Chapter 22 Call the Right Friend
Call the Right Friend
WINONA
Iwas shocked to see it was only just past nine when I stepped back into my room.
I set my things down, and for a moment, I didn’t move, my feelings a mess of confusion.
Jamie and I had managed to keep up the ease of conversation we’d reclaimed tonight on the walk back to my room.
Or at least, I’d been chattering while he listened intently.
As I opened the door though, he only waited until I physically stepped inside.
Then, before I could even thank him, he was gone.
Like he couldn’t stand to be with me a second longer.
Before tonight, I would have thought it was more of the rude shit I’d been dealing with all year. But tonight, I think it was more like embarrassment.
My boss wanted me. At least physically. And God, I wanted him.
It was almost like before, when we were friends.
When I had a huge crush on him. Until he flipped on a dime.
I had to remember that no matter how much things had shifted tonight— despite how much he’d helped me and possibly wanted to fuck me—he was still my jerk boss.
I was still angry with him. I was still leaving.
I took a cool shower, which helped a little to clear my head. So did a fresh burst of nerves about the big day tomorrow. By the time I got out, I felt somewhat better.
As I toweled off, I considered getting into bed. I needed sleep. My presentation was tomorrow. But seeing the clothes I’d just shed on the chair—the ones Jamie’s hands had touched, everything came flooding back.
Grabbing my phone, I plopped onto the bed, still in my towel. Winona was in Alaska currently with her novelist and former tech billionaire fiancé, doing some recruitment for Heartbreaker.
It was only early evening where they were. I just hoped they weren’t out on some romantic dinner or dogsled ride or whatever billionaires did for fun in winter in Alaska.
When she answered the phone, I let out an audible sigh of relief.
“Win. Thank God.”
“Sarah, what’s wrong, b’y?”
Winona’s Newfoundlander lilt was like music to my ears.
“I’m okay.” I leaned back against the headboard. “How’s the little bean?”
Winona was currently pregnant, though still only a few months in.
“Well, the daily vomiting is a nice treat. Particularly when I need to excuse myself to do it in the snow. But I feel good at the moment. Mitchell made me some tea and I’m reading by the fire. We’re going to attempt dinner soon. But you didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m sorry. If you’re not feeling well you can—”
“Sarah Cooper,” Winona admonished. “You called me in a panic and now you’re holding out on me?”
I laughed. “Okay.” Then I sobered fast, flopping back onto the bed. “Stop me if you’re going to puke. From pregnancy or otherwise.”
I told Winona everything then, starting from my car blowing up, until half an hour ago when he dropped me off breathless in my room.
At the end, Winona let out a low whistle. “Damn. So that’s where he went.”
My body softened. She was talking about the Jamie she used to know.
She’d known him longer than I had, having run a plumbing business for several years in Quince Valley before transitioning to Heartbreaker Trades.
She’d been flummoxed—her word—as to why he’d been behaving quite so badly, though I always guessed she had her theories.
But now everything was on the table.
“So what do I do?” I asked. “I’m still leaving. I still haven’t forgiven him for how cold he’s been all year. But now… oh God, Winona. I really want to…”
“Fuck him?”
I nodded before remembering I was on the phone. “Yes,” I forced myself to say. My heart thundered at the confession. It was the first time I’d admitted it to myself. But it was all I could think about.
“We’re at a conference away from home,” I said.
“Seamus is handling any Rolling Hills emergencies while I’m gone for the week, so he’s fully up to speed.
I’m leaving the company and technically, could just not come back after this weekend.
It wouldn’t be very professional. Then again, neither would fucking my boss. ”
Winona said, in her most gentle tone, “Okay. So Sarah, you’re hot as hell, and Jamie’s clearly attracted to you. Probably more.”
Probably more. I wanted to ask her what she meant, but she wasn’t done.
She let a beat pass. “But do you think he would go for it?”
It wasn’t a warning. It was a real question. The answer to which was a punch in the gut. The one I didn’t want.
No. He wouldn’t.
I let out a frustrated sound. “He might,” I said petulantly.
“I think if you answered the door naked or something, he probably would,” she conceded. “He’s human, after all. But I don’t know if he’d like himself for it.”
“But I’m quitting,” I argued, knowing how defensive I sounded.
“That might influence his decision. But my take still stands. I think he respects you too much to cross that line. I think, actually, that he cares about you.” She considered, as if this was occurring to her in real time.
“I think that in his own twisted way, he’s been trying to protect you this whole time. ”
I balked. But then I considered. Could he be trying to put me off?
Was that it? I thought about the moment in the wine bar.
How everything had turned after my confession.
I thought that had been a moment where he’d been drawing a clear line that he wasn’t interested.
But what if it hadn’t only been me? What if he’d been trying to do the right thing?
The thought maybe should have comforted me. Instead, I felt myself growing angry. He could have been a fucking adult about it, couldn’t he? He could have told me he was attracted to me too. Then we could have dealt with it together.
But I thought about the insane feelings I’d just had in his room. And how important integrity was to Jamie… and everyone who worked for him. I thought about that policy, made, I knew now, because what had happened with that guy Gary. I’d learned about him from Cora.
I groaned, sliding down on the bed. “Winona, just tell me what I want to hear.”
Winona laughed. “You could have called Cher if you wanted that.”
I laughed despite myself. Winona’s CEO at Heartbreaker Plumbing, which she’d left to found Heartbreaker Trades, would have told me to climb Jamie like a tree, and screw the consequences. And I’d have loved her for that.
But Winona was right. I hadn’t called Cher. I hadn’t called one of my younger sisters either. Amy was busy with her family and didn’t know much about what was going on with Jamie. Kit, the youngest, had only ever heard the worst about my jerk boss, and would have told me to light his room on fire.
No, I’d called Winona, because Winona knew the complexities of this situation. And because I knew she’d make me think for myself.
“So what do you really think?” Winona asked on cue.
I pressed my palm to my forehead. “I think…” I swallowed.
“I think I’ve been working so hard my whole life I haven’t given myself a moment to breathe.
I think the one time I did, that night in Quince Valley when I met Jamie, he caught me at a vulnerable time, and so some part of me associates him with safety and comfort, even as he chipped away at that last year. ”
Took an axe to it, more like.
I also thought that what I missed the most was that first year working for him, when I discovered he was exactly the man I hoped he was.
Good and kind and thoughtful and… and someone who cared deeply about me, without caring about how it benefitted him.
He felt like my best friend. A best friend I want to climb like a tree.
But I didn’t tell Winona all this. I couldn’t. It felt too sad. Too pathetic. Because he was still Jamie, the man who’d made my life miserable for a year.
I sat up, taking a breath.
“Okay, but in him showing me my worth before the year of hell, he played himself. Because I know I don’t deserve to be in a place where any aspect of a job makes me unhappy. Least of all my boss.”
“Yes, Sarah.” I could hear the smile in Winona’s voice.
“Okay, you really want to know what I think?” she asked.
“I’ve only been begging for you to tell me.”
“I think you need to center yourself, Sarah, however that looks for you. I think you stop impressing everyone else and impress yourself with what you’re capable of.
Honestly, if that means fucking Jamie and you’ll feel better for it, go for it.
To hell with what he thinks. But if it means walking away and never speaking to him again, so be it. ”
She sounded a lot like that movie star on the radio on the drive up. Winona always knew how to be empowering. It’s why I’d immediately jumped on board with joining Heartbreaker.
She was also really fucking good at advice.
“Did you ever think of moonlighting as a therapist?” I asked.
Winona laughed. But she was right. Because she—and the movie star—were telling me to be a Shelly. Someone who gave no fucks. Who centered herself. Who didn’t care that Jamie may have broken my heart a little or a lot, not when I could just take what I wanted from what we had, rules be damned.
Something didn’t quite sit perfectly with that, but I was okay with having imperfect thoughts right now.
We chatted for a bit longer about what was going on with her, Heartbreaker, and Mitchell, her fiancé.
Then a bit about the conference and whether it looked good despite Jamie, which yes, it did.
When I hung up, I felt better, even though I still hadn’t decided what to do.
But I understood that it was okay. I didn’t need to know.
I was a Shelly, and it was time Jamie remembered that.
I headed for my suitcase to find something to sleep in.
I reached for a t-shirt, but a little corner of red showed itself underneath.
Hesitating only for a moment, I pulled out Jamie’s plaid shirt.
It was the one he’d lent me that day mine got ripped in my office.
It was also the one he’d worn the night we met.
When I figured that out, I hadn’t wanted to let it go. So I didn’t.
It was risky bringing it, since I told Jamie I donated it. But it always reminded me of the good person he was. It had been a comfort when he’d been cold. That reminder—and this token of it—was probably the reason I hadn’t left Reilly months ago. Besides, you know, loving my job.
I held it now, thinking about how none of that was very Shelly-like. Especially since when I wore it, which was whenever I was feeling mopey, it gave me this overwhelming feeling of melancholy.
But not anymore. I was taking it back. I got to define what it was to me now, just like I got to define whatever happened next between me and Jamie. He was no longer the only deciding factor in whatever this relationship was between us.
I dropped my towel and pulled the shirt onto my naked body. It was so soft over my bare skin it made me shiver. This was my shirt now, and this was my show.
I got into bed and thought about what had happened tonight in a completely reframed way. Jamie had responded to me. He was the one who’d been humbled. He’d been hard for me because he wanted me, even if I did work for him.
I was in the powerful position here, and I wouldn’t let him forget it.
I wouldn’t let me forget it either. Ever again.