Chapter 30 Cam
CAM
Ivy stumbles into the kitchen with her dark hair disheveled from sleep—and other things—and yawns, pressing the back of her hand over her mouth.
I glance at the clock on the stove in front of me. Almost nine o’clock. “You okay?”
Her brow furrows. “Yeah?” She rubs at her lower back. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
The ease with which she responds and that fact that I don’t hear even a hint of reservation in her voice helps relieve some of the tension that’s been coiled inside every muscle in my body since I woke this morning in their bed with Ivy in my arms.
It should have been a moment to relish, to cherish, to luxuriate in as she lay there with her hair spread out across the pillow looking like a damn fucking angel. But the very real fear that she would wake and regret everything we said and did last night wouldn’t let me.
And I’ve been waiting all morning to see her face, to be able to look into her eyes and know she still wants this.
She does.
That’s enough to make my lips pull into a grin as I motion with the spatula to the clock above the sink. “Because I have never known you to sleep until nine a.m.”
Her eyes widen slightly. “Shit, it’s that late?”
“Yeah.” I nod, fighting a full-blown smile at the adorable, bewildered look on her face. “You clearly needed the sleep.”
The tiniest grin curls her lips, and her cheeks darken. And I find myself wondering again about what color they actually are when they’re like this—soft peach, bright pink, a striking red… “Yeah, well, someone kept me up last night.”
I snort as I turn back to flip the bacon sizzling in the griddle pan. “You’re welcome.”
“I wasn’t complaining.”
My cheeks heat and my cock stirs at the sensual tone in her voice and as the memories of making love to her and everything that came after it replay in my head.
It was so different from all the other times we’ve been together.
So real.
Neither of us holding anything back.
No secrets.
No lies.
None of those barriers that existed between us before.
It was perfect.
Ivy shuffles around the counter over to me and rests her face against my bare back, wrapping her arms around me tightly. Her belly presses into me, and the baby kicks, making me jump slightly.
She chuckles. “You felt that?”
“How could I miss it?”
Her smile warms my skin. “I told you…she likes your voice. Whenever you’re here, she’s always more active…”
Hearing that again does that same strange thing to my chest. Makes my heart skip a beat and speed up at the same time.
Something that should be impossible.
About as impossible as the moment we’re having right now.
One that seems so easy.
So natural.
Something I thought we would never be able to find.
She kisses my shoulder blade. “That bacon smells amazing.”
I manage to shake off the emotion that momentarily froze me in place and blink away the tears burning in my eyes. “It’s almost done, and I have pancake batter ready to throw on next.”
“No baby-sized fruit?”
Chuckling, I set down the spatula and turn around in her hold so I can take her face in my palms and tuck her unruly hair behind her ears.
“About that. It turns out the twenty-seven twenty-eight week range is basically heads of cauliflower, cabbage, or lettuce, and I figured none of those really sounded like a fabulous breakfast option.”
She grins at me. “You would be right. Pancakes and bacon sound much better. I’ve been craving bacon like crazy lately.”
“I know.” I smirk. “I saw that you bought three packs of it.”
A tiny giggle slips from her lips, the sound lifting me higher than any drug ever could.
I lower my forehead to hers and just hold her for a moment, with the sound of the bacon popping and crackling behind us and our hearts beating against each other. “I love you so much.”
Her arms tighten around me. “I know. I love you, too.”
Pulling my head back, I drift my thumb over her bottom lip. “This isn’t going to be easy.”
Far from it.
Because even though I didn’t want to see it or admit it, Dale was right about so many of the things that trigger me being tied to Ivy.
It will always be a battle against those voices, that faceless enemy, but somehow, with her here at my side, it doesn’t feel so unwinnable. I won’t be staring down that enemy alone.
She nods. “I know, but nothing that’s good ever is, right?”
“It was easy for you and Drew.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said it.
The instant that darkness crosses her gaze, I wish I hadn’t.
But she gives me a sad smile. “That wasn’t always true. I didn’t get to see him very much. He was always at work. But I knew he was doing it for a very good reason, that it was his passion to help others. It was part of what I loved so much about him. You and I just have…different complications.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to bring more complication into your life, Ivy.”
All I want is to make it easier, happier, fulfilling.
“You haven’t, Cam.” She offers a slight shrug. “I’m not looking at it like that anymore, neither of us can.”
I draw in a deep breath and nod, then dip my head to kiss her.
It’s slow and sweet.
A savoring of something so beautiful and pure that I definitely don’t deserve it.
She leans into my hold, her mouth moving over mine, and a tiny groan slips from her lips.
Good God…
I fucking love that sound.
Even more so when I’m buried inside her or she’s coming on my tongue.
But the popping sound behind me reminds me that I was in the middle of doing something before this stunning woman distracted me so thoroughly.
Reluctantly, I pull my head back. “I need to get this bacon off.”
She slips away from me and leans against the counter, watching and slowly rubbing at the spot on her belly where the baby seems to kick the most.
I glance back as I take off the crispy pieces and place them on a plate. “She is really active this morning, huh?”
She grins and looks down. “Yeah, she is.”
“Does it hurt?”
Her laugh floats through the kitchen, and she shakes her head, sending those dark, untamed locks flying.
“Not really. At least, not yet. I’m sure when she gets bigger and there’s less space in here, it’s going to be a lot more uncomfortable.
Occasionally, she’ll kick my bladder, or something else that certainly doesn’t feel great, but I wouldn’t say it hurts.
It’s more like a reminder of, ‘Hey, Mom, I’m here. ’ Like I could ever forget that when—”
The doorbell ringing jerks both of our heads that direction.
I raise a brow. “We’re you expecting someone this morning?”
Ivy’s eyes widen, panic lacing them. “Oh, shit!”
“What?”
She slaps a hand over her mouth. “Shit, shit, shit!”
“Ivy…”
Her hand falls away, and she gapes. “It’s your mom.”
Fuck.
“Really?”
She nods, her anxious gaze darting between me and the door, then back. “I totally forgot we were supposed to go shopping today, and like you said, I don’t usually sleep in this late. I assumed I’d be ready to go by nine.”
I run a hand through my hair. “Well, this could get awkward…”
Her bottom lip disappears under her teeth, and she shifts nervously. “What do we do?”
Something I should have done right from the beginning of all this—tell the fucking truth and face the fallout.
I walk over to Ivy and drop kiss on her forehead. “It’ll be fine.”
She doesn’t look wholly convinced, but I can’t make Mom stand out there on the porch in this cold weather any longer just so we can try to come up with some way to explain why I’m here.
It wouldn’t matter if we did; Nancy Usher would see right through it.
I’ve kept her in the dark about what has been going on with Ivy the last few months because she wouldn’t have understood it and would have been Team Dale—insistent that I cut off at least the sexual part of our relationship.
But everything changed literally overnight.
And there’s no use hiding from the truth anymore.
I make my way to the door and tug it open.
Mom jerks back slightly, her eyes wide as they take in my jeans, bare chest, and unruly hair that clearly suggest I spent the night here. “Oh, Cam…I…”—she tilts her head slightly, her brow furrowing—“wasn’t expecting to see you.”
“I bet not.”
She steps inside the house, and I pull her in for a hug and kiss her cheek.
“Cam, what’s going on?”
She tries to whisper it, but I know Ivy is standing in the kitchen behind us, just out of her vision but not out of earshot.
“We’ll talk later.”
I’m not about to delve into my complicated relationship status with Ivy when I’m not entirely sure what it is either.
But it’s something.
There’s no more pretending it isn’t.
And that’s a very good start.
I pull out of her hold, and Mom walks past me as I close the door.
Ivy appears from the kitchen with a plastered-on smile that shows all her unease. “Hey, Nancy. I’m so sorry. I overslept, so I’m not ready.”
Mom’s shrewd gaze sweeps over her in her tiny sleep shorts and one of Drew’s old T-shirts she slept in, the disheveled hair, then to me, and she smirks. “It’s all right. I’m not in any rush today.”
Thank God…
If Mom had decided to press either of us, I’m not sure how well it would have gone when this is still so new.
Yet, somehow, it also isn’t.
Being here with Ivy like this feels so right.
When I first came back to Philly, I sat outside this house, watched her and envied the home Drew and Ivy shared. It’s why setting foot inside was so hard after he was gone. But Ivy wants me here, even if there might always be a part of me that feels guilty about it.
“What do you two ladies have planned?”
Mom’s face lights up, her lips pulling into a grin. “We’re going to look for a stroller and a car seat, and a few other things for the baby’s room.”
Ivy nods, looking just as excited. “I’ve been checking out stuff online, but it’s so hard to tell without seeing it in person, you know?”
I nod slowly. “Sort of. I wouldn’t have been able to select the furniture for the nursery if Mom hadn’t helped. Too many options and things I don’t understand about what a baby needs.”