25. Hazel
TWENTY-FIVE
Hazel
I think I played a board game with Easton and Hazel. I think I ate dinner. But the truth is I’m not sure about either. Everything felt like I was just running on autopilot, and now Easton is putting Jade down for bed.
My bed is soft beneath me, but I find no comfort in the way it supports me.
Neil is coming.
I don’t understand how he found me. It’s not like I made my move to Red Lodge super public, but still…he did send that thug after me.
He must have hired someone to track me down. They exist, right? Ugh, I’m losing my mind.
What upsets me most of all is that he can totally get to me. Sure, Neil would have to get past all the security Easton hooked up, but I’m sure he would.
The cops haven’t found him. They have no idea where he’s hiding out, and neither do I.
“Hey, Jade is asleep. How are you holding up?”
I look up at Easton in my doorway, and I can’t fake it anymore. I don’t have any tears left, but all I can do is look at him, exhausted from the terror.
“Not great.”
Easton walks over to the bed and sits down, taking my hands and offering me that patented reassuring squeeze of his.
“I’m right here, Haze. You’re safe.”
A sarcastic laugh leaves me, and I roll my eyes. “Right. I feel super safe right now.”
Wincing, Easton pulls back, and I shake my head, the guilt washing over me as I pull him back, keeping him near me.
“I’m sorry. I just feel so out of control and lost. I’m terrified, and there are too many questions, too many unknowns.”
“I get it.” He smiles softly, nodding. “What can I do?”
We never finished our conversation. We never decided what this is, but all I want in the world is for Easton to stay with me.
It’s the only time I do feel safe.
“Stay with me?” I raise my brows, looking at him hopefully. “While I sleep?”
This time, he doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.”
Easton and I snuggle into the bed, and I let myself be comforted by his presence, focusing on the feel of him, his cologne, until I fall asleep, knowing it won’t be restful.
I do the best I can to get through the next day, but it's hard.
Every second feels like I'm hanging on the edge of a knife as if Neil could leap out from around every corner.
I'm jumpy, even so far as getting terrified by a box of cereal falling in the pantry.
But I hang together. I keep it together if only for Jade. I don't want to make her nervous. I don't want to worry her. She has nothing to do with all of this, and she deserves to just be a kid and focus on enjoying the summer.
The day goes by quickly enough, and eventually, at the end, Easton walks up to me as he’s getting ready to bring Jade up to sleep.
“Hey, why don't we have a nice dinner right here in the living room, just you and me? We'll take a second, we'll watch something stupid, and we'll try not to think about everything that's going on.”
I adore how helpful he's trying to be. I love that I can see how concerned he is for me all over his face. I know we still haven't discussed everything yet, but perhaps we can.
Because I need to talk about it. Because I need to talk about how I feel about him.
Nodding, I give him a smile. “Okay, that sounds good. Umm, why don't you get stuff set up, and I'll bring Jade up for bed?”
“Sounds like a plan. I'll see you in a little bit, okay?”
All I can do is nod again because I don't know what else to do. And I turn to Jade and point up the stairs, saying, “Let's go.”
She bounds up the stairs, heading straight to the bathroom to brush her teeth. And that's so unlike her that I have to wonder if Easton said something to her about being extra careful around me right now.
As much as I hate that concept, I appreciate the effort.
I meet Jade in the bathroom as she's squirting the toothpaste on her toothbrush, and we do our little countdown dance for two minutes to ensure she brushes her teeth for the entire length of time. Otherwise, she'll forget.
Once she's all done, she rinses the toothbrush off and gets a glass of water, gargling it and getting water all over her face. There's something so normal about seeing her just brush her teeth that makes me feel a little bit better about everything.
If there's a kiddo like her in the world, then it can't be all that bad, right?
When we're finished, I take Jade to the bedroom, help her get into her pajamas, and then tuck her in. After a moment, as I'm turning off the lights and making sure that the spinning stars are set to her favorite color, Jade pipes up in bed.
“Hey Hazel, are you okay? You seem upset.”
I sigh. “Yeah. There's no putting it past you, is there?
I'm fine. There's some stuff going on, some adult stuff, that I don't like very much right now, but it's nothing that you need to worry about, alright?
Me and your uncle, we've got this all sorted out.
We're going to make sure everything is fine.”
She smiles, but I can tell she only believes me a little bit.
“Okay, but you know I care about you, too. You're my friend. So, if you need help or something, I'm here.”
I have to fight the tears. I will not cry in front of this amazing little girl. “Thank you, Jade, I appreciate that very much. Do you want me to read you a story or anything before bed?”
A smile stretches across her face that replaces the concerned look that she was wearing.
“Yes,” she says pointedly. “I would like the next chapter of that book, please.”
I laugh and go grab the book that we've been working on every night before bed, and I read to her the next chapter in line. We're up to chapter eleven now. It's getting pretty good.
“Alright, sweetie, time for bed. I'll see you in the morning, okay?”
Jade nods, her eyes rimmed with sleep, and a yawn stretches her face.
“Okay, and Hazel?”
“Yes?” I hesitate as I get off her bed and move towards the door.
“Well, I just wanted to say that I really liked having you around this summer, and I can tell that Uncle Easton really likes having you around, too. You make him happy.”
My heart warms, and I get completely and utterly choked up. Nodding at her, I give a smile and then turn the light off.
“I've really enjoyed being around here, too, Jade. So much.”
When I finish putting Jade down, I let out a heavy breath and close the door behind me before going downstairs to the living room, where I know Easton is waiting.
I start heading for the living room, but then I smell something delicious coming from the kitchen, and I make a beeline in that direction.
As soon as I step into the room, I see Easton finishing up setting out our dinner. That warm feeling in my chest grows. Immensely.
Easton has created a beautiful arrangement with fancy plants and glasses filled with red wine. I am so incredibly moved by how hard he's worked to do something nice for me.
In fact, he's been doing nice things for me ever since I started living with him.
Nervous energy still clings to me, but I have to admit it to myself that he's proven he’s willing to do anything for me over and over again.
He's been there for me when I've been terrified. He’s slept in my bed and not made a single move unless I asked him to. And I can tell that he cares.
I don't know how to thank him properly for everything that he's done for me, and it feels kind of silly, but it's like fate has brought him back into my life right when I really needed him.
“This looks beautiful.”
Easton perks up from setting down a fork. “Oh, this old place? Thanks. Everything should be pretty much ready to go. Are you ready to eat?”
I grin from ear to ear. “Yes, I am very ready for dinner. Thank you.”
When I look Easton in the eyes, I hope that it shows just how much I mean those two simple words. Because sometimes 'thank you' doesn't feel like enough.
Dinner moves quickly, and conversation is easy as we talk about where Easton wants to take his company in the next few years and the plans I have for my upcoming books. It feels effortless, and talking about the future just makes me picture him in it more and more.
“So you’re going to branch off into another series then?”
“Eventually,” I nod, “I mean, there’s still at least two books left in this one, but soon.
I have big plans for the universe I’m building, and I want to start pushing the limits.
I’ve never shied away from violence or dark themes in the books, and I’ve always had sex scenes and stuff, but I feel like I want to go darker. Just a little.”
Easton grins as he scoops up our empty plates and takes them to the sink. “Think that might have something to do with your current situation?”
“Yes, well, you know what they say. Write what you know.”
We both laugh at that and then I follow Easton to the living room. He grabs the remote, switching on the TV to choose something to watch.
“Hmm…how about…” As he scrolls, I’m not looking at the screen. I’m looking at him. His back, his ass, the way his auburn hair is a bit longer now that he’s not in the military. “… Knives Out ?”
When he looks back at me, I try to pretend like I wasn’t just fantasizing about him and that life we talked about.
“Yeah. I love that movie.”
He sits next to me on the couch, and we’re close, so very, very close. Everything feels charged and tense, and I fiddle with the seam of his jeans by his knee.
Our touches get closer and more intimate. I look at him, and he catches me. Then, the same happens with him glancing at me.
It doesn’t take long before both of us turn toward each other, and in a flash, we’re kissing. My fingers brush through Easton’s hair as our tongues dance with each other.
After only a moment, Easton leans back, holding me close but looking me dead in the eye with purpose.
“Do you want this, Hazel?” His stare pins me in place. “ Really ? Do you want to finally admit that this isn’t fake?”
My heart is in my throat. I don’t know if I’m doing this because of the situation we’re in or if I really am falling in love with him again. Still, it’s impossible to deny the connection.
Or how much I want him.
I’m trembling from nervous energy and arousal. And after a moment, I decide to say ‘fuck it’ because life is what it is, and I do want Easton with me through all of it right now.
“I want you, Easton. It’s always been you.”