29. Avery
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Avery
In the mornings, I usually find the kitchen bustling with activity and conversation while the brothers and Lyla get going for the day. The last few days have been different.
I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly has changed, but they all seem quieter, more subdued. Conversations and smiles are still shared, but there seems to be a heavy cloud looming over all of them, especially Owen.
At first, I thought maybe the guys were starting to pull away from me. Their touches and reassuring smiles, even if small, were enough to push those worries to the side.
And Lyla has also been acting a little moodier than normal, so I don’t know what’s going on.
The morning chill bites at my skin as I make the trek from the guesthouse. It might be summer, but the temperature drops a lot overnight here. Stepping inside, I welcome the change.
Moving into the kitchen, I find all three of my guys silently working together to make breakfast and get their lunches put together to take to work. Lyla is nowhere in sight, so either she’s sleeping in unusually late or she’s upstairs getting ready.
Miles gives me a warm smile, pulling me in for a hug. “Morning, gorgeous.”
“Morning,” I say, leaning up to give him a quick kiss.
He kisses me back but pulls away a few seconds before I’m ready to let go. Shaking my head, I step over to the stove where Will is cooking some turkey sausage.
Without even turning to look at me, he switches the tongs to his left hand and wraps his arms around me. My head falls against his shoulder.
“How did you sleep?” he asks. His voice has a hollowness to it that makes my heart hurt even though I don’t know why it’s there in the first place.
“I slept okay,” I say, leaning into his side a little more. His strong fingers tighten around my shoulder, like he needs me closer. “Where’s Lyla?”
“In the shower,” he says, tilting his head toward the stairs. “Her hair looked like an actual beehive this morning that I didn’t want any part of.”
“I believe that,” I say, starting to step to the side. He holds me against him for another beat before pressing his lips to my forehead.
Taking a breath, I walk over to Owen, who’s had his back to me this entire time.
When I walked in, he was making sandwiches, but now he’s just standing there gripping the counter with enough force to turn his knuckles white. His shoulders are rigid, head hanging low.
When I gently place my hand on his arm, he looks at me with complete confusion. It’s like he was so lost in his own head, he had no idea I was even here.
“Hey,” I say, locking onto his light blue eyes that are currently swamped with anger, sadness, and despair. Sadness outweighs everything else.
I duck my head under his arm until I’m standing between him and the counter he’s still gripping. I wrap my arms around him, burying my face against his threadbare T-shirt.
I don’t know how long I stand there hugging him, but finally his arms move from the counter and wrap around me. He holds me almost painfully close, like his grip on me is the only thing keeping him standing.
Maybe it is…
I have a gut feeling what all of this is about, but I don’t know how to bring it up, or even if I should. Causing them more pain is something I never want to do, so I just hug Owen a little more.
If I can give him a little piece of comfort right now, he can have all of me. They all can.
Finally, he steps back, so there’s a breath of space between us. His heavy eyes gaze down at me. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I. We just stand there for a minute, both taking several deep breaths.
I don’t know exactly what’s causing them all to feel their grief so heavily, but I wish there was more I could do. I wish I could take it away from them, even if my own is enough to suffocate me at times.
For them… I would do it for all four of them. Owen, Will, Miles… and sweet Lyla.
Walking outside with the sidewalk chalk in hand, I expect to find Lyla running around like normal. Instead, she’s sitting on the porch steps, staring up at the clouds moving across the light blue canvas.
Setting the chalk to the side, I sit down beside her. I’ve learned it’s best to let Lyla talk to me in her own time instead of peppering her with questions. She’s a lot like Owen in that way.
We sit in comfortable silence for so long the clouds look completely different by the time her voice cuts through the silence.
“Tomorrow is going to suck,” she says, gripping the hem of her denim shorts.
“Why’s that?” I ask, keeping my gaze on the sky.
“It’s the day my mom went to Heaven,” she says, her chin falling to her chest.
Ahh, damn.
I wrap my arm around her until she snuggles into my side. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I wish she was still here with you.”
She nods against me, and I press a kiss to the top of her head.
“I know tomorrow is Saturday, so your uncles will be around all day. You can always come talk to me or just hang out if you want to.”
Her head tilts back, so she can peek up at me. A barely-there smile tilts at the corner of her mouth.
“Okay.” Her voice is sad, but there’s a tinge of hope hidden in there, too. “Can we draw a picture for my mom? Maybe she can see it from Heaven.”
I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep in the sob that’s threatening to break free. I give her the best smile I can muster. “Yeah, I’m sure she would love that.”
Grabbing the box of chalk, I follow her down to the sidewalk leading away from the front porch. She starts drawing a huge rainbow that takes up several sections of the concrete.
“Uncle Miles always tells me that when I see a rainbow, it’s my mom’s way of saying hi to me. So, this is my way of saying hi to her,” she says, picking up a new piece of blue chalk.
Fuck…
I tilt my head to the side, quickly wiping away the single tear that fell. She’s finally feeling a little better. I don’t want my emotions to weigh her down.
Taking a page from her book, I grab my own piece of chalk. I don’t even know what I’m drawing at first, but soon a beach scene at sunset starts to take shape on the concrete before me.
As I’m shading in the color behind the waves, it hits me what I’m actually drawing. The beach in San Diego…
It’s the last place we went as a family before my mom died. I don’t remember everything from that trip, but I remember a feeling of happiness settling over me as I sat between my parents in the sand as we watched the sun set.
Putting the final touch on the picture, I let my head fall back and gaze up at the sky.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
I miss you.
Knowing what tomorrow is, I have a burning urge inside of me to check on the guys and make sure they’re okay. I mean, I know they aren’t okay , but…
Sliding out of my SUV, I quickly walk across the parking lot.
I don’t have my little sidekick with me because I dropped her off at her best friend’s house a few minutes ago for a playdate. I think it’s exactly what she needed, a distraction and some time with her bestie.
The lady working at the front of the store gives me a smile when I walk in. By this point in the summer, I’ve gotten to know all the workers here at the store.
For not wanting to spend her whole summer here at the hardware store, Lyla sure wants to stop by and see her uncles frequently.
It isn’t like I’m stopping her, though. I’m always game to get a few minutes with any of them. And that’s a problem that future me is going to have to handle.
Turning down the hallway in the back, I hear Will’s voice coming from his office. I knock a few times, peeking my head in the partially opened door.
Will and Miles are standing to the side of the desk, talking.
“Hey,” I say, not stepping inside yet. “Is this a bad time?”
Both of their heads snap in my direction.
“Is everything okay?” Will asks, bypassing my question.
“Lyla’s okay,” I say.
“You?” Miles asks.
“I’m fine.”
“You can come in,” Will says, holding his hand up toward the door.
The door slides shut behind me after I step inside. They’ve both turned to face me.
“Lyla told me what tomorrow is,” I say. They both nod. “I just wanted to check on all of you. I mean, I know you aren’t alright. I just….”
I don’t know what else to say, so I just shrug.
“I’m not going to say we’re all doing great, but we’ll get through it,” Will says. He runs his hand over the stubble on his face. “We’ve made it through three of these days. We’ll make it through tomorrow, too.”
“Not having her here is painful every day, but this date always makes the pain a little sharper. A littler harder to ignore,” Miles says.
I feel torn, standing across the room from them. I can feel the way their guards are partially up right now, but I want more than anything to wrap my arms around both of them and soothe some of the hurt raging inside of them.
I give in, unable to take it anymore. I close the distance between us in a few short strides, wrapping my arms around both of them the best I can. It effectively forces them into a group hug, but they don’t seem to mind.
“I figured the first time the three of us were in a sandwich like this there would be a lot less clothes involved,” Miles jokes.
I let out a small laugh, but I see right through him. He’s using humor as a deflection from what he’s feeling, what his brother is feeling.
“Fucking Miles.” Will laughs, shaking his head.
I guess it worked.
I lean up, giving them each a kiss before taking a small step back. “Where’s Owen?” I ask. Something inside of me screams that I really need to check on him.
The brothers exchange a look before training their eyes back on me.
“He went home a little while ago,” Miles says.
Will leans against his desk. “You must have just missed him when you left the house earlier.”
I nod, feeling like there’s more to the story.
“He was really struggling,” Will adds, shaking his head. “He didn’t need to be here.”
“Okay,” I say, sliding my hands into the pockets of my jean shorts.
“Owen and Liv were exactly what you’d picture twins would be,” Miles says, a glossiness covering his eyes. He shakes his head, like he can shake it away. “They were inseparable. We were all close, but those two were something different.”
“I could tell by the way he talked about her when we met,” I tell them.
The way he felt about his sister was blatantly clear during our time in Dallas. The idea of losing her was completely gutting him.
“I’m glad he met you back then,” Will says.
“Me too,” I say, meaning it with every cell in my body.
Meeting Owen was the first step in meeting all of them. And I don’t want to think about a version of my life where I never got to meet any of the Kingstons.
I reach for the door handle behind me. “I’m going to go check on him.”
A part of me thinks they’ll tell me to leave him alone, but they both nod.
“I think you’re what he needs right now,” Miles says.
I don’t have a reply for that, so I turn toward the door. I have it halfway open when Will speaks up.
“Thank you for…” He trails off, dragging in a deep breath. He waves his hand around. “Everything.”
“Of course,” I say, feeling my heart stutter painfully in my chest. With a small smile, I head toward my car with one goal in mind.
Owen.
I have no idea what I can possibly do to help him through this, but you bet your ass if there is something that can be done, I’ll make it happen.