Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
NATHAN
“Ugh. I give up.” I throw the offending top on my bed and pull my phone from my pocket.
“On a scale of one to ten, how much are you freaking out right now?” Tyler picks up on the first ring.
“A million.” It’s only a slight exaggeration. Tyler huffs. It’s not my fault figuring out what to wear for a date is so difficult.
“What’s the problem now?” Since Colt and I decided to make a go of the dating thing last week, I’ve been second-guessing everything. The panicked phone calls have increased in frequency all week. But Tyler is my best friend. He signed up for this craziness.
“I don’t know what to wear.” Or how to act. Or what Colt was thinking after that kiss. I suspect Tyler will only be able to help with the clothing issue.
“Okay, where’s he taking you?”
“We’re going out to dinner at a Thai restaurant downtown and then back to my place for a movie.” After many text messages, we compromised on this arrangement. It would get us out of the house and doing what Colt referred to as a proper date and also give us some privacy to discuss our relationship.
“You two are quite the party animals.”
“I have ten minutes, and you aren’t helping.” I turn on the speakerphone and set my phone on the dresser. My closet is an endless wasteland of clothing I never wear. Clothing stores bring out the best of intentions in me, but I end up in the same outfits every week.
“Fine. Wear those black jeans you think are too tight and one of your button-ups. Not a white one… pick something with more color.”
“That’s not too fancy?” The Thai restaurant is nice, but it’s not nice-nice .
“Nah, it’s a first date. You want to make a good impression.”
“I think we’re past first impressions.” First impressions were twenty years ago. Even my first impressions as an adult were over a month ago.
“But this is the first time you’re going on a date. It’s different. He needs to see you’re taking this seriously.” God, I did want him to know I take it seriously. I never would’ve made the first move, but I was all in once I felt his lips against mine. Maybe even before that. I touch my lips as I think about that night, the ghost of the memory leaving me tingly and wanting. I said I wanted to move slowly, and I did, but my heart didn’t get the memo. If we were doing this, I was playing for keeps.
And that’s the scariest part of this whole thing. This is going to fuck me up when it goes up in flames.
“I can hear you thinking too hard. Put on the clothes, brush your teeth, and meet Colt for a date.” I roll my eyes and start to say goodbye when he adds, “Make sure you pick out some sexy underwear.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Sexy underwear is always necessary.” He hangs up before I can reply, and I do precisely what Tyler said, right down to the underwear. I pick out a pair of black silk briefs to match the rest of the outfit. Per his instructions, I end up in the too-tight black jeans and a light pink button-up.
Clothed and with a few minutes to kill, I resort to pacing my living room. Colt volunteered to drive us both since the plan was to come back here after dinner. It sounded like a good idea earlier, but now I need something to busy myself with in these last five minutes.
If he shows up. My anxiety kicks in, and I wonder if he changed his mind. We confirmed this morning in a text exchange, but he’s had plenty of time to decide we’re better off as friends. He’d at least text to let me know, right? A knock at the door interrupts my spiral. I take a few cleansing breaths before I answer the door.
COLT
Nathan answers the door, and I release the breath I’m holding. Somehow, it didn’t feel real until just now. And fuck, he looks incredible. He always does, but this is a different Nathan. Usually, I either get work Nathan or lounge Nathan. Tonight, he’s something completely different. Those pants are sinful. “Hi. You look good.” Good? It’s the best I can come up with when he wears those sinful jeans. They leave very little to the imagination, and my imagination has already been in overdrive.
“So do you.” I didn’t miss the way his eyes linger over my crotch. I’m sure my jeans do little to hide my bulge. It’s not like he doesn’t know how I feel about him.
“Should we—” He cocks his head toward the door. “I don’t want to be late for our reservation.”
“Oh, yeah. Let’s go.” We walk to the car in thick silence. Usually, our conversation flows easily. Tonight, I can’t think of a single thing to say. Other than the alarm in my head screaming for me to do something to break the silence.
I still haven’t said anything by the time we reach my car. As we get close, I speed up to get there first and open the passenger door for him.
“Oh, thanks.” He stares at me for a moment before sliding into the passenger seat. When I’m sure all his appendages are safely inside, I shut the door and walk around the back of the car.
Seriously, Colt? Holding the door open? It looks chivalrous when people do it in movies, but it doesn’t feel that way now. Why is this so hard?
I convince myself it’ll be better once we get in the car. I checked and rechecked the directions before I left the house. After living here for two and a half months, I shouldn’t need my GPS to get downtown. But I didn’t need any extra help making an idiot of myself tonight.
I hope the drive will allow us both to loosen up, but I spend the entire time coming up with something to say. The best I manage is, “How was your day?”
“Not bad. You?”
“Not bad.” Not a thrilling conversation. I don’t remember ever being on a date this awkward. Maybe the first time I met a guy at a bar before I came out, but we had whiskey to get things moving.
I pull into one of the public parking lots near the restaurant. Do I open Nathan’s door for him? Fortunately, he opens his door and hops out. I guess that answers the question for me. It might also be a comment about how weird things were earlier.
“So, have you been here before? My coworker recommended it.” So far, my restaurant experience has been limited to places that deliver to my apartment, so I got some help from people around the office in coming up with an idea for tonight.
“A few times, but it’s been a while. It’s pretty good, though. I always order Pad Thai, though, no matter what Thai restaurant I visit. I know it’s the most American thing on the menu, but I can’t help it.”
I laugh. “That’s what I always order, too. I blame the fact that we grew up in a town where it was either McDonalds or the local diner for my lack of adventurous eating.” It improved over the years, but the general sentiment held. A population of ten thousand didn’t support that many businesses.
A long silence follows as we walk down the sidewalk toward the main entrance. I know dating changes a relationship, but isn’t it supposed to bring two people closer together? Right now, it feels like we’re getting further apart. Not just metaphorically, either. The space between us on the sidewalk could fit another person and a half.
Things didn’t improve much over dinner. Our knees bump against each other under the table, and we take turns apologizing and shifting to one side or the other. I swear the waitress shoots me multiple sympathetic looks throughout the meal. Everyone there could see things weren’t going well. If this was any other date, I would cut my losses, drop the guy off, and claim I had a headache.
Before we drive home, I step away to use the bathroom. After taking care of business, I stare in the mirror while washing my hands. “You can do this,” I say aloud. “Get your shit together.” He’s not any other guy. This is Nathan. One rough night won’t dissuade me. We need time to figure out how to be together. This dance we’re doing, figuring out how to go from friends to lovers, is complicated.
It took us twenty years to become the friends we are now; of course, it will take more than a few hours to figure out this new dynamic. I shudder as I turn off the water. I agreed to go slow.
I head back out so we can return to his place for a movie. Maybe a more familiar environment would help us both relax. We could do this. And if we couldn’t?
I didn’t even want to imagine that option.