Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
NATHAN
“So, did you talk to Colt?” Tyler leans over the table when Matthias and Aaron get up to grab us another round of beers. It’s been three weeks since I saw Colt out on his date. Since then, we’ve made Friday movie nights a regular thing. Well, it’s as regular as twice in a row, but we plan to do it again tomorrow. Plus, we technically spent Friday together the previous week, even if it was only because of his lock-out situation. We ate lots of food, drank beer, and watched the movie last week. What we haven’t done is talk about ourselves.
“What are you talking about?” I feign ignorance and hope we can drop the conversation before the other guys return.
“I’m talking about whatever’s going on between you.”
“Nothing’s going on. Colt is an old friend, and we’re friendly.”
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
I toss my balled-up napkin at him, and he raises his hand to deflect it. “What makes you think something’s going on?”
“Oh, can I answer that?” Aaron slides back in next to me, and I groan. I don’t need everyone weighing in on this topic. “You’ve been busy lately.”
“I haven’t missed a single Thursday night.” These are sacred, and I wouldn’t dare even if it meant missing a chance to flirt with Colt.
“No, but you have been increasingly unavailable for other activities,” Aaron replies.
I scoff. Fine, that’s true. Other than Fridays, I’ve had dinner with Colt several times and spent a Sunday afternoon doing some more furniture shopping.
Aaron waves his hand around my face. “Plus, you make this cute little puppy face at your phone when answering text messages.”
“I do no such thing.” My phone buzzes on the table, and Colt’s name flashes on the screen. I turn the phone over quickly and hope they don’t see his name pop up. Perhaps I should look at the privacy settings on my phone.
“So, are you two dating? Fooling around?” Matthias leans in across the table and waits for an answer. I have no idea what’s happening between us now, but it’s neither of those things.
“We’re just friends.” Even I don’t believe the words as they come out of my mouth. These three all served as witnesses to my complete breakdown a few weeks ago. While they haven’t mentioned it again, I know it’s on their minds. I wish I had something better to say, but I’m stuck.
Colt didn’t mention that date or any subsequent dates to me. He doesn’t owe me any explanation, but I wish he’d say something. Especially when I swear he goes out of his way to touch me a little more every time we hang out. It’s subtle, but it’s all the little grazes of his hand over my shoulder or the small of my back when he walks past me. It’s completely unnecessary, but I’m not complaining. Even thinking about the way his hand feels against me has my dick chubbing up. Thankfully, the booth hides my lap from view. It would make the whole argument for just friends a little more complicated.
“Do you make the same face when I text you?” Matthias asks.
“No, but you don’t text. You occasionally jump into the group chat with an emoji response to something someone else said.” Aaron and Tyler nod their agreement. Matthias pouts and tries to argue, but I pull up my text thread with him on my phone. Sure enough, the last time he sent me a real message was three months ago.
“But theoretically?” Matthias asks, changing the subject.
“Theoretically, what?”
“If Colt came to your place tomorrow and told you he was interested in more than friendship, what would you say?” Matthias asks.
My pulse quickens. Colt’s coming over tomorrow, and I’ve thought about this exact situation dozens of times in the last few weeks. It’s complicated, though.
A month ago, I would’ve said yes without any hesitation. I would have jumped into Colt’s arms and rubbed all over him. Now? He’s once again become my best friend. If we got together and things didn’t work, I might lose him completely. I already lost him once, and it broke me. I’m not sure I can do it again. “We’re better off as friends.”
If you tell yourself a lie enough times, eventually, it becomes true. Right?
COLT
Oliver from App
Busy?
I’ve been staring at the message for the last hour and haven’t decided what to say to Oliver. Since our date, if we can call it that, we’ve texted a few times but haven’t found time to meet again.
That’s not true. Tonight’s a perfect example. I’m not busy, but I can’t convince myself to tell Oliver. Before Matthias and Aaron came over, I thought things were going okay. We got along well enough to warrant a second date. Still, I couldn’t return to it once Matthias gave me a dressing down, so I left poor Oliver sitting at the bar. Shockingly, he’s still texting me. I apologized, but I expected the contact to end then.
Me
Sorry, catching up on work tonight.
It’s a little white lie. I’m sitting in my living room watching reruns on Netflix . He wants to go out, and I should go. My dad and sister have checked in daily to see if I’m making new friends. As much as I’d like to be friends with Oliver, I think he wants something more, and I’m not in the right headspace to pursue something serious with him.
I tell myself it’s because I’m new to town, figuring out how to get places and getting the hang of my new job. Plus, the family stuff doesn’t just go away. I might not go home every weekend anymore, but I still need to ensure my father gets the care he needs. It’s a lot, but not so much. I can’t find the time to make a few friends or date a little. No, the reason is Nathan.
I can’t stop thinking about him. We meet up a few times a week, but even when we’re apart, he’s always on my mind. Honestly, I think I’m infatuated. And isn’t that a bunch of craziness?
My phone chimes, and I look at the response.
Oliver from App
No problem
I sigh as another message comes through.
I get the sense there’s someone else. If you want to meet as friends, that would be good, too.
I like the message because I’m unsure of how to respond. Friends sound nice, but I need to figure out this Nathan thing first.
The thing is, nothing we’ve done so far has helped. When we’re together, he always sits close to me. It’s comforting to have him so close to me. It sets my whole body on fire to have him so close but unable to touch him. However, I’ve not held back. Not completely. I’ve touched him as often as possible with little touches. I keep hoping he’ll respond to one of them and save me the trouble. That’s wishful thinking.
I shove my phone back in my pocket, and it immediately buzzes again. I sigh and pull it out; I don’t have the emotional energy to do this tonight. Work might not follow me home, but figuring it out during the day is exhausting.
Nathan Winslow
Still on for tomorrow night?
Me
Definitely
I’m picking the movie
There haven’t been any complaints about my choices so far.
Maybe I should let him pick? That’s what people do, right? Before I can overthink it, he likes the message. Now, I need to pick out something good. I’ve been suggesting various films I remember seeing as kids. Most are ridiculous, but I don’t care. I love seeing him laugh at the cheesy jokes and ridiculous plotlines.
We’re doing all of this as friends, though. It no longer feels like a friend thing, but we haven’t found what it is. That’s why I’m turning down dates, not because they interfere with our time but because I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
I flop down on my couch—the one Nathan picked—and close my eyes. “Stop being such a chicken,” I say aloud. I need to talk to Nathan. He took the risk years ago, so it’s only fair that I take it now.
I guess Friday night is going to be eventful.