3. Easton
THREE
Easton
I’ve been awake since four o’clock. In fact, I haven’t slept well since Friday when I saw Hazel.
Because it’s fucking Hazel .
The words I said about coming back to her, everything I said that I thought I could actually mean that time, are spinning in my head, and I’m going to be sick.
Why didn’t I go back? I just…I know I should have. But I just…ran. I always run.
Pain zings through my hand as the coffee I’m pouring spills all over me, and I hiss, setting my mug down in a hurry and rinsing off with cold water in the sink.
I’m such a mess.
Ding dong!
The bell screams through the house, interrupting the quiet, and then I hear Jade shout from the living room.
“Door!”
Sighing, I dry my hands off on a dish towel and toss it back on the counter. “Yes, Jade. I heard the bell, too.”
She can’t hear me, and I don’t want her to, but Christ, are all ten-year-olds like this? Was I like this?
Walking to the front, I try to steady my nerves as I reach for the knob and pull the door open. Hazel is standing right outside, bright and early, just like we texted about after exchanging numbers.
I didn’t tell her that I still had hers programmed in my phone.
“Morning.” She smiles, and I notice the backpack on her shoulder and the large cup of coffee in her hand.
“Hey.” I offer a stiff nod. “Come on in.”
She steps in past me, and the breeze wafts her fragrant perfume by my nose. Lilacs and honey. My brain scrambles, remembering that scent.
I gave her that bottle of perfume while we were dating. It can’t be the same one, but the fact that she’s still using it…
Don’t kid yourself, Easton. It just smells nice. It doesn’t mean anything.
Clearing my throat, I gesture toward the back of the house. “The kitchen is just down that hall. I figured we could chat a bit about what you can expect with Jade.”
“Sure thing.” Hazel nods, her smile still so bright as she flashes it over her shoulder.
I can’t tell if she’s truly unaffected by all this or if she’s putting on a brave face. When she turns back around, though, I can’t help but catch a glimpse of her ass in those leggings.
Hazel is wearing a long but thin-looking cardigan and those black pants. You’d assume it was actually fall outside for how she’s dressed, and I scoff out a quiet laugh.
Always was a freeze baby.
“Hi, Jade!” My niece perks up from the couch, tossing down her book and scurrying around the coffee table to give Hazel a hug. “Oof! Haha. Nice to see you, too.”
“Are we doing something now?” Jade asks excitedly.
“Soon. I just want to chat with Hazel about your usual routine. Cool?”
Ever since Hazel pointed it out, I’ve asked Jade about what it was like with her parents. She’s been more open than I expected, but it’s nice to know actual, physical things I can do to help her ease into things here.
“Fine. But hurry! I want to play!”
I laugh right along with Hazel, and then we pass through the living room to the kitchen. Hazel takes a seat at the massive marble island in the center, and I walk to where I set my coffee.
“I’d ask if you want some, but I see you’ve got it covered.”
Hazel glances from the mug in my hand to her own tall cup. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, I’m picky about my coffee. I only go to the shop where we ran into each other. It can’t be substituted.”
“I see.” Heading to the island, I take a seat on the stool next to hers, but far enough away to avoid being creepy. “Well, it just so happens that I get beans from there, so great minds, I guess.”
A sweet expression of shock plays over her face, and I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my lips.
We still have quite a bit in common, and I don’t know what to make of that. Not for the first time, I wonder if this is the best idea.
“Well, damn. I’ll hand it to you. That’s good taste in coffee.”
She smiles, ducking her eyes and taking a sip of her own drink. For a moment, I swear I hear her mutter, “Just not communication,” but I can’t be sure if it’s just my nerves or not.
“So, can you tell me a little more about Jade? I saw her with a book. Does she like to read?”
Nodding, I try to push away all the annoying thoughts about the past, the ones that make me read into any situation. Hazel is doing me a favor, and I need to just be grateful and focus.
“She does. It’s her favorite pastime, actually. Most of the summer, she’s spent in the hammock outside reading a book, which is honestly great. I can get a lot done at home when I’m working from here.”
“Aww, that’s adorable. Well, I firmly agree with her that reading is the best. I mean, hell, I’m an author. I need people to be reading.”
“I saw. How’s the writing career going? The fourth book in that series is due to come out soon, right?”
Hazel furrows her brow, smirking. “That’s some specific knowledge. Been keeping tabs on me, have you?”
I smile, a small laugh escaping me. “Of course. I’m excited to see how Damien handles the next case.”
She freezes, her mouth dropping open. “You read them? Oh my god.”
“What? They’re good. You should be proud.”
A nervous chuckle slips out. “I mean, of course, I am, but…they’re also…I put sex in there, Easton.”
“Oh yeah, you do. Whoo.” I mime fanning myself with my shirt, and Hazel’s cheeks turn the most delightful shade of pink.
“Jesus.” Hazel buries her face, sneaking a sip of coffee. “So, Jade. She’s a great kid. What do I need to know about her routine?”
I can’t stop the laugh that erupts thanks to that horrible change of subject. “Haha! Oh, Hazel. Fine, fine. I get it. And yes, she is. And thanks to your help, I got her to write a few things down.”
Reaching for the notebook that I set near the centerpiece on the island, I slide it across to Hazel as I lift my reading glasses from where they hang on my button-down shirt.
The corners of her mouth turn down. “Readers?”
“Sush. I’m still fully capable.”
“I have no doubt.” Hazel opens it up, flipping the cover around to reveal Jade’s little list.
“Wow. This is…extensive.”
She scans over the paper, and I answer her questions as she requests clarification. As we sit there next to each other, I have to scoot closer to look at the notebook, and the air thickens.
Hazel smells so damn good, and she’s still so damn beautiful. Her sweet face and full lips. I remember exactly why I was attracted to her in the first place.
This cute junior in college was picking up books from the store while I was perusing travel guides. I watched her for at least fifteen minutes before I got the courage to walk up to her.
“Hey, you’ve got a lot of books there. Attending the college?”
“Oh, hi. Umm, yes, I am. Do I know you from class?”
“No, I was just…would you like to go get some coffee? I’ll buy. Broke college student and all.”
She laughs. “Wow, okay. I’ll admit this is a first. Getting picked up in a bookstore, but yeah. I’d love one. But head’s up, I’m picky.”
Time gets blurry—the past mingling with the present—and then I feel Hazel’s hand brush mine.
She looks up at me. I’ve been staring at her for minutes, just roaming her face with my eyes, and damn, we’re so close. I can feel warmth radiate from her.
Hazel’s expression goes from concentration to concern in a flash, and she looks between my face and our hands. She visibly stiffens and hisses in a bite of air.
The sound is too familiar to others I’ve heard her make, and my brain sidetracks off to a place it really shouldn’t go.
She’s just so damn gorgeous. Still this supple, sweet thing that looks as good as a damn lollipop. God, I’d love to—no. Absolutely not. You can’t go there.
It’s ridiculous that I have to remind myself how much is at stake. This is a babysitter for Jade because I’m drowning and need help. I can’t risk that because of my stupid libido.
You will not ruin all this by falling for an off-limits woman. Or anyone, for that matter.
“Eh-hem,” I clear my throat, leaning back a bit in the chair to give us both space, “so yeah, that’s basically it. Umm, what else can I think of?”
The moment hangs, and apprehension lingers on Hazel’s face. She turns away, picking up her nearly empty coffee cup and finishing it off.
“Jade’s favorite color is green, like her name. She loves grilled cheese and homemade tacos. She wakes up at about seven and will get her own cereal for breakfast. Usually, lunch is around twelve-thirty, and bedtime is at eight-thirty. But she usually reads in her bed until she falls asleep.”
I pause for a moment, noticing that Hazel’s eyes have widened a bit as I rattle off facts about my niece.
“She’s a good kid, really. I let her read most of the day and watch some TV.
She likes to play Minecraft with her friends and will sort of talk to them while they all play together with these headset things.
I try to limit the screen time a little, but honestly, it hasn’t been a problem so far.
She’s very responsible. Whatever my sister was doing… ”
My words drift as the reminder of reality hits me. I didn’t mean to phrase it like that, to be so flippant. My chest pinches, my stomach churning up the coffee, which is all I’ve had this morning.
“…she did a good job.” I bob my head in a ridiculous nod, my eyes roaming my kitchen.
My place is very different than the pictures I’ve seen of my sister’s. Janeen painted the walls, several of which were in wild or bright colors.
Everything here is monochromatic and simple. I don’t want to worry about interior design. It’s all designed to be practical and easy to work with.
Which I suppose doesn’t read “homey” in the slightest.
“That’s a lot. I mean, I’m only going to be here for a few hours at a time, right? Do I really need all these lists?”
There’s a nervous smile pinned to Hazel’s expression, and she tucks her hair behind her ear, her stare going back to Jade’s list and widening again.
“You’d be surprised.”
I can tell Hazel is having second thoughts. I’m basically asking her to stand in as Jade’s maternal figure, so I get it.
But I’m desperate. I need her to stay and help. If she leaves, I’ll be back at square one again, and I was doing a shitty job back there.
“But, like I said, she reads a lot. You’ll be able to work on that book. And I really do need to know what happens next.”
That manages to get Hazel smiling, a little laugh tumbling free. “Working on it. It’s still in progress, and there’s editing and proofreading still, but it should be out soonish. I’m on a tight deadline, so I really hope so.”
“I’m sure you’ll make it. Whenever you’re not actively looking after Jade, you can work, and if you need an escape from your apartment, you’re always more than welcome to come over here and work.”
“Oh.” Hazel sits straighter, eyeing me with her brows up. “Wow, okay. Umm, thank you. I’ll remember that.”
The awkwardness around us is still hanging on tightly, and again, I wonder if this was a smart decision. We have a history. How are either of us just supposed to set that aside?
Hazel stands up from the island, taking her empty cup with her. She figures out where the trash is on instinct and throws it away.
“Well, no time like the present to get started, right?” She smiles, shaking herself into this picture of casualness, which might be forced but is still adorable. “Jade, come here!”
In no time, Jade runs in from the other room and stops before Hazel. “Yeah?”
“Wanna go outside in the hammock? We can talk about our favorite books.”
My niece perks up, Hazel having hit the jackpot on fun things to do with her. She nods excitedly, bouncing up and down.
“Oh, yes, yes, yes! Can we bring snacks and stuff, too?”
Hazel grins. “Of course!”
The girls grab a plethora of snacks, including trail mix, apples, and a yogurt for each of them, and take the party outside to the hammock.
It’s not sweltering yet, and I watch from the door as they get set up. “Do you need anything else? I can get it for you.”
“Hmm, probably some water?” Hazel squints, holding up her hand to block the morning sun.
It’s certainly going to be hot, so that’s a wise choice. I fetch them a few bottles and give Jade a hug before going back inside. I need to go into town today, working as a bouncer for a local event, and I’ll be gone until dinner.
“See you later! I should be back by six!” I call out from the door, and both Jade and Hazel just wave and get back to chatting.
They’re already getting along so well, and seeing them like that does something to me. My chest aches at the sight, and that voice in my head screams about what I did wrong all those years ago.
How am I going to make it? Surviving a day around this woman is going to be damn near impossible.
But I have little choice. So, with that, I snag my duffle and car keys, heading into the garage to drive into town.