39. Clover
THIRTY-NINE
Clover
I yawn as I close the door to my car, get out, and step up to the massive wrap-around porch on my dad’s new house. I didn’t sleep at all last night, too consumed with whirling thoughts of everything that went down.
Of all the ways my father could have found out about Brooks and me, this is definitely the worst. He didn’t answer any of my calls last night, and I’ve been locked up in my room ever since.
I haven’t even spoken to Darby, which hurts me more than I expected.
My heart is so loud as I walk up the steps and knock on his door. “Dad?”
It’s a few moments, but after a bit, my dad comes up to the door and pulls it open. “Clover. I’m not sure?—”
“Please, we need to talk about this.” My hands shake. “There’s nothing that avoiding it will help.”
He grins slightly. “You sound like your mom.”
I offer a grin back, hoping that we can connect over her words like we usually do. “Well, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, right?”
Stepping aside, Dad opens up the door the rest of the way and silently invites me in. As I step inside, he closes the door behind me, and I wait until he guides me to the kitchen table, where I take a seat.
He sits down across from me, and the quiet hangs heavy for a moment. I know he won’t be the first to talk. This is on me.
“Dad, I know this isn’t what you expected, and I hate that I’ve kept this from you. But…” I suck in a deep breath, trying to steady myself as I watch myself fiddle with the rings on my fingers. “…I hope you can see after what Brooks said yesterday that he…cares about me. He isn’t and hasn’t ever taken advantage. I promise you that.”
When I look up at him, my dad is staring down at his hands, too. It’s like staring in a mirror, and my chest squeezes as I think about just how much I owe the man sitting in front of me, how much I love him.
Dad sighs, glancing up and dipping his head toward his shoulder before finally meeting my eyes.
“You know…I did see something in Brooks yesterday that I haven’t seen before. Something I see in you, too.”
I raise my brows, leaning on the table in front of me. “Oh? What’s that?”
“Connection.” Nodding his head in a bit of a bob, Dad hums, his stare flicking down and then back up to me. “I’ve known Brooks for a while now. You your whole life. The both of you let people in less than the White House.”
I can’t help but snort at that. He’s not wrong. That’s part of what had been so great about being with Brooks, what has been one of the most significant changes in my life.
“I’ve wanted to see Brooks happy. I’ll admit that. I just didn’t expect him to be finding that happiness with my daughter.”
“I get that. Really. But we both made this decision as adults. I didn’t feel pressured. He didn’t threaten my job. If anything, we both pushed each other away as much as we could. Before, we just…couldn’t anymore.”
“He really saved you yesterday? From that Kyle you mentioned?” Dad juts his chin out at me like he’s prepared for me to explain away the situation and thinks that it just couldn’t be true.
“Yes. He did. If it weren’t for Brooks being there, I don’t know if I would be here. Kyle was intent on taking me back to New York—no matter what it took. Kyle had threatened me, he threatened Darby, and he physically assaulted both Brooks and me when he showed up at your old apartment.”
The look of horror that spreads over my dad’s face is enough to make me slightly nauseated. I hate to see him so worried. It’s why I never said anything. He has enough on his plate, and the last thing he needs is to be concerned for his daughter.
But I guess that’s what you do when you’re a parent. Hell, I’d be freaking out if I knew someone was threatening or looking to harm Darby.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect that little boy. I…I think of him as my own son.
“You should have said something to me, honey. I can help you. Don’t you think I’d always be here to help you whenever I could?”
“Of course I do. I was trying to do the protecting this time. It…it was the wrong move, though. I get that now. I…I can sort of see how it might feel to be a parent now. I’ve spent so much time with Darby, and if anything ever happened to him…”
My voice cracks as emotion gets the best of me. Dad’s expression softens, and he reaches across the table to take my hand. As his fingers squeeze mine, I can see a glassy sheen cover his eyes.
“I think you do a bit. You love that boy, don’t you?”
I nod, smiling as a single tear slips free. “I do.”
Swallowing, Dad sniffles and nods. “And that father of his? Well, hell. I’ll be the first to admit that what he said yesterday was damn impressive. I can see how much he cares for you. And I am grateful that he worked so hard to keep you safe.”
“I care for him, too. We’re trying to work everything out, but…I really do, Dad. Being around him makes me so…happy.”
The word ends with a chuckle, and Dad mirrors my laughter, pulling back and sitting up in his chair after patting the back of my hand.
“I like seeing you happy. And I like knowing you’re safe.” He clears his throat, fighting back the swell of emotions that threaten to spill from his eyes. “I don’t love that you went behind my back or that you didn’t tell me more about the ‘Kyle’ situation, but I understand it.”
Sniffling, trying so hard to breathe evenly, I smile at him. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Daddy…” He pushes back his chair and stands up, coming over to me with his arms open. “You haven’t called me that in a long time, baby.”
Dad wraps his arms around me, and I sink into the hug. I let myself feel it all, a gentle hum of relief melting from me. We stand there in the kitchen of his new house together, the house he bought for Mom, and I soak in all the love I can.
I never want to let go, but I know I have to.
“I’m sorry about everything. Really. I hope that you can be okay with this because…” I look up at my dad as I force myself to release a shaky breath. “…I think I want to try this with Brooks. Really give it my all.”
Pinching my chin between his rough fingers, Dad tips my face down and plants a kiss on the top of my head. He holds my cheek as he pulls back, this funny combination of happiness and sorrow mixed on his face.
“I think I can figure it out, honey.” He rolls his lips between his teeth for a tight smile. “My little girl is all grown up. Your mom would be so proud of you…the woman you’ve become. So am I.”
“I love you, Dad.” I lean in for another hug. “So much.”
“I love you, too, Clover.”
We stay in that moment for a minute, and then my dad pulls back, holding each of my shoulders, and he casts a playfully serious glance down at me.
“Now, you better get back to that house. Something tells me you have a hell of a conversation ahead of you.”
“Oof, yeah. You’re right about that one.”
“You got this, sweetheart. Just be honest.” Pulling me in for a sideways hug, Dad encourages me to get the next moment over with.
I have to talk to Brooks. I don’t have any idea how that will go, but all I can do is face the future.
Alright, Lucky. Time to face the music.
The house is quiet as I sit at the dining table. I have a cup of coffee clutched between my hands, having decided that it was still too early for me to grab a beer.
But that resolve might be wavering.
I didn’t interrupt Brooks’s day when I got back. I want to think this all through and come up with the right thing to say. I can’t mess this up, after all. I know I’ll only have one chance to say what I want to him.
The stairs creak, the floorboard groaning as Brooks jogs down them. After a moment, I hear his steps getting closer, and he finds me in the dining room.
“Where’d you go?” He asks softly, coming around the other side of the table and taking a seat.
“My dad’s. I wanted to talk to him about everything.” I look up at him, barely smiling.
“How’d it go?” Brooks is still acting so timid around me, and I kind of hate it. But I understand.
“It went well. He’s an amazing dad, and he was really just worried about me. He, umm, well, Leo says he appreciates how hard you worked to protect me.” I look up from my coffee, meeting Brooks’s hazel eyes. “I am, too.”
Brooks visibly relaxes. I can see a massive weight lift from his shoulders, and they sag back down instead of being bunched up tight.
“Oh, hell. That’s good to hear.” His stare flicks down and then back up, the hesitance written all over Brooks’s face. “Did you…want to, umm…”
I almost laugh, but I have to admit that I’m nervous, too. It’s why this is taking so long for me to say.
“I have a lot on my mind if that’s what you’re wondering. There is so much going on, and even with the ‘Kyle’ situation resolved, there’s a lot on my plate.”
“If it helps, I will absolutely go down to speak to Leo myself. I don’t want to just leave it at your visit.”
I sigh, actually quite grateful that he’s volunteered to do that. I thought about asking, so to hear him say it now does, in fact, give me one less thing to worry about.
“Thanks. I appreciate that. I never wanted to jeopardize your friendship with my dad. I hope you know that.”
Brooks nods, offering a sympathetic smile. “And I never wanted to do that to you. He’s your father, after all. I couldn’t be the reason you lost him in your life.”
There’s another stretch of silence, and I can feel that tension we relieved come rushing back in. Dammit. Why does all this have to be so hard?
“I don’t think that’s all you had to say.” I look up as Brooks breaks the quiet. “What’s on your mind, Lucky?”
Brooks is a damn good poker player, according to many a person from the bar, but at this moment, his stoic expression is gone. He’s not hiding the “shit cards” he’s been dealt, the discomfort and preemptive sorrow shining through.
“I’m worried. I’m always worried, it seems. But right now, I just…I don’t know what the state of things is back in New York. There are clients that I’ve spoken to that seem okay, but there are more who I haven’t reached. I don’t know what Kyle said or did. In any case, there’s work waiting for me there, and now that he’s been arrested, the thing that was keeping me from going back is gone.”
My stomach is protesting everything I say, roiling around and churning up bits of acid that reach up my esophagus. But I need to say all of this. I need to lay everything out on the line because I’ll regret it if I don’t.
To his credit, Brooks looks sympathetic, not angry or annoyed. Hell, I can hardly see the sadness peeking through the well-placed smile he’s forcing.
But I know him too well for that to work anymore.
“I love my job. I do.” Sucking in a deep breath, I meet Brooks’s stare with everything I have; this is it. “But I’m starting to think my mom had a point when she talked about the virtues of a quiet life. More than that…I like being here. I’m…I’m not sure I want to leave.”
Brooks squints, chewing on his bottom lip as he plans out his words. “I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not glad you like it here. But I won’t force you to stay. I won’t guilt you into staying. I don’t want to create grounds for resentment down the line. So, you know, I get it. Whatever you want, whatever you think is the best decision, Darby and I will understand.”
Hearing Darby’s name is nearly enough for me to break the composure I’ve been holding onto by my fingernails. As it is, I have to collect myself by looking down into my coffee.
“I had a feeling you’d say that. And I’ll be honest,” I look back up at him, “that’s part of the reason it was actually really easy to come to a decision. You see…”
Standing from the table, I walk over to Brooks, kneeling down in front of where he sits in his beautifully carved wooden chair. It suddenly occurs to me that he probably made it.
“…whenever I think about going back to New York, I think about my clients. I think about how I enjoy working with them and how I will miss that. But…”
I take Brooks’s hand, lifting it to the center of my chest and squeezing it tightly.
“…when I think about leaving here—leaving you—my heart nearly stops beating. I can’t picture a life without you and Darby in it. You have shown me so much in my time here, given me a life I only dreamed of. You and that amazing kid of yours have my entire heart. If I left, I might as well just let it rot in a hole somewhere because I certainly won’t be using it.
“I thought it over, and I can make working remotely work. People do it all the time. Sure, I might have some resistant clients, but apparently, I have a singing career I can pursue as well. Besides, I’d rather lose them than you. I can’t do that, you see. I can’t lose you, Brooks.”
“Are—” Brooks’s voice catches, and I can see the emotions he’s been fighting back bubble to the surface, his eyes going glassy as tentative hope washes over his face. “Are you saying that you’re?—”
“I’m staying, Ace. It turns out you really are good at everything. Including getting me to fall for you.”
Brooks is up on his feet in a heartbeat, scooping me up into his arms and crashing his lips against mine. I can feel the tears on his cheeks as our skin brushes against each other, and I cry, too, unable to hold it back anymore.
His stubble rasps against me, and I open my lips when his tongue sweeps across their seam, asking for entrance. I give him everything, in fact.
Because I want him to have all of me—forever.
After a moment, I lean back, staring up at him with a massive grin on my face. “You know, I forgot to tell you something yesterday.”
Brooks smirks, cocking a brow. “Oh yeah? What’s that, Lucky.”
As I wrap my arms around his neck, I smirk. “Hmm, how about this? You tell me why you call me ‘Lucky,’ and I tell you what I forgot. Because knowing you, it’s not just because my name is Clover.”
He smiles, his expression going soft. Brooks reaches up and cups my cheek, smoothing his thumb back and forth over my skin.
“Because the day you entered my life was the luckiest day of my life.”
Fresh tears well up in my eyes, and I cock my head, so overwhelmed. “But you called me that almost right away. You hated me at first.”
“I never hated you, Lucky. I was just terrified. I knew the moment I saw you that everything would change. And I was right.” He kisses me, and I lean into it until he pulls back. “So, what’d you forget?”
I smile—wide and full and as brightly as I can. “Oh, that? Well, I love you, too, Ace. I love you with every fiber of my being.”
Brooks grins, as big as I am, and then he’s kissing me, a warm summer breeze dancing through the house.