Chapter 18
What Happened to Us
SARAH
Iheld my knuckles away from Jamie’s door, hesitating before knocking again. The voice I’d heard was probably someone’s TV. He probably wasn’t even up here yet.
This was possibly the worst idea I’d ever had. I’d been trying to track Jamie down all day, and it was humiliatingly clear that he was actively avoiding me.
But I needed his help, and I wasn’t going to give up until I at least asked. Let him say no face-to-face.
He owed me that much.
I saw Jamie briefly in the morning; he’d been intercepted by a group of people in the lobby.
I knew he’d had a committee meeting first thing in the morning, and he had a plate of food in his hand like he was taking it back to his room.
There were two women in the group, and though they looked like consummate professionals in their business attire, they were clearly also fawning over him.
One of them had cheeks so pink you’d think he’d just kissed her.
I felt such heat in my chest—a mix of jealousy that he was giving them the time of day and humiliation at staring at my jerk boss like some kind of groupie in the wings—that I’d slipped back into the elevator.
I didn’t see him the rest of the day though, and I’d scoured the whole hotel, navigating the arriving crowds, the pool, and all the restaurants.
He wasn’t here.
I should have given up. I know I should have, for my own dignity. But I couldn’t get this plan out of my head.
I’d gotten the idea after running through my presentation for the millionth time this morning.
Technically, it was perfect. I was confident with the content.
But doing the actual presentation was the thing giving me hives.
I’d been so nervous even doing it in front of the mirror that I’d spilled my glass of water on my laptop, sending me into a panic.
That’s when I’d slapped myself lightly on the cheek and told myself I needed to do the one thing I was most scared of.
Practice in front of someone else. Someone who wouldn’t blow smoke up my ass.
Who better than my biggest critic?
Even though it made me feel like puking, I knew Jamie would be the one to take this from good to exceptional.
Except, I couldn’t find him anywhere.
I’d knocked on Jamie’s door earlier, but either he wasn’t here or he’d been ignoring me. Cora told me his calendar was blocked off, but couldn’t give me any details. After several tries and zero returned calls, I started to get pissed off.
I decided I’d give it one last try tonight by heading to the attendee reception, where Cora told me he was definitely going to be.
But again, he was missing. Sam was there though.
He told me excitedly that he’d been told he got a full pass for the conference.
“Even the social! And they told me I didn’t have to pay! ”
Only one person could have made that happen. Once again, Jamie was bestowing kindness on literally everyone except the one person he should.
I was so furious I’d stormed up to his room, forgetting what I’d just told myself about forgetting it if I couldn’t find him at the reception.
So here I was, having just banged on his door as hard as I could.
“Jamie? It’s Sarah.”
I knew I’d be okay doing this presentation without his help. And at this point, if he came out while I was this spitting mad, I probably wouldn’t get it anyway.
But I didn’t want to be okay. I wanted this to be the best presentation this conference had ever seen. I wanted to recruit all the women working in trades to join our collective. I wanted to inspire them. And I wanted a new job.
Fucking desperately.
Except… What the hell was I doing? Why would Jamie want to help me? Jamie who could barely stand to look at me.
Jamie, who’d walked away from me at the pool yesterday, his chest hair dripping with water…
I pressed my forehead against the door, groaning.
That’s what finally got me to turn around. Because here I was, not only about to beg a man who hated me for help, but fantasizing about him at the same time.
It was sick.
I hugged my laptop to my chest and turned around.
Then I heard the click.
For a moment, I didn’t move. Had he been right there on the other side of the door? Had he seen me lean onto it through the peephole like an absolute lunatic?
Finally I forced myself to turn around.
And my mouth went dry.
“What do you want, Cooper?” Jamie asked, not an ounce of amusement on his face. In fact, his brow was in a state of consternation I hadn’t seen in a while. And this was a guy who I assumed woke up frowning.
But if I thought seeing my boss in swim trunks had thrown my insides on an upside-down roller coaster yesterday, seeing him standing before me in an ill-fitting robe nearly did me in.
“I—” I stammered, unable to speak.
The robe he was wearing wasn’t designed for a man of his size. The bottom came only to the top of his knees. The tie holding it together was in the fight of its life.
Jamie’s frown, unbelievably, deepened even further.
“Cooper, did you want something? Or are you just going to stare?”
Mortification flooded through me. But it was quickly followed by a rush of hot anger.
Enough was enough. I shook the incredibly unwanted horny thoughts from my brain. I thought of my friend Winona, who was ballsy with a capital B. She would tell this man to fuck right off, and do it with a wicked smile.
“Jamie,” I said, channeling her bravery, “Just for this weekend, can we pretend to get along like we did before? I’m not asking for much. Just a little civility so… so Reilly can look like a cohesive unit.”
Jamie’s mouth flattened into a thin line, and I was sure he was going to tell me to get lost.
But he didn’t. He grunted, “Fine. What can I help you with?”
He still hadn’t let go of the door, which he was holding open with a hand over his head. As he shifted, I caught a glimpse of the not-insignificant bulge I’d seen in his trunks yesterday.
Don’t fucking look, Sarah! Remember your worth! Be direct!
I lifted my chin as high as it would go without looking at the ceiling.
Which made me meet his eyes. “I’d like you to listen to me rehearse my presentation.
I’ve practiced a lot already”—that was an understatement—“but I thought maybe…” I corrected myself.
“I’d like you to give me some pointers. Seeing as you’re the one everyone looks forward to hearing from every year. ”
Jamie’s thick brows furrowed again.
I waited.
“I need to take a shower.”
My heart sank. “Oh.”
“But… I can do it when I’m done.”
Wait. That was a yes.
But he opened his mouth, his expression almost one of immediate regret.
I couldn’t let him take it back. Not now. “Great!” I said, with entirely more bravado than I felt. “I’ll just wait here.”
I ducked under his arm, breezing past him into his room. This was not me. But maybe it was. I was incredibly proud of myself.
Except I slowed to a stop as I passed the bathroom.
The door was open, and there was steam on the mirror.
For a moment, neither of us said anything. But what would we say? Did you lie about having to shower? He probably did, to try to get me to get lost. Well, too bad. Even if it was a pity invite he immediately regretted, I was here now. I kept walking.
Even though being bold was unlike me, I was starting to think it could be me. I cared more than anything about this presentation, and I cared less and less about pissing off my boss.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Jamie said. Grunted like a caveman, more like.
Except when I stepped further into the room, I froze for the second time.
When our suites were booked, I assumed that Jamie would be in one of the deluxe rooms Cora had shown me online. The ones with a separate bedroom and sitting area. Not a normal one-room hotel room like mine.
“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t realize…”
I told myself it didn’t make any difference.
It was already weird of me to barge into my boss’s room, even if it were the presidential suite.
But here I was quite literally in Jamie’s bedroom.
His suitcase lay open on the luggage rack by his bed, and his bed was rumpled from where he must have sat down earlier.
“Um, we could meet—”
But Jamie pressed past me, his body barely grazing mine.
It was still enough to send goosebumps across my skin.
I swallowed hard.
“Everything all right, Cooper?”
Was he enjoying my awkwardness? My cheeks flushed as he dipped his hand into his suitcase and pulled out clothes.
That he was going to put on.
After his shower.
I groaned inwardly, looking sideways. Anywhere but the suitcase, where he was pulling out a pair of briefs.
What the fuck had I been thinking?
“Interested?” Jamie asked.
“What?” I squeaked.
He leaned over and grabbed the book off the dresser he thought I’d been looking at.
My heart galloped with relief.
“Yes, it looks great.” I took it from him and held it with my laptop as I backed up farther into his room, giving him space.
Except I was stuck now, in that awkward place between the bed and the wall. The armchair and desk—safe territory—were both on the other side of the bed.
I was doing the freaking out around a hot man thing. I thought I was past that with Jamie. I thought anger would override the old anxiety rearing its awful head. But Jamie only seemed to make it worse. He made everything worse.
He picked something up and walked toward me, closing the space between us, and my pulse palpated so hard I swear my cheeks were vibrating.
He was holding something out to me. Something below eye level.
My brain hit me with the most cruel thing possible in that moment: a flashback of that first night we met. The moment after hearing me cry, when he’d leaned forward and handed me, a total stranger, an exceptionally expensive and well-loved object.
I looked down, half-expecting to find the cool weight of the telescope in my hands. If I did, I was going to burst into tears.
But it was nothing but a stick of plastic.
The TV remote.
“In case you get bored with rural rainwater management systems,” Jamie said.
I grimaced, but turned it into a smile. The back of my nose pinched with tears anyway, like they’d been loaded up there.
What had happened to us?
“Never,” I said cheerily, willing the old feelings away. Swiping them away actually, like a dramatic angry sweep of a desk.
Joke’s on Jamie. I was into rainwater management, actually.
A moment later, he was gone, the bathroom door clicking shut behind him.
The moment he was gone, I dropped the remote and sank down on the edge of the bed, burying my face in my hands. What the absolute hell was I doing here? For a split second, anxiety threatened to overwhelm me.
Then I sat up straight, taking a bracing breath. No. I was borrowing my boss’s expertise one last time. That was all. I would land a new job with someone who cared about my future. Soon, I would never have to see Jamie Reilly again.
The shower came on, the faint sound of water splattering against tile, and in an effort to keep the suddenly stark image of Jamie with no clothes on from my brain, I strode purposefully away to the far end of the room by the desk.
I opened the book, hoping to distract myself. But instead of the paragraphs on rainwater management, my eyes went to the margins, which were filled with notes, in Jamie’s long, sloping handwriting. Before I realized what I was doing, I traced my finger over them.
I clapped the book shut, angry that even the man’s handwriting was attractive.
I was about to set the book down—and was considering walking out altogether—when I noticed a piece of paper sticking out from under the back cover. No, not a paper. A photograph, dog-eared almost to a cloth-like texture.
The photo was of two young boys, maybe twelve and fifteen.
I recognized the younger one right away as Seamus.
He had the same dark hair and deep, thoughtful eyes.
It was the boy next to him, older, with his arm slung around Seamus, that I’d never seen before.
He looked so much like a younger version of Jamie my breath caught.
There were Jamie’s eyes and square jaw. His cheekbones and that wave in his hair.
And there, on this precious boy’s face, Jamie’s rare grin.
The one I hadn’t seen since my early days at Reilly.
My chest tightened. This was Kevin, Jamie’s son who’d died when he was… about this age.
My eyes sprung with the tears already so close to the surface. My fingers shook as I held what was clearly a precious object, this cutting insight into the core of Jamie’s pain.
“It’s the last photo I took of him.”
Jamie’s voice, though soft, cut through the silence, startling me.
He stood in the dark of the hallway, dressed, with his towel around his neck.
It took me a moment to realize I’d dropped the precious photo onto the floor.