Chapter 34
After reading bedtime stories and kissing the boys goodnight, Carson headed downstairs, chuckling at their attempts to get him to read yet another story. He’d have to stay on his toes to keep ahead of them as they grew older. Pushing open the kitchen door, he smiled at his mate. “Need any help?”
“I just need to put some cookies on the tray,” Remy said. “Can you get them? They’re on the top shelf in the pantry.”
“Keeping them away from the two cookie monsters, huh?” Carson laughed. Reaching up, he grabbed a jar of cookies and brought it over to the table. Opening it up, he arranged a selection on a plate. “There, not too bad, but not as good as my brother would do it.”
“Which brother is that?”
“Dakota…he’s a chef,” Carson explained. “If he was here, he’d make us a special mating breakfast.”
“I’d love that,” Remy murmured. “He’s the one who’s pregnant, right?”
“Yeah, along with Kieran and Ian.”
“They are your brothers’ mates?” asked Remy.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Kieran is Logan’s mate and Ian is Colton’s mate,” Carson explained, carrying the tray into the living room.
“Do you miss your brothers?” asked Remy.
“Come to think of it, I do.”
“You sound surprised,” Remy said.
Setting the tray down, Carson joined his mate on the sofa.
“I guess so, but I shouldn’t be. Being triplets, Cody, Colton and I were together most all the time…
and if there was a major decision, we all had to be in agreement.
I remember when Jackson told us he was an Alpha/Omega hybrid…
by the way, you should know I’m ashamed of my initial reaction…
but when Cody and Colton used our triplet link to tell me what they thought, I didn’t agree with them at first, but I finally came around and we gave him our support. ”
“What was your first reaction?” asked Remy.
Ducking his head, Carson murmured, “I said he wasn’t fit to be the Alpha anymore.”
“Why not? Because he was a hybrid?” asked Remy.
“Yes…I believed only a pure Alpha could lead a pack. What can I say? I was wrong. Jackson is an amazing Alpha.”
“A pure Alpha…why?” asked Remy.
“I could lay the blame at my father’s feet and, to some degree that would be true, but more than that, it ultimately comes down to the choices I made.”
“Because of your shyness?” asked Remy.
“Yes and no,” Carson said. “When I was very young, my shyness was chalked up to my age and no one paid much attention to it. To me, it was normal, but when I grew older, I realized it wasn’t normal…
I wasn’t normal. Every time a stranger showed up, it would happen.
This was more than me just being shy, it was a full-blown panic attack and it always made me feel like… ”
“Something was wrong with you,” Remy said, quietly.
“Exactly…how did you know?” asked Carson.
“It’s how I’ve felt my whole life,” Remy replied.
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” growled Carson .
“Ditto for you, Carsy,” Remy said softly. “Go ahead, tell me more.”
“Cody and Colton realized I hadn’t outgrown it so they covered for me.
Being identical triplets, it was easy. My father never paid much attention to me…
I was the fifth child and, while I was an alpha, he knew I’d never lead his pack, so what he thought about me never mattered because I had my brothers.
“Then everything changed. I ended up spending most of my youth hiding from my father after he beat me bloody for, as he put it, being disrespectful to a visiting Alpha.” Looking up at his mate, Carson whispered, “He didn’t know about my shyness because when we had visitors, Cody or Colton would pretend to be me when my father called my name.
When I was about eight, Cody and Colton were up in our room while I was in the front yard playing with Zane.
No one knew someone was coming…so when a strange Alpha drove up, my father told us to come over and introduce ourselves. ”
Grasping Remy’s outstretched hand, Carson inhaled, trying to get hold of himself.
“You can guess what happened. I froze. I couldn’t utter a word.
My father was furious. After the Alpha left, my father dragged me into the shed, tied me down, and caned me, cursing that he was going to make sure I’d remember to be respectful to his guests.
When Zane heard my screams, he ran to Cody, crying hysterically, and by the time he was calm enough to tell him what was happening, it was too late.
I’d passed out…my back and butt were a mass of bloody welts.
From then on, I stayed as far away from my father as possible. ”
Pausing, Carson’s thoughts went to Cody and Colton’s reactions when, after he’d come to, they saw his wounds.
Crying, they carried him to their room, placing him stomach-down on his bed.
Cody, tears still falling, held him while running his fingers through Carson’s hair, trying to comfort him.
He didn’t remember much after that because he passed out again when Colton began putting a salve on the marks left by the cane.
From that point on, by an unspoken agreement, one of them was always with him.
“The pain was so intense, I couldn’t shift for several days.
Mom was gone, helping her parents, so Colton nursed me back to health while Cody snuck out to the shed, removing every cane, whip, and paddle out there, carrying them into the woods and hiding them.
When I finally recovered, fear of my father was part of my psyche and it only grew worse, along with my shyness attacks as I got older.
I became very adept at fading into the background and I ended up being socially awkward…
afraid of what to say or how to talk to people. ”
“So, you were the strong, silent, sexy hulk,” Remy said, grinning.
“Well, I was silent, that’s for sure. Trust me, no one ever described me as sexy,” Carson said, pausing a moment, before continuing.
“Anyway, by the time I was twelve, I knew I was gay but I hid it from Cody and Colton…from everyone, because I was afraid of what might happen. You see, when my father found out Logan and Jackson were gay…” Carson stopped, remembering the violent abuse his older brothers suffered at their father’s hands.
“Suffice to say, our father didn’t take it well.
I knew I wasn’t as strong as Jackson or Logan…
shit, Remy, the stuff my father did to them, I still have nightmares about it.
I don’t know how they survived, but somehow, they did .
“I never wanted him to find out I was gay. Instead, I decided the best way to keep my secret was to show him I was a ‘straight’ Alpha, someone he could be proud of, unlike Jackson and Logan. I absorbed every lesson my father always tried to teach Jackson—it was the only choice I thought I had because I knew I’d never survive another beating.
“And it worked for a while, but then, one day, Cody and Colton told me they were gay, and they knew I was, too. At first, I denied it, insisting they were wrong…I wasn’t gay and neither were they…
they were just confused…wanting to be like Jackson and Logan…
anything I could think of. When I finished with my tirade, I collapsed on the floor, overwhelmed by fear my father would find out.
“Cody and Colton never said a word…they simply picked me up, undressed me and put me to bed.
Then they climbed in, one on either side of me, holding me, assuring me everything would be all right, until I fell asleep.
The next morning, Cody asked Dakota to pack a lunch and when I woke up, they told me we were going on a picnic.
Cody led us through the forest to a place we used to go to when we were younger…
we called it our fort…but it was just a shallow cave hidden by some fallen trees.
“We spent the day there and finally Cody brought up the subject again, only this time, he told me it was all right if I wanted to keep my gayness a secret, but wanted me to understand why he and Colton couldn’t hide theirs anymore.
After he explained his reasons, I got up and went for a walk…
to have space and time to think about what he said.
When I returned, I admitted I was gay and agreed to come out with them. ”
“What did your father do?” Remy asked, softly .
Snorting, Carson said, “Nothing…at least to us, but he beat up Jackson badly. The next day my mother piled us into our grandparent’s car to spend the rest of the school year there.
When we finally came home, my father never lifted his hand to any of us again; he’d been warned if he did, my grandfather would take over our pack.
” Sighing, he thought about the pain and suffering his father inflicted on Jackson—and of the shame he now felt about his first reaction to his Alpha’s announcement. “And then I had my dream,” Carson said.
“A dream?” asked Remy. “About what?”
“My shyness attacks never happened around strange kids…it was weird…when I met new kids younger than me, I was a totally different person, not someone with a defect. So, when my younger siblings were born, it felt like the best present ever. They understood me in a way no one else did…except for Cody and Colton…who didn’t count since they were always covering for me.
But my younger siblings treated me normally, if that makes sense. ”
“It does,” Remy said, beginning to smile.
“Anyway, in my dream, I found my mate…and then the next thing in my dream was I was holding a tiny pup, all swaddled up in a blue blanket. All I felt was love…surrounding me…in me…everywhere and, when I woke up, I knew it was what I wanted. More than anything else. I wanted my own family, to love, to take care of, to protect from all the pain in the world.”
“Sounds like a good dream,” Remy murmured.
“It was,” Carson smiled. “From that point on, my goal was to become the best Alpha ever so I could do everything my family would need. Using my father as a role model, I studied the decisions he made, ignoring those driven by his prejudices. My goal was to be ready when I met my Fated Mate, so I would never make any mistakes.” Snorting at his own foolish thinking, Carson continued, “I was really too young to fully understand the reasoning behind my father’s actions so when I made decisions using his flawed logic… well, it was a fucking disaster.”
Shaking his head Carson continued, “Jackson should get an award. After the massa…when he took over the pack, he never became violent like my father did… just always calmly explained why he made a decision…guiding me without making me feel stupid. And Cody helped, too…spending time with me, teaching me how a good alpha really should act. Looking back, I’m ashamed at how I reacted at first toward Jackson.
I’m just grateful he never held any of my behavior against me. ”
“He sounds amazing,” Remy said.
“He is…as are my other brothers. Maybe once I finish my work for Dire Enterprises, if you want…”
“I’d love to meet him and the rest of your family.” said Remy.
“They’re your family now too,” Carson said.
“Wait till you meet my nephews and niece…they are so adorable. Jessica, Cody’s daughter loves to boss her brother Jake and cousin Daniel around.
It’ll be interesting to see how she reacts to Galen and Eamon.
Jackson claims the three of them have their own baby language… maybe they’ll teach Rune.”
“You want my brothers to go with us?” asked Remy.
“Of course,” Carson said, “they belong with us.” Then, frowning slightly he asked, “You don’t think they should? ”
“No, I do…but they’re warlocks…magic users. I admit, I don’t know a lot about wolf shifters or wolf packs, but I always thought they didn’t like other kinds of paranormals.”
“Not my pack…we have a dragon and two Ghost bears. No one has a problem with it,” Carson assured his mate. “You’re my mate. Trust me when I say Cody and Colton will welcome you with open arms.”
“Then we must go soon,” Remy said.
Slapping his forehead, Carson groaned. “I forgot to tell you, Mystia became our surrogate mother when my brothers and I thought both our parents died, so you won’t be the first magic user in my brothers’ lives.”
“Now that’s good to know,” Remy said, grinning. “I’ll make sure I’m wearing my full warlock outfit when we arrive, after all, I wouldn’t want to disrespect your mother.”
“Not until you model it for me,” replied Carson, chuckling, “If it’s anything like what you wore yesterday, I don’t think you should.”
“Why not? Didn’t Fionn say Kieran wanted to know where he could buy pants like mine?”
Shaking his head, Carson grinned. “Nope, you definitely heard wrong. We’ll have to buy you something else to wear…like baggy pants and sweatshirts. No sense in making my brothers jealous of how I ended up with the sexiest, most gorgeous mate…better to avoid any fights.”
“Or we could just get everyone drunk. I thought Fionn was going to strip and climb on Hunter right there at the wine tasting.”
Chuckling, Carson said, “Poor Hunter, every time he stopped Fionn from unzipping his jeans, his mate tried a different tactic. It’s a good thing you gave Pierre the rest of the day off after he set up the wine.”
“I can’t believe Fionn never drank a lot of wine,” Remy said. “Shit, his father owned a fucking winery.”
“I can,” growled Carson, “and you would, too, if you saw where he grew up. After Fionn was rescued, Logan took pictures to show Jackson and if you can picture a crumbling, drafty, old castle that time forgot, it would still be better than the place he grew up in. Fionn’s life was hell.”
“When you were with Hunter in the wine cellar, Fionn asked me about his father…wanted to know how he treated me. I don’t think he believed me when I told him.”
“He probably didn’t,” Carson said, quietly.
“The best thing that ever happened to him was getting Hunter as a mate. Do you know Fionn is an amazing artist? No one knew that about him, but when Hunter found out, he negotiated with some galleries to sell his work. When I saw what he drew, I knew I wanted one. It was hard to pick but I finally bought the one he drew of me and my brothers. Hey, would you mind if I asked him to do a family portrait of all of us?”
“Oh, my gods, you really want to torture him, don’t you?” Remy laughed. “Getting Galen and Eamon to sit still for dinner is nearly impossible and it only happens when they’re busy eating.”
“Huh! You haven’t met Admiral Carsso! My men will follow my orders!” Carson exclaimed, “Or face the consequences!”
Giggling, Remy asked, “Pray tell, sir, what will happen if they don’t obey your orders?”
“Tickling…until they yield!”
“This, I’ve got to see,” Remy said, just as a knock sounded on the front door.