren’t there already.
A voice rings through my head. It’s Zarmenus’s, clear as day.
Please, he says. Just keep this going until Dad leaves. I’ll make it better then but please, don’t tell him.
The tone of his voice is so fragile, so desperate. I can’t betray him. I just can’t. Not when he sounds so down.
“Could we try Rolling Stone?” I suggest. “I know they mostly cover music but they’re my favorite.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” says Maleilius. He checks his watch. “I have to go, but I am very happy for the two of you. You’re a great couple, I can tell.”
Maleilius shakes my hand. His skin burns as hot as Zarmenus’s, but his grip is soft and his eyes are kind. Then he gives Zarmenus a hug that reads as more than slightly awkward.
“I knew you’d find love here,” he says. “I knew it.”
As soon as Maleilius disappears through a portal, I turn to my roommate. He’s shoved his hands in his pockets and is rocking back on his heels, as if he’s the picture of perfect innocence. Which he’s not.
“What the hell!” I say, my voice nearly a shout. “Why did you—”
“Shh,” he says, stepping closer and clamping his hand over my mouth. His palm is burning hot. I go quiet. In his eyes is an unmissable desperation, and I feel bad for him. “He can hear us.”
It terrifies me for a moment, and then I figure it must have to do with heightened demonic hearing.
“Okay,” says Zarmenus, his hand falling from my mouth. He stays infuriatingly close. “We should be safe to talk now. He was spying on us for a second.”
“How can you tell?” I ask, taking a step away from him. It’s like moving away from a heater.
“I can sense him,” he says. “I’ve only ever felt it on Earth. But when another demon is nearby, I know.”
“Huh,” I say. I’m not completely sold that he is telling me the truth. I mean, he flat-out lied to his father with no difficulty at all. How can I believe a single word out of his mouth? I cross my arms.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
Where do I even start?
“You said that we’re boyfriends,” I say. Even though he’s said that his father can no longer hear us, and even though I don’t really know why I should bother trying to keep this quiet, I keep my voice down. “We’re not boyfriends. We’re not even dating!”
There’s a siren going off in my mind with the word “boyfriends” repeated over and over.
HE SAID WE’RE BOYFRIENDS, HOW COULD HE DO THAT?
“I know,” he says. “I freaked out. Dad’s always been such a big fan of love and I knew it’d get him off my back.”
I feel like my head is about to explode from sheer emotional overload.
I’ve lived with him long enough to know that humans and demons aren’t that different.
He might have magical abilities, but when push comes to shove he’s like a lot of guys I’ve met: ones who don’t stop and think for a second before they open their mouths.
“You couldn’t have thought of anything else?”
Distantly, I remember what Maleilius said about Zarmenus being attracted to me. There has to be some sort of trick there, right? He isn’t attracted to me. If he was, that would be obvious. Although that’s the least of my concerns right now.
“I panicked,” he says. “I’m sorry.”
“We have to tell them it’s not true,” I say.
“We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“My parents, Dad especially, well, he’s used to getting his way. And if he’s happy about us being boyfriends then he will want us to be boyfriends, no matter what I want. Plus, he’s never been a fan of people who lie to him, which you did just do.”
“Because you made me!”
“Look,” he says. “This is a shit situation, but we can make the most of it.”
“No!” I say, letting everything out. “It’s not a shit situation, it’s a mess that you made. I didn’t do anything, I was just sitting there, and now you, what, want me to pretend to be your boyfriend, which involves lying to the literal king of Hell who apparently hates liars? I can’t.”
“Please,” he says, stepping closer, bringing a wave of heat with him. “There has to be something we can work out.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think there is.”
“Listen, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and if you’re really uncomfortable with us pretending to date, I can call Dad right now and tell him the truth. I don’t want to ruin college for you, Owen. I really don’t.”
That’s for the best. That said, I don’t want to be Zarmenus’s boyfriend by any means, but I can’t help being, I don’t know, a little curious about it. Stuff like this has never happened to me.
No, I’m being ridiculous. It was only last night that I was so frustrated with him I wanted to tear my own hair out. And that’s being his roommate. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be his boyfriend, even if it is fake.
“He’s not going to, like, hurt you or anything, will he?” I ask.
“No!” he says. “Definitely not. But this will be the last straw. He’ll say I can’t be trusted with this task and make me go back to Hell. I’ll tell him it was all me, so you won’t have to deal with him.”
Zarmenus’s shoulders slump. It’s heartbreaking, and even though it’s what I wanted last night, now that it’s staring me right in the face, I’m finding I don’t really want this.
At least not in this way. Living in a different room might be easier, but I don’t want Zarmenus to go back to Hell, especially when he so obviously doesn’t want to.
Plus, there’s my internship to consider.
The deal was I make it to the end of the semester living with Zarmenus, and I show how humans and demons can cohabitate.
If he goes back to Hell, the internship is off the table.
“Hypothetically,” I say, and I can’t really believe I’m even saying these words. “How would it work?”
Zarmenus’s smile makes my heart soar. “We could come to some sort of arrangement.”
“What are you thinking?”
“You would be doing me a huge favor. So, I don’t know, is there anything you want from me? If there’s anything in my power to give you, it’s yours.”
“Leeke already offered me an internship if we can stay together the whole semester,” I say. I haven’t told him about it yet, but now seems like the time for the complete, unfiltered truth. “Together, like, in the room, not together together.”
“She did? Wow, you’ve been keeping secrets, roomie. And you want this internship?”
“More than anything.”
“And you don’t think she’d give it to you if I went back to Hell?”
I shake my head.
“In that case, what if I promise to be a better roommate? You want that, right?” He drops to his knees. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”
I look down at him. “Can you get rid of the ghoul in the bathroom?”
“It’ll be tricky, but I can make some calls, see if I can find an exorcist.”
“Can you fix the carpet?”
“I’ll figure something out.”
I wouldn’t believe him if he didn’t seem so incredibly desperate.
I’m not just doing this because of him, though.
The internship is in the distance, a glittering prize I’d almost given up on after last night.
And really, how hard is it to pretend to be boyfriends with someone?
We already share a room. A lot of couples I knew in high school led pretty separate lives.
We can attend a few events together and make a few cutesy posts and call it a day.
An interview with Vogue, TMZ, or Rolling Stone would be too much, but I’m realizing now I am in the position of power.
If I don’t want to do that, I don’t have to.
“I don’t want to do an interview with any magazines,” I say.
“I understand, but Dad will expect we tell people.”
“We can do something with Point Press, and that’s it, and even then only if Tyrell writes it.”
It could be a great opportunity for Tyrell, and I want him to have that.
“Dad won’t be happy, but that can be arranged. So you’re considering it?”
“I don’t know, it’s so risky.”
“I know I’ve been a bad roommate. And I’m really sorry about that. I promise I’ll be better, just give me this chance. I won’t let you down. Please say yes.”
Am I seriously considering this?
It shocks me that I am. It’s wild, especially to leap into something so quickly, but this could actually be a good idea. If he’s true to his word, then this could solve all my current problems.
“What if I meet someone I want to actually date?” I ask.
“Then we break it off or figure something out,” he says. “Do we have a deal?”
I look around the room. It’s somehow already messy. Bell is on my desk, licking her paws.
“Fine,” I say. “But if you go back to how you were before, I’m calling it.”
“Done.”
“And,” I say, “we have to end it by the end of the semester, no matter what.”
“I’ll be going back to Hell then, so that’s easy.”
I remember Ashley.
“I have to tell Ashley,” I say. “I can’t lie to her.”
“Can you guarantee she won’t tell anyone else?”
“I can,” I say. “Actually, she’ll have to tell her boyfriend, Jackson. But they’re the only two.”
I don’t love the idea of lying to Tyrell because we’ve been becoming good friends and this could ruin that, but if I am going to do this, I can’t see any other workaround. Tyrell knowing our relationship is fake would be way too risky: he could expose us to the entire world in one video.
“I need you to swear to me,” he says, serious. “Nobody else can know. Tyrell especially.”
It does hurt, because it means lying to him for the entire semester. But I can’t see any way around it.
“Fine, I swear I won’t tell anyone other than Ashley and Jackson.”
He jumps to his feet and offers me his hand. What’s that saying about making a deal with the devil? In every story that’s always a mistake. It might seem like you’re getting something out of it, but the devil always wins in the end.
Those are all stories, though. They’re not real.
I shake his hand, and the deal is done.