28. Hazel
TWENTY-EIGHT
Hazel
The park sprawls out in front of us as we arrive in Easton's pickup truck. He parks on the street, and Jade and I hop down, fetching the stuff from the back so that we can go and get ourselves comfortable.
We've brought a picnic basket with plenty of food, water, and various activities to keep us occupied. We have the blanket to sit on, currently tucked under my arm, and Jade rushes to a shady spot beneath a tree before anyone else can snag it.
The summer sun is shining down on us, soaking the grass in its warmth and making the green stand out brightly against the dark bark of the tree trunks.
I lay out the blanket beneath the tree we’ve chosen to sit by in the shadowy patch created by the leaves. Easton sets down the basket on the edge to keep the blanket from flying away in the wind.
Jade hops down, getting herself comfortable, and immediately digs into the picnic basket for a snack. I join her, giggling lightly, and look up at Easton as he makes sure we have everything we need before he sits down.
He's like that.
Easton wants to make sure everything anyone could ever need is right there where they can get it easily.
Despite everything that’s going on and the less-than-stellar conversation we had earlier, I can't help but feel gratitude for getting to sit here in the grass with two people who mean so much to me.
This feels comfortable and easy and the ever looming threat of Neil isn't pressing on me, because I'm surrounded by people and sunlight, and Easton is here.
I can't deny that just his presence makes me feel a little bit better. The more time the three of us spend together, the more I start to feel like we really are a family, and I see how much I really want that.
“Oh, Hazel, you brought them Nutella sandwiches! You are the best! I love you.”
The words hit me, and I realize Jade probably doesn't understand, but I love her, too. I love her so much.
Hell, you could use the word smitten, and it would certainly apply.
All of this stuff between the three of us feels a little bit too good to be true if I’m honest. And if it weren't for the awful situation going on with my stalker, I would think that I was in a dream, terrified of waking up.
“Yes, I did bring the Nutella sandwiches. I also brought proper sandwiches with meat. You know, the protein stuff that I'm constantly trying to get you to eat.”
Jade makes a face, but I just laugh at her as I pull out the other sandwiches. Turkey, cheese, and mustard, because we hate mayonnaise. Although Easton likes it.
“Jade, you really need to eat the sandwich. Please try to have real food before you eat dessert.”
She grumbles, rolling her eyes a little, but then relents. “Alright, okay, I will eat the real food first, but then I'm eating the Nutella sandwiches.”
I laugh at her, getting out the rest of the stuff we brought with us, including those bottles of water that she begged for, some Gatorade in case dehydration is really bad, and a few chips.
Reaching into the basket, Jade pulls out a coloring book that she brought, along with a little set of markers. She lays it out flat on the blanket as she nibbles at a sandwich, coloring in the book that depicts unicorns and mermaids.
Easton and I nibble on our snacks, also enjoying the turkey that I packed with us, and we sit in companionable silence.
It feels comfortable like this.
I know that we're not trying to put a label on all of this, and I know that's what I should want. But in moments like this, in the quiet of the park, I can't help but feel like I made a mistake by agreeing to that with Easton.
I don't want casual. I don't want no strings attached. The idea of him even looking at someone else makes me sick to my stomach, but I don't know how to talk to him about that.
We have such a heavy history, and there is so much going on. I just don't feel like we have time to focus on our relationship. And that kind of sucks.
With how many people are in the park, I'm reminded of the fact that Easton and I are supposed to be fake dating. This display on the blanket will ease any concerns that we’re not a happy couple.
And my stomach drops just a little bit.
When I glance over at Easton, he's taking a massive bite of his sandwich, and a little bit of mayonnaise gets stuck on his lip. He licks it off and then grabs a napkin from inside the blanket.
All I can do is smile.
We're supposed to be faking this, but it doesn't feel fake anymore.
Part of me wants to run. My brain is settling on the fact that he didn't come back all those years ago.
And then I see this man in front of me.
I see this man who is doing so much to try to keep me safe and has mayonnaise stuck to his five o’clock shadow.
“Huh.” He perks up, glancing at me with his brows pulled together. “What are you looking at?”
“You. You got it there, or do you need another napkin?”
He laughs, rolling his eyes as the sunlight catches in his auburn hair. “I'm fine. You put a lot of mayonnaise on this.”
Rolling my eyes right back at him, I reach inside the bag and pull out the packet of wet wipes that I added just in case somebody got sticky.
“Well, here you go. These were supposed to be for the ten-year-old, but I think you need them.”
“You bum,” he complains playfully. And I smile so big my cheeks start to hurt.
It doesn't feel like we're pretending anymore, and I don't know what to do about that.
Going back to my sandwich, I let the conversation lull again. My brain is churning all over again, unable to stay steady or keep me from agonizing over every little thing.
Isn't this supposed to be casual? Isn't casual safer?
With Neil escaping from prison and potentially headed in my direction, with every bit of our history working against us, isn't a fully fledged relationship between the two of us a dumb idea?
I mean, who would do something like that? It's not like the circumstances say, “Yes, this is the perfect time to get involved in a relationship with your ex-boyfriend who you dated in college .”
And then I look over at Easton again, and that buzz in my stomach fills me like it always does. I don't know if any of those logical ideas will keep me from following what my heart is pulling me towards.
“What’re you thinking about?” I ask as I look at Easton, who seems to be as deep in thought as I am.
He sighs. “You. Us.”
This isn't really the best place to have this conversation. Jade is still lying on the blanket, coloring in her book. So the both of us just let things go quiet, and eventually, Jade runs off towards the playground, intent on going on the swings for as long as she can.
I glance over at Easton just as his eyes find me, and we both laugh.
“Well, should we talk about this?” he asks.
We're still in a public place, in the park, so I try to steer the conversation carefully.
“Well, maybe we should determine what our next steps are with the entire Neil situation. He's still on the loose. And I'm worried that he's going to catch up to us at some point.”
Easton sighs and sets his sandwich to the side. He's almost finished with it anyway.
Scooting across the blanket, he gets as close to me as he can without making me feel too pressured, and then he reaches for my hand and entwines his fingers with mine.
“I know you're scared, Haze. I understand.
You have every reason to be, but we're going to figure this out. He’s potentially coming.
But there's no way of knowing if he knows exactly where we are, and we're going to make sure that the house and you and Jade are as safe as possible. He's not going to get to you.”
I allow myself to be comforted by his words for only a moment before my anxiety peaks again, and the words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“I'm just nervous, Easton. He's coming after me. He's called me. It's impossible to ignore those things. And even here in this park, I feel exposed. He could be lurking around some corner, for all I know.”
“Hey,” he grabs my chin, “everything is going to be okay. You and Jade are safe with me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you.”
I give him a smile. I believe him; I do. I just know that there are some things that even devotion can't stop.
I take his hand and hold it in mind. This is getting a little bit too heavy for me, and it seems that a change of subject is in order.
“How are you doing? I know that I haven't checked in with you very much, and you've been dealing with a lot, too.”
Easton chuckles, rolling his eyes again, and then they wind their way over towards Jade as she plays on the swings, laughing happily and making instant best friends with the other kids who are there.
“I'm worried about Jade. I'm always worried about Jade. I'm worried that I'm not cut out to raise her just like my mother implied. I wonder if she would be better off with them sometimes.”
“Hey, you have been doing incredible, and you've been thrust into the deep end so quickly.
It's not like you knew this was going to happen.
Jade entered your life during one of the lowest moments of hers, and you have been caring for her absolutely wonderfully.
You've done so much good for her in the past few weeks.”
Easton seems to relax, and when he smiles at me, I can see just how much my words have affected him.
“Thanks, Haze. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”
Without thinking about it, I reach up to his cheek and smooth my thumb across his skin. “I think I do, actually. And it's true. All of it.
“Thank you for being here,” Easton tells me, looking into my eyes with his soul cracking open as big as mine is right now.
I smile back at him, feeling a little bit choked up, my eyes burning at the corners. “And thank you for everything you've done for me. I really don't know how I'm supposed to repay you for protecting me against an escaped convict.”
He chuckles but then pulls me close to him, pressing a kiss to my forehead. His touch lingers there, and I feel the warmth sinking into my bones.
“I would do all this over again in a heartbeat. Finding you in that coffee shop, Jade spilling ice cream all over you. It was perfect.”
We haven’t put labels on this. We haven’t said anything about it not being casual. But right now, basking in the warmth of Easton that even outweighs the sun, I know it’s more than that.
I just know.