Chapter 41
Cassandra had grown up so much. The wide-set shape of her face, which had been awkward when we were young, now looked striking. Her long golden Hopely hair was now cut short, bringing out the blue in her big eyes.
“We all came home as soon as we heard,” she said. “My mother would be furious if she knew I was here right now.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wished fleetingly, stupidly, that I had done something other than sleep the last few days. I was in desperate need of a shower, and this wasn’t the way I wanted to look when seeing Cassandra for the first time in years.
“You look awful, by the way,” she said, reading my thoughts.
“I’ve had a rough couple of days.”
Cassandra raised her eyebrows. “Like I haven’t?”
“I didn’t say that, Cass.”
She crossed her arms. Her face was so familiar and so foreign at the same time. It was hard to reconcile her with the girl I’d spent so many hours of my childhood with.
She turned and looked toward the path between our two houses. She shuddered. “I always knew it happened here, but it was so hard for me to picture it. I guess I know why now. It wasn’t Will. I was trying to picture the wrong person.”
“I always told you he didn’t do it.”
Cassandra gave me a resigned look. “Please. I don’t think you get to claim the moral high ground here, Rose. You didn’t suspect Tommy either.”
“Nobody did. And do you really think I would have acted the way I did if I thought he’d done it?”
“I don’t know what you would or wouldn’t do.” Cassandra shook her head. “I don’t know you.”
She was right. We hadn’t known each other since we were children. After the last few days, I felt like I didn’t know anyone anymore.
“What are you doing here, Cass?” I asked her.
Cassandra bit her lip. “I miss her, you know,” she said, ignoring my question. “I miss her every day.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.” I really meant it.
She perched herself on the arm of the chair across from me. “I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me.” I couldn’t fathom what else she could possibly ask.
“What happened … that night? With my dad?”
I nearly dropped the bottle of vodka.
Something about her expression gave me pause. I remembered the way she had looked at me when I’d come back into her room that night. It was the same look she was giving me now. Something akin to pity.
“Did you know?” I asked.
Cassandra shrugged her shoulders and looked away as her eyes watered. I knew then that she did.
“I saw it on your face,” Cassandra said.
She wiped at the mascara that was smudging.
“My dad used to talk to me about you all the time, often when he was drinking. He used to say all these really awful things about you and your body and …” She was crying now.
“I heard him in the hallway that night and then you came into the room, and I looked at your face and I just knew. I was going to talk to you about it but then Alexandria was missing and …” She put her head in her hands.
I wanted to comfort her, but I also didn’t know what she needed. So instead, I let myself cry too. We could sit together and come to terms with the horrible truth that would forever bind our families. Finally, Cassandra wiped the snot from her face and looked at me.
“He read your book, you know,” she said.
“Mom did too. She was furious about it. She threw it at the wall when she got to the end. She called you every name under the sun. But when my father read it, he was quiet.” She paused, staring ahead.
“I didn’t really get it at first. Why he wasn’t mad.
You made him her murderer, so surely he should be furious, right?
” She turned to me. “I figured it out a few weeks later. Deep down, he knew that it was his punishment. For what he did to you.”
At least one person understood why I did what I did.
“Of all the things you said in your book, it was that you should’ve mentioned,” Cassandra said harshly.
I didn’t know how to respond.
She stood to wipe her hands on her jeans. “I have to go home. Everyone’s a mess. Reliving everything all over again this week hasn’t been easy. But don’t worry, I’ll tell them the truth one day. They should know. And you should be able to heal from it.”
I was shocked but relieved. With every person who found out what really happened, a bit of weight lifted off my shoulders.
Cassandra had started to walk away, but then she paused. “And I’m glad Hazel’s okay. She never deserved any of this.”
“Neither did Alex,” I told her. “If I could take it back, the things I said and did, I would.”
The corners of Cassandra’s mouth twitched. “Thank you for saying that. And I’m sorry too about Will.” She stopped, considering her words. “He’s actually the most innocent of us all.”
She turned back toward her house without saying goodbye.