Chapter 11 The Gordian Knot
ELEVEN
The Gordian Knot
“This is what you want?” he asks as his cock jumps, the tip only an inch from my lips.
I want a lot of things. I want to taste him. I want to make him feel better than anyone’s ever made him feel in his life. I want to know what sounds I can draw out of him, and more than anything I want him to remember us like this.
“Yeah,” I say simply. Too simply.
“I can’t—I’ve never—I won’t last.”
“Wanna find out?” I ask. “I won’t judge you if you don’t judge me.”
He nods. “Okay.”
Running my nose up the side of his shaft, I inhale deeply of his sweet musk. I swear, I’ve dreamed this scent. Closing my eyes, I wrap my lips around the sticky head and lick my way around it.
His hand grips the hair at the back of my head. Not pulling. Just hanging on. “Mmmph…fuck.”
His hips writhe as I suck his length into my mouth, my own moan working its way through my chest as the flavor of him explodes on my tongue. Tangy and sweet. His hard, silken length is heaven between my lips. I swear I was made for this. Exactly this. Exactly him.
I suck him slowly. As much as he doesn’t want to come too soon, I don’t either.
I want to take these hours we have and stretch them beyond time.
I find his other hand and thread my fingers through his.
He holds our formed fist in the center of his chest where I can feel how hard he’s breathing and the rapid beat of his heart.
My other hand is open against his inner thigh, my thumb slowly stroking the crease where it meets his groin.
“I got—I got—oh shit,” he bites out as I suck hard up his length. I look up at him, wanting him to finish what he was saying.
With his cock no longer in my mouth, he sputters out, “Lube. When I called the front desk. I have everything.”
“What?”
He gives my hair a soft pull. “Come here.”
I drag myself over his body, and he meets my mouth with a slow, deep kiss.
I lower onto him, feeling all his nakedness meeting mine.
It’s one of life’s small miracles that we get to have this.
For all the emotional bullshit we have to wade through, sometimes we get to press our bare flesh together and feel the best things a human body is capable of feeling.
And kissing? I don’t deserve Tristan’s kiss.
His lips are beautiful, I’ll grant that, and I set a high bar with all my expectations and over-romanticizing of our connection, but he’s already soared straight past all that. He’s blowing me away.
With his hand on my face, he’s devouring me. His tongue is a force of nature, and if I had any lingering doubt about whether he wants me, the way he kisses me puts them all to rest.
When he pulls away, his eyes are glazed, and his lips look even more delicious. “I want this,” he breathes. “I want you. Everything. It has to be you.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Please, Archer. No more questions.” With a slight lift of his head, he nudges my nose with his, and the intimacy of that—just our noses touching, makes my next breath shudder.
With his lips against mine, he says, “Tell me you want me that much, too. Even if it’s just for tonight. Even if it’s only this one time.”
I want him a hell of a lot more than that. My dick is rock hard and pulsing with need. The headache has taken a backseat to all the lust saturating my blood. I’m burning up for him. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want him. “I do.”
“What are you waiting for?” he asks as I hold my face just above his. The sight of him beneath me is as engrossing as it is overwhelming.
“I feel like…” Fuck, it’s hard to talk about all the logistics when he’s looking at me like that. “I mean…how do you want this to be?”
He blinks his long lashes several times. “How I want—oh. However you normally would do it.”
“I’ve never—I’ve never been with a man like this,” I have to admit.
“Oh.” His brows lift. “Wow, really?”
I shake my head.
“Um…well, I got the condoms for you…if that helps clarify anything.”
It definitely does. I nod. “Okay,” I say on a breath.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” I kiss him softly. “Yes.”
He pushes some hair back that’s fallen over my face and cups my jaw. “With that out of the way, is there something else holding you back?”
“I think—I just need you to tell me it’s okay. That you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” he says, one hand still gripping my face while the other is splayed open in the center of my back. “I swear you’re exactly what I want.”
The absolute truth on his face pushes me past all my doubt and hesitation. Because there is no doubt or hesitation in him. He’s so sure of me. His trust is as unbelievable as love.
“Where is everything?”
His hand on my back moves. I watch as he grabs a paper bag off the nightstand and dumps its contents on the bed. I ignore the noisy bottle of ibuprofen as the box of condoms and the small bottle of KY jelly tumble onto the mattress.
“Shit, you were serious,” I say without thinking. My brain feels numb.
My dick, however… I’m leaking on his abs.
He laughs softly. “I thought you were, too.”
“It was kinda theoretical, or—I don’t know—aspirational.”
“Archer.” He nudges his lower body up. I nearly choke at the feel of his cock bumping against mine. “Let’s make it real.”
“Yeah, I want that,” I say softly, nearly whispering it.
“I showered tonight, but…maybe I should again?” he says.
I shake my head, reaching for the condoms. With the box in hand, I tilt myself onto my side, leaning against his bent leg.
The throb in my knee is nothing compared to the way my dick throbs as I unwrap the condom and roll it on.
It’s a snug fit, uncomfortable enough that I feel confident I won’t lose this erection anytime soon.
“I guess I should have ordered the large,” he says, watching me.
I glance at his face to see if he’s having second thoughts. That’s not what I find there. He looks almost greedy. Almost demanding. Definitely determined.
“Be careful with me?” he says.
I nod.
“Like, so, so careful,” he says.
“Turn over, Tristan.”
“What are you—? Okay.”
We rearrange ourselves again. It’s a process. I guide him with my hand on his bare skin until I’m on my back, and he’s straddling my chest, facing away from me. He plants his hands on my thighs as I pull his hips back enough that I can kiss his plush, round ass cheeks.
“Mmm…” he moans shakily. “Don’t use your mouth.”
“You’re pretty fucking clean,” I tell him now that I’m faced with his pristine ass.
“I’m trying to be in the moment, here, Archer. If you put your tongue inside me, I can’t make any promises.”
I reach for the lube and pop open the cap. “Next time,” I tell him. “That’s a promise. You can go wherever you need to in your head, but it’s gonna happen at some point.”
He laughs softly, sounding relieved, and his body loses some tension I hadn’t realized he was hanging onto. “Okay. But listen.”
I listen, but he doesn’t say anything. What he does is take off the condom. My cock jerks when the constriction gives way, and my heels dig into the mattress when he bends down to take me into his mouth.
I grunt with surprise. My nails dig into his hips, and a steady gasp keeps my mouth open. He’s using one of his hands, too. Liquid fire races up my legs, igniting my groin.
“Slow down, angel. Shit.”
He pops off with a gasp of his own. “My heart fucking broke again when you put that thing on. I was thinking I never got to touch you.”
Still reeling even without his mouth on me, it takes me a few stupid seconds to reply. “You can do whatever you want to me, but—if you want me to fuck you, you can’t make me come.”
“I mean, technically, we have all night.”
“Tristan. I need us to get back on the same page.” With cool lube on my fingers, I run two of them down the center of his crack. His back arches, and his ass presses closer to me, practically daring me to put my mouth on him.
“I’m back,” he breathes. “I’m back.”
He still has a firm grip on my cock, but he’s not moving his hand too much. I swirl the lube around the tight, pleated ring of muscle I’ve found, pressing gently at the tiny hole at the center of it. Like that was all he was waiting for, it suddenly opens for me, swallowing my fingertip.
“Oh, fuck,” he sighs. “This is fucking crazy. How is this happening?”
I don’t have a clue how to answer that, in just as much disbelief, if not more.
I press into his hole, advancing my finger slowly and applying the slightest pressure, not sure how vigorous this kind of stretching needs to be.
There’s not much give, leading me to believe it’s mostly up to him how much he wants to take.
“More,” he says, answering my first question.
I work a second finger in, and I was right, he’s the one who has to give way. I can’t force it. Or I won’t. With two fingers inside him, he starts to move, fucking himself slowly, experimentally, and letting out sounds so delicious I want to eat them.
“Talk to me,” I say, as my awareness starts to narrow to the hot, slick feel of him against my fingers.
“Fuck, I want you. I want you so much,” he gasps out before taking my cock into his mouth again and giving it a long, thorough pull. His tongue slides around everywhere.
“Oh shit…” I’m enough in my own head now that I’m in less danger of coming down his throat, but if he does that a few more times, I’ll be annihilated.
“One more,” he says. “One more. You’re not hurting me.”
I have to take my fingers out to lube up again, and as they slide from his hole, I notice the slight gape we’ve created—how far we’ve already come. That hole is fuckable. Suddenly his hand on my cock feels perilous again.