Chapter 30
thirty
. . .
Lulu
I woke up feeling like the world was ending.
Yet it was the most exciting day of my life.
Was I sick?
I even tried playing the “Rocky” theme song on my phone while I showered in hopes that it would get me pumped up for my big day—that was a hard no.
I was in a slump.
I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
You’re not sick. You’re moving to Paris. You’re living your best life.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep that had stolen the excitement from me. Rafe and I had stayed up most of the night having sex.
As if we were given a few hours to live, and we took advantage of every last second.
But neither of us were dying. We were just saying goodbye.
I’ve never minded goodbyes in the past. I had always loved moving on to new things. I’ve always been the first one to leave family functions.
But leaving Rosewood River. Leaving Rafe Chadwick.
It didn’t feel right.
Rafe came around the corner, holding my favorite periwinkle velvet scrunchie in his hand before setting it on the bathroom counter in front of me. “I don’t want you to forget this.”
He seemed perfectly fine this morning.
I was the one who was struggling.
Maybe he was happy to get back to his regular life. After all, this had started as a game.
Maybe he played along until the end.
I wasn’t thinking clearly. Last night, when we were having sex, I swear he was about to tell me that he loved me. It was the way that he looked at me. The way his fingers had intertwined with mine, and he held my stare. The way he started to speak and then stopped himself.
Maybe I was misreading everything.
“Oh, thanks. Are you packed up?” I asked, my tone quieter than usual.
“Yep,” he said, as he leaned in the doorway. “I’ll head home after I drop you at the airport.”
We agreed that he’d drop me at the airport, and we wouldn’t make it a big deal.
But it suddenly felt like a really big deal.
We were both packing up and going back to our regular lives.
And that’s what I asked for. What I wanted.
But come on, throw a girl a bone.
He could at least fake being a little sad. He probably already had a date for tonight.
Now, I was fuming as I applied my mascara and stormed past him. I slapped the scrunchie into his hand. “Keep it. It’ll be something to remember me by.”
He chuckled like this was a big freaking joke. “It’s your favorite, Lu.”
No. You’re my favorite, you dumb, clueless boy.
“I have more than one, Rafe. It’s not going to kill you to keep one thing of mine, is it?”
He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and tugged me against his chest as his arms came around me. “I know what you’re doing.”
“What am I doing?” I grumped, feeling the lump in my throat grow thicker.
“You’re trying to pick a fight right before we leave for the airport. Of course, I’d love to keep your scrunchie. Hell, I’ll keep anything you want to leave because I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”
I sighed. That was better. “Thank you. I’m just feeling a little anxious.”
“Yeah, it’s a big move. But you’re going to kick ass, and we both know it.”
“That was really nice of your parents to have that going away dinner for me last night,” I said, sniffing a few times as my head rested on his shoulder.
“It was nice. Everyone is going to miss you,” he said, clearing his throat. “Henley was pretty quiet.”
“She and I always hate saying goodbye.” I shrugged, stepping back and swiping beneath my eyes as a single tear broke free. “But she’s coming to visit me as soon as I’m settled.”
“That’s what she said. That’ll be fun.” He stared out the bedroom window as if he were a million miles away.
I tried to shake off my funk as I followed him out to the kitchen, and he poured us each a cup of coffee. The framed photo of him and me out by the river that Henley had taken just days before was sitting on the counter. She gave each of us a copy. I already packed mine, and I stared down at his: my back to his chest as I tipped my head back and kissed him. We were both wearing white tops and jeans, the water splashing at our ankles, as if we were in our own world. We hadn’t even realized she’d snapped the photo.
We looked happy.
Ridiculously happy.
My phone rang, and it was a FaceTime call from Jared. He, Clara, and Monique all came into view just as Rafe moved to stand behind me so we could both say hello.
“ Bonjour , bitches!” they all shouted at the same time.
“Hey,” Rafe and I said with a sliver of their enthusiasm.
“Oh, my, we’re in a mood this morning,” Jared said.
“No, we’re fine. We just didn’t get a ton of sleep.” I shrugged.
“I’ll bet you didn’t, with that handsome devil keeping you up all night,” Monique said as she waggled her brows.
Rafe and I stared at the screen with zero expression.
I had zero sense of humor at the moment.
“All right, girl, we’re going to let you guys have your time together,” Clara said, shooting a look at the two people beside her. “Call us when you land in Paris.”
“Yes. We want to see you with a baguette in hand, and not Rafe’s baguette,” Jared said as he barked out a laugh and winked and then gaped into the camera. “Nothing? Really? Rafe’s baguette gets me crickets? Very disappointed in you two this morning.”
“It was funny,” Rafe said, forcing a smile, as it was clear that he was now in an equally bad mood, too.
Grumpiness was contagious, and I was a super spreader.
I tried to rally. I dug deep. I forced a smile. One of those awkward smiles where you force your lips apart to show your teeth, but there’s no joy there. That was the smile I was giving. “ Au revoir .”
“All righty then. Talk soon.” They ended the call, and Rafe dropped to sit, my scrunchie now on his wrist. And that earned the first smile of the day. I glanced at his other wrist, where he wore the bracelet I made him. He never took it off, and I was flattered because I knew it meant something to him.
I pushed to my feet and walked over to where my purse sat on the counter, bringing over my most recent creation that I made for Rafe this week. I was hesitant to give it to him now, as I’d planned to give it to him when I said goodbye at the airport.
“I was playing around with some new designs, and I made you one more.” I handed it to him. “We’re thinking of doing a men’s line, and I thought I’d try this out and see what you think. It’s a stainless steel-linked chain with a super rare brown ion stone. We’ll make engraving an optional addition.”
He studied the links and then the plate where I’d carefully engraved the name Rafael . “This is gorgeous. You used your new engraver.”
“I did. You were my first.”
So many firsts with this man. I always thought that my first love was a bust because I’d wasted it on someone unworthy. But the truth was, that epic kind of love that you read about in books, I experienced it for the first time with a man I never saw coming.
It was the first time that I’ve ever experienced anything like this.
Right place. Wrong time.
He clasped it around his wrist and stared down at both of them resting there together before pushing to his feet.
“I got you a little something, too. It’s nothing big because I don’t know how to make anything, so I can’t compete with this,” he said, pointing at his wrist as he handed me a pink gift bag.
I looked inside and pulled out a pair of periwinkle fuzzy socks.
A large bag of gummy bears.
A desk sign that read Boss Lady .
“You are speaking my love language right now,” I said with a laugh.
“I know you hate it when your feet are cold, so you’ll have these for the plane. And I don’t think gummy bears are very popular in France, so you have these for the plane, and I stuck a ten-pound bag in your luggage already.”
“Wow. You’ve thought of everything. And the desk sign is a nice touch.”
“You need to let them know who’s boss,” he said.
“So do you. I know Joseph was pissed off about this past weekend, but you were born to lead, Rafe Chadwick. He knows it, too, and I think it terrifies him.” I tucked the items in my carry-on bag as I spoke.
“We’re not worrying about me today. Today is about you.” He carried our coffee mugs to the sink and glanced down at his watch. “And we need to get you to the airport.”
It was time to go.
I glanced around Easton’s house and remembered that first day that I arrived. The way he startled the hell out of me, and I punched him in the throat.
It was the start of something beautiful.
And today was the start of a new chapter.
So, I pushed away the lump in my throat and tipped my chin up. “Let’s do this.”
We were both quiet on the drive, and I glanced down to see a slew of texts from Henley telling me that she missed me already.
I stared out the window, watching the mountains move by in a blur.
“Thank you for everything,” I said, as he pulled up to the small airport and put the truck in park.
“You have nothing to thank me for. I’m the lucky one in this deal.” He unbuckled my seat belt and tugged me onto his lap. “Thanks for the best three months I’ve ever had, Wildcat.”
Don’t cry.
Do not freaking cry.
You are not that hysterical airport girl.
You own your own business, and you’re moving to Paris.
I wrapped my arms around him, just as someone pounded on the window. “You can’t park here.”
I jumped off his lap, and Rafe opened his door and came around to get mine before growling at the asshole who’d banged on our window for no reason.
“You do realize that no one is here, right, Burt?” Rafe hissed, as the man wearing an airport security outfit stood there with his arms folded over his chest.
“It’s the rules, Rafe. Doesn’t matter if I like you, I can’t break them just for you.”
Rafe glanced around. We were literally the only car in passenger drop-off.
He moved to the back of the truck and pulled out my luggage, and I slipped my backpack over my shoulders.
Rafe wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, not saying a word.
There was nothing left to say.
Burt decided that was a perfect time to blow a whistle right behind me, and we both startled.
“For fuck’s sake, Burt!” Rafe shouted.
“I’m going to have to ticket you. My supervisor is watching,” the older man said.
“It’s fine. I’m going.” I shook my head a few times as I looked at Rafe, blinking rapidly so that I didn’t cry. “Thanks for the ride.”
Thanks for the ride?
Those were my parting words.
He just stood there, watching me. “Yeah. Of course. Safe travels, Lu.”
“It’s about time,” Burt grumped as I walked past him, and I flipped him the bird.
He ruined my airport moment.
I hadn’t said anything that I wanted to say.
And I might not see Rafe for a very long time.
Who knew what would happen?
He’d probably be married to a beautiful woman, and they’d have equally gorgeous children the next time I saw him.
The tears were streaming down my face, and panic set in. I turned around as he was rounding the truck. I dropped my backpack on the ground and left my suitcase beside it, and I started sprinting.
“Wait!” I called out, and he turned around just as I lunged my body into his arms.
But he wasn’t prepared, and he stumbled back, slamming into his truck as he went all the way down to the ground, with me on top of him.
He just lay there at the back of his truck, laughing. He pushed the hair away from my face. “Did you forget something, Wildcat?”
“I forgot to tell you that I’ll miss you. That it’s been the best three months of my life, too. And that’s all because of you.”
He pushed forward, sitting up before moving to his feet and taking me with him.
“It’s fitting that you would pummel me when you said goodbye because it’s kind of your thing.” He smiled down at me.
Tears were running down my face now, and I didn’t even care. Burt blew his whistle, and I turned around and shouted at him. “Zip it, Burt. Let me say goodbye properly, or I’ll be taking you out next.”
He held his hands up and shook his head. “Fine. You’ve got two minutes, Blondie.”
“Oh, I see how you are. You only bend the rules for a pretty girl.”
Burt held his hands up in the air and turned his back to us.
“Thanks for coming back,” he said, swiping at the tears that were running down my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “Don’t cry, beautiful.”
I wanted to say it.
It was on the tip of my tongue.
I love you. I can’t stay, but I love you.
“I’m sorry for the back pain that you’ll wake up with tomorrow,” I said, as my voice wobbled.
“It’ll be worth it. Any pain I feel tomorrow, Lulu, it was all worth it.” There was so much more behind that statement, and we both knew it. The pain in his back would be nothing compared to the pain we’d both feel waking up alone.
He leaned down and kissed me.
A security car pulled up with flashing lights, and Rafe rolled his eyes. “I’m going.”
“I’ve got to get to my flight anyway. I’ll miss you, Rafael.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” he said, glancing down at his watch. “Go chase those dreams, Wildcat.”
I nodded. And then I turned on my heels, grabbed my bags, and started running toward my gate.
Running toward my future.
But I knew in that moment that I’d just left my heart behind.