Chapter 33
Jaxon
My heart still stutters in my chest as I follow Holly back to the changing room.
She grabs her shirt and purse, when I hold my hand out to carry it and tell her to follow me.
I take her down the hall to the private rooms the doctors use to catch some rest. There’s an overhead lamp on, but the rest of the room is darkened as I shut the door.
“Come here, Sweetheart,” I whisper, dropping her purse on the chair before pulling her into my arms.
I breathe in the scent of her hair, allowing the familiarity of her floral shampoo to ground me as I shudder against her. My adrenaline is crashing, and I know she’s just as emotionally spent.
“Thank you.”
“I’m just so happy we were able to save them all. I was scared there for a little bit.”
“Were you guys able to stop the bleeding?”
I shake my head and sigh, resting my chin atop her head.
“No… We had to take it.”
Holly gasps and cries again for her friend. I don’t know how there are any tears left in her.
“Do we know if anyone has called either of their parents?”
“Jane and Ava were on it.” She sniffles. “Thank goodness.”
“You guys are all quite the team.”
“Yeah, we are.”
“What you did for Colin and Sydney with those babies, though? That was incredible, Holly.”
“I love them.”
“It shows. Damn near had my heart bursting out of my chest.”
Holly pulls back from me, turns, then yanks off the gown before adjusting her sports bra. When she turns sideways to grab her shirt, my eyes travel down her belly, and I imagine it swollen with my child. Holy hell, my child.
I sense the air change between us. We haven’t even spoken the words yet. She notices my gaze and pulls her shirt over her head, covering herself from me. I don’t like it. She looks conflicted.
“Talk to me.”
“I’m so tired.”
“I know, but I need to know what’s going on in your head.”
“My best friend just almost died, and Colin temporarily checked out. I was nervous I’d be moving in next door to help take care of twins. I can’t think beyond that right now.”
“Holly.”
“Jaxon…” she draws out, sounding defeated, then drops onto the mattress, her hands flopping in her lap. I crouch in front of her, lifting her chin with my forefinger.
I wish I could read her thoughts right about now.
“I know you didn’t sign up for this…” she cuts out, her chin wobbling again. Those eyes filling again. Damn it.
“What are you saying?”
“I’ll understand…”
“Wait, what?” I run my fingers across my lips in disbelief. “What part of you thinks I’m not fully in this? What part of you thinks I’d tap out?”
“You want us?”
In less than six months, my entire world and viewpoint on what I thought it would be has been completely wiped clean and rebuilt, solely because of her.
I sigh deeply, knowing I’m going to bare my soul to her so raw that if she wants to, she could destroy me with a simple no.
After tonight, seeing what I truly have to lose if I don’t reach out and grab this with both hands and take off running, I can’t live with that option.
Spreading her thighs to make room for me and pulling her close by the hips, I drop onto my knees as I rest my forehead to her belly, full of wonder and a love I never imagined for myself, knowing that a little person–a part of me–grows deep within her.
I won’t let a minute of that go by without me.
“Everything became crystal clear for me tonight. Even more than I already knew I wanted for me and you.”
I look up at her, watching as Holly’s expressions war with all that has happened tonight, and catch a flicker of hope she’s too nervous to fully accept as true.
“I know it’s all moving fast, but look at your friends.
Would a single one of them tell you that the risk isn’t worth it?
Would they tell you to take more time, even if your gut is screaming this is right?
Up here?” I tap my temple. “You are already mine. In all the ways that count, I’ve already given you my forever.
And this?” I cup her wobbly chin and stretch to kiss those perfect lips and taste the salt of her tears.
“This is as real as it gets. And this?” I smooth my other hand across her lower abdomen, then bend to press my lips to an even better version of my dream before looking up to her again.
“This seals the deal.” Holly’s breath stutters from her chest as hope now blooms on her face. She’s hearing me.
“You. This baby. I will always choose you. Even more babies, if you want. Three am feeds, even if I have to work at the crack of dawn. Oh, wait, that’s already taken care of.
” She chuckles and pulls me close. There’s my girl.
I grasp her cheeks with both hands, swiping away the tear tracks with my thumbs.
“Forever, Holly. I want this. I want us. I want today, and I want all of your tomorrows too.” She lets out a little whimper, a mix of disbelief and utter joy.
“I want the both of you. That’s never going to change. What do you say?”
I swallow hard, knowing there’s still a chance she’ll say no, that it’s too much too soon, that we need to talk more, or that none of this was in her plan, but I refuse to let that take root as my eyes bounce hopefully back and forth between her glistening, golden brown ones.
Putting my future completely in someone else’s hands is utterly terrifying.
Another shaky breath leaves her lungs.
“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
Shit. I should’ve done this in a completely different setting. I gulp and nod.
She opens her mouth, and I panic.
“Don’t answer now. Think about it. I’m going to do this again right. Not tonight. Not like this. Damn, Hol, I’m sorry. Emotions got me all twisted up.”
Her eyes flare, and I realize I’m digging a hole.
“No, no, no, I’m not taking it back. I meant every word.
You just deserve more. You deserve the ring and the intimate moment, flowers, dangit, everything.
Not me here on my knees with who knows what on my clothes in the aftermath of an emergency.
And you’re going to get it.” A glimmer of a smile plays at the corner of her lips as I ramble.
Damn, grand rounds in front of hundreds of my peers have nothing on this. I think I might puke.
“I love you.” Her small words split me wide open. I fist her shirt and pull her close to me, breathing in her calming scent as I pour myself into the kiss, then rest my forehead to hers.
"I love you too, Sweetheart.”
???
Holly
That man–whether in linen closets or quiet hospital rooms–is a wild concoction of dangerous drugs I’m more than willing to take a chance on.
By the time our bedsheets get reacquainted with our skin, Jaxon realizes he has a whole hour to sleep before he has to get ready and head back to the hospital in time for his nine am appointment.
He mumbles something about it being practice and falls asleep in record time.
I lay there, watching his eyelids flutter and listening to his relaxed breathing, unable to sleep yet.
I already called my boss and left a message that there was a family emergency and that I’m needed elsewhere today.
Sydney’s going to need every ounce of support she can get over these next few weeks as they all adjust. I know that she’ll be devastated that they took her uterus, but I also know that the other outcome was not up for debate.
My eyes grow heavy, and I swear I haven’t been asleep but a few minutes before Jaxon’s alarm is going off. I start to stretch, but he nuzzles into my neck and squeezes me tightly like he doesn’t want to let go.
“Sleep a bit longer. They don’t need you back right away. I’ll text you later.”
He kisses my cheek and crawls out of bed.
I hear him shuffle around the bathroom and the bedroom as I totally drift back off.
I wake around nine-thirty to my bladder screaming at me for relief.
If I don’t get up now, I will be struggle-bussing for the rest of the day and have to wash these sheets.
Hustling to the toilet in my half-awake state, I stare at the wall blankly, trying to get my shit together.
It’s not working. My brain is officially fried after the last twelve-ish hours.
As I let the shower warm up and I’m washing my hands, I notice a pink sticky note lying under the positive pregnancy test.
Thank you for the best gift I could ever ask for.
He’s happy about this baby. He’s not running.
I’ve already given you my forever. My heart leaps for joy at the mere thought of his words from this morning in the on-call room.
This man wants to marry me. He freaking proposed!
I almost threw up all over his shirt when he asked me not to answer–sure that he was taking it all back, immediately jumping to the conclusion that he was just spewing emotional word vomit–but thankfully, he quickly remedied that.
Finishing up my shower, I turn it cold for a few seconds to help quell the queasiness that just washed through me before drying off. Ugh, I’d really rather not puke right this second.
He wants to do it right. Butterflies swarm in my belly, different from the morning queasies, and I suddenly wonder what those first flutters of our baby will feel like. I need to ask the girls. I need to tell the girls. How do I tell them?
Our baby…
How far along am I? With the bouts of morning sickness and the really weird ‘period’, I wonder if I’m further along than just the period I’m missing now.
Buzz.
Dr. Sexy: I’m bringing home prenatals.
I smile goofily at my phone. He’s bringing ‘home’ prenatals. Do we live together now? I mean, I’m not opposed. I just feel like we’re leaping over a bunch of stepping stones here. Breathe…
I call Dr. Wideman’s office and set up an appointment to find out how far along I am.
The nurse agreed that the funky spotting of last month’s ‘period’ could mean I’m closer to the two month mark instead of newly pregnant, meaning it’s totally possible that I got pregnant the weekend we all went away.
They’ll get me in on Tuesday for a quick transvaginal ultrasound to date things and make sure things are looking good.
She also said Wideman would have some bloodwork orders put in for me as well.
Me: I go for an ultrasound next Tuesday to find out how far along I am
Dr. Sexy: Good
Me: So you’re not freaking out?
Dr. Sexy: No, I am the complete opposite of freaking out. You’re stuck with me
I snort.
Me: We’ll have to figure out how to tell everyone
Dr. Sexy: After Sydney gets home and everyone gets together?
Me: Exactly where my mind was going
Dr. Sexy: So just a few more days… If you’re okay with that? Or do you want to wait longer? It’s totally up to you
Me: I’d rather tell them in a few days. They’re family. The rest of the world can wait though
Dr. Sexy: Parents?
Me: Soonish, lol
Dr. Sexy: My mom is going to be so excited.
Me: Oh my gosh, I haven’t even met your mother yet. She’s going to think I’m a whore
Dr. Sexy: Holly…
Dr. Sexy: What’s your middle name? Oh how I wanna middle name you right now…
Me: SEE?!
Dr. Sexy: There are plenty of couples who date longer than we have that still don’t know each other’s middle names. You are NOT a whore
Me: … …
Dr. Sexy: Don’t dot dot dot me
Me: Nicole
Dr. Sexy: That’s pretty
Me: I don’t want her to think badly of me
Dr. Sexy: She’s basically already planning the wedding, hun
Me: What do you mean?
Dr. Sexy: I told her about you when I moved here. She’s been texting for updates to see if I’d won you over yet
Me: Did you tell her I was a hard sell?
Dr. Sexy: I told her I was going to put a ring on that
Me: *laughing emoji
Rubbing my fingers across his note one last time, I smile, switch off the bathroom light, and make my way to my best friend and her babies.