22. Brooks
TWENTY-TWO
Brooks
Sunlight hits my face, and I groan, annoyed by the bright light that has the gall to interrupt the best sleep I’ve had in ages. But then I remember where I am.
Sure, I’m in my bed. That part is typical, but it’s who I’m with and how I feel that’s decidedly new.
Clover is in bed with me, and we’re both naked from the previous evening’s…encounter.
When I roll over to face her, Clover is already awake, and she smiles, smoothing a hand down my cheek.
“Hi.”
I smile, putting my hand on top of hers. “Hi.”
More and more of my brain comes online, and I furrow my brow as I stare at Clover, the morning light bouncing off those lovely curls of hers.
“Have you been watching me sleep?”
She chuckles. “Only for a minute or two. You look so…peaceful.”
Leaning up onto my elbow, I pull Clover in for a kiss, focusing entirely on the way her lips feel against mine.
But then reality hits.
I’m in bed with Clover. I’ve just slept with my nanny—with my best friend’s daughter. Fucking hell.
I pull back, and as soon as Clover meets my eyes, she can tell something is up.
“Are you…” She doesn’t finish, dropping her stare and swallowing hard before leaning away. “Right. Shit. I guess…yeah, this was…”
The disappointment on her face is so painfully clear, and as much as I’m thinking about how we shouldn’t have ever done this, I can’t say I regret it either.
Reaching out, I take Clover’s cheek, lifting her chin so that she looks at me.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel…ugh,” I sigh, a half-hearted chuckle slipping out. “Real way with words, huh? I apologize. I’m just a little…surprised, I guess. I’ll admit I didn’t think this was ever going to actually happen.”
Clover’s brows knit together, and she chews on her lip before asking, “What do you mean ‘actually?’”
Staring at her, there’s this part of me that knows I could lie, or at the very least, I could obscure the truth. But I can’t do that to her.
As much as I might not want to admit it, I care a lot about hurting Clover. I…I just couldn’t do that.
“I’ve thought about it,” I offer matter-of-factly. “I’ve thought about you . Quite a bit, if I’m honest.”
Her stare softens, and Clover leans into my hand. “I have, too. I realize that this is…a bit unorthodox.”
I snort. “That’s one way to put it.”
Swatting at me, Clover sits up a bit more, pulling up the sheet to cover herself. “Excuse me for wanting to be tactful. Jerk.”
I chuckle—because it seems that no matter what, Clover will always be able to get me to laugh. Warmth spreads through my chest, and as much as I know that we shouldn’t be here, that this is not where I’m supposed to be looking for a relationship—even though that’s not at all what I was doing—I can’t deny that being with Clover feels way too damn good.
“You’re not wrong, Lucky. It’s not what we should be doing. We both get that.” Clover looks away as my words hit her, and I feel that pang deep in my chest as she deflates. “But I don’t think I can fight it anymore.”
Perking up, Clover snaps her stare to me, and I swear to all that is holy, those stormy blue eyes of hers could get me to do just about anything.
“I don’t think I can either, especially…” She scoots closer, briefly gesturing down with her head. “…since I’ve gotten a taste of that.”
Laughing, I pull her against my side, wrapping my arm around her. “I’ve no plan for this, Clover. I…I can’t tell you where this is going to go or how long. I…I can’t fight it, but I don’t know if I’m ready to label it either.”
She nods, resting her head on my shoulder. “I feel that. I…ugh, let’s just see where it goes. We’ll take it one day at a time.”
I relax some, the non-decision decision making me feel a bit better. “I can do that.”
A few moments pass in silence, and then Clover sits up like she’s just touched an electric fence. I face her head-on, running a hand up and down her arm as her hands cover her face.
“What is it?”
She shakes her head before meeting my eyes. “I’m a moron, that’s what. My brain apparently felt like it was convenient to forget about my dad before, but boy, do I remember now. What are we going to do about him ?”
Guilt washes over me, drowning out the feelings of happiness I’d allowed myself to enjoy for a few minutes.
Fuck, Leo is going to be furious. Jesus, what did we do?
I sigh, raking a hand through my hair, and the room hangs in silence for a bit. It’s not like I was planning this, like I saw his daughter and went, “Yeah, I’m gonna fuck her.”
But somehow, I don’t think Leo will understand the distinction.
I never wanted to hurt my best friend. That’s never, ever been a thought in my mind. But up until now, I never had anything I really wanted for myself, either.
Clover is the first person in years I’ve even remotely let in. The fact that she’s his daughter is an unfortunate coincidence. If she was anyone else, just my nanny, I would feel the same.
I know it.
Looking over at her, I reach out again for her face, running my thumb up and down her cheek. I feel so drawn to her, compelled to be near her like some act of destiny.
“I…I don’t think we should tell your father, but…I like this. I…want this.”
It feels so weird, so wrong. To be asking for something for just myself. I’ve been selfless for so long that this feels like a betrayal.
Fuck, though. I do want this. I want Clover. I want to at least try my hand at happiness and see what happens.
“Look, I’ll be honest with you.” Clover holds my eyes, listening intently. “I don’t want a repeat of Leah, but I’m willing to see where this goes. To…try.”
Even vocalizing the words is weird. I have been trying to deny how I feel for so long, though, and it hasn’t worked. Keeping Clover safe here at the ranch has been so crucial because… there are feelings there.
Facing the fact that I might go for this and Clover could leave is terrifying. I’m not sure if I would survive that, and that’s nothing compared to the pain I know Darby would feel if Clover just left after being a part of our family.
My heart rate ticks up, and I can feel my palms get clammy. The room is too quiet, and I’m ready to bolt for the door and chalk this all up to just a slip-up, when Clover squeezes my hand.
“I understand.” Clover nods, a soft smile stretching over her face. “I want to try, too. You are…you’re not what I expected, Brooks. But denying that there’s something here feels stupid. I don’t want to do that.”
Everything inside me warms, a fiery glow radiating through my blood like my own personal sun. I pull Clover to my lips, tasting her, claiming her kiss as my own.
For the first time in so many years, I’m going to listen to the little voice I know represents my heart. I’m going to think positively.
I don’t know why, but it feels possible with Clover—with my Lucky.
“Okay.” I lean back, resting my forehead on hers. “We’ll figure it out together. We’ll keep it secret from your dad for now and just see where this goes.”
She nods against me, kissing my lips gently just once before slipping back.
“Okay.”