31. Hazel
THIRTY-ONE
Hazel
At this point, someone should give me a fucking Oscar for how good of an actress I have been, not only all day but ever since I ran into Easton.
I know I need to go back to my apartment to clear my head, to wrap my brain around everything that's going on, and I've made up my mind to do so.
But I'm not about to make Easton feel bad for it or, worse, make Jade feel like she did anything wrong, because she didn't. I adore her.
She's one of the best kids on the entire planet, and it would bring me nothing but joy to be her nanny, her babysitter, her whatever. Forever.
But it's too hard to make a decision right now, being around her uncle.
Logic and fear and the past and Olivia's words are all telling me that I need to slow this down and take some time for myself, to physically put some space between us.
And even though I've made up my mind about that, I will admit that my stomach is in knots, and my chest feels like it's in a vice.
You can do this, Hazel. Just put one foot in front of the other. You got this.
I got back to the house, and we went about our day just as I thought we would, but both Jade and Easton seem to notice that something is up at dinner because I'm unusually quiet.
To make up for it, I suggest putting on a movie, citing that the sun really wiped me out when I went on my walk with Olivia.
“Yeah, sorry, guys. I'm just drained from being out in the bright sun like that all day. Really knocked me on my ass. Excuse me, butt. I will put a dollar in the swear jar.” I hold up my hands in surrender as Jade eyes me.
“How about we just relax to a movie for the rest of the night, and then I can tuck you in, Jade?”
She gives me a smile, going to get the swear jar, and when she comes back, I stick a dollar in it from my pocket, and she nods.
“Okay, a movie sounds fine, but I get to pick.”
Easton laughs, mussing her hair a little bit. “Of course, you get to pick, kiddo. It's not like we're going to watch the adult movies with you. I'm not interested in giving you any nightmares.”
“I am ten years old. Movies don't give me nightmares anymore.”
Easton makes a face at her, completely not believing what she said, and Jade starts to crumble underneath the pressure as he doesn't say anything.
“Okay, fine. I saw that one movie with my friends, and maybe I had a hard time sleeping, but it won't be like that because we'll put on something fun.”
Easton chuckles again, and I smile at both of them, dinner not sitting right in my stomach, and I reach out my hand toward Jade.
“All right, cutie, let's go. We'll pick out a movie.”
Easton walks toward the cupboard. “And I will put on some popcorn as I usually do. Extra butter?”
Jade and I both answer at the same time, “Yes!”
The remainder of the night goes as planned. We watch a movie, which is a fun one, and Jade falls asleep about thirty minutes before the end.
I walk her upstairs, making sure that she brushes her teeth really well, considering we had so much sticky food and popcorn tonight. Then I tuck her into bed.
She doesn't even need me to read her a story this time because she's already asleep again. My heart pinches in my chest.
I love this little girl, and I can't let anything happen to her.
That thought has been plaguing me every second of the day. So I've made up my mind. I'm going to go over to my house, my apartment that has been empty for way too long, and I'm going to put some distance between all of us.
If Neil comes looking, he's going to find the apartment first. And I want him to stop his search there.
I don't want him to make it to Jade and Easton. I want to protect them, even if that means sacrificing something that I want so badly.
When I come back down the stairs, Easton is sitting on the couch. He hears me and clicks off the TV. It was playing some type of sports event. I didn't even get a chance to see it.
He stands up and gives me a smile. Walking over, I wait for him to reach me, knowing that he's going to wrap his arms around me like he always does.
When they circle my waist, I nuzzle my face into his chest, breathing in his scent.
This is the last night I'm going to get to spend with him like this, and every part of me believes that I need to make it worth everything.
Shoving everything I'm feeling aside except for the instant draw to this incredible man, I look up into his eyes and put my hands on his face.
“Hey. I think she's asleep, and I think you and I should go upstairs.”
Easton seems a little surprised by my forwardness, but he doesn't resist, giving me that cocky grin and scooping me into his arms.
“I agree.”
He carries me up the stairs, and we go to his bedroom. I cling to him as we push through the quiet house.
This is your last chance. Hazel. This is the last time you're going to see him like this. Make it worth it.
When he sets me down on my feet, my hands go right back to his face, and I pull him down for a kiss. I give everything I have to that movement, sliding my tongue through his lips as he eagerly welcomes me in.
Our tongues dance together, this perfect rhythm we always seem to find within seconds. I close my eyes tight, hoping to block everything else out.
For right now, there is no Neil. There is no past. There is no fake dating. There's just us. And I'm going to enjoy myself this one last time before I deal with everything reality has thrown at me.
Easton leans back, sucking in a breath, and I smile at him, not letting him know how my brain is dwelling on everything to do with Neil.
“Well, I'll admit this is a little bit of a surprise.”
I reach down for his belt buckle, brushing my fingers across his steadily hardening erection and chewing on my lip, something I know he loves.
“Yes, well, I like surprises, don't you?”
Easton grins, chuckling slightly before it bleeds into a hiss as I stimulate him. “I like them when they're like this.”
I unbutton his slacks after pulling his belt free. My fingers go to his zipper next, and I slide it down. With nothing standing in my way, I push his pants down to the floor, sinking to my knees as I do.
I take his briefs with me, and his cock springs free.
He's so glorious. And I want to make him feel good. I want to make him feel like this is the best moment, the best sex he's ever had.
Reaching up for him, I wrap my fingers around the base, dragging my tongue up the bottom. He groans, keeping himself quiet, and before he can tell me not to, before he can question this, I wrap my lips around the his head and suck hard.
Easton's fingers knot through my hair, and I bob my head up and down as I take him as far as I can possibly go. I've never been this ravenous, this focused on giving everything I have to pleasuring this man.
Not like this before. And damn, I hope it shows through.
I want nothing more than to make Easton feel so… very… good.
He grips my roots tighter, his hips beginning to move as I continue to work up and down his shaft. Saliva is dripping on my chin, but I don't care.
This is about him. This is about telling him that I care about him. This is about showing him that he means the world to me, even though I'm about to leave.
I breathe through my nose, ignoring the twinge in my jaw from how I'm stretching it around him like this, and I wind my hand up his leg until I reach his sack and gently caress.
When I need air, I lean back slightly and use my tongue to run it up and down the length of him, paying close attention to that ridge near his head that I know is extra sensitive.
Easton's hips flex, and I hear him groan before suddenly he's pulling me to my feet.
“What are you doing?”
“That is too fucking good, and I need to be inside you if I'm going to come.”
A blush fills my cheeks, and the truth is, I want him inside me just as much as he seems to. I need to feel this connection we have. I need to bask in it before it goes away, before I'm the one who's leaving this time.
Emotions over the past and the present start to blur together, but Easton's fingers on my body pull me back down to this moment.
He goes for the button on my shorts, the same ones I wear so often, and he drags them down my legs, pulling my panties right along with them.
I expect him to go down on me, because it's his favorite thing, it seems, but his hands come up my stomach and underneath my breasts so that he can pull my shirt off over my head.
His lips find mine, and they tangle together as he walks me backward toward the bed. I'm leaned over it, and Easton takes up his space between my thighs.
It's where he belongs. It's where I want him all the time, and this is it. This is the last time.
You need to stop dwelling on that, Hazel. You need to focus. This is happening. Just be happy.
But no part of me can forget that this is the end of us, that I'm choosing to run away to protect him and Jade.
It's all I can do to focus on the feeling of Easton's lips working their way down my entire body, caressing me, finding each breast, each nipple, the crook of my hip before he dives in, his tongue slipping through my seam.
If this is the last time, I am going to focus on all of the sensations. I am going to lose myself to the feeling of Easton against me.
And I do.
My thoughts start to blur, finally pushed to the background. All I can focus on is the delicious, warm, wet sensations of Easton’s tongue caressing me.
He finds my clit, flicking it back and forth fast and hard. I'm continually impressed by his ability to work me like this.
I reach down for him, though. I don't want to give myself over to just this part of it. I need him inside me. I need to feel our connection stronger than ever.
He climbs back up my body, and easily enough, the blunt head of his erection nudges at my entrance. I spread my legs wider, eagerly letting him in.
When we're joined, it feels like nothing else in the world matters, and we lose ourselves to the movement of rocking back and forth, of taking and giving, of showering each other with affection.
Easton doesn't know that my heart is breaking inside me. Easton doesn't know that I plan on being gone soon.
But this is what we need. This will be our final stand, our form of closure.
I know I can't continue our relationship any longer under these circumstances. I know that in order to protect Easton and to protect Jade, I need to step away.
I need to extract myself from the equation so they won't get hurt.
And as we ride the bliss together—my body's holding him tight inside me as he fills me up—I vow to remember this moment for as long as I live.
This is going to be the memory that I let haunt me. This is going to be the moment that I’ll always remember as the one where I truly learned what loving someone meant.