47
Keltania
Valen tries convincing me to take one of the secret tunnels back to my room, but it’s not a good idea. The best place for me—for their benefit and for mine—is here. The magic from the tear ebbs and flows. One moment, it’s dormant and I’m confident I have myself under control. The next, I’m digging my fingernails into my palms, desperate to hold back screams of rage, to keep from decimating everything—and everyone—I can get my hands on. They’re afraid of me, and rightly so.
I’m afraid of me right now…
I attacked their monarch. Nearly killed an innocent child. I secretly met with their enemy. It doesn’t matter that I was under the influence of the tear—a problem that hasn’t gone away. It doesn’t make a difference that Aphelian’s memories are affecting me. No matter how you spin it, there’s a part of me that was aware of what I was doing. If there hadn’t been, Goddess only knows what I could have done to Valen.
Kopic brought down dinner, but by the time midnight rolls around, it’s still sitting on the table across from me, stinking up the small space. Valen asked Bojan to give me a room with just a table and cot—to keep up appearances—and lock the door. Exhausted, I lie down…
“Keltania.”
My eyes flutter open, and I know I’m asleep. I’m here yet detached. Anchored yet free.
“I’m surprised you came.” I sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the cot.
“Of course I came.” She appears in front of me. This time she’s dressed in druid battle armor, a crown of vines and flowers atop her head. “You’re my daughter.”
“I’m half Fae,” I say. It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. It still doesn’t feel real—or right. “Shouldn’t that make you hate me?”
She cups the side of my face and smiles. “I could never hate you, child. You may have Fae blood, but I’m glad of it. Without that blood, you would never have survived the Fae magic.”
“Fae magic you tricked me into tethering myself to,” I snap. Instantly, I clamp down hard on my tongue. I’m supposed to be winning her back over. Smothering her with honey and lies.
“Did you ever truly love me, Mother?” The words are like acid in my mouth, but I can play the part. I can make her believe. I have to.
“I loved you, Lily Rose. I loved you more than my own life. But you’re an adult now. Surely you see that this cause is worth fighting for—no matter the price?”
“You still haven’t told me what cause we’re fighting for. What is this purpose you keep talking about?”
She smiles, and I wonder if she sees through me. “All in good time, child.”
I swallow my pride and self-respect, then nod. “I’m sorry I left you. You were right about Valen. As soon as I returned and tried to explain, he locked me up.”
“Surely there’s more to it than that?” She tilts her head, studying me. She’s not quite buying it yet. She might want to believe I’m still on her side, but Aphelian has been alive a long time. She’s cautious.
“I saw the mark on Suria. You inked her, didn’t you?”
Aphelian considers me for a moment longer before nodding. “I’ve been guiding her actions.”
Guiding. Not controlling. Her choice of wording pisses me off, but I manage to keep my expression neutral. “Guiding her toward what?”
“I simply used her to relay information I wanted passed along. She, in turn, gathered information for me.”
“I told Valen she was a spy. I didn’t lie to him. Yet he…he chose to believe her over me. He locked me away down here. For her… For a child he barely knows.”
“Because he’s a Fae and sees you as nothing more than a human. He’ll always choose another Fae over you. You don’t matter to him now because he doesn’t think he can use you.”
I school my expression, letting my chin dip and my shoulders sag. “It seems like you’re right.”
“Are you prepared to do what needs to be done now?”
“I’m not sure I can do it. I still…I still love him.”
She frowns. There’s a spark of sympathy in her eyes—there and gone so fast I’m not convinced I truly saw it. “He does not deserve your love, Keltania. But I understand. I, too, felt that way about a Fae once. It…distracted me. You know what you must do.”
“I can’t do anything while I’m stuck in here.” I spread my arms and gesture to the room. “Unfortunately, it won’t be as easy to leave the estate this time around.”
She smiles and fades from view. “Leave that to me.”
After I wake, I reach out to Valen. How’d it go with Suria?
“Oh, you know. I told her I was planning to execute you in the morning.”
And she believed you?
“Why wouldn’t she?”
Maybe Aphelian is right. Fae are fickle… I thought she and I were tight.
“Please. That girl worships the ground you walk on. Can you believe she was so delusional that she thought you were stronger than me?”
Huh. Can’t imagine what gave her that idea…
A few moments of silence pass before I feel a swell of longing filter through the link. “Are you okay?”
Fine. And he needs to know the truth about me. About who I really am. We’ve been keeping too much from each other lately, keeping too much distance. It has to end. I need to tell you something.
“That you think I’m magnificent? Don’t worry, I know.”
This is serious.
He hesitates, and it’s impossible to miss the surge of worry that comes down the link. “Tell me when this is all over.”
It can’t wait.
“Why does that sound bad?”
It might be…
“If you’re going to tell me you don’t like those stuffy blue robes I wear, then I’ll have to suggest you remove them next time we—”
She’s my mother, Valen.
Several moments of silence pass. I feel Valen’s sigh more than I hear it. “I know it feels that way, Tania. I know you were close—”
No. She’s my actual mother. When I asked you about Lily Rose surviving Harabin? It’s because it was me. I’m Lily Rose.
“That’s im—”
We don’t have time to go into details, but it’s true. I’m half Fae. Avastad was my father.
“Tania—”
Think about it, Valen. How many times have we been told a human could never survive Fae magic? Turns out it’s true. I survived because I’m not a full human.
“That would mean Gensted is—”
Yes.
Another moment of silence, and then, in true Valen fashion, he starts to laugh. “Bet he’s glad you were already spoken for.”
He doesn’t know yet. I want you to tell him, though. Just in case. He should know the truth.
“I’m not telling him this, Tania. It’s not my place. You have to do it. When you get back.”
I might not get the chance, but I know it will only make Valen edgier if I say that. He’s worried—not that I can blame him. The fate of his people all hinges on us pulling this off. Still, even if we do, there’s no way to know how big the casualties will be.
Does everyone know what to do?
“Yes. But some of the others are…worried. Considering how things ended last time you left the estate.”
Do you think it will be a problem? If just one person doesn’t hold up their end of the plan, it could mean failure. Failure would mean thousands of deaths.
“Everyone will do their part. I’ll make sure of it.”