Chapter Twenty
Elijah
When Mom picked me up at the airport yesterday, she was so excited that I could barely comprehend half of the words she started spewing at me.
The drive back to her house was spent catching me up on all of the drama I’d missed in the past few weeks.
Such as her best friend Andrea starting her divorce from her husband Jeremy, and my sister Jess getting a raise at the firm she works for.
The Camrys are also hosting a Halloween party for the family, which is just another excuse for everyone to gather around and drink and socialize while they hand out candy.
I took in all this new information and eventually began tuning her out when she started in on the info dump about the women from her yoga class.
I then spent most of the day watching Mom panic-clean the house, then the rest of the night in my old bedroom, my full-size bed just barely able to hold my adult body comfortably.
But my grey sheets and Transformer posters were comforting to stare at, and this morning I was awoken to pumpkin pancakes and apple cider—just as I always was on Halloween.
As I head downstairs to eat, I find Carrie and Jess at the dining room table and Mom at the stove.
“Where are Jeff and Kyle?” I ask. My sisters’ husbands never stray too far, so I look around wearily.
I like them both, but they tend to be as loud and lovey as my actual family members.
Mom lands a wet kiss onto my cheek and hands me a plate, watching joyfully as I take a seat next to Carrie.
“In the garage with Dad, probably,” Jess says. “They’ve been tinkering with that old car Dad bought on eBay.”
“Boys! Breakfast!” Mom yells through the door that leads into the connecting garage, turning back to the stove to plate more pancakes.
“Harry, I’m telling you—we need to spray it red. Red is a classic color!” Kyle’s voice carries into the room as the three men trek inside, my father wiping his dirty hands onto a thin rag.
“Morning, Eli!” Dad greets, the wrinkles at the corner of his large hazel eyes crinkling as he grins.
“Hey, Dad. Having fun?” I ask him, ducking as he ruffles my hair on his way to plop down at the head of the table.
Jeff claps my back affectionately as he sits on the other side of Carrie, and Kyle rounds the table to sit across from me.
“Of course he is, I’m here,” Jeff cuts in, pouring himself a glass of milk from the carton placed in the center of the long table.
Jess rolls her eyes from her place across from Carrie. “Such an egotistical ass—”
“Happy Halloween, everyone!” Mom shouts, sitting down to the left of Dad.
“Happy scary day, Mom,” Carrie responds, grinning around her steaming mug of cider.
“It’s so nice to see everyone together again!”
“Mom, the only one who isn’t here almost every day is Eli,” Jess deadpans, and Mom frowns.
“My point exactly. It’s nice to have everyone here again.”
“It’s only been a little under three weeks,” I add, and Dad sighs.
“Let your mother enjoy this, or so help me I will hide all of the booze in this house,” he threatens.
“No!” Jeff and Kyle shout in unison. Laughter goes up around the table.
I may like giving my mom a hard time, and I may be a mostly emotionless fuck, but I am happy to be around familiar faces again.
Fort Myers is nice, and I’m happy to have escaped—but in the midst of all of this Rowan drama, I need some family time.
“What will everyone be dressed as tonight?” Carrie asks, stacking another pancake onto her plate. “Jeff and I are going to be The Grady sisters from The Shining.”
“Well, that will be interesting to see,” I say.
Jeff shoots me a grin. “I look great in a wig.”
“I’m going to be The Cat in the Hat,” Kyle announces proudly.
“He’s not joking,” Jess adds. “I’m just throwing together the vampire costume I did last year.”
“You’re so lame,” Carrie insults, glaring pointedly at our sister.
“One of us has a big girl job they’re busy focusing on, Carrie.”
“Teaching America’s next generation is a big girl job, Jess.”
“Girls!” Mom chastises.
“I’m going to be Peter from Family Guy,” Dad interjects, and that makes everyone laugh. “Obviously, Mom will be Louis.”
All eyes suddenly turn to me, waiting for my declaration.
“Oh, I wasn’t intending on—”
“Nope! You’re not coming home for Halloween to be the only Camry not dressed up. I’ll help you figure something out.” Carrie grins, adding another scoop of scrambled eggs to my already unfinished plate as she cuts me off.
I sigh in defeat. “Thanks, Car.”
The rest of breakfast carries on in this same manner.
Carrie and Jess bicker endlessly, and their husbands lighten the mood with countless jokes and jabs. Mom and Dad smile sweetly at us kids as they eat and admire their little family.
It’s familiar, and it’s safe. I do my best to stay attentive and to interact, but some part of me is constantly stuck on the nagging in my chest.
A part of me was left behind in North Dakota—a piece of my consciousness kept securely in the palm of Rowan’s warm hands.
Every time Kyle or Jeff turns their loving gaze onto one of my sisters, or when my dad leans in to kiss my mom’s cheek, a pang of something sharp and hot cuts deep inside of my chest.
I find myself missing him even more here; I desperately crave the feel of his hands and the sound of his voice. Should I call him?
If I got drunk tonight and rang his number, would he feed me apologies until I forgave him, and would this pain dissipate?
Would I be able to lock myself inside my childhood bedroom and touch myself to the sound of his voice without guilt or restraint?
No, Elijah. Bad idea. Very bad idea. Remember why we’re here in the first place—you can’t trust him.
“Come on, Eli,” Carrie starts, dragging me away from the sink where I’ve just disposed of my plate. “Let’s go get your costume.”
“I told you they wouldn’t have anything left,” I say, watching as Carrie picks through the very few men’s costumes that Spirit Halloween has left.
“It’s not my fault your dumbass waited until the day of,” she snaps.
The store is packed. People from all walks of life are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, grabbing extra props and vials of fake blood.
“It wasn’t a matter of waiting. I didn’t intend on participating,” I shoot back.
Carrie snorts. “Yeah, cause that was definitely an option.”
I don’t argue with her. There is never a point in trying; all attempts are futile.
Being the middle child, Carrie is used to being defensive.
Where Jess believes she is perpetually right with no need to supply evidence or make her case, Carrie is always ready to give you a ten-page essay as to why you are wrong.
I, on the other hand, feel no need to defend myself because I know no matter what I say, my opinion will not be taken into account. Youngest child syndrome to the max.
Tack on being the only boy, and it’s a double whammy.
“What about this?” Carrie presents a cop uniform, and unlike two of the others she has held up, this one is not slutty.
“Let me try it on,” I sigh, taking the clear bag from her hands.
She follows me to the dressing room and guards the flimsy curtain as I step inside to change. All the costume consists of is a pair of thin navy pants, a Velcro shirt made to imitate a button-up, collared uniform shirt, a fake badge, and a police cap.
“So,” Carrie starts, raising her voice slightly to be heard through the curtain. “Want to tell me what’s gotten you so down lately?”
I nearly trip as I slide one leg through the thin costume pants, my eyes darting to the red curtain as if I can see her through it.
“W-what?”
Carrie huffs. “Don’t act coy. I’m not nearly as self-absorbed as Jess—I can tell when you’re acting strange. Did the date not go well? With the lumberjack?”
I nearly laugh at her words, but manage to keep the reaction to myself.
I wasn’t planning on seeking advice from my family, but it is true that Carrie knows of Rowan and that I went on a date with him. Wait—did I ever actually tell Carrie his name? Probably not.
I’m not a big information dumper, and now that I’m thinking about it, she never pressured me for any information about the guy I went on a date with, or the guy I slept with.
As far as she knows, it could have been two separate people. Knowing her brother, she probably does think it’s two separate people.
“I don’t think I want to talk about it,” I reply, because I honestly don’t know where to start.
“So you came home for Halloween then?” She sounds doubtful. “From where I’m standing, it looks like you hopped on a plane to California to get away from something. And for a guy who feels nothing, that’s kind of a huge deal.”
When I say nothing for a moment, only staring at my shirtless reflection, Carrie sighs. She doesn’t press any further, but I can feel her presence and her curiosity burning through me from the other side of the curtain.
“That guy,” I say quietly. “The one I slept with?”
“Where you cried?”
“Shh!” I hush her, my face flushing from the privacy of my changing room. “But yes. That is the guy I went on the date with.”
“Oh, damn,” she breathes. “So you really did feel something. It went bad, then?”
“No. It actually went really well, I think.” I line the Velcro up and close the fake police shirt, attaching the flimsy badge. “It’s what came after that’s the problem.”
Opening the curtain, I place the half-deflated hat on top of my curls and present myself to my sister. She bites her lip to hold in a sudden burst of laughter and gives me a thumbs up.
“This is the one,” she mutters, before shoving me back into the changing room.
I continue. “After we got back to my place, he told me he didn’t want to come in because he didn’t want to hook up every time he saw me. That he was serious about me and didn’t want that to be the vibe of our relationship.”
Carrie makes a cooing sound as I strip from my costume and return it to the clear bag it comes in.
“That’s very sweet of him!” she gushes.