21. Unsettled
CHAPTER 21
UNSETTLED
MILES
I stay busy when we’re traveling between practice and games, mixed with dinners with the team. We even win every game out there, making us all ride a wave of adrenaline.
So why do I feel like I just need to get home?
Traveling isn’t the novelty it once was for me as I get older. Lola has made that more apparent, but I’ve taken the proper steps and hired an incredible nanny to be there when I’m gone. My daughter is safe. My family is there for her, and a few days here and there are comfortable for me to take.
Are they?
I feel irritated with Andrew when he’s in the room every other night, even though he should be. This is work and he needs to be in top shape to do what we do on the ice. The night he went out, it took a long time to get to sleep when I finished my epic phone call and heard him come in. Andrew was in better shape on the ice than I was.
“We killed it this week. Maybe we should travel more often.”
I look at my best friend like he’s crazy as he packs to head home tonight.
“I’m glad you don’t want to be home and have no obligations. Some of us aren’t so lucky.”
“Oh, I want to be there, but our road games are starting out great. Maybe it pushes us a little.”
“I’m glad it’s starting off well, too. We want to be the team to worry about and our opponents this week were tough.”
I agreed with him because, on some level, Andrew is right. I need to think like a hockey player and not a man secretly lusting after his nanny.
“I get you miss Lola. It must be hard having people back home that depend on you like that.”
“I know she’s fine because I made it that way, but there’s something about putting her to bed at night. Having breakfast with her in the morning. Seeing her at games is great for me. I think I’m just amped up now that Kim is gone.”
This is the way to talk. Make it all about Lola and nothing about Delilah.
“You could fly them out to some games. I bet your family would go for that sometimes, especially if it was an exciting place to visit.”
I try to picture Delilah on a plane with my three-year-old, knowing that it could go either way. Lola is a great little girl, but she has her energy bursts. I chuckle as I think about the story when they went to the movies.
“A flight. That might be disastrous with a toddler.”
“Think about it. Do it on a day when you have some time and get some sightseeing in. Lola is at a good age for that now, and my sister can handle anything.”
All I hear is Delilah’s moan over the phone when she comes for me, and I close my eyes to regain my composure. She sure can and will handle a lot more if I have anything to do with it.
“I’ll look at the travel schedule and see what’s there. Maybe I can work something out.”
That could be fun, and I can make something romantic out of it once Lola is asleep. A suite with double rooms, maybe?
“You should take a nice vacation during the off season. Lola would love a beach trip now. A week or two in the sun, swimming in the water, and taking in the sights. You deserve it after our season.”
“True.” The other guys told me about great trips with their families. We’re lucky enough to have that luxury when we have time off, and I picture Delilah in a bikini playing with Lola in the water. “I could rent a house and have the family join me.”
“Do I count as family?”
“Maybe if you’re lucky.”
I grin at him but know how impossible it would be to sleep with his sister if Andrew was there. That just feels wrong.
We board the plane that afternoon for the return flight and everyone looks exhausted from our week away. Some guys tune out the world with ear buds, some read, and many guys sleep, but I just watch out of the window as we fly home.
I can’t get the idea of a trip out of my mind, but one with just the three of us in a gorgeous beach house. There would be a pool and the beach would be steps away. We’d play all day with Lola and be in bed every night together, making love until we passed out.
Making love?
I close my eyes and lean my head back, taking a deep breath. Andrew is dozing beside me, and I just have my wild thoughts to contend with. I want my bed with Delilah in it tonight and a day with Lola tomorrow. We’re getting home late enough that Lola will be sleeping but I hope Delilah waits up for me.
“See you guys in two days for practice. Get some rest.”
Gabe stands near his car in the parking lot and a chorus of voices answer him in the dark. I slide into my car and start the engine, letting the quiet sound relax me.
Smiling, I pull out of the lot and go home, where my heart and soul are waiting for me. Once I park and get out, I can see a light in the living room and I set my bag down in the hall to see what is waiting for me.
Delilah is passed out on the couch with her phone beside her and the TV on. I assume she was watching a movie and maybe scrolling as she tried to stay awake; I smile as I take her in. She’s partially covered with a blanket, but I can see the edge of a black camisole that makes me hard.
I grin and walk over, dragging the blanket off to find her in cotton shorts. Short ones. She shifts with a little moan as I slide them down, staying asleep as I listen for Lola. On the monitor, my daughter sleeps soundly.
I spread her legs and crawl between them, inhaling her sweet scent before covering Delilah with my mouth. I take my time exploring her, licking slowly as she wiggles in response.
“Miles? What are you doing?”
I look up to see Delilah watching me with hooded eyes, taking that time to suck her into my mouth.
She yelps and slides a hand into my hair.
“Welcome home, sexy guy. I missed you.”
We don’t make it to bed until after the first time we make love on a blanket that Delilah swears she’ll wash the next day. When we’re in bed, I take her again, on her knees as she rocks into me. Something about this forbidden woman makes me lose myself and I feel her release before grunting her name through mine.
“That was quite a greeting tonight.”
Delilah is curled up on her side, smiling at me.
“I have been thinking about that since the night on the phone. You looked so sexy on the couch, so why not? How was Lola tonight?”
“Good. She misses you towards the end of your away games, always asking when you’re coming home. We’ll have a special breakfast tomorrow to celebrate that you’re here.”
Guilt hits me in the gut and Delilah frowns as she watches my face.
“I didn’t say that to make you feel bad, Miles. She knows you’re at work and cheers you on the entire game. I always tell her you’ll be home soon. What’s wrong?”
She reaches out to touch me and I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I don’t know. I just miss home so much more when I’m on the road now. Before I was just leaving an empty space behind, but now? I feel like I’m leaving my heart.”
“A lot of the guys have families, and they find a way through it, Miles. I am here taking the best care of her, and you can talk to her whenever you want, depending on the time of day. Nobody wants to wake her up in the middle of the night.”
“I know that. I just felt weird on this trip.”
“You won every fucking night, Miles. The team killed it and I loved seeing that.”
We talk for a while before I feel sleep taking over and Delilah kisses me before rubbing my back to help me relax. I whisper I missed her before everything goes black.
In the morning, I wake up alone as usual when it comes to Delilah. We want to keep this separate from Lola for now and I stretch, loving the feel of my bed underneath my aching body. It’s ten o’clock and I know the girls have already eaten, but I can at least get some coffee and spend time with Lola.
I shower and dress in workout pants and a t-shirt before going into the living room to find them. Lola and Delilah are sitting on the end of the couch, focused on a puzzle, and I smile at the sight.
“Hey, bug.”
“Daddy!”
Lola makes the puzzle fall to the ground as she pushes herself from the couch to run into my arms. Delilah grins and I look back as I catch the little girl, spinning her around.
“Daddy win!”
“Sure did. How are you?”
She talks to me, and I can pick out most of the words. Lola is making progress and since Delilah and I talk to her like she’s a grownup, it’s happening fast. They had outings in town and walks when they could, as I already know, and lots of playtime in the house.
I know my family wants to have me over for dinner while I’m home, and we plan it for that night. Delilah says she’ll come since we’re past our issue from before and I wonder how far past it we are. We still can’t admit to anything, even though I can see there are feelings between us. I just don’t know how to handle them.
I spend a great day inside with the girls, enjoying lunch and just catching up with Lola. When she naps, Delilah and I sneak off to my room and go a couple of rounds that exhaust us into falling asleep ourselves.
I hear Delilah tell me she’ll get Lola up and ready for dinner as I come back to life, wanting to just keep her beside me. We never sleep together and for the first time in a long time, I want that.
We arrive at my parents’ house that evening, and everyone greets us with hugs and congratulations to me. Mom made chili and fresh cornbread, and it smells incredible as we head into the living room while Lola runs to her room.
“I’ll keep an eye on things.”
Delilah smiles at me and I nod as she gets water and makes sure Lola isn’t in any danger.
“Great nanny you have there.”
Mom always tells me that, and I nod with a smile.
“I couldn’t do it without both her and you guys. These away games are taking a lot out of me lately. I just worry about Lola.”
“Of course. Any good father would, but you know she’s happy and safe here. We all work together to keep Lola that way.”
Mom pats me on the shoulder, shaking her head.
“What is it, Mom?”
“You’re a father. It still amazes me to this day.”
Her eyes are full of love, and I chuckle and wrap my arm around her.
“Now you need a woman to settle down with so I can have more grandbabies. Brynn is only eighteen.”
All she needed to do was suggest Delilah, and I’d fall to the floor. Mom never pressured me for more kids since I wasn’t in that place. I’m still not.
Am I?