36. Hazel
THIRTY-SIX
Hazel
Neil was arrested two days ago. Neil was arrested two days ago and placed in jail with so much mounting evidence against him that the officer told me it would be basically impossible for him to get out.
The first place we went was the hospital, of course. The doctors needed to check out Jade to make sure that she was okay.
They insisted on looking me over as well, but I only had a slight scratch on my neck from the knife and a mild concussion again from where Neil smashed my head into the ground.
It wasn't nearly as bad this time. I wasn’t unconscious.
Still, Easton was around us, hovering over Jade and me like a protective Papa the entire time. We were allowed to stay in the same room, and I was so grateful.
I couldn’t be away from Jade or Easton. I just couldn't.
We're home now. We were released since everything was okay, and I know I'm supposed to go back to our regular routine to make life normal again, but I don't know how to do that.
I still can't believe that Neil is probably going into a much more secure facility and for a much longer time.
I'll testify against him again if I need to, but everybody is trying to keep that possibility to a minimum. They know how hard it was for me the first time.
We're just sitting in Easton's house, and it's quiet. The security system has been fixed again, and I know Easton feels terrible about how it failed in the first place.
I feel terrible because I went out to that warehouse.
I know it was reckless. I know that I should have told Easton and told the police. But I was terrified that something might happen to Jade.
I love her so much, and my first instinct was to do whatever I could to keep her safe.
Easton has been good about reminding me that it wasn't my fault, that I was doing everything for the right reason, even if it was pretty reckless.
He's also been very good at reminding me that Jade adores me and she's home, we're both home.
I got her settled in bed last night when we got home from the hospital, and it felt familiar. She was nervous to fall asleep, which I understood, so both Easton and I crawled into her bed again, and we lay there with her until she finally closed her eyes and her breathing leveled out.
When it felt like we could, we slipped out of the bed and back into Easton’s room.
He held me in his arms the entire night. I didn't even need to ask. I fell asleep, hearing the sound of his heart pounding beneath my ear, my head on his chest.
I didn't have any dreams last night, and I'm grateful for that, but I don't know how long that peace is going to last.
It's clear all of us have been through so much. It goes without saying that we're going to need some time to find ourselves again, but everybody around us has been extremely understanding.
They've given us all grace and allowed us to take this time to be quiet, even Olivia.
Easton's friends have sent so many gift baskets in the past few hours. It's wild.
This morning, I snuck out of bed while Easton was still sleeping to make myself a cup of coffee. I just needed to sit by myself for a little bit, think through all these crazy thoughts running in my brain.
The house is still so quiet, and the sound of the coffee maker gurgling away seems like a scream. A pleasant one, though.
The rich scent of the grounds brewing fills the air, and I go find my favorite mug, putting it beside the pot that I'm making full enough for Easton and I to have several cups.
When there's enough of the good stuff to fill up my mug, I pour myself a cup. I don't add cream or sugar this time, somehow wanting it black, and I take my mug outside onto the deck.
The wind is gentle against my skin, and I can hear crickets singing. It's peaceful back here. It smells like the pool and that hot summer air I got so used to smelling every morning.
The hammock gently waves in the breeze, and I can watch the steam rise from my cup as the morning light comes up behind it.
It's not long before Easton joins me outside.
There's this weird, thick tension between us, all these words unspoken, and I'm not sure how to get them out.
This is what Olivia warned me about.
“Hey,” Easton comes over and sits by me, “I know I've said this a million times, but thank you for everything you did for Jade. There are no words that can express how grateful I am for everything you've done.”
My heart warms at the sentiment.
“I know we have a lot in front of us, a lot of time to heal and to get comfortable again.
But I've been thinking a lot, before the incident with Jade and after, and I want you to really move in here.
I know that you basically were, but you were living in the guest room, and the relationship was supposed to be fake.
I don't want those things, Hazel. I want you to live with me.
I want you to sleep in my bed. I want to hold you in my arms. Move in here because the thought of not having the woman I love by my side every day breaks my heart. I can't bear that.”
It's about 6:30 in the morning, and I've been nursing this cup of coffee for about thirty minutes. And the man sitting next to me just told me he loves me.
Disbelief and wonder and joy and relief flare through me like a burst of light from the sun. I can't believe this is happening.
All my worries about where we were going after this, and Easton has just come out and said he loves me and he wants me to live with him.
He chuckles as he scoots closer to me, taking the coffee cup from my hand and setting it down, and taking my hands in his.
“You look a little shocked, and I can't say that surprises me much. I know I just came out here and blurted all that in front of you, but like I said, I've been thinking about this for a while, and I don't want to pussyfoot around things with you anymore. I don't want to be scared or hold back.”
Easton sighs, holding my hands tight in his as he lays it all out there.
“I've always felt like love is an invitation for pain, and I'm never going to live up to the expectations of everyone around me.
I'm not going to be a good enough dad. I'm not going to be a good enough boyfriend or a good enough son. But I know all of the baggage I carry is because of my relationship with my parents. It’s not the relationship I have with you; it's not the relationship I have with Jade.
So, I'd like you to stay…if you want to.”
My eyes are burning with tears, but I'm not sad. My hands are in front of my mouth as I continue to gape at Easton, utterly shocked.
And then it hits me that this really is real.
I throw myself into his arms, squeezing him against me as tight as I can. “Are you serious? Are you really serious? You can't just say these things and then?—”
“I'm serious, Hazel. I love you. Having you around me has healed a part of my soul that my early life almost took away from me.
But love doesn't have to be scary, and you've shown me that. Yes, our lives have been anything but calm as of late, but that has nothing to do with how wonderful a woman you are and what you mean to me. Stay with me, Hazel, Stay with me forever.”
I'm overcome with all the emotions flowing through me, and all I can do is cling to Easton, surging with so much love that I can barely keep it in. In fact, I don't.
I look him in the eyes, I put my hands on the side of his face, and I crash my lips against his and kiss the ever-loving hell out of him.
After a moment, I finally lean back, the taste of him still strong on my tongue and so much better than the coffee. I meet Easton's eyes again.
“Of course, I will stay with you. I will stay with you for as long as you will have me, Easton.
I've loved you since the moment I saw you in that stupid bar, and losing you before almost killed me. But finding you again, no matter how rocky the road has been, will always be the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I love you, I love Jade, and I want the three of us to build a life together.”
Easton holds me close, his eyes welling up with tears, and then pulls me back to his mouth. The kiss is everything we want to say, everything we mean to each other, and I’m utterly lost to it.
This is the start of the future I have always dreamed of from the very first day I met Easton. It may have gotten off to a rocky start, and for a while there, it didn’t look possible, but I’m determined to make this work.
This is what I want.
“Holy crap, I can't believe you kept all of these.”
I giggle as I look over at Easton as he goes through the box of yearbooks I've held onto.
“I know, it's silly. But hey, memories, right?”
“You were in choir and theater? I did not peg you as a music chick.”
All I can do is laugh again, but I take one of the small stuffed animals that I've held on to since high school and throw it at Easton's face.
It hits him, dust flying everywhere, and he starts coughing. “Oh god, sorry! I didn't realize it was going to be so dusty.”
“It's fine. Ugh.” He coughs again, and I make a face.
I feel terrible for hitting him right where it counts with something that's been lingering in my closet for over a decade.
“Really. I’m so sorry.”
“It's fine. It's fine. We're taking a shower after this anyway. Plus, I like hearing about what you were like in high school, baby Hazel and the chaos she got up to.”
“There wasn't much chaos. I bounced around from house to house too much. Mostly, it was me trying to find any type of stability.”
Easton comes over, wrapping his arms around me. “I know that being in foster care was probably really hard. I'm glad you were able to find some normalcy near the end there.”
“Yeah, the last family that took me from high school through college was really nice. They made high school bearable, and they set me up with a really good plan to make sure the university situation worked out for me.”
“Okay, but you have to tell me whose idea it was to make one of your dances prehistoric-themed ?”
I burst out into laughter. “That was meant to be a joke, but too many people voted for it. And then we got stuck with it. God, I remember having to paint a model of a Pachycephalosaurus that we were hanging up on the wall. That took forever .”
We’re laughing and laughing, and then Jade runs in from the other room, holding a photo album in her arms.
“I found this in the cupboard. What are these?”
With a big smile, I sit down on the bed, waiting for Jade to plop down next to me. “Oh, these are photos from college. You know, there's actually some of your uncle in here.”
“What?” Easton goes white as a sheet.
“Can you show me?” Her eyes are as wide as saucers.
“Oh, Jade, not only will I show you, I will explain every embarrassing detail.”
“Ugh, and that’s my cue to go bring these boxes to the car.” I glance over at Easton, and sure, he’s making a face, but behind it, there’s this happiness in his eyes that makes my chest squeeze.
We go through my early college years, and Jade and I both laugh over my questionable fashion choices. Then Easton comes back inside just as I get to the picture of me and him at the bar.
“Oh, there he is.”
“Wow, he looks so young!” Jade calls out, and I chuckle as Easton rolls his eyes.
We’re just staring at each other now, and my cheeks actually ache from smiling so big. Easton sets down the box he’s holding and walks over, sitting next to me.
“I’ve never seen this.” He sounds so nostalgic, so full of memories.
And there he is in the picture, just like I remember. Easton is standing next to the pool table, smirking as he eyes me. I’m next to him, looking up at him as I rest my arm on a cue.
“God, I remember this. You’ve gotten so much better at pool now.” I shove Easton playfully, nudging him with my elbow, and he laughs, pulling me against his side with a grin. “We’ve been through a lot, huh?”
All I can do is nod. That’s a hell of an understatement.
“Did you meet Uncle Easton on a blind date or something?” Jade asks, and I laugh.
“No, no. We just happened to be there at the same time. He was complaining about the music.”
“A dumb mistake, but one that got you to talk to me, so…” Easton shrugs, still smirking.
“Had you ever played pool before?”
I shake my head. “Nope, first time. I was awful. When your uncle went back to the military for a while, I vowed to get good enough to beat him.”
“Did you?” Jade’s eyes are wide, hopeful.
“I did, actually.”
“Oh, yeah, she creamed me.”
They both laugh, and my chest only pinches slightly at the memory of Easton going back to the military.
It certainly isn’t my favorite memory, but our relationship has had its ups and downs. That’s for sure.
Still, I’m glad we found each other again. I’m more than glad. This is the life I always wanted.
“I’m so happy that we made it here, Haze. I couldn’t imagine a better person to share the future with.”
Easton’s words hit me, partly because we were thinking the same thing and partly because I still can’t believe we get this. That we’re here and alright.
“Hey, what about me?” Jade pipes up, her smile teasing.
“I need both my girls here with me all the time.” Easton wraps around me to pull Jade and me against him for a hug.
We all giggle at the squeeze, and when Jade sits back, she rolls her eyes. But then her expression sobers, and she looks up into my eyes with this expectation that makes me slightly nervous.
“Can…can I call you ‘Mom?’”
My mouth drops open, and I blink back tears as a stunned Easton watches on. His eyes come to mine, waiting for a response, and I’m so totally taken aback.
Though, I can’t deny that I’ve thought about it a lot.
“You can call me whatever you’re comfortable with,” I take Jade’s hand to reassure her, “but I’d love to be your mom.”
My throat is tight as the emotions overwhelm me, and then Jade launches herself into my arms. I hold her against my chest, letting everything just flow out of me.
There’s no point holding back emotions, trying to be stoic or perfect or to protect yourself. The hurt’s going to come if the hurt’s going to come. The best thing to do is dive in head first.
Easton wraps around us again, and I can feel the moisture on my skin as his face meets my arm. He’s crying, and it just makes my tears come all the harder.
But they’re happy tears. The absolute happiest.
“This is what I want,” he mumbles. “My girls by my side, a happy little family. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
I look over my shoulder at him, sharing this little moment between us as Jade hugs me. He lowers his voice to a whisper.
“I was wrong, Haze. Love can be mine, and I want this for the rest of my life. I love you.”
Grinning, I know exactly what he’s saying, what he’s getting at. “I love you, too, Easton. Always.”
When we separate, I smile, looking around my old apartment. “Take me, family. I’m ready.”