Chapter 2 #2
Igor mumbled an unintelligible reply as he went to a narrow door and found the pantry.
“This is where it all is,” he said as he walked in and found shelves laden with jars of pickled vegetables and fruit preserves.
He grabbed as many as he could and headed out to the car to join Boris who was already seated behind the wheel.
“No sign of any nosey neighbors,” Boris said as he backed the vehicle out of the drive.
“Where’d the old man and dead dog go?” Igor said, noticing their absence.
“I tossed them down the cellar to avoid attention.”
“Good move.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Hang on!” Igor called out as Boris began to back up. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going? We have to get out of here.”
Igor rushed into the house, opened a kitchen drawer, then another, and found what he was looking for. He grabbed them and hurried out to the car.
“What was that all about?”
Igor held up the scissors he’d grabbed. “Before we see anyone else, we need to change our haircut.”
He made quick work of the blonde hair at the top of his head until he was nearly bald.
“Quick,” he said, handing the scissors to Boris. “You do the same.”
Boris took the scissors. “Okay,” he said, then quickly snipped his light brown hair off until he was nearly bald.
“Good. Now no one will notice us.”
As they took to the road, Igor opened one of the jars and handed it to Boris who shoved the jar between his legs. “Looks like cauliflower and carrots.”
“What? No sauerkraut?” he said with a chuckle. “And what do you have?”
Igor held up a jar. “Green string beans and some unidentifiable yellow thing.” He set the plate of sliced roast beef on the seat between them, then opened his jar and ate with his fingers.
Slurping and licking their fingers, they ate as they travelled down the winding country road. The houses were farther and farther apart.
“What about one of these houses?” Boris said. “They’re out here in the middle of nowhere.”
“No,” Igor said, not yet feeling safe.
“What’s in the other jars?” Boris said as he tossed his empty jar out the window.
“Canned peaches in this one and... I don’t know... looks like pears.”
“I’ll take the peaches.”
Igor handed him the jar of peaches which Boris, once again, set between his thighs. With a smirk, Igor opened the jar of pears for himself.
“Watch where you’re going,” Igor warned as Boris swerved on the road.
“These damned peaches are so slippery and slimy.” He reached in the jar to pick out another slice of peach, once again swerving on the road.
“Damn it, Boris.” He reached for the jar between Boris’s legs. “If you can’t eat and drive, you’ll just have to eat later.”
Boris slowed the car down. “In that case, I’ll just stop here in the middle of the road and eat.”
“Stop with your insanity. We need to find an adequate house to hide out in.”
Boris pressed down on the accelerator a bit. “Well, you could feed me while I drive.”
“Again. Stop with your insanity. I will not feed you.”
“Choose your insanity, Igor; we stop in the middle of the road, or you feed me.”
“Fine. Fine. Speed up and I’ll feed you.”
Boris reached a cruising speed of fifty-five miles an hour and turned to Igor, his mouth wide open. Igor dutifully slipped a slice of peach into his mouth.
“There,” Boris said as he chewed. “That wasn’t so hard.” He swallowed and turned once again to Igor with his mouth wide open.
“Damn! Look where you’re going.”
But it was too late. The bend in the road came upon them too quickly and Boris was unable to correct the car’s trajectory. After screeching from one side of the road to the other, they finally ended their journey in a ditch.
Fuming, Igor glared at Boris. Before he could say anything, Boris hopped out of the car.
“Don’t say it. I know what you’re going to say and there’s no point in blaming me. Let’s go.”
“Hold on a second,” Igor said as, he too, exited the car and looked at their predicament. “Maybe we can back it out of here.”
But the moment he saw the front tire deeply imbedded in thick mud, he knew it was a lost cause.
“Great,” Igor said as he climbed up onto the road. “And just as we have no houses in sight.”
“What about over there?” Boris said as he pointed farther down the road. “I see a few lights on.”
Igor harrumphed, slapped the dust off his American style jeans and took to the road.
“Hey. Hold on,” Boris said as he popped his head back into the car. “What about those peaches? Were there any left in the jar?”
“No. They spilled out everywhere. Besides, I think you’ll be able to have all the peaches you want in that house over there. Look at it. Even from this distance you can see how huge it is. Probably has a cellar filled with goodies.”
“But what about the lights, Igor?” Boris said as he ran up alongside Igor, the mostly empty jar of peaches in his hand.
Igor shot a deriding glare at Boris.
“That means there are probably people there,” Boris persisted despite the glare. “You said we had to find an empty house.” He ate the few slices of peach left in the jar and tossed it over his shoulder.
“They may have just left the lights on to scare intruders away. Chances are, if there are any people at all, it will be the staff, and who cares about them?”
“But...”
“This is going to be all too simple. We just have to knock on the door, give them some sob story and they’ll let us in of their own accord.
That’s the way it is out here. Trusting.
Way too trusting. You have to remember; these people are civilians, not soldiers.
Besides, they’ve become so cocky since they think they won this war.
They can’t even imagine having the wool pulled over their eyes by a couple of Russian spies. ”
Igor chuckled, amused by his own view of the situation. “We’ll take that house and everything that’s in it, only this time, they’ll never get it back. Once we set up our headquarters especially in such an All-American setting, nothing will ever stop us.”
They hurried to the house that became clearer with every step.
“There’s a wall around the house.”
“I can see that,” Igor said, undeterred. He looked to the left then to the right. “The wall only goes for a few hundred feet or so. It’s meant only to keep vehicles from entering. Come on.”
They ran to the far end of the wall and easily slipped into the yard of the house.
“Look,” Boris said as he slapped Igor with the back of his hand. “Up there where the light is on. A young girl.”
“Harmless,” Igor said as he looked up into the striking red room. “Just a harmless little girl. No other lights appear to be on. Might that young girl be alone in this massive house?”
“I’ve had my eyes on these windows since first spotting the house. I haven’t seen any signs of life other than from this very window.”
“Well, let me prove you wrong again,” Igor said. “Look.”
“Damn. Another woman.”
“Her mother, maybe.”
“Or an aunt,” Boris added. “Actually, she looks like she could be an older cousin. Or maybe just a friend. Or maybe even a...”
“Oh, Boris! Who the hell cares? All that matters is that we are faced with two easy targets. Two feeble, useless females. Look at them going about with their silly occupations. What do you think they’re doing up there?
Building effective weapons? Conceptualizing the next strategic military move?
No. They’re up there doing some silly crap like embroidering pillowcases, reading poetry or playing checkers.
.. because we all know that females are useless at playing a real man’s game like chess.
” He turned his head to spit out his disgust.
“That’s why we don’t have any females in our most high-ranking power!” Boris said.
“All people are equal, but some are more equal than others,” Igor echoed.
They slowly and carefully approached the front door.
“This is going to be a piece of cake,” Igor muttered.
“Yes,” Boris said. “And I’m the one who’s going to take that piece of cake. You just watch. I’ll handle these females like the proud communist soldier that I am.”
Igor looked at him with skepticism. “Are you certain you can take care of this?”
“Damn, Igor. If a real man like me can’t handle a simple woman and child, then I’m not worth the hammer and sickled tattooed on my shoulder.”
“In that case, I’ll watch with glee.” Igor took a step back while Boris walked to the front door and knocked.