6. Hazel
SIX
Hazel
One week. I’ve been working for Easton as his babysitter for an entire week. And it really should be getting easier.
But it’s not.
Every time I’m around him, it’s impossible to keep my cool. I know I’ve nearly blown it a few times, and it’s getting harder and harder not to fall victim to how unknowingly charming he is.
Asshole really should look like a foot or something. It would make my life so much easier.
Worse, I can’t help but see the past when I look at him. Easton was such a tremendous part of my life, and even though it’s been seven years, I still cling to those happy memories.
I haven’t dated, not really, anyway. There have been a few first or second dates here and there, but nothing substantial.
Moving past Easton has always been so…difficult.
And when I see him now, I can see the expression on his face the day he went back into the army—and I can feel the pain I felt then when he didn’t come home.
I remember going out to dinner. I remember going to the movies and then getting drinks afterward. I remember Easton trying to teach me pool.
You forced yourself to get good at it.
Hell, we even went to the bowling alley on occasion. And now Easton took Jade there— with me .
“Here’s your fries, ma’am.”
The attendant at the concession stand smiles, and I step up to the counter to take the basket and bring it back to our lane. We’ve set up near the wall, and the bumpers are on for Jade.
As I walk back, I hear Jade laughing, and Easton follows along. It’s been so long since I’ve heard that laugh, and it never really sounded quite like this.
Just look at them.
He might not realize it. In fact, I know he doesn’t, but Easton is a great uncle, and he tries so hard to make Jade happy.
Easton was always a bit on edge when I knew him. It was like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop at all times.
He’d relax around me, but at the end…when he was getting ready to go back…
It was just hard.
Now, I look at him over there with Jade, and it breaks my heart into pieces. It’s sweet and endearing, but it’s frustrating because I can’t help but wonder what our lives could’ve been like if he’d come back to me when he said he would.
Would we be laughing with our child right now?
“Hey,” Easton calls out, smiling as he sees the fries, “thank you. We’re starving.”
Jade and he dig into the fries in seconds, and my chest pinches as I grin back at them.
It’s just so strange.
I can’t fight the burning, nagging feeling whispering that we could have had something like this together if Easton had kept his promise.
Circumstances robbed me of so much time, and I can’t help but hate how my feelings for him are resurfacing. “Well, save some for me, you two.” I laugh when Jade pretends to steal the basket of fries, seriously considering if I should have ordered two.
“It’s your turn, Hazel. We waited for you.”
“Why, thank you.” I look up at the scoreboard that’s hanging above our table. “Well, shoot. I don’t think I’m going to be able to salvage my score.”
With her bumpers on, Jade has managed to do pretty well, about as well as I’m doing without them. But Easton, on the other hand, is ahead of us by quite a bit.
Three strikes, as a matter of fact.
Sure enough, I’m able to pick up a spare, but with only two turns left for each person, Easton clinches his win with a spare and another strike.
“Aw, man!” Jade complains. “You always win.”
Easton chuckles but puts a hand on Jade’s shoulder and offers a sympathetic smile.
“That’s just because I have a lot of practice. How ‘bout this…”
He stands up from his seat, holding out his hand toward Jade. I watch her study him, her face screwed up in a half-hearted pout.
“…we clean up our balls, and then we can all go for ice cream? No spilling this time.”
Jade perks up immediately, bounding out of her chair and into Easton’s arms. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
I can’t help but laugh, and I nod at Jade when she looks over at me expectantly. I’ve noticed that she’s still not sure if I’ll just disappear at some point, like her previous babysitter.
It hurts to think that Jade got attached to someone only to have them abandon her.
Tomorrow will be a week I’ve been watching her, which’ll beat the previous nanny’s record.
I can’t see leaving her any time soon, either. Jade is an incredible kid, and I can see how much she appreciates me being with her.
Easton, too.
Overworked dad mode has certainly improved.
“Can we eat in the park again like last time?” Jade points as she holds her ice cream cone.
Easton nods, swallowing down the bite of cookies’n’cream he ordered. “Sure.”
“Yay!”
Jade smiles. It’s only been a few minutes, but she’s already wearing her Superman ice cream all over her face.
We walk across the street and find a park bench where we can sit down and eat our ice cream. I actually ordered one this time, even though I’m notorious for always opting for the hot foods.
“What is that?” Jade asks, gesturing with her cone at my tiny cardboard bowl.
“Coffee flavored. Mmm.”
“Ew.” She grimaces, and I laugh, gently poking her in the ribs with my elbow .
“Not everyone thinks it’s gross.”
After a few minutes where we idly chat about whatever pops into Jade’s head, including dinosaurs, whether insects breathe, and the superior nature of chocolate and Superman over coffee, Jade runs off to play.
It’s just me and Easton sitting on the bench now, and once we’re both done eating our ice cream, there’s silence.
I can’t leave it that way. I’ve never been very good at just sitting in the quiet, so I put my arm over the back of the bench and face Eason a bit.
“So, why didn’t you go on to have a family yourself? It’s been seven years, and unless you, too, have been on strict deadlines that force your butt into an office chair, I think you had the opportunity.”
“Well, I’m not, that’s for sure. No one wants me writing books.” Easton frowns playfully, shaking his head. “But the thing is, I never really wanted kids. A long time ago, we talked a bit about my parents being less than stellar. Well, I just never wanted to duplicate that and fuck up my own kid.”
I nod gently, remembering the bit of history Easton gave me on his parents. I know they didn’t get along, and I know that tension is what made him stop reaching out to his sister as much.
“Plus, I’ve been busy focusing on my career. After the military, I started my business, and it’s taken single-minded focus to get it where it is now.”
“So, what do you think about it now that you have Jade?”
Scoffing, Easton’s eyes flare as he stares into the middle distance. “Oh jeez, to be honest, it’s fucking hard. And exhausting.”
“You know,” I pat him on the shoulder with a grin, “I feel like I’ve heard that from a lot of the parents I know. And if it’s any consolation, I think that’s a good sign.”
There’s a hard chuckle that leaves him, and then Easton shakes his head. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” I lean back, staring up at the sky as I try to find the right words, knowing how important they can be, “if you feel like it’s hard, and if you’re not just going, ‘oh, this is no big thing. I don’t see what the fuss is all about,’ that means you care about doing a good job. About being there for Jade.”
Easton gets quiet, his eyes finding Jade as she swings on the monkey bars. A soft smile creeps up the corner of his mouth, and I can’t help but feel warm from head to toe when I see it.
“You’re doing fine, Easton. You care about her, and you’re trying to make it all work. That’s all anyone could do in this situation.”
Flicking his eyes to mine, Easton holds my stare. The air crackles between us as we both just hold the eye contact, falling into the familiar space of comfort and attraction.
The space I thought I had left behind.
My mouth is suddenly very dry, and I can feel my heart beating against my ribs.
“Thank you, Hazel.”
I smile, forcing myself to keep it small, to keep calm and collected even as my insides feel like they’re on fire.
“You’re welcome.”
Why does he have to look at me like that?
I realize I can’t look away, even as the prolonged eye contact makes the butterflies in my stomach swoop. There’s so much behind his expression, the way he’s holding me with his gaze like he’s terrified that I might evaporate.
Or worse, like I might stay with him forever.
My brain is short-circuiting, and it’s like staring in a mirror. I know I look the same.
“Uncle Easton, look!”
Jade calls out from the monkey bars, and we both look over to see her hanging upside down with a massive grin on her face.
She’s done an impressive job getting herself up there, and Easton laughs.
“Well done, kiddo!” He gives her a thumbs-up. “Just don’t barf.”
Giggling, Jade flips herself around and then waves for him to come over. “Would you push me on the swings?”
Sighing, Easton stands up and walks over toward her. “Of course.”
I watch from the bench, letting them have their moment. I’m still not sure what I’m feeling right now, too many thoughts spiraling through my mind.
Was this smart? Did I shoot myself in the foot agreeing to be his nanny?
We have so much history that it feels impossible to make an objective decision about something that concerns Easton.
I want to help, to be the type of person who goes out of their way to ensure a kid has the resources they need, but when said kid is attached to my ex-boyfriend, the lines get blurry.
But maybe I’m overreacting. It’s probably all in my head, and things will get better once I’ve been around for a while.
After all, I’m sure Easton isn’t interested in dredging up the past, and I’m certainly not either.
We just need to play it cool, be professional, and focus on Jade. Easy as pie.
A warm summer breeze drifts past me, reminding me how hot it really is outside, and I swear I can hear the wind say, “Whatever you say, Hazel.”