Chapter 19
Drew sat all alone in her apartment, with the exception of Pearl.
A pang of guilt wrapped around her heart.
Had she really told Brooke that she needed space then come home to Brooke’s cat?
She should take Pearl over to Brooke’s place.
Drew liked the way the cat curled up next to her on the couch.
The couch that Brooke had insisted they buy.
The reminders of Brooke were all around her. Overwhelming her system.
Had her dad really been dating Brooke’s mom? He’d just casually walked into the room as if he’d been there a hundred times before. Drew presumed he probably had. She wasn’t sure what to think of all that. Drew pulled out her phone and called the person she’d been putting off. Her mom.
“Hello.”
“Hey, mom,” Drew smiled into the phone.
“Drew. Hi, Sweetie. What’s going on?”
Drew swallowed the guilt she felt about her mom realizing she only called when things weren’t going well. She would be better about that in the future, she decided.
“Can I come over?”
“Of course. Come on over for dinner.”
Drew’s stomach growled reminding her that she had fled dinner at Brooke’s mom’s house an hour ago. How was she even going to begin to fix the mess she’d left behind? Brooke had been willing to come with her.
“Thanks, Mom,” Drew said softly.
When they hung up Drew rubbed her knees with her hands. Pearl gave her a withering look.
“Don’t you start with me,” Drew chided. If cats could roll their eyes, she was pretty sure that’s what Pearl would be doing at her right now. She scooped the cat up in her arms and carried her back to Brooke’s apartment. Pearl spared her a momentary glance of confusion before jumping to the couch.
Drew’s mind swirled with the morning and everything she’d just been through.
It had been years since her dad had left her and her mom.
To have him suddenly reemerge was jarring to say the least. She wondered if she should bring the moment up to her mother or just settle for telling her some vague part of the story.
Her mom had never been one to skirt the truth.
Telling her felt like the right thing to do.
Besides, her mom couldn’t give her the insights she craved if Drew wasn’t willing to be honest.
Drew’s mom, Gail, was waiting for her on the front porch. A lit cigarette hung loosely in her mouth. Smoking was the one vice that her mom had decided to grant herself, though Drew worried about her health. Gail smiled at her and waved Drew up to the porch.
Drew sat in the porch chair beside her mom. Gail offered her a cigarette which Drew waved off. The habit wasn’t one she’d ever been interested in starting. Gail inhaled a long drag on her already well spent cigarette before snuffing the rest out on her porch rail.
“You ready to come in and eat?”
Her mom had always had the kind of classic southern drawl that people found enchanting.
“Yeah, let’s get inside,” Drew smiled.
They changed locations each sitting at a two-person table in what would be the dining area. There was a dinner already plated and waiting for them. The simple gesture reminded Drew of how much effort her mom had tried to put into their relationship.
“Well, what brings you out tonight?” Gail asked. She’d always had a no-nonsense part to her. A way of cutting through the things that didn’t matter. Drew drummed her fingers on the tabletop. She was unsure if she should bring these things up to her mother. When her mind was made up Drew sighed.
“I saw Dad,”
Her mom stilled for half a second. Anyone else might not have noticed, but years of pattern recognition highlighted the slight change in her mom’s posture.
“Where did you see Frank?” Gail asked.
“I went to have dinner with my girlfriend’s mom. I guess she and Frank are dating,” Drew responded.
“How does he look?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did Frank look healthy? Did he look sober? How was he?” Gail asked. Drew noted that her mom was almost eerily calm.
“He looked good. Healthy and sober,” Drew answered.
Gail nodded her head slowly and smiled.
“Well, good for him.”
“Excuse me! How can you be so okay with him?”
“Addictions are hard things. I never begrudged Frank a sober life. I just wish he could have found his way there when you were younger.”
Drew considered her words sifting through her own emotions at the same time.
“Are you angry?” Drew asked.
“Anger doesn’t get you very far in this world. I’m not sure it would make anything better for me to be angry.”
“But he left us,” Drew persisted.
“He couldn’t be who we needed him to be then. But maybe he’s in a place where you can make peace with him now,” Gail reached out and patted her arm.
“I don’t know what to do with that,” Drew admitted.
“In my experience there’s no reason to rush into anything. Sit with your feelings and do what’s right for you,” Gail advised.
“When did you become so wise?” Drew laughed.
“Age comes for us all. You learn the lessons whether you want them or not,” Gail chuckled.
“I’m sorry that I’ve been a little out of touch through the years,” Drew admitted.
Gail gave her a genuine smile and patted her arm.
“There’s still time for the two of us to do better too.”
Drew finished her meal and gave her mom a needed hug before leaving. She winced when she pulled into her apartment. Drew wondered if Brooke was home. Walking up to Brooke’s door Drew couldn’t help but feel the pang of apprehension. She knocked on the door twice and heard movement inside.
Brooke opened the door and Drew’s heart immediately sank.
Brooke had clearly been crying. Her eyes were red and blotchy.
Her lower lip trembled when she looked at Drew.
Drew offered her outstretched arms to Brooke.
When Brooke fell against Drew’s chest a little piece of hurt dislodged inside of her.
She squeezed Brooke so tightly that Drew almost feared she’d hurt her.
Brooke pulled away and tugged Drew inside.
“Hey,” Drew said. She drug her fingers through her long dark hair.
“Hey,” Brooke offered with a half-smile.
“Are you okay?” Brooke offered.
“I’m feeling better,” Drew admitted.
Brooke nodded but she didn’t offer a smile.
“You sort of just left me behind,” Brooke stated.
“I’m sorry. I should have let you come with me. I was just so utterly overwhelmed. I mean it’s been years since I’ve seen my dad. I had no idea that he was going to be there.”
“I hope you know that I had no idea. Like who could have even guessed. I just don’t want you to think I was setting you up in some way,” Brooke’s voice broke with emotion.
“Oh gosh. I never had any doubts about you. I know you were just as surprised as I was. Neither one of us could have known. And I don’t think there’s any way your mom or my dad could have known either. I think it was a surprise for all of us,” Drew offered.
“It was. My mom felt awful,” Brooke insisted.
“There’s no reason for her to feel bad.”
“I know but... This wasn’t the way that she would have wanted you and Frank to come back into each other’s lives,” Brook offered.
“Frank felt really bad as well,” Brooke added.
Drew’s stomach soured suddenly.
“Yeah, I’m sure Frank is beside himself,” Drew groaned. The comment was out before Drew had the chance to consider it.
“Drew, I know things with your dad are complicated. But Frank did feel really bad. Maybe now that the shock is out of the way we could try again. Who knows maybe you and Frank could even make up after all of these years.”
“No,” Drew snarled the word out through gritted teeth. The shock that showed on Brooke’s face had Drew immediately regretting her words.
“I’m not interested in hearing my dad out. I don’t care where he’s been or when he came back. I refuse to feel bad for saying that because at the end of the day Frank left me first,” Drew softened her words as much as she was able.
“You’re not even a little curious about what he’s like now?” Brooke asked.
“Absolutely not. He could have stayed. He chose to leave. Now I’m choosing to let him stay gone.”
All Drew could do was hope that Brooke would hear her out and understand where she was coming from.
“Okay. It’s obviously your decision. I just think maybe you could hear him out instead of staying mad after this many years.”
Drew took a step away as if she’d been struck by Brooke. She thought it might have hurt less if Brooke had just hit her.
“You’re certainly welcome to your opinions.”
“I’m not trying to fight with you,” Brooke pleaded.
“But you aren’t trying to support me either.”
Drew could feel her insides threatening to explode. Overwhelm and anxiety churned her stomach. She knew that her tone was bordering on harsh. Drew wanted to pull back, she just wasn’t sure how.
“I want to support you. I just think there’s another way to look at this.”
“Maybe for you there’s another way to look at it. But Frank didn’t leave you. He left me. And it’s going to take more than one dinner for me to get over it.”
“You didn’t even try to make it through dinner,” Brooke protested.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t try hard enough for you,” Drew groaned. Drew’s head pounded to the point she thought it might explode. She watched as Brooke opened her mouth to speak and immediately cut her off.
“I don’t think this is helping us. I should go back to my place and give you some space,” Drew announced.
She was halfway to the door when she heard Brooke’s voice behind her.
“What if I don’t want space? What if for once in my life I want to work something out?” Brooke’s voice trembled.
Drew’s hand rested on the doorknob. Everything inside of her was at war.
“I want to work things out too. I just... I just can’t.” Drew didn’t turn to see Brooke’s expression. Instead, she turned the knob and walked down the hall. She didn’t stop until she was safely behind her own door. Only then, when she was alone, did she allow herself to break into a million pieces.