Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Finn
I stare down at my phone for the millionth time over the last month, willing another message to appear from her. Just like every other time, nothing new pops up.
It’s just the same singular reply I’ve gotten, that is the last string of hope I am desperately clinging to.
Me: I’m kind of mad at you.
Me: I understand… but I still hate it.
Me: I miss you.
Angel: I miss you, too.
Me: I meant what I said that night.
Me: I love you.
That is the sum of all the communication I have had with the woman I am completely in love with.
This would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I hated her, but I don’t. I’m frustrated beyond belief and have been angry at times, but I don’t hate her.
I don’t think I could hate her if I tried.
This last month, life has felt like molasses slowly pouring out from the bottom of the jar. Day by day, time has been slowly passing with no particular destination or finish line in mind.
Theo has been far quieter than normal. He has completely retreated into himself to cope with her absence from our lives. From the few times he and I have talked about her, I know he understands, but he’s struggling.
The devastation is evident in every move he makes. From the way he prepares his coffee every morning to the way he stares off into space for minutes on end when he thinks no one is looking.
Cole, on the other hand, seems to have shifted back to hating Riley. I know he is still deeply in love with her, but anger has become his coping mechanism.
Anytime he isn’t working or doing something with Mav, he has been angrily scribbling in his journal. I know the heartache he’s feeling is different because this isn’t a new experience for him.
Mav has even been more solemn than usual. He still laughs and smiles, but there’s a lingering sadness hanging over him, too.
He seems positive that she is coming back. I don’t know if that is based on innocent na?veté or something she told him before she left.
He hasn’t opened up at all about what he and Riley talked about when she said goodbye. It means enough to him to keep her words to himself.
I’m just trying to trudge through each day while hanging onto that single line of hope like it’s my last chance at survival. I know this hope could come back to bite me in the ass and shatter my heart into an irreparable state.
But I can’t let that hope go because it is the only thing keeping me going at this point.
Her absence has left a Riley-sized hole in my life that nothing else can replace, and I don’t think it ever will. I run my finger over her words, “I miss you, too.”
I drag in a deep breath, trying to infuse the words into my soul. She misses me. That has to be enough for now.
I tighten my hands into fists, keeping myself from hitting the call button. We all agreed to give her the space she asked for, but as the days tick by, it’s getting harder to abide by.
This is turning out to be the greatest challenge of my life. I can only hope it’s worth it in the end, and it brings the love of my life back to me.