Chapter 8 #2
Biting my lip, I fought a smile and then lost. His eyes lit up a bit, and it made me feel good that I could ease some of the discomfort he was feeling.
“It was a really, really kind thing to offer. Especially because I’m sure marrying me isn’t at the top of your list. It will probably put a huge damper on your dating life. ”
He huffed a laugh, but the sound wasn’t exactly amused. “Let’s just say my dating life hasn’t been the best lately. And listen, if you weren’t one of my best friend’s little brothers and you were some guy I saw in a club…” He trailed off.
I was on a knife-edge. My breath caught in my throat. “Uh-huh?”
He shrugged. “You would have at least had a few drinks coming your way.”
So okay, he wouldn’t have pulled me into a restroom stall and sucked me off so hard I saw God, but that was…something. Wasn’t it? His subtle way of saying he found me attractive?
“Thanks.”
He laughed. “God, I’m so bad at this. What I’m trying to say is—”
I reached out, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I understand what you’re trying to say, and thank you. Being married to you would be a huge step up from the jerks I dated back home.”
His smile softened and his shoulders lost some of their tension. I turned back to the kettle as he let my hand go, and he waited until I was done pouring before he asked, “Are you sure I can’t drive you around today?”
I added two cubes of sugar to melt while the tea was steeping, and rested my hip against the counter, turning to face him again.
“I like spending time with you, but I think I need to do this. I’m potentially considering your offer.
It’s…generous, and I’m not sure I have another solution considering my other real option right now is filing for disability, and that can take years to get approved. ”
He bowed his head and let out a slow breath. “Yeah. It’s shit.”
“And even that would prevent me from ever getting a job again. And I want to teach. I worked my ass off for my doctorate. I sacrificed a lot to get to where I am, and I’m not ready to give that up.”
Nash took my hand again, running his thumb over my knuckles. “I hate this for you.”
I couldn’t help a small laugh. “Yeah. I hate it for me too, but reality is what it is. So I need to know I can cope. That I can go out and have a day by myself where I buy a plant and maybe a throw pillow for my bed.”
His lips stretched back into the smile I was coming to really like. “Maybe even a figurine or two? Something to decorate that bare-ass room.”
I rolled my eyes and snorted a laugh before pulling away to test the tea. Sweet, rich, and perfect. A bit like the man standing in front of me, though he didn’t need to know I was feeling that way about him.
If we did do this marriage thing, we’d have to set boundaries. Draw firm, visible lines in the sand.
But that was a future Forest problem. Today I was going to tackle one errand and a hanging fern.
“Let’s do dinner tonight,” Nash said.
I blinked at him. “We do dinner every night.”
He scoffed. “I mean, I have the next few nights off before I have a couple of long shifts. Let’s do dinner. You and me.”
Like a date, I wanted to ask. But I couldn’t form the words. I had no idea what he meant by his offer, but at the very least, it was easy to nod and say, “That sounds nice.”
“Be ready by six-thirty. I’ll find a decent place in the city that won’t have a five-hour wait.”
“I can do that.”
It was a promise I wasn’t sure I should be making. My body seemed to change from moment to moment, but I wanted to try. It was all new and fresh, but I was ready to prove to myself that all of this didn’t mean I had to lose everything else about who I was.
And who I wanted to spend time with.
I was still feeling myself when I made it to the garage.
I didn’t know much about the place except that it was run by Dayton’s brother, who was Deaf, and most of the staff was either Deaf or Hard of Hearing.
There were a few spots like that back when I was in my undergrads, and I’d gone to the pizza place a few times for Deaf events for my ASL class.
I’d taken ASL in my undergrads for an elective credit, and it had been a while since I’d actively used sign language, but Tameron and Dayton had given me several chances to brush up, so I didn’t feel as floppy-handed rusty as I might have several months ago.
Walking into the shop lobby, I saw lights in the back flicker.
There was no one at the counter, but a few moments later, a guy in a grease-stained, earthy green jumpsuit appeared.
He had a hat on backward covering his hair, bright-blue eyes, and a few smudges across his cheeks.
It took me a second to recognize Dayton’s brother.
Dax eyed me up and down, then walked to the counter, grabbed a laminated sheet, and pushed it toward me, his finger tapping on the first photo, which was a man smiling. The text below said HOW CAN I HELP YOU? Below all that was a list of car issues, which made me smile.
I shook my head, then lifted my hands. ‘I sign.’
His eyes widened, and he curled his fingers toward his face and waved them in front of his mouth. ‘Wow! Fluent?’
I shrugged. ‘I took four years at school and had some Deaf friends, but it’s been a while.’
His grin widened, then his eyes narrowed on me, and he gave me a slow up-and-down. ‘Familiar. I know you?’
‘We’ve met. I’m Creek’s brother. I’m here to drop off papers for…’ I wasn’t sure if Tameron had a sign name. I assumed he did, but I couldn’t recall seeing it, so I spelled it.
Dax’s brows flew up, and he tapped his Y hand in the air, his lips motioning, ‘Peh-peh.’ He pushed the laminated paper aside, then took the folder and set it on the desk. ‘I remember you. How are you?’
I felt a sudden and wild urge to cut myself open and spill my guts to this almost total stranger, but fuck if it wouldn’t get back to Creek in ten seconds. I’d always loved the Deaf community, but most of them were worse than an old-lady knitting circle when it came to gossip.
Unfortunately, his keen eyes did not miss the journey my face went on. He made a soft noise of sympathy and quickly grabbed one of the business cards and scribbled something on the back. His…number?
He pushed it toward me with an impatient sound in the back of his throat, gesturing for me to grab it.
‘I might be Deaf, but I’m a great listener.
’ He signed listen at the side of his eye, which made me smile.
‘And I can keep a secret.’ He made a locking motion over both of his wrists, the ASL equivalent of lips are sealed.
God, I really was a walking open book, wasn’t I? I needed to learn how to compartmentalize before going out in public. Dax had keen eyes, but I had a feeling that if anyone who knew me saw me, they’d be able to tell my life was screwed six ways to Sunday.
‘I’ve been going through some stuff,’ I admitted.
He nodded. ‘Me too. Break up. Moving out…’
‘No more living with Tameron and Dayton?’
He snorted and rolled his eyes. ‘If I walk into one more room reeking of sex, I’m going to,’ he made a motion like he was slitting his own throat.
I burst into laughter. Yeah. That had to be rough. There was a reason I always—always—called first before I went over to Creek and Heath’s. ‘I understand.’
Biting my lip, I stared down at his number and realized I really could use a friend. Maybe that made me pathetic, but it was probably a good idea that I expand my world outside of Nash’s tender loving care.
And considering his weird work schedule, I could actually make time for Dax. I waved my hand at him to get his attention because he’d looked down at Tameron’s file folder. ‘Maybe dinner or drinks this weekend?’
His eyes brightened. ‘Yes! I know a great bar. ASL servers.’
I started to smile, but then I realized I still needed help. ‘I can’t drive.’
He blinked at me. ‘How did you get here? Car broken? I can fix.’
‘No, no.’ My hands hesitated in the air, my chest tight before I took a breath. ‘Sick.’ I had no idea what signs to use for what I was going through, and spelling out chronic illness on my fingers felt…heavy. ‘I get dizzy. Vertigo. I’m not allowed to drive right now.’
He’d also have to know about the seizures because if I had one while we were out, I didn’t want him to panic. But we could talk about that later, when I wasn’t standing in front of him, watching pity bloom over his face.
Though maybe that was unfair. He didn’t look like he was pitying me. He looked like he understood.
‘I can pick you up. You still live with Nash?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Cool.’ His fingers wiggled as he pressed his thumb to his chest. ‘See you soon?’
I shot him a quick nod of my fist to say, ‘Yes.’
‘Text me!’ Then, as if on cue, the door opened behind me with another flicker of lights, and I turned to see two young teens walk in, chattering and laughing to each other. They couldn’t have been more than seventeen, and one of them was holding keys to a Benz.
They didn’t even look at me as they breezed up to the counter and the dark-haired one said, “So, like, we need an oil change.”
Dax groaned—probably not even aware of how loud it was—and he grabbed his laminated sheet, pushing it toward them.
“Ummmm…what?”
I waved at him, and he looked up. ‘Good luck.’ He flipped me off, and I burst into laughter. ‘Want help? I can interpret.’
He shook his head. ‘Nope. They can learn or get out.’
I immediately loved that about him. And I had a feeling we were going to be fast friends.
‘Text you later,’ I said, then escaped before I could be subjected to “Let me talk to your manager.” In the parking lot, I eyed the bus stop, missing my car, but with steady steps and a cool breeze, I was starting to feel a bit more like myself.
And with that feeling, I knew then that it was time to talk to Nash. I hadn’t quite made up my mind yet, but the longer I was away from him, the more I realized he was starting to become my safe space. So why not make that official?
Even if it was only for a little while.
And even if it wasn’t real.