22. Iris
Chapter twenty-two
Iris
I call Tessa and ask if I can borrow her bicycle and helmet.
“Are you at Sebastian’s?” she squeals.
“Shh,” I say.
“Yes! You’re dating! This is great,” Tessa says. “And yes, definitely you can borrow my bicycle and helmet.”
I turn to Sebastian. “Tessa just told everybody there.”
“I’m happy for everybody to know it,” Sebastian says.
I say goodbye and hang up. “But I’m not sure we should be public at work.”
“Why not?” Sebastian nuzzles my neck.
I get distracted, kissing him back, but eventually recall my surroundings.
“You know, my boss is kind of a jerk, and what with Raphael’s firing and everything going on, I just don’t want to deal with any negative comments about us dating. I’d rather keep it to ourselves for now.”
“That makes sense,” Sebastian says. “But we should tell Lily and Rupert. I don’t want them to be the last to find out.”
“We should have invited them over for breakfast,” I say.
“If they’re up.” Sebastian pulls me into his arms. “Anyway, I wanted you to myself for this morning.”
“It’s 11:30,” I say. “And her dad is visiting. I’m sure they’re up.”
I call Lily as Sebastian calls Rupert.
“I’m so happy!” Lily says. “This is perfect. We’re about to walk over to my apartment because my dad is staying there. Let’s meet up.”
“We’re about to walk over to Tessa and Zeke’s to pick up a helmet,” I say. “And Sebastian says we have to stop by Levain Bakery.”
“Oh. That’s a good idea. We’ll go with you. My dad loves their cookies, and we should pick up some things from Fairway,” Lily says. “We can meet in the lobby.”
T he four of us stop in front of the Levain Bakery on 74 th Street. It’s a small space, a set of steps leading down to the glass-fronted store with its name in bright-blue script on the front window. Above it is a waxing place. There’s no line out the door yet, but the inside looks crowded.
Sebastian and Rupert stay outside holding Sebastian’s bicycle while Lily and I go inside. About six people are smooshed into the space in front of the counter, and with us, no more can fit inside. We find our place in the line, next to a wooden shelf counter that intersects the window.
Outside, Rupert is clapping Sebastian on the back, and Sebastian is blushing. I smile.
Lily nudges me with her shoulder.
“I’m so happy for you,” Lily says. “I was wondering last night when you guys disappeared so quickly off the dance floor. I thought you two would hit it off. I’m counting this as a matchmaking win for me.”
I blush. “Last night was pretty magical.”
Lily grins. “Sebastian also looks really happy. I wasn’t expecting him to look quite so delighted to not be single. This couldn’t have all just happened last night?”
“There’s been an ongoing flirtation for a few weeks—because we see each other at the office.”
“That’s good. What did you think of Melody? She’s cool, right? I just don’t understand how she could choose Wim over Sebastian.”
“That’s exactly it,” I say. “What if she realizes her fiancé is a jerk and decides she wants Sebastian back? Won’t Sebastian return to her? He’s been in love with her for years.”
“I don’t think he’s that kind of guy,” Lily says.
“Well, I don’t want him to stay with me out of some misplaced loyalty either. That’s even worse.”
We move a few spaces up and stand by the glass counter. Behind the counter, bakers in blue smocks are sliding large trays of cookies into tall metal racks on wheels. Another baker is measuring scoops of cookie dough to put on a sheet pan.
“He must be over her. He looks at you like he really likes you,” Lily says. “I don’t think he’s still in love with her.”
We give our orders to the server. Mine is always chocolate chip walnut, but Lily also orders a chocolate-chocolate chip for her dad.
“Does your dad like Rupert?” I ask.
“He loves him,” Lily says. “Their first meeting went really well, and tonight our families are getting together. I think my dad will really like his family too. I think he was worried they wouldn’t be very down-to-earth, but his parents are. And his grandfather is a treat, even if we don’t always agree.”
As we jog up the steps, Tessa and Zeke arrive with the bicycle and helmet for me. Since they were on their way out, they figured they would bring it over.
“We need a girls’ night with ice cream to celebrate,” Tessa says to me.
“Yes,” I say.
T he Hudson River is a dark blue today. Sebastian and I cycle single file on the bike path under the steel columns that hold the highway above us and then down the Hudson Greenway. The breeze is cold, but I warm up quickly as I pedal. Sebastian suggests I stay behind him so he shields me from the wind off the Hudson.
Wooden posts stand in the water, the remains of what used to be a pier—now perfect perches for seagulls.
Sebastian looks back and smiles at me.
Piers with parks pop up every once in a while. We pass a Department of Sanitation outpost with sand outside and then Little Island and some more developed piers. When the road widens, we bike side by side. It feels good to be outside, enjoying the view of the water and the fresh air.
And it feels good to be with Sebastian. I want to pinch myself—to assure myself that this is real and that last night really happened. And now we’re spending the day together. It feels both too easy and too exhilarating—like I want to just sit in my room, grab my pillow, and jump up and down that this is happening—but a small frisson of fear wavers underneath. Am I falling too fast? Does he really feel the same way? Did we just decide to do a “fling” but not say that openly? What if Melody does realize her mistake?
I can’t go through that kind of heartache again.
Farther south, we encounter a pier I think is new. It seems like I should have seen it before, but there’s been so much development along this trail that maybe I missed it. But it’s all improvements, so it’s good to embrace the new, even if it means feeling like parts of New York City which should be familiar are not.
I have to trust Sebastian.
I don’t even think it’s possible for me to hold back my feelings. They’re overflowing like the Hudson at high tide during a severe rainstorm.
We turn left at Clarkson Street, cross the West Side Highway at the intersection, and ride down a cobble-stoned street away from the river and into the West Village. We follow the green bike lane of Bleeker Street as it meanders through the narrow streets, curving every once in a while . Small colorful shops with picturesque fronts dot the street.
We pass by the NYU campus buildings, their purple flags waving in the air, clearly proclaiming school pride. Chinatown is next. Then Bleeker Street ends abruptly at Bowery, an open and wide two-way thoroughfare. We stop in front of a colorful mural of Blondie, part of a street art project, covering the entire front of a building. There’s her iconic pose in a white dress, her arms akimbo, in front of the guys all dressed in black suits. We dismount and walk our bicycles down to East Houston then turn to stroll a few blocks over to Katz’s Delicatessen. A line of people waiting to eat winds down the street.
“We can leave the bikes at my parents’ house,” I say. “But then they’ll probably invite us in for lunch. Maybe we should go straight to the Essex Market. We can take turns going inside so one of us can watch the bikes. Are there any gifts you need to get?”
“I’ll take a quick look, but I usually get my family books, chocolate, and warm socks. It’s easy and usually well-received,” Sebastian says. “But I’d definitely like to check it out because I didn’t even know this existed. I’m not that familiar with the Lower East Side, other than coming here for dinner or to go to a bar.”
“Okay, you go first, and then I’ll run in and grab us some food and the coffee beans,” I say. “I actually bought my parents their gifts during the company retreat in France.”
“Sounds good,” Sebastian says.
Essex Market is now on the corner of Delancey and Essex and has become a very upscale establishment. Sebastian goes in first, and I watch the passersby. Two young men dressed in sweats head for the gym across the street, their duffel bags slung over their shoulders. A woman in heels hurries by, a coffee in her hand. Another person walks by with an enormous button as a necklace.
Sebastian comes out with a bag of coffee. “I thought I might as well buy some for my parents.”
I run in and buy two bags of coffee beans at Porto Mark Importing Company. Then I pick up two cheeseburger empanadas and Khao main gai at Eat Gai.
Sebastian is outside, studying his phone, the bikes leaning against a wall plastered with concert posters. He looks up, and a huge smile envelops his face. As I near, he kisses me on the lips hello.
“We can go to Sara Roosevelt Park and sit there,” I say. “There’s also a dumpling place we should stop by. They have the best dumplings—and the cheapest. Maddie found it.”
“I’ll follow you,” he says.
I place the bags of coffee and two dishes in my basket, and we bike down to King Dumpling, a very small place on the corner of Hestor. Graffiti covers the building. A huge menu hangs in one glass window. I run inside to order six dumplings for $2, and then we walk our bicycles over to the park. We find a bench and sit. Sebastian lets out an mmm as he eats the first dumpling.
“This is an amazing find.”
“Right?”
“Shouldn’t we stop by your parents’?” Sebastian asks. “I feel like I should introduce myself more formally or something—that you’re not just sneaking off in the night to be with me.”
“That your intentions are honorable?” I ask, almost holding my breath.
Sebastian smiles wryly. “Yes.”
I release my breath.
He glances at me, tilting his head.
“Were you worried about that?” he asks.
How can he read me so well?
A shadow briefly passes over his face. “This isn’t a fling for you, right?”
“No.” I reach out to hold his hand. “Definitely not. But you mentioned flings, and then last night happened so quickly that I just got worried. I’m probably a little overly sensitive because of what happened with Patrick.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re right that we didn’t talk much last night. But I really do like you, and I wouldn’t have kissed you last night if I wasn’t serious.”
“Do you think you’re over Melody?” I might as well address what concerns me.
He pauses. “Yes. I’m not in love with her anymore. I still care for her as a friend, but not as a potential partner.”
There was a definite pause. But the warmth in his gaze makes me want to believe him.
“Are you over Patrick?”
“Definitely,” I say. Without a pause. “And not just because he cheated, although that does have a way of killing any remaining feelings. But even before that, we’d been having so many issues. He begrudged me the hours I worked for my job. So why do you think you’re not in love with Melody anymore?”
He frowns.
What am I doing? This is the worst conversation to be having the day after. I’m looking like some insecure needy woman. And I’m not. But I also don’t want to be the consolation prize.
“Because just a week ago, you said you still had feelings,” I say.
Shouldn’t I have asked these questions before last night? I was just so caught up in the magic last night that I didn’t stop to think.
“I thought I still had feelings—that was my default for so long, but I’ve probably been over Melody for a while. I realized I was over her this week—because of you. I wanted to be alone with you. And not with Melody. And that’s never happened before. And even before that, I haven’t even called Melody to do any of our usual holiday activities, like seeing the Rockefeller tree lighting.”
He releases my hand and takes my face into his hands. “But I know why I like you. I like the fact that you stand up for what you believe in. I like that you’re willing to take risks and think outside the box. I like your loyalty to your friends. You’re smart. You make me laugh. And boy, do I want to kiss you. I’ve been fighting that ever since I saw your underwear. Although you do look cute in my boxers.”
His hands are so warm on my face.
“Maybe we should take a trip to Ikea and buy a set of Ikea drawers for your clothes in my apartment. You could move in,” Sebastian says, and the way he looks at me, I know I don’t have to worry about Melody.
And I want to say yes .
But I’m still scared.
I moved into Patrick’s apartment, and I resolved not to do that again.
“I’m moving too fast.”
“Maybe,” I say. “It’s just I thought I’d get my own apartment this time.” He nods, but I fear he’s thinking that my intentions aren’t serious.
I reach out to him and grab his hand. He turns to look at me.
“But then I didn’t expect to fall so hard for you,” I say. “I’m sorry. My head is still catching up to my heart.”
His eyes are intent on mine, his expression open and sincere. “I’m not going to cheat on you, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m worried you’ll break my heart,” I say.
“But that means you really like me.”
“Are you being a lawyer again?”
“It’s only fair because I think you found the hole in my defenses. I’m probably the one who’s going to get my heart broken, not you. When you steal away with it.”
“My intentions are honorable too,” I say.
I shiver at the way he’s looking at me.
“You’re cold. I didn’t think.” Sebastian slips off his scarf and wraps it around my neck. It smells of him and is so warm.
“Thank you.”
He grins crookedly and pulls the edges of my collar towards him, shifting me closer.
“But I know another way to warm you up.”