36. Miles
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Miles
Two days. That’s all the time we have left before she leaves for her graduation ceremony. She’ll be coming back to pick up all her things before driving to California, but she’ll only be here for a handful of hours then.
The reality of the situation is an uncomfortable weight in my heart. It makes me want to squirm out of my own skin and sink back into the couch cushions, letting them swallow me whole.
She’s sitting next to me on the couch, and I want more than anything to pull her into my arms. I have no idea how many more times I’ll get the chance, but Lyla is curled up on Avery’s other side while we have our family movie night.
Will and Owen are sitting on the opposite side of the sectional, their feet propped up on the coffee table.
Lyla chose to watch Mulan tonight. It was one of my favorite movies growing up, so I was pumped. When “I’ll Make a Man out of You” starts playing, Owen and I lock eyes, smirking because we know what’s coming.
The blanket that’s draped over Lyla’s lap goes flying toward Will. She bolts upright. Avery’s eyes pop wide in surprise.
Her shock quickly turns to amusement when Lyla starts belting out the song at the top of her lungs and dancing around the room.
Lyla’s been obsessed with this song since the first time she watched this movie. She never lets any of us sing or dance with her because she says it’s about girl power, so we just sit back and let her have her moment.
She pauses mid-lyric, spinning around to face Avery. “Wait… you’re a girl,” Lyla says, a little out of breath.
Avery’s smile grows. “That I am.”
Lyla grabs Avery’s hand, pulling her to stand beside her. Avery stands still for a total of four seconds before joining Lyla, who’s resumed her performance.
Apparently, Avery knows the movie well because she sings each word along with her little companion. They dance around, mimicking the movements everyone is doing on-screen.
When the song comes to an end, they both look defeated. Will silently picks up the remote, rewinding the movie a few minutes to where the song begins. Without a second of hesitation, they jump right back into their singing and dancing.
Glancing over at my brothers, I see a mix of joy and sadness shining in their eyes. We all want this.
It isn’t just the sex, which is phenomenal. It isn’t even just our relationship with Avery. It’s this. All of it. We want Avery to be a part of our family.
Wanting something you can’t have is an unyielding ache that festers and festers. It’s there constantly, reminding you how wonderful things could be.
If only…
The song once again comes to close. This time, they both flop back down onto the couch in a fit of giggles.
Lyla’s laughing so hard, she falls against Avery’s side. The movement presses Avery against me.
They both take deep breaths, trying to calm down.
“That was fun,” Avery says, peeking up at me.
“It was fun to watch,” I say, waggling my eyebrows at her.
Lyla sits up, reaching for her blanket. With Lyla no longer there as her excuse to snuggle against me, Avery starts to move.
Lyla presses on her shoulder, pushing her back. “No, stay. That was comfy.”
Avery shrugs. I lift my arm over the back of the couch as she lays back against me. Once comfortable, she focuses back on the movie.
With her blanket in hand, Lyla gives me a wink before resting her head against Avery.
This kid.
I just shake my head, wrapping my arm around both of them. Lyla’s sneaky ways might be a problem for us in the future, but right now I’m not going to shoot a gift horse in the mouth.
Avery’s in my arms, and I don’t give a damn about anything else.
“Come on, kid. It’s bedtime,” Will says, standing over where Lyla’s still sprawled out on the couch.
She makes a bunch of groaning and grumbling noises that don’t contain any actual words.
“We can read a couple chapters of our book,” he says.
This makes her perk up. “Fine,” she grumbles, even though we all know she’s eager to read more. She goes around giving all of us hugs before following Will upstairs.
The rest of us go about cleaning up the living room.
“I guess I should go,” Avery says, walking toward where her shoes are sitting by the front door.
She’s only ever spent the night here when Lyla was out of the house for the night. The rest of the time she’s gone back to the guesthouse, alone.
Owen walks over, meeting her in the entryway. He presses her against the frame, his hands wreathing the sides of her face.
When he kisses her, it’s with so much passion I almost feel like I should look away. If it weren’t for seeing them do things far more intimate than this, I probably would have.
Whispered words are shared between them. Then, with one final kiss, Owen slowly walks up the stairs. She stares after him with a level of longing that’s hard to even wrap my head around.
Eventually, she turns to look at me. She motions with her finger for me to come to her. I walk over, pulling her against me.
One arm is wrapped around her back. The other is palming the back of her head, holding her against my chest.
Her body goes completely lax in my hold as her arms wrap around my waist.
I don’t know where the words come from. I wasn’t planning on saying it, but they’re out before I can stop myself.
“Stay… please.” I can’t find it in me to regret saying it, either.
She tilts her head back to look me in the eye.
“I just want to hold you tonight,” I say, my heart pounding in my chest despite the gentleness of the moment.
“Okay,” she breathes out. I would have missed it if I wasn’t staring right at her.
I grab her hand, guiding her up the stairs. When we get to the top step, Will is closing Lyla’s door.
At first glance, he’s surprised to see Avery up here, but then he just nods. He walks over, kissing her lips and then her cheek.
“Sleep well,” he whispers in her ear. Stepping back, he looks at me. “Be careful because…” He tilts his head toward Lyla’s door. His implication is clear.
“I promise. I will,” I say.
With a single nod, he walks into his room. His door closes behind him.
“Are you sure this is okay?” Avery asks when we walk into the bathroom.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” I tell her. “We can get you back to your place before she wakes up in the morning.”
I give her an extra toothbrush, and we go about brushing our teeth side by side. We smirk at one another when our eyes meet in the mirror. The domesticity of the moment hits me straight in the chest.
Before we leave the bathroom, I peek in the hallway to make sure the coast is clear. It’s like I’m a naughty teenager again, sneaking in after a night of partying.
Not that I ever did that…
We’re both already in comfortable clothes, so we crawl into bed as soon as we get to my room. We scootch toward the middle of the bed, laying on our sides, facing one another.
I gently grip her hip, pulling her even closer. It isn’t sexual. There’s just an unwavering need coursing through me to have her nearby.
“What would your dream day look like?” I find myself asking her. I lace my fingers through hers, resting them on the mattress between us.
Her forehead scrunches together as she thinks about my question. “Waking up without an alarm. A cup of really good coffee. Sitting outside on a gorgeous day, reading a book I don’t want to put down until it’s finished.”
She hesitates for a second, biting her lip. Her eyes dart away.
“Then, spending the rest of the day kind of like today.”
Today? Eating frozen lasagna and family movie night?
“Movie night?” I ask.
She gives a small shrug. “Partially.”
I lay there, waiting patiently for her to continue.
“More so the people I did it with,” she says, a blush creeping over her cheeks. “I think I’d be happy doing just about anything with all of you.”
My heart starts pounding painfully hard against my ribcage, chills racing across my skin.
“Whenever I’m with all of you, I’m happy. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing,” she says. There’s a wistful tone to her voice.
That’s what her dream day really looks like? That’s what makes her happy?
I was fully expecting her to say something about her upcoming internship or even something that would remind her of her dad.
Now I don’t know what to say because her answer doesn’t fit into everything I thought she wanted in this world.
“What about you?” she asks, squeezing my hand to bring me back to reality.
I don’t even think before saying, “Waking up without an alarm with you in my arms. Bringing you a really good cup of coffee. Going for a run and coming back home to find you reading outside. Spending the rest of the day doing anything where the five of us could be together.”
Her eyes flutter closed. There might have been a tear slide out of the corner of her eye, but it’s dark in here so I can’t really say for sure.
She moves even closer, until her head is pressed against my chest. Our clasped hands are trapped between us.
I’ve never felt like this before. It’s borderline painful how much I care about her.
Well, that’s a gross understatement. I don’t just care about her. I love her. I’m in love with her.
I love Avery.
Her breathing evens out after a few quiet minutes of us just breathing each other in, both lost in our own thoughts.
It takes far longer for my mind to shut off enough to get any sleep. I can’t stop thinking about how she described her perfect day, and what that means.
Does it really mean anything? Change anything?
Even more than thinking, I find myself just watching her sleep and soaking up the feeling of having her here next to me.
It’s with my face buried against her almond-and-cherry-scented hair that I finally relax enough to fall asleep with the woman I’m madly in love with right where I wish she could be every night.
Forever…