Chapter Forty-Two
Zarmenus is sitting up on his bed, scrolling on his phone, like he’s been waiting for us. Our room wasn’t messy, but it’s still obvious he’s cleaned, as our space smells like cleaning spray. I’m also relieved to see that it looks normal.
“Hey,” I say, as I let them in. “Zarmenus, this is Ashley and Jackson. Ashley, Jackson, this is Zarmenus.”
Zarmenus gets out of bed, and offers his hand to Ashley. She shakes his hand, unruffled by the formality.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” says Zarmenus.
“Likewise,” says Ashley. “You were a pretty horrible roommate when you first moved in.”
“I was,” he says as he scrubs the back of his head with his hand. “But I’m better now.”
“We know,” blurts Jackson. “We know you two are fake dating.”
“Jesus,” says Ashley, and she pulls our dorm room closed. Normally I don’t notice it, but with four people in here it’s obvious how this is truly a small space. “What part about fake dating don’t you get?”
“Sorry,” says Jackson. “I’m new to this whole thing. I’m a bad liar.”
“It’s fine,” says Zarmenus as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Owen told me he told you, we’re good.”
“I’m sorry,” Ashley says to me. “I had to tell Jackson.”
“Don’t be! It’s totally fine. I expected you to.”
It gets a little awkward, the silence stretching on for a few seconds longer than what’s comfortable.
“So,” says Zarmenus. “What’s it like being pregnant?”
“Buckets of fun,” says Ashley. “I highly recommend it.”
It gets awkward again. I think it’s because it’s clear everyone here wants it to go well, and it’s applying a lot of pressure.
“Er,” says Jackson. “What’s it like dating Owen?”
“It’s fun,” says Zarmenus, not even taking a heartbeat to think about it. “To be honest it’s a shame it has to end.”
“You’re breaking up?” asks Jackson. “Nobody told me this.”
“It’s news to me, too,” says Ashley as she crosses her arms.
“You didn’t tell them?” asks Zarmenus.
I feel like I’m on stage with a big spotlight on me.
“Why are you breaking up?” asks Ashley. “I thought it was going well?”
“He’s going back to Hell,” I say.
“I have to,” says Zarmenus. “It’s not my choice. Besides, Owen has done enough. My parents are happy with me, and I haven’t been chased off Earth with pitchforks.”
“I thought those were your thing,” says Jackson. “Joking.”
“I like you,” says Zarmenus.
Bell appears right beside Jackson’s feet. Jackson reacts in the appropriate way when an animal appears out of nowhere, and jumps backward so hard and fast that he stumbles and nearly trips over into the closet.
“There’s a cat!” he says. “It came out of nowhere!”
“You must be Bell,” says Ashley, and she bends down to pet her. “You’re so cute. Don’t try and steal my soul, okay? Because you will regret it.”
Bell rolls over to show her belly. Her eyes are so big they are almost cartoon-like, and aren’t showing any of the usual terrors.
“I need a second to talk this through with just Owen,” she says. “Boys, entertain yourselves.”
As we’re leaving, Jackson picks up the basketball on the floor and tosses it into the hoop, getting it in on his first throw.
Luckily for Ashley and me, the dorm kitchen is empty. As soon as the door shuts, Ashley turns to me.
“Why didn’t you tell me you like him?”
I’m too stunned to speak.
She steps closer. “And you did something, too, didn’t you?” Her eyes widen. “You kissed?”
I’m seriously starting to think she has the ability to read minds. I could lie, but she’ll see right through that.
“Fine, yes, we kissed. But it was weeks ago.”
She gasps. “You dirty scoundrel! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you’d think it means I like him.”
“But you do like him.”
“We’re pretending, remember? We got good at faking it.”
She puts her hand on my arm. “Sweetie, no. We’re past that. I’m your best friend, you think I can’t tell when you like someone?”
I plant my feet. “No, actually.”
“Are you referring to your crush on Jackson? I know about that.”
My mouth drops open. She knew? How? And why didn’t she say anything? Now that the crush I had on Jackson has passed, I feel like I can actually say how I felt. It’s way less dangerous, because it’s a past-tense crush, not the one I am presently afflicted with.
“You knew?” I ask.
“Of course I knew,” she says. “I love you, but sometimes you’re really obvious.
Like at Emily’s pool party last summer, you blushed so hard when Jackson took his shirt off.
And then when he bear-hugged you to try and throw you in the pool and you flipped out?
It wasn’t very platonic. I kept wondering if you would talk to me about it. Why didn’t you, by the way?”
“I didn’t know how,” I say. “I didn’t want things to be weird. You aren’t upset?”
“You can’t control crushes. And you would never do anything with him, not after we became official. But that’s in the past. Are you going to tell Zarmenus how you feel?”
“Um, no.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not real for him!”
“Wow, I really was needed here. It’s obviously real for him, too. He’s almost as easy to read as you are.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I’m not. I don’t do that. O, trust me, he likes you.”
I don’t buy it, even if there is a part of me that wishes he actually likes me. But I know in my heart that’s not the truth. Zarmenus is the most confident person I’ve ever met. If he liked me in that way, he would just tell me.
“We should go back,” I say.
“Seriously, trust me. He likes you. You need to tell him.”
Ashley’s advice has never steered me wrong in the past. But with this, I’m still not sure.
It’s too risky. As much as I’ve changed since coming here, I’m never going to be someone who takes that big of a swing.
It’s just not who I am.