Chapter 32
Holly
Watching Jaxon war with the emotions of what is happening versus his professionalism hits me square in the gut. His misty eyes flicker between his friend on his knees beside me up to mine that split second before the elevator doors close, stripping away my wall of strength and my best friend.
I drop to my knees next to Colin, pulling him into a hug that he fights as he stares at the metal doors.
His heart wins and gives in, finally letting me surround him and pull him tight against my chest as his fist clenches my shirt and his first sob pours from his lungs, cleaving my heart in two.
I cry with him, holding him tighter as his big palm grabs onto my arm for dear life. He’s spiraling.
A commotion down the hall snags my attention, and I look up to see Trystan and Brynleigh arguing with a nurse.
He sees me in that moment, and his face falls, his hand coming up to his mouth as if he’s scared to even know what is going on.
Brynleigh is still insisting loudly for someone to find us, but Trystan reaches back to grab her hand and get her attention.
The nurse steps out of the way when she figures out that they are here for us.
Upon seeing the state of Colin and me, she lets them pass.
I don’t think she could’ve stopped them from rushing down the hallway to us if she had truly wanted to anyway.
Trystan stops just shy of us, and Brynleigh lets out a cry when she sees how wrecked Colin is.
She was there when they lost Jenna, so this is raw for her.
She looks to me, and I hold out a hand to squeeze hers.
Between losing babies and losing friends, this group has been through it, in one way or another.
Trystan grabs Colin’s shoulder, squeezing hard to let him know he’s not alone, that we’re all going to be here no matter what comes next. Colin lets go of me only long enough for Trystan to pull him to his feet and wrap him in a bear hug.
Brynleigh reaches for me, and we just take a minute to let out all the emotions.
A woman dressed in street clothes, whom I recognize as Dr. Wideman, comes running down the hall.
My shoulders sag in relief. Jaxon will have more OB help.
I assume the attending ER doc is also down there, but seeing all hands on deck, running to help, makes it slightly easier to breathe.
“Dr. Wideman! Thank goodness you’re here.”
Wideman hits the down button rapidly in succession, like it will somehow make the metal box move faster. Her big eyes find mine and Colin’s, and she recognizes him right away.
“I’m hurrying, Colin. We’ll do everything we can,” she says with a no-nonsense face as she steps into the box and disappears from sight. It’s crazy what all can happen in less than fifteen minutes.
Colin nods and leans back against the wall. His head is tilted back as if he’s about ready to fall asleep. The man is emotionally stretched to his limit right now, and there’s no end in sight for the moment. A nurse tries to get my attention from the background.
“I’m supposed to give you these keys. Also, there’s a family room I can take you all to while you wait to hear what’s going on. Are you guys expecting more people? Because, well, there are several others in the waiting room insisting they are with you all.
My heart swells with gratitude.
“Yes, that’s the rest of our family. That room would be great right about now.”
“Okay, follow me.”
I get the others’ attention, and Trystan helps haul Colin forward, ready to catch him if he collapses. The man looks two seconds from tanking. I’m a bit worried.
“Um, do you have something small for the patient’s husband, or could you point me toward vending? Colin looks like he’s going to pass out.”
The nurse takes another look over her shoulder at him and winces before telling me where to go once we reach the family waiting room.
Thankfully, it’s pretty close to the vending area.
I look through the array of choices–mostly shit–and have a hard time choosing something.
That’s likely because they’re all blurry.
Crap. I suck up a sniffle and wipe haphazardly at the tears streaking down my face.
Sydney… I look up toward the ceiling, willing my silent prayer for them all to be okay to be heard.
“Hey, thought you might need some help. Or a hug,” a gruff voice calls out from behind me. I jump, yanked out of my prayer. Trystan stands there pulling a few dollar bills from his wallet, then looks up and notices my tear-streaked cheeks. “Oh, Hollz, come here.”
Trystan folds me into his arms and presses a soft kiss to the top of my hair. It helps just a little.
“I can’t lose her. We can’t lose them, Trystan. It will destroy him. It will break all of us.”
“I know,” Trystan mumbles, voice thick as he sticks the dollars in one by one but not letting me go.
“The thought is unfathomable.” He punches buttons with a smidge too much force, blows out a frustrated breath, and watches items drop.
“All we can do is pray and hold on. The rest is out of our hands. I’ve got you.
We’ve all got you guys. Just think of all the crap we’ve already been through.
We can get through anything coming our way… together.”
I nod and sniffle loudly again as I pull away and gather myself. Colin needs us.
“Okay. Let’s get back in there before he keels over or we miss something.”
Within ten minutes of being in the room, the phone rings and Jane picks it up. She nods as she listens to something being said and says an ‘ok, thank you’, her mouth forming a tight line as she hangs up.
“A nurse from the OR said Jaxon is on his way up.”
Her head swivels as she looks over at Colin nursing a bottle of water, as Ava rubs his back with soothing circles.
Mark paces beside him with an arm tucked under his pit and some fingers absentmindedly worrying his bottom lip.
Their movements pause, then flurry, when Colin grabs the small trashcan next to the wall beside him and retches into it.
We’re all on edge. It hasn’t been that long since they went down.
Jaxon walks into the room, still in his street clothes.
They didn’t even have time to change. His eyes find mine for a split second before searching for Colin.
The tension in the room is palpable as Jaxon walks up to Colin and crouches.
Mark rests a hand on Colin’s shoulder. Jaxon reaches out to put his hand on Colin’s knee, and Colin shudders, closing his eyes tightly before taking a deep breath and rolling his gaze up to Jaxon’s. We all stop breathing.
“The twins are here. They’re going to be okay. You have a boy and a girl.”
A burst of air punches from Colin’s lungs as tears silently streak down his face.
“Sydney?” he whispers, voice on the edge of breaking.
Jaxon squeezes his knee tightly.
“She’s hanging in there. We’re not out of the woods yet.
She’s lost a lot of blood. They’ve got blood hanging as we speak while Dr. Wideman is trying to stop the bleeding.
I need to get back down there in case she needs me, but I knew you needed to hear something.
Needed hope. Wideman said Sydney really wanted the babies to get skin to skin contact right away, so I’ll have a nurse come get you to take you to them.
I’ll be back as soon as I have more news.
You got her here, Colin. You saved those babies. ”
Colin takes in another shaky breath, but he looks like he’s in a whole different place mentally. My heart is aching for him. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this is on him. Jaxon waits a second.
“I just have one question to ask. If we can’t stop the hemorrhaging, do we have consent for an emergency hysterectomy?”
Colin flinches, then looks back to Jaxon.
“I hate to even think it, but I want to go back down there with the necessary info in case it comes down to a hard decision.”
Colin sits forward, elbows on his knees, and covers his mouth with both hands. He’s scared Sydney will hate him if he makes that choice for her. His eyes roll to mine.
I swallow, but there’s no spit to go down, then nod.
“If it's the choice of future babies or no future with all of you, it's simple. She’d choose the three of you every time,” I choke out, knowing it would still be a blow; also, knowing in my gut it’s what she would want.
He looks back to Jaxon and nods, unable to utter the words.
Jaxon nods back and squeezes Colin one more time before standing, looking my way with an undecipherable glance, and disappearing back down the hall.
I look around the room at all my friends before walking over and taking Jaxon’s place in front of Colin.
“Hey.”
His eyes slide up to mine, but he’s practically staring through me. I think he’s in shock. I reach up and cup his cheek, trying to ground him.
“You have two beautiful babies that need you.”
He doesn’t answer, still lost in thought.
The nurse strolls in at that moment.
“I’m here to get Dad to start some skin-to-skin time with his littles.” Her smile falls as she reads the room, likely not used to dealing with the sad side of these types of deliveries. She looks fresh out of school too. “Umm, should I come back?”
I clear my throat and glance at Colin. Nothing. Shit.
“Colin is still waiting to hear about Sydney. Will aunts work?” I say, making the split-second decision as I look around at my girls. Everyone nods in agreement. We’d gladly step up and do this for Sydney. If things don’t go well, we’ll be needed more than ever.
“Um, well, if Dad agrees to this, then I guess so. I’ll take one of you back.”
Colin looks away in that moment, and all I see is him shutting down. No, no, no. I look at Jane and Garrett, then Trystan, silently conveying that I need them to get through to him before I squeeze Brynleigh’s outstretched hand and tell her that they’re all tapping in.
“I’m coming. Take me to them.”
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