Chapter 36 Lost & Found
Lost more than old enough to make my own decisions.
And when I tell you I don’t want kids, I need you to believe me.
I went through the wanting of them, and now I’m here.
I want a family still, yes, but families can be two people, Jamie.
They can be two people and a cat, a dog, and a fucking goldfish. ”
For a brief moment, my heart exploded like a meteor at that image.
But it fizzled out just as quickly. Like a splinter lodged deep in my skin, I couldn’t bring myself to saddle her with me and all my shit. How could I dare to dream that?
Why the fuck had I let any of this happen?
But Sarah wasn’t done. “Jamie, last night, you made me feel the best I’ve ever felt in my whole life.
And I’m not just talking about physically.
You stayed up all night telling me how beautiful I am.
How perfect and smart. I haven’t always been confident or brave, Jamie, but you made me feel that way.
You made me feel—” She swallowed, her cheeks turning pink.
“You made me feel like I wouldn’t be someone you could just decide you didn’t love anymore.
I mean, I’m not saying you love me, I’m just—”
I love you, Sarah Cooper. I love you, I love you, I fucking love you so fucking much.
The words screamed through my head. But I wouldn’t let them out. I couldn’t.
“What we did in the lobby,” she said, “it was foolish as hell. And we’re as good as found out.”
I shook my head. “I won’t let that happen. That guy was shitfaced. He didn’t know what he saw.”
“But I know. And you know what?” she laughed suddenly, like she was surprised. “I don’t regret it. Even though it’s blown my chances with Natasha, it was the best fucking sex of my life. So you know, I came out on top.”
My lips ticked up, and damn if my dick didn’t jump back to life at that. Not to mention the burst of pride that I’d made her feel that way.
But hell, now I was picturing her like she was last night, her cheeks flushed, her legs spread for me. The sounds she made later… Despite my anguish, my senses suddenly centered themselves on Sarah.
“Sarah, I’m old.”
Sarah, on her knees before me now, hands climbing onto my thighs, then chest, then shoulders.
“You weren’t too old last night.”
Heat thrummed low in my abdomen. Even the curve of her breast against her soft white blouse was enough to make my cock swell along with it. I ran a finger down her throat, to her top button.
“When you started taking off my shirt the other morning,” I husked. “I told myself this wasn’t going to make things any better...” But fuck if I was going to stop myself from seeing those moles one more time. I flipped open the button, then the next. “You going to let me fuck you again, Sarah?”
I dragged my fingers down her chest, tracing lines between my favorite little dots.
“I don’t know, Jamie. Do you think you’re up for it?”
I made a noise at the back of my throat. She was taunting me. And I fucking loved it.
“I’ll bend you over that table right now, sweetheart. Fuck you so hard you’ll feel it for weeks.”
“You already left your mark, Jamie. I’m tender where you ravaged me last night.”
“We can do other things.” My cock thickened, growing uncomfortable in my pants.