7. Easton #2
“I’m so fucking bad at this.” I take a gulp of my wine and then another. “If Jade’s mom could see her right now, she’d be so pissed at me.”
“Hey, none of that.” Hazel leans toward me again, squeezing my free hand. “You’re doing everything you can. And you called and got help when you were feeling unsure. That’s all you can do.”
“It’s just…ugh,” I sigh, practically collapsing to the counter. “It’s so hard. This is so damn hard. And there’s no instruction manual or predictable routine. It’s chaos and boogers and fevers and kids’ stuff everywhere.”
Laughing, Hazel nods. “Yeah, that sounds about right. But you’re doing what you can, Easton. You’re there for her; it’s clear you care about her, and you’re changing your whole life to make sure you give her a good home. That’s not the sign of a fuck-up.”
I don’t want to accept her words, but part of me understands that Hazel has a point. I am trying, and it’s probably just as true for every new parent. We all feel like we’re failing.
“If Janeen could see you, she’d be proud, Easton.” Hazel holds my stare, making sure to drive her words into me. “She did a great job picking you as Jade’s guardian.”
I can’t keep myself under the weight of Hazel’s stare. I reach for my wine instead, taking a massive gulp. I certainly needed it, but I have to admit that we’ve been drinking pretty fast.
Slowing down is probably a good idea.
As it is, my eyes flick to Hazel’s lips, and I silently curse. I can’t be thinking like this right now. Hazel is supposed to just be my babysitter.
Yeah, that would never be true.
That inner voice, however annoying, isn’t wrong. Hazel will never just be the babysitter. She’s someone I trusted, someone I dated, and so much of me is still just as taken by her as I was before.
She always knows the right thing to walk me back from the edge. Hazel did it then, and she’s doing it now.
How is she this damn incredible?
I am so not worth all this. I’m glad that she came over for Jade, but I feel guilty as shit that Hazel, of all people, is helping me, the asshole who pulled the most epic ghosting.
And still, I can’t stop marveling at how damn gorgeous she looks in a t-shirt and pajama pants. Hazel didn’t change before she came over, her hair piled in a messy bun on top of her head, and she’s still so incredibly beautiful.
You need to stop thinking like this. She is not into you. She shouldn’t be.
“You feeling a bit better over there?” I look up from my glass, realizing that I haven’t said anything. “You’re quiet.”
“I am. Thank you. You…you’re good at this. Always have been.”
Her cheeks flare a delightful pink, and I love it on her. My mind is reeling, and all I want to do is drag this beautiful, kind, intelligent woman across the island and kiss her until neither of us can see straight.
Dammit. This is so not good.
“Thank you, Easton.” Hazel smiles, sliding her hand across the island to squeeze mine again. “You’re trying really hard. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
If only she knew just how many things I was trying hard to do right now. The biggest one is keeping my distance from her.
But then Hazel’s eyes flicker across my face, peeking at my lips. It’s only a flash, there and then gone, but it’s enough to get my lizard brain screaming in my head.
Tension crackles, and she hasn’t pulled her hand away yet. I flip mine over, taking hold of hers and running my thumb back and forth across the back.
She hums slightly, and I lean forward. Hazel doesn’t pull away.
Thinking is getting really damn hard, and Hazel still hasn’t pulled away from me. I know she has to see this, what I’m doing, and my heart is going to beat itself out of my body.
We’re close, really, really close.
God, is she going to let me kiss her? That’s a terrible idea. Do I care?
The scent of her shampoo hits me as I get within inches of her, and it’s so familiar. She’s still using the same stuff.
My mouth is fucking salivating at the thought of claiming Hazel’s, and I’m hard as a rock beneath my sweats.
This is not where I saw this night going.
I risk another inch, and Hazel’s eyes drop to my mouth once more. She chews on her lips, a look of worry mixed with one of intrigue on her face.
She’s still not telling me to fuck off or even just bolting. She’s still here.
“Hazel, I…”
I can’t bring myself to say it, to say that I want to kiss her, to fuck her, to go right back into the past with her, even though I know that’s impossible.
“Easton?”
Our lips are nearly touching, her breath tickling my skin. I begin to shut my eyes, unable to keep myself from doing what I know is a stupid idea.
Fuck, I’m going to kiss her. Hazel fucking Dowd.
“Uncle Easton!”
Jade’s voice rings out from the stairs, and I snap myself away from Hazel faster than either of us can blink.
Oh, shit. What did I just do?
Shaking myself, I refocus, turning away from Hazel and calling out. “Yeah, hun. What’s up?”
“I can’t sleep. My dreams are all scary. Can you be with me?”
My heart sinks, and the guilt comes pouring in. I was going to make out with my niece’s babysitter while she was upstairs with a fever.
Shoot me.
“Oh, umm…” I turn toward Hazel, and she just smiles, gesturing up toward where Jade is calling for me. “Yeah, honey. I’ll be right there!”
There’s a pause, and I start to grab my wine glass, realizing it’s empty.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll clean up and see myself out. You go be with Jade. She needs you.”
I don’t know what I hear in her tone, but something is just a hair off. It could be the fact that I was just about to kiss her.
I’m trying not to think about that, if I’m honest, and I have to imagine Hazel is in the same boat. I sigh, hanging my head before looking back up at her with a smile.
“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Hazel nods. “Yup, bright and early. Hope she’s feeling better.”
I nod—way too many times. “Me too.”
And with that, I leave the kitchen, going upstairs to lie with my niece because she’s supposed to be my focus.
Still, I can’t lie and say that I want Hazel to leave, that I wouldn’t want to kiss her if the opportunity presented itself again.
Because I do. I want to kiss Hazel so fucking badly.