Chapter 33
Jayce
Swiping a hand down my face, I stared at Alana from the doorway. She’d mostly stayed asleep on the car ride back to her place. Even when she roused, she’d look over at me, smile, then lay her head down again.
Wasn’t that insane? She saw this damned neon mask and she fucking smiled. She chose to sleep around Erebus, to trust him while she was most vulnerable.
It felt like I was being cheated on. Was I fucking jealous of myself? I wanted to claim that sparkle in her eyes that she had after I made her cum. I wanted to keep my arms around her so that the feeling never went away. She should be able to look at my face, to see how happy she made me.
I was losing the plot. If I wasn’t careful, she was going to fall in love with the part of me that she didn’t understand, the one I had to give up at some point. Maybe she was already getting there. She didn’t know a fucking thing about Erebus. It made no sense that she could run into his arms.
But why wouldn’t she? He was the one who made her feel something after she’d been empty for so long. The life was drained out of her and she couldn’t even make herself orgasm because she was so depressed, then he came along and changed that. He protected her from Mike and showed her the truth. Jayce hid things from her. He knew about Alicia and didn’t tell her. He knew about Hailey and kept it from her.
God, I’d fucked up. I’d put the wrong parts of me into this masked version. Now, I had to find a way to fix it. Yesterday, I decided that I’d back off as Erebus. That was what needed to happen. She couldn’t talk to him anymore. He would have to disappear and when she felt abandoned again, I’d pick her up, dust her off, and fill her to the brink with love. We’d move past all of this the way we were meant to.
She rolled onto her stomach and turned her face toward me. Her eyes were still closed and her lips were parted. The way her cheek was squished made it look like she was pouting. I wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed with her and hold onto her until I felt less broken, but I couldn’t. I had to go to Ben’s place tonight and make sure there was no trace of our business dealings. I didn’t think he’d be reported missing for a while, but in the off chance he had actual friends out there, that assumption could be wrong.
Killing him might have been impulsive, but there was no going back now. Alana would think he just ran off. If she did suspect that he was dead, she’d assume it was from his own business mistakes. All’s fair in love and war.
Since my car was still at the park, I had to order a ride to pick it up. By the time I got there, I was incredibly tired. Between work and everything I was doing with Alana, I hadn’t been sleeping enough. Maybe that was why things were falling apart. I couldn’t keep up.
I just had to do this one thing at Ben’s place, then I’d sleep. It was the weekend, so there was plenty of time.
*****
The sound of my phone ringing made me feel absolutely murderous. When I opened my eyes, the sun seared straight through them. I thought it was going to burn a hole in my retinas. To top it off, Alana was calling me. Not me , but Erebus.
I was livid.
After ignoring the call, I swung my legs over the bed and dropped my face into my hands. Judging by the time I’d glimpsed on my phone, I’d only gotten six hours of sleep, which would be fine under normal circumstances, but I’d been ready to set aside the entire weekend for rest. I already knew I wouldn’t be able to force myself back to sleep, so my Saturday wasn’t looking great already.
The phone rang again, making me groan. Don’t tell me she got attached just because we had an intimate moment. Seriously, the guy wouldn’t show her his face, he’d choked her until she passed out in her car and drugged her in his basement. She should’ve been blocking him, calling the police, and going into witness protection.
Those things wouldn’t be good for me, but I was starting to actually worry. If she was this easy to manipulate, I needed to keep a more watchful eye on her. Mike weaseled his way into her life with hardly any effort. I should’ve known she needed better protection.
Grabbing the phone, I called her back from my own number.
“Oh my god, Erebus-”
“Who’s Erebus?” I asked, wincing at the gravel in my voice.
There was a long pause. “Oh, Jayce. Sorry. I thought someone else was… What’s up?”
“Just calling to check in. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” Her tone had softened, but there was still a note of panic in her voice.
“You okay? You sound frazzled.”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Are you sure? I’m not doing anything, so if you want me to come over, I can.”
“No. It’s fine.”
I ground my teeth together. That was one way to piss me off. The only way I was going to figure out what was wrong was through my alternate self, the one who I’d decided to put away.
Fuck.
“We should get coffee,” I suggested.
“Yeah, totally. We can do that tomorrow.”
Gripping the phone tightly, I pulled it away from my ear and took a deep breath. When I brought it back, I put on as much cheer as I could.
“Cool. I’ll pick you up at ten.”
“Perfect.”
“Love you, Alana.”
“I love you too.”
After we hung up, the phone immediately started ringing again. I dropped onto my back and shook my head. Instead of answering, I sent her a text.
Erebus: Busy. What do you want?
Alana: I need you .
Erebus: Why?
Alana: What’s up with the attitude?
Whatever. Mike showed up at my door.
I sat up straight and let out a growl. Suddenly, I remembered what my dad had told me. Mike was supposed to get served this weekend, which led me to believe that this wasn’t a friendly house call. I hit redial and put the phone on speaker while I hunted for clothes.
“It’s about fucking time,” Alana shouted.
“Tell me what happened.”
“He showed up and I didn’t answer the door, but maybe I should have. Is he going to kill me or something?”
“Calm the fuck down.”
“Why are you being so rude? Shouldn’t you be jumping for joy that I’m trying to talk to you?”
“No. If you don’t tell me exactly what happened, I will drive to his house and put a knife through his fucking skull, Alana.”
She sucked in a breath and I took a moment to compose myself while she probably did the same.
“Just come over and I’ll tell you,” she said softly.
Closing my eyes, I leaned against my closet door. “I can’t.”
“You can stalk me and show up on my balcony, in my room, in my fucking closet, but you can’t come over when I need you? I guess you really are just a deranged stalker who confused obsession with caring about me.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Does it sound like I’m kidding, Erebus?”
I laughed, dropping my face into my palm. “Of all the people in your life, you’ve decided to get attached to me. Do you understand how insane that is? I’ve hurt you. I’ve tied you up, tattooed your pussy, watched you sleep, I fucking raped you , and you want me to come over and listen to your problems.”
“I…”
“Ignore the goddamn teacher. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he’ll leave you alone. In the meantime, find something else to cure your loneliness.”
I ended the call and dropped onto the bed. Everything I said made my chest hurt. I didn’t regret a single thing I did to Alana except get too close. Because my lines got blurred, I had to say cruel words to her. I knew they would strike deep. That was why I had to do it.
My original intent was to merge the two parts of me, but this could still work. It was time for me to put her back together and, hopefully, I’d be able to salvage the situation. Erebus was done, put away for good. Now, it was Jayce Weste’s turn.
*****
“How’d the hearing go?” I asked as I set a mug of coffee on the island in front of my dad.
He grunted and took a sip. I could tell from the crease in his brow that it hadn’t gone how he’d wanted. It couldn’t have been a total disaster since he didn’t look angry enough for that. He was never good at hiding his temper when it heated, but he always kept himself from lashing out. He just wore his emotions on his sleeve.
I leaned my elbows on the counter. “That good, huh?”
“That guy, her stepfather, I don’t like him. He’s got this smug look about him, like he’s holding onto a royal flush, but I don’t know what advantage he thinks he has.”
“He’s conceited. I bet his lawyers fed him some bullshit about him having the upper hand.”
“Maybe. This started as a discussion about who will hold Alicia’s estate and now, we’re pursuing custody. He shouldn’t be sitting in that room with a smirk on his face.”
“What happens now?”
“The judge wants us to have visits with Alicia, to establish a relationship. Poor girl. It’ll be so awkward for her at first.”
“She’ll love everyone,” I assured him. “I know you’re worried, but I can’t imagine the judge not allowing you a place in her life, even if it’s not any sort of custody. It was never your decision not to be there for her.”
“After meeting Mr. Everhart, I want more.”
“How much more?” I asked before taking a long drink of my coffee.
“Everything, honestly. I don’t think she should be with some guy who isn’t even related to her. And I know he’s her stepdad and I want to respect that, but… I don’t trust him.”
It was hard not to smile at his reaction to Mike. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. If we wanted to be involved with Alicia, we had to get him out of the picture. Not only was he a snake; he had too much of a connection to both me and Alana. There would always be conflict there.
I wished I could just kill the guy, but it would be too suspicious. On top of that, it would only make things harder. There was no guarantee Alicia would be placed with my parents- not right away, at least. I didn’t want her put into some foster home, even for a day.
“You should fight him,” I suggested. “Hire someone to dig something up on him and go for full custody.”
Dad snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m serious. I’ll help pay for it.” When he still looked skeptical, I put a hand on his arm. “Let’s be real, Dad. Jake wanted to take Alicia from Mike. Hailey wanted Jake to have her. It’s pretty obvious that she needs to be with us.”
Slowly, he nodded. “You’re right. I know that you’re right. It’s just such a big thing and tomorrow…”
He cut himself off, taking a shuddering breath. I didn’t need him to finish that sentence. Tomorrow was the anniversary of Jake’s death. It was going to be a really bad day and I wasn’t sure where Alana would be on the spectrum of grief. I had to be prepared for anything.