Chapter 25
Alana
Without my sight, I expected to fly into a panic. I was certainly freaked out, but I didn’t move. I didn’t try to strike at him or escape. With the deprivation, I was completely focused on what I could feel and hear, which was currently his zipper. There were goosebumps all over my skin that hadn’t gone away since he brought the blindfold out.
I reached up to touch the leather. It was tight but not too uncomfortable. If I tried to get it off, he’d be able to stop me, so I just ran my fingers over it for a moment before I dropped them back to the bed.
He chuckled, which might have scared me more than anything else. This was wrong. I should’ve been fighting him. He hurt me on multiple occasions, hunted me, threatened the people in my life. He was dangerous. And my entire body felt like it was on fire because of it.
I knew I was a little messed up in the head. It came with having a shitty childhood, probably. Maybe I could’ve counteracted it in therapy or something, but I never had an interest in going. My past didn’t haunt me and I didn’t even know if it was the actual cause of the things that went through my head.
It didn’t matter. I’d brought it up to Jake a few times, only to feel gross for doing it. I talked to him about CNC and he said it was sick. When I wanted him to use my body like I was just a hole to fuck, he looked at me like I was insane. He thought I wasn’t satisfied with our sex life. I was, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about new things. It wasn’t wrong, but I refused to argue about it with him.
This, though… This was fucking wrong. I’d really lost my mind after losing Jake, along with everything else that had happened recently. This had to be some symptom of my depression. Apathy? The complete collapse of my mental faculties? Something.
There was pressure on my abdomen as he gripped me and turned me onto my back. His hands moved up my body slowly. My heart raced from the contact.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Danger. I should be running, not arching into his touch.
Warmth and wetness touched my nipple and I fisted the sheets. His mask was gone. The blindfold made more sense now. What’d he look like without it?
My fingertips touched the sides of his face, making him stop moving. How did blind people recognize a face by touch? I had no idea how to conceptualize the structure in my mind. His cheekbones were sharp and his skin was soft, except for the stubble on his jaw. Strong bone structure. Full lips. I didn’t feel anything strange like scars or mutilation that I could use to somehow turn myself off from this. He had to be ugly. That was the only option I’d accept.
He turned his face to kiss my palm, then bit down on the ball of my thumb. Taking my wrist, he moved my hand to his chest. It met bare skin over solid muscle. The idea of him being naked reignited my fear as I thought about what that meant.
He was going to fuck me. No, I didn’t want that. I had to do something. He’d assaulted me already, but this…
“Hey,” he cooed, putting a hand on my cheek. “Calm down.”
“I’m scared.”
“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?” His lips touched the front of my throat just as his dick nudged against me. I had the urge to bend my knees, but that wasn’t the right response, so I stayed still.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Are you more afraid of me hurting you or making you want more?”
When he moved his hips, he slid through my slit. The sting from the tattoo made me gasp, but it was combined with the pressure on my clit as he continued to move back and forth. When he spread my wetness, it burned a little and I clenched my teeth.
“You can’t answer,” he murmured, trailing his lips across my jaw. “Maybe you want me to help you find out.”
A sharp ache erupted in my lower lip from his teeth. I turned my face away and focused on my breathing. He diverted to my breasts- biting, licking, and sucking on my skin. I couldn’t help it; I grabbed the back of his head to hold him there while he created suction around my nipple.
I hadn’t had an orgasm in so long before he tied me up two weeks ago. The sort of desperation I felt now was powerful. It was just a consequence of him stimulating my body, but it was still undeniable.
Suddenly, he pulled back. He wasn’t touching me at all and it made me ache.
“You want me to leave, right?” His voice was soft yet filled the space around me dangerously.
I wasn’t sure what to say. My mouth opened, but no sound came out.
“Tell me to leave and I will.”
“Leave.”
It was silent for a moment, then his weight disappeared from the bed. I heard his backpack unzip and there was some rustling. Heavy footsteps receded into the hallway. I sat up straight, trying to rally my senses.
“Wait.”
His steps paused. What was I doing? He was going to leave. In what fucking world would I ask a man who intended to rape me to stay? If I did that, was I consenting? More importantly, if I changed my mind, would he respect that? Doubtful, which meant that this was my one chance and, essentially, I was going into this knowing I wouldn’t get a choice for the rest of the night.
“Stay,” I whispered.
“Say it louder.”
A whimper left my lips. “Stay.”
The bed dipped and his teeth suddenly snagged my nipple. I cried out but when I tried to touch him, he pinned my hands.
“Beg me to make you cum.”
“Please.” He didn’t move. I tipped my head back and took a shaky breath. “Please, Erebus. Please make me cum.”
“Spread yourself for me.”
Tentatively, I grabbed either side of my labia and opened myself. I felt vulnerable and dirty like this. When I heard him breathing heavier, my body warmed knowing that I affected him.
It was fine. We’d do this and I’d go back to the way I was before. Maybe I’d finally go to therapy. If there was ever a sign from the universe, this was it.
There was a small creak, then something jingled briefly. Not knowing what he was doing made sweat bead on my brow. A sharp, excruciating pain flared between my legs when he struck me with something. I immediately dropped my hands and tried to close my legs, but he held them down.
“I didn’t tell you to stop,” he pointed out. There was a snapping sound that I tried to place. It was familiar.
“You said you wouldn’t hurt me,” I cried.
“Never said that. The only thing I’ll ever promise is that you’ll cum. Now, bare that pussy for me again.” When I hesitated, he dug his fingers into my thighs. “Don’t make me tie your ankles to the posts behind your head.”
Fuck. I let my knees fall to the sides and returned to my previous position. It still burned so much and I braced myself for the next one. When it came, I screamed and arched my back. He used two fingers to press against either side of my clit, then moved them back and forth. The pain was still there while my arousal awoke again.
His fingers disappeared and I didn’t have time to prepare before he whipped my pussy again. It happened in succession, five quick hits that had me crying and tearing the sheets when I could no longer keep my hands where he wanted them. The thing- a belt, I think- had struck my fingers as well, but that was nothing compared to the pain between my legs. It throbbed now, a constant drumbeat to remind me what the hell I’d gotten myself into with this maniac I’d invited into my bed all because he made my pussy weep.
He kissed away the tears on my cheeks. “That was for almost making me leave, Alana. And this is for asking me to stay.”
His lips pressed against mine at the same time that he buried his dick inside of me. I cried out, this time not from pain. I was so wet already that my body accepted him without protest. Something between a groan and a growl tore from his throat and he wasted no time pulling his hips back and driving himself into me again.
When his tongue met mine, my immediate response was to turn away, but I gripped the back of his neck instead. I lifted my feet from the bed and locked my ankles behind him.
It was like a one-night stand. That’s what I kept telling myself. Just a random guy here to have sex with me, then leave.
He pulled all the way out, then plunged back in, stretching me to what felt like my limit. Combined with the burn that still radiated over my skin, I was on the verge of overstimulation. I dropped my head back, breaking our kiss, and let myself focus on the sensations in my body. He moved slow on the way out and thrust into me hard. I felt every inch of him stroke my walls and when he rolled his hips, I let out an unfettered moan.
“Show me how you make yourself cum,” he demanded, pulling out of me. The emptiness was maddening. I tried to bring him closer with my legs, but he was a stone statue. “Now, Alana.”
With a frustrated huff, I moved my hand between my legs and inserted three fingers. Even then, it didn’t feel like it had when he was inside of me. Everything around us was so quiet that the sound of what I was doing seemed loud. I moved faster, listening to it and letting it drive me on.
“I could watch you play with your pussy forever.”
I moved my hips to match my cadence while I used my thumb to circle my clit. It was sensitive in both a good and a bad way, but I needed it, the extra push to drive me into an orgasm. With my free hand, I lightly pinched one of my nipples, igniting the fire in my core. Just as my pussy began to tighten, he grabbed my wrist and wrenched my hand away, then filled me with his dick. I cried out, clamping down on his shaft. While I was still convulsing, he sucked all three of my fingers into his mouth.
My core pulsed with heat and electricity. It was violent, which felt fitting for this absurdity. I didn’t know how much time passed, but when I was able to focus again, he was still fucking me, but gently.
“Mm,” he groaned, lifting my leg to bite my ankle. His lips continued over the top of my foot. “I thought you broke. When’s the last time you came, Alana?”
“With you,” I breathed. His dick hit me so deeply that it was painful, but when he shifted his hips, I found myself seeking more.
“And before that?”
I shook my head, unable to think, let alone form words. He flipped me over and his fingers wrapped around my throat from behind, only allowing me the barest amount of air. He fucked me harder, abandoning the sweet and gentle person he’d been a moment ago. I pushed my hips back, raising my ass higher to get closer to him. Grabbing onto the metal posts of the headboard, I simultaneously used them to keep us connected and to hold on for dear life.
His fingers dug into my throat as he pounded into me. I struggled to draw in breath, but he didn’t let up. He gave me only as much as I needed to stay conscious. Every stroke felt like it reached into my pelvis and threatened to bruise me from the inside.
“Let me feel you squeeze my cock again, baby.”
“I… Mm, fuck. I need…” I reached between my legs, but he grabbed my hand and returned it to the headboard.
“All you need is my cock.”
To punctuate his statement, he angled his dick in a way that made my head droop forward and my fingers grip the bars more tightly. His weight pressed down on my back and he simply rolled his hips, hitting that spot repeatedly.
“See, Alana? It was fucking made for you. You’re so fucking close, I can feel it. Drown my cock, baby.”
Grabbing onto my hair, he pulled my head back and crushed his lips to mine. When my orgasm crested, I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. He wrapped an arm around my waist, taking the weight off of my arms while he continued to kiss me, even though I wasn’t really returning the gesture. I couldn’t when my head was swept up in this flood of absolute madness. I didn’t know how it felt so incredible and I wouldn’t let myself think about it too much.
He growled against my lips and I felt him swell inside of me. Breaking our kiss, he dropped his mouth to my shoulder and bit down hard enough to make me cry out. It helped bring me back to reality a little bit and as I knelt there, waiting for him to come down, I wondered what exactly I’d just done.