Chapter 14
“ D o you know where the duke has gone?” Cordelia asked Mary. Her sister-in-law was still swaying softly with the piano music. “Mary?” Cordelia said again, louder this time since she was not certain if she was being heard properly or not.
Dorian had been there, looking tense and uncomfortable on the sidelines when she had started her dance. Then, he was gone by the time she finished. If he was upset, then perhaps he ought to have accepted the invitation to dance with her in the first place. But he had declined.
“I think that he might have gone outside?” Mary answered, leaning close so that she would not have to speak too loudly either. “If he wishes to spend his evening sulking, then you might as well let him. There is simply no talking to him when he gets into this state.”
Cordelia nodded. She knew that Mary and her brother had been fighting more often as well. There were far too many unspoken things around this house. All she wanted was for everybody to have an outlet to uncoil some of the tension. She could hardly fathom what Dorian would be like with his guard down, but at least Mary seemed to be enjoying the party. She had gone through so much trouble in planning everything.
“I will only be a moment then, all right?” Cordelia explained, squeezing Mary’s arm before leaving the room.
She had not made it far before Matthew interrupted her with a bright smile. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
“I shall be but a moment,” she repeated to Matthew, not wanting to be interrupted. It was obvious that Matthew did not wish to allow her to walk away from him so easily, but she would not be stopped. She was on a mission. “Please, enjoy another drink on my behalf.”
“Cordelia, I…”
“I’m sorry, Matthew. I have to speak to my husband.”
Matthew blocked her path for only a moment before conceding and sidestepping her as if she needed permission to move freely about her own home. She did not allow herself the time to question his motives or why he suddenly needed to monitor her when he had never done that before. Instead, she focused on searching for Dorian.
Why was he so stubborn? She could not understand why he could not talk about his feelings like a normal person? Had she not attempted to make herself available to him when it had seemed as if he needed to speak to her? Then again, those few times they were alone, things had ended, well… there had been very little talking. This rift between them was so infuriating.
What is his glass doing here? Perhaps he is wandering through the gardens?
She had only taken a few steps out onto the lawns, bracing against the cold night air when the skies above opened up, fat droplets pelting down all around her without any warning or pretense. She had nothing to shield her from the downpour. Panic gripped her. The world around her started to become hazy as the clouds gathered and darkened.
Despite her efforts to breathe through the building panic that tightened and squeezed her chest, she felt herself like a child all over again. It was her nightmares come to life. This time it was so much worse because she could not even cling to the safety of being indoors. For years and years, she had done everything in her power to avoid the rain. She did not dare step foot outside in storms. When she could manage it, she sat in front of warm, cozy fires to ensure that the demons of her past would not plague her.
So many years had passed and yet the moment the sky got too dark, she was a child.
The same fear threatened to swallow her. Cordelia flinched every time the sky illuminated with a bolt of lightning overhead. The claps of thunder nearly took her to her knees as tears ran freely down her face. She could not stop them; she could not even feel her limbs as she trembled, staggering in the darkness as she was.
In her mind’s eye, she was that same little girl, her dress snagging on brambles and thorns, her slip soaked through, and her toes cold as she cried out for help, for anyone to come and help her. Cordelia’s hand curled into the fabric of her dress over her chest, squeezing tightly and trying to find some relief from the panic, but it did not work. She felt as if the rain were trying to drown her.
Memories from the past that she had kept so deeply repressed started to swim to the surface, memories of her stumbling into a clearing in her childhood home. The garden maze opened up in front of her child form, and a tiny sliver of hope bubbled up inside of her chest as she hurled herself toward perceived shelter. Anything would do, so long as it got her out of the rain. Only, in her memory… there was somebody already standing at the door of that shelter.
Remembering even just that much made a headache build at the base of her skull and stemmed upward like the same lightning that was terrifying her. Dizziness came next, and she was terrified that she was going to pass out. She could not allow that to happen. What if nobody came here, what if nobody found her?
Panic blinded her, making her wholly forget her mission as she took off across the lawns in the direction of the closest shelter. Cordelia’s feet moved of their own accord, no path or destination in mind. The only thing that she knew that she needed was shelter, a roof, and four walls. That was the only thing that mattered. She ran toward the greenhouse, as it was closest. Until today, the doors had been chained and locked. It did not occur to her to question the rusted hinges or the grimy glass panels shaking as she yanked open the door and threw herself inside.
The pungent scent of old soil and overgrown plants assaulted her instantly. It wrapped around her like a blanket as she moved further into the greenhouse, overwhelmed by the untamed beauty all around her. It needed a lot of work, but it was so distracting to finally see the inside of the marvelous structure that she almost forgot about the storm. She was dripping all over the floor, shuddering from the lingering chill making her shudder.
A noise came from further in the greenhouse, the sounds of shuffling that froze her in place.