19. Austin
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Austin
I texted both Conrad and Brooks a few hours ago to see when they would be home, so Hadley didn’t have to give up her whole evening to watch Evelyn.
But they both told me they weren’t going to be home for a while, if they came home at all. Whatever the hell that means.
My phone dings in the cupholder as I pull the truck in front of the house.
Brooks: We aren’t coming home, so use your time wisely.
Conrad: What he means to say is that we’re going to give you two some space tonight to figure things out. Whatever happens, happens. You know where we stand with all of this, but you have to figure out if this is what you want, too.
Brooks: Yeah, we love you and aren’t going to force you into this.
Conrad: Spend the night with her and talk to her. We’ll be here in the morning, brother.
My fingers hover over the keypad.
Me: I love you both, too. I’ll talk to you in the morning.
With the text message sent, I make my way into the house.
It’s quiet other than the credits playing on the television. Evelyn and Hadley are lying on the couch under a mountain of blankets and pillows.
They’re both passed out.
Seeing the two of them like this makes my heart ache from how much I want this for Evelyn on a daily basis. The mom she never got to have.
I can’t thrust that on Hadley, though.
I carefully peel the blankets away from Evelyn until I can pick her up in my arms. In her room, I lay her on her bed and get her cozy with the pillow and blanket I brought upstairs with us.
“Good night,” I whisper as I kiss her forehead and sneak out of the room.
Back downstairs, I find Hadley is still fast asleep. I pull all the blankets off her, setting them to the side.
When I slide my hands under her, she wakes up a little but snuggles into my shoulder as I carry her into my room.
I lay her down on the pillows and pull the comforter up over her. Her eyes blink open, focusing on me.
I’m still leaning on the bed beside her, so our faces are only a foot apart.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“Hey,” I whisper back because using my normal voice seems wrong in the moment.
Her eyes dart around, realizing she’s not still on the couch in the living room. “Where am I?”
“In my bed.”
“Did you want to sleep with me, Austin?” she asks, giving me a sleepy smirk as she winds her arms around my neck.
“I was going to sleep on the couch.”
“Oh.” Her hands slide back down to the bed at her sides.
Fuck. I’m already fucking this up.
“I should go,” she says, starting to scooch up the bed.
Alarm bells start going off in my head. Somehow, I know if I let her walk out that door, that’s it. Any hope of us will be gone for good.
“No, no. Sorry, that came out wrong,” I say, sitting on the side of the bed, grabbing both of her hands in mine.
She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t move away anymore either. I stare directly into those brown eyes I could get lost in forever, so she knows how serious I am.
“I want to sleep with you more than pretty much anything else in the world.”
“And by sleeping, you mean?” she asks.
The side of my mouth quirks up. “Either, both…”
A slight blush creeps up her neck, but her face stays composed.
“I just don’t know if I can let myself go there.”
“Because you’re scared?” she asks gently, no hint of mocking in her tone.
Terrified is more like it. I just nod.
“For your own heart and for Evelyn’s.”
Of course she gets it. Why does she have to be so fucking perfect? I can barely swallow, let alone answer her, so again I just nod.
She blinks a few times, clearly thinking something through. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave.
“Can we just cuddle for a while and talk? That’s it. No expectations of sex or a lifelong commitment.” She grins at me.
Her comment doesn’t hold the humor she expects it to, though, because I’m not afraid of committing to someone for the rest of my life. I’m afraid of them not being able to do the same in return.
“Yeah, we can do that,” I say, glancing down at her jeans. “Do you want something else to wear?”
“Just one of your T-shirts would be great.”
I walk over to my dresser and grab one of my favorite band tees that I’ve had for years. Turning around, I find her leaning against the side of my bed.
“Here.” I hand her the shirt.
I quickly change into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. Hadley is standing there in only a pair of gray underwear with lace trim and a simple light pink bra. My brain goes blank because holy hell, she’s stunning.
She grabs the shirt off the bed, then sets it back down. “Are you okay if I take my bra off?” she asks. “I hate sleeping in it.”
Do I mind? No. Hell no. Take it off… please.
“Go ahead. I’ll turn around.” I spin around, facing the closet.
I close my eyes and try to think of anything other than what she looks like without her bra on—and I try my darndest not to get hard in my sweatpants with hardly any way to conceal it.
“Done,” she says from behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I take in the sight of her in my shirt.
I thought seeing her in my flannel when we were leaving the bar was a turn-on. This is something else entirely.
This is the sight I want to wake up to every morning. Her messy hair falling around her face, toned tan legs on display under the shirt. Mmmm…
I internally groan, moving to the side of the bed I usually sleep on because my mind and my heart are not on the same page at all right now.
I slide under the covers, turning on my side to face her as she does the same thing. We lie far enough apart that we aren’t touching at all, but I can still feel her body heat under the blanket.
“I understand why you’re scared,” she says, diving right in. “If I’m being honest, I think it makes me even more attracted to you, the way you’re so protective of yourself and of Evelyn.”
My eyebrows scrunch together as I stare at her. She can’t be serious.
“I mean it. I love that you would do anything to protect her.”
One thousand percent, I would. She’s my whole world.
Her finger taps between my eyes, right above my nose. “That look right there, when you thought about protecting her.”
I grab her hand, holding it in mine on the mattress between us.
“My ex fucked me up. I was a mess when she left. I was in love with her, but I don’t know how deep that love can actually be when it isn’t fully reciprocated. I knew she wasn’t super happy being a mom, but I thought things would adjust as we both got used to being parents.
“That day never came. I woke up one morning, and she was just gone. All her stuff was gone. She left a note saying she just couldn’t do it, and she knew I’d be a much better dad to Evelyn than she could ever be a mom for her.”
Hadley stares at me with gentle eyes, not rushing me.
“Evelyn was barely three months old. I couldn’t fathom how she could leave her. I already loved that little girl so much. It made me sick. Then, I got angry. When I petitioned for full custody of Evelyn, Rose signed over all of her maternal rights like it was nothing.”
The emotions from back then feel so real and raw. Tears built up in the corners of my eyes.
“I have never been angrier than I was back then, but I was also heartbroken. Heartbroken for myself because I lost the person I thought I was going to marry and build a life with, but more than anything, heartbroken for my little girl who was never going to have a mother.”
She squeezes my hand as a single tear falls from my eyes. I brush it away with my free hand.
“Evelyn saved me. I put all my focus into being the best dad I could be for her. She became the sole focus of my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Hadley sniffs as a few tears slip down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away, not wanting to pull me from my thoughts.
“My parents have helped me every step of the way so I could have a career outside of being a dad, even when Evelyn was tiny. Your brother, Conrad, and Brooks helped me keep living, and they’ve been there for Evelyn in a way I never could have expected.”
“I’m glad you have all of them around you. You really aren’t doing it alone, and neither is Evelyn,” she says quietly.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”
I thought I would have to after Rose left, but the people who care about both Evelyn and me have proven time and time again that they’re here no matter what.
“I swore to myself back then that I would never let anyone else into our lives, though, because the thought of her having to feel that kind of heartbreak was more than I could fathom.”
Her eyes flutter closed, and more tears fall onto the pillow. “I understand.” She takes a stuttering breath. “I’m going to miss you, Austin.”
No… My heart screams as a knife stabs through it. I’m moving over on top of her before I can even think it through.
“No. No,” I say, my forearms on either side of her head and my body pressing into hers.
I can’t let her go. I just can’t.
I know Grayson is going to want to murder me, but I’ll deal with him. I think she’s worth taking the chance of getting my heart broken again.
No, I know she’s worth it. Evelyn loves her already. If there’s a chance Hadley could become a bigger part of Evelyn’s life, I have to try.
I drag in a ragged breath. When I exhale, I try to push all of my fears out with it.
It isn’t like they’re completely gone, but with her here in my arms, it feels like I can jump and she’ll be right there with me.
She lies beneath me, staring up with wide, curious eyes.
“Despite everything I said, I can’t let you go. I’m still scared, but no. You don’t need to miss me when I’m right here.”
“And everything with the guys?” she asks tentatively.
“We’ll worry about that tomorrow. For tonight, it’s just you and me. That's it.”
No more words need to be said as my lips crash down onto hers.
We become a tangle of limbs as we pour all our emotions into the kiss. Her legs wind around my waist, and her arms band around my neck.
She pulls me impossibly closer to her, moaning into the kiss as I grind my hard length against her.
Thank God I locked the door when I got changed earlier. Because pulling away from her right now would be impossible.
Frustrated by the sheet and blanket tangled around us, I toss them to the end of the bed.
I turn to see her sprawled out on my bed, cheeks flushed, my shirt bunched up just under her breasts, her legs spread out around me as I kneel between her thighs.
Grabbing the hem of the shirt, I move it up over her breasts. They are perfect handfuls, and I do just that, taking them in both my hands.
My thumbs rub over her nipples, and her back arches off the bed toward me. I lean over, taking a turn licking and nibbling on each of them.
My kisses trail down from between her breasts and across her stomach until I reach her panties. Hooking my fingers under the waistband, I pull them down her toned legs.
She tugs the shirt over her head, tossing it onto the floor. And suddenly, she’s lying naked below me.
“You’re perfect,” I tell her. She starts to retort, but I press a finger to her lips. “You are. In my eyes, you’re nothing short of perfection.”
She stares at me like my words have shocked her somehow.
I start to move down her body, so I can have a taste of her. Her hand firmly grips my shoulders.
“No, Austin. I need you inside of me right now. Please,” she begs.
“Just one taste,” I tell her. She relents, flopping back down onto the bed.
I crawl backwards until her pussy is right there in my face. I spread her open with my fingers. Her pussy is just as perfect as the rest of her.
Knowing I’m only going to get one taste right now, I slowly run my tongue from her entrance up to her clit, circling it a few times before pulling back.
I lick my lips, crawling back over her. Fuck, she tastes good.
“Now. I need you to fuck me. Now.” She squirms beneath me, reaching for my sweatpants. “Get these off.”
Chuckling at her impatience, I slide off the bed and strip all of my clothes off. I’m back on top of her in a heartbeat. “Better?”
“Fuck yes,” she growls, pulling my mouth back down to hers. As we kiss, I blindly reach for my bedside drawer and pull out a condom.
When she realizes what I’m doing, she lets me pull back. I slide it on and position myself at her entrance, then lean down to kiss her as I ease inside.
“Holy shit,” she groans when I’m fully inside of her. She nuzzles her face into my neck and wraps her legs around me once again. “More,” she whispers.
So that’s what I do. My hips start to thrust against her. I keep my strokes at a slow, steady pace, but hitting that spot deep inside of her each time.
She needs to come because I am not going to last long. She’s too hot. Too wet. Too… ahh…
She digs her heels into my ass, urging me on more. I thrust inside of her harder and faster as my fingers twine into her hair.
When she pulls back from my neck, staring up into my eyes, it feels like our souls are fused into one as we both build toward our climaxes.
“I’m going to come,” she whimpers.
“I know, angel. Let go, and I’ll be right behind you.”
That’s all it takes, and she detonates around me. Her whole body goes tense. Her pussy squeezing the life out of my cock, which sends me over the edge.
I rest my forehead on hers as the tremors of pleasure roll through us. Our breathing is erratic as our hearts pound wildly against each other.
Her fingers trail over my neck and up the back of my head as her legs fall from around me back to the bed. I kiss her one more time before pulling back, even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
I discard the condom in the bathroom. Hadley slips in behind me, so I give her some privacy while I put my sweats back on.
I’d rather sleep naked next to her, but with Evelyn home, having some clothes on seems wise.
Hadley comes back out with my T-shirt on. She must have the same thought process as me because she grabs her panties from the floor and shimmies back into them.
Deciding to deal with the mess of sheets tomorrow, I grab just the comforter, pulling it over both of us as we crawl onto the bed.
She rests her head on the pillow firmly on her side of the bed. Yeah, right. Like I’m going to let her sleep all the way over there.
I hold my arm out. “Get over here.”
She nuzzles into my side. Her head fits perfectly against my chest with her leg slung over mine. My lips press against her temple. “Good night, Hadley.”
“Night, Austin.”
I lie there staring at the ceiling until her breathing evens out, and I know she’s asleep. I thought I might be freaking out right now, but I haven’t felt this at peace in a long, long time.
Breathing in the strawberry scent that must come from her shampoo, I let myself fall asleep, holding her in my arms like she’s my life raft in a sea of uncertainty.