11. Xaden
ELEVEN
Xaden
I’m still sitting in the office. My laptop is open, and I continue to stare at a blank screen.
I’ve done exactly zero of the extra work that I set out to do after Ivy left, and I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about those beautiful fucking eyes of hers.
Everything about Ivy is so expressive and vibrant. I can see how much she lights up when she plays with Daisy, and she wears that empathy on her sleeve at every turn.
It should be slightly annoying how genuine and sincere she is, but I can’t help but find it charming—downright alluring.
Ivy radiates with an illumination that comes from deep within her. Still, I can sense there’s something there lurking behind it.
It’s a weight she carries, and for some stupid reason, I want to help her with it—so much more than I should.
Oh, and there’s also the fact that she’s stunning. Like drop-dead gorgeous in the most girl next door, honest heart kind of way. Which is fitting, considering she really is the girl next door.
I sigh, letting my head fall back against the chair. Spinning away from the desk, I know that I’m not going to get any more work done.
Nope, I’m far too distracted by the one thing that I should absolutely not be thinking about.
“Attracted to the nanny. Ugh, who even are you right now?”
As I stand up, about to turn it in for the evening since focusing on work isn’t happening, my phone rings.
I check the time. It’s not obscenely late or anything, but it is nine-thirty, and most of the people calling me know that I have a kid who demands I wake up early.
Taking my cell, I see that it’s Adam, and the corners of my mouth turn down in surprise.
“Well, holy shit.” I swipe to answer. “Hey there, buddy. I’m surprised to be hearing from you again so soon.”
“I said I was forcing your ass to socialize, and I meant it. So, in the spirit of that, we’re grabbing a drink tomorrow night, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I scoff, which turns into a laugh as I find myself sitting back down. “Adam, that’s late notice, dude. I have a kid. Who’s going to watch her?”
“That’s not my problem, Xade. Get a sitter. Come on. We need to go out, and you’re doing it. Yes is the only answer.”
Sighing, I lean back in the chair, considering. It has been a long time since I’ve been out, especially without Daisy. But I can’t just make Ivy do it. She needs to have a life, too, doesn’t she?
Could it actually hurt, though? Maybe I could take Mason up on that favor he owes me?
“Fine, fine. I’ll go. Mason owes me a night out, so I’ll text him.”
“Damn fucking straight. Ugh,” I can practically see Adam celebrating his win, “this is going to be great.”
Chuckling, I roll my eyes to myself. “It’ll be something. But hey, I need to text Mason before he’s off to bed, too. Fellow dad, you know.”
“Oof, yeah, it’s late. After nine o’clock? Tsk, tsk. You better get to bed, young man.”
Adam is lucky he’s not in arm’s reach, or he’d be on the receiving end of a quick one-two to the stomach. Nothing hard, of course, but damn, he can be a little prick sometimes.
“Alright, that’s enough. See you tomorrow.”
“Meet me at like eight. Not a moment later. I’ll text you the deetz.”
Standing up, I begin to close up shop in my office, shutting off the lights and closing the door.
"Night, Adam.”
“Nighty, night, Xade!”
I hang up, but I don’t bother tucking my phone away. I need to message Mason.
Hey, Mason. I need to cash in that favor. Can you watch Daisy tomorrow night?
Thankfully, I catch him before he passes out, and he’s quick to reply.
Oh, shit. You finally taking that nanny out?
No, asshole. Adam wants to get drinks. He says eight, but I think it’ll go smoother if Daisy goes straight to your house after her nap.
There’s a pause, and I make it upstairs into my bedroom before he replies. As I take off the monkey suit, which I have no reason to wear considering I work from home most of the time, I read the message.
Well, that’s nearly as good. And no problem. I was hanging in with the family tomorrow night anyway. Daisy is always welcome. But hey, how ARE things with the nanny?
There’s a peach emoji followed by a kiss mark, and I roll my eyes.
It’s complicated. And besides, I’m not looking for anything like that. I’m way too busy with Daisy and work .
You’re preaching to the choir, asshole. I’ve been right there. You make time. You deserve to be happy.
I have no response for that, so I distract myself by getting into a pair of pajama pants and a loose tee. Bed is calling, after all.
Just see what happens, man. And let me know immediately when you figure your shit out.
With a head shake and a grin, I send back one last message.
Once I have any clue about what’s going on, you’ll be the first to know.
I plug in my phone, making sure the “do not disturb” is on so that I can actually get a good night’s sleep. It’ll still buzz if Daisy wakes up, but it’s nice to know my girl sleeps like a champ.
As I lie there, trying to let the exhaustion win over and drag me down into unconsciousness, I find myself rolling over, and then back over, and then back again.
Nothing feels comfortable, and I can see two very clear images behind my closed lids. The fact that they’re the light in Ivy’s eyes is a damn problem.
Come on, Xade. Sleep.
It’s never worked before, so I don’t know why talking myself into sleeping seems like a good idea now. Ever since I met her—after she saw me firing Laura—I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that woman.
Ivy.
Why does she consume my thoughts like this? I flip onto my back, sighing as I scrub my hands down my face.
There is no reason to be this obsessed with her. Okay, obsessed might be a stretch.
But then I actually take a moment to consider that, and I’m a little shocked by how apt that word truly feels.
I’ve never been a big romantic. I’ve never been the “he falls first” type, and yet here I am, wondering if I can stand another moment alone with Ivy and not kiss her.
Kissing her is so very not the thing to think about either. Now that the image is in my brain, I can’t shake it.
I can see her behind my eyelids, the image fighting against my body’s need to sleep. I can see her in my office, her slight frame parked in that chair with a glass in her hands.
Squeezing my eyes shut tighter, I ball my hands into fists at my side. My fingertips itch to touch her, and I can practically feel the velvety softness of her lips as I claim them as my own.
Dammit.
I’m not sure if it’s the lack of action that I’ve gotten since Maeve’s passing or if it’s the fact that Ivy herself just does something to me that feels new and fiery.
But whatever it is, my mind is cooking up images of bending her over my desk, pulling up the skirt she wears to see that she’s blessed me with nothing underneath.
I drum up the phantom sounds of her breathless cries muffled by her hand as she fights to stay quiet, me driving my tongue deep into those slippery folds waiting for me.
Shooting up into a seat, my eyes flare open, and I stare down at the floor. “Fuuuck.”
I have a raging hard-on, and there’s no way I’m going to do anything about it. No, Ivy is the nanny, and I’m not about to make myself come thinking of taking her right on my desk.
Absolutely not.
The talk-down isn’t working, though, and I have to force myself up out of bed and into my bathroom.
Without turning on the light, trusting the illumination that floods in from the patio lights on outside, I reach into my stand-alone shower and turn the water to arctic.
Stripping, I step inside, hopeful that the icy spray will drown out any more thoughts of Ivy’s curvy ass all on display or what she might look like after I’ve stolen her bra—the useless piece of fabric that it is.
So far, it isn’t working.
I put my face directly beneath the showerhead, looking up at it with my eyes closed. The frigid water is making me shake, and for a moment, I can feel the cold strip away my desire.
For a moment.
Because with my eyes closed, all I can see are Ivy’s green eyes, the peridot twinkles lighting up as she looks up at me from her knees. My cock stuffed in her mouth.
“Fuuuck,” I grit out, the word harsher, rougher , now.
My erection kicks, alive with my lustful imaginings. Before I can stop myself, I’m bringing my hand down to my hip and then wrapping my fist around the thick base.
I pump hard and quick, the almost angry grip I have on myself making my toes curl. The pleasure builds, and I want to think of it like any other alone-time session.
But that’s so damn na?ve of me.
This is not that. This is about Ivy, about picturing my shaft sheathed deep inside her as she grips the edge of my desk for dear fucking life.
I groan, thrusting into my hand like I’m thrusting into her. Ivy .
The water could be gone for all I care now. I’m made of arousal and the desperate need for that beautiful fucking girl.
The sensation begins to peak, my eyes rolling closed again as I imagine her flipped over on my desk as I plow into her with everything I have.
It’s the wicked fantasies that I’ve never acted on, not even with Maeve.
I want to do all those incredible things with Ivy, and it feels so real when I give myself over to it.
And I do.
In no time, I’m tipping over that invisible edge and climaxing with a choked groan. My release makes my vision tunnel, and I empty myself onto the shower wall.
It’s been ages since I’ve done that, and as the stillness of reality comes crashing back in, I’m left wanting more—more of Ivy.