Chapter 20 #2
A part of him couldn’t go quite that far, maybe because so much of his life was sacrificed to the public. Or maybe because he wanted the culmination of this experience to be just him and Roy in bed together.
He was getting really worked up. The fifth pop made him wonder if that bee sting mark would fade as quickly as Roy said. He hoped it wouldn’t.
Roy was right up behind him again. His hand went to the front of DJ’s jeans, opening the fastener, pushing down the zipper with an insistent hand. He rolled a condom over the head of DJ’s shaft before he clasped it in a firm, I-totally-own-this grip.
DJ let out a groan. Since he faced the wall, and Roy’s broad shoulders were behind him, he guessed he was mostly shielded from view by what Roy was doing. He couldn’t bring himself to tell him to stop. His hand felt too damn good.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No. But Master, I’m going to…”
“Yes, you are. Right the fuck now. Push against my cock while you do it, you gorgeous tease.”
DJ convulsed in Roy’s stroking grip, his ass shoving against Roy’s erection.
DJ tried to give as much pleasure as he was getting, but when he lost control, he could only ride the ride.
He released into the condom, his head falling between the cross pieces.
Roy’s arm was around his chest, long fingers stroking a nipple while his other hand pumped DJ’s erection, demanding every drop.
He pushed his knee against the inside of DJ’s thigh, giving him more stability from the dizzying power of the climax, and reminding him that his legs were open because his Master required access.
As he finished, Roy kept stroking him, letting DJ twitch in his grasp. “When we get to the hotel tonight, I’m going to bury myself in you, Dory. Between your lips, then in your ass. I like your mouth making me slick enough to slide into you.”
“Oh fuck,” DJ whispered.
Those two relationships Roy had mentioned, DJ had never really learned to trust them. So even if they hurt and disappointed him, he couldn’t be destroyed by them.
He trusted Roy. He wanted to give Roy everything Roy wanted from him. His submission was a total, frighteningly unconditional thing. He was willing to take the risk of letting Roy destroy him, and he’d regret nothing.
He’d write that down later.
Was he writing songs or love letters? Did it matter?
When Roy released him from the X-frame, he had DJ sit down and gave him some time to recover. DJ couldn’t focus on anything around him. He felt overstimulated and foggy at once, and all he saw was Roy.
So it was no surprise when Roy told DJ it was time to leave. “I’ve let Madison know you’ll call her to set up the meet with Julie later.”
DJ nodded. As they made their way back down the stairs, he hoped Roy had told Madison and Logan good night for him, but he expected they understood his state.
Roy had DJ sit down on the bottom step as he went outside to scope out the parking lot.
While he did that, DJ regained enough brain power to recall Roy’s mention of the masseur.
After the demands of a show or the rigors of studio work, Franz targeted the muscles needing the most attention.
He knew DJ’s body better than DJ knew it himself. Like Roy, but for different reasons.
Roy held the door for DJ to come out. They bid the bald man a good night and moved along the rows of cars, Roy’s hand at DJ’s elbow. “You were so official,” DJ said. “That first time you saw me getting a massage in my dressing room.”
“And you were being a damn flirt. Shifting enough that the towel over your ass was slipping.”
A variety of people were hanging out in the parking lot, chatting and laughing. DJ was sure Roy’s eyes had landed upon every one of them and done a risk assessment.
“It was because I was getting a hard on. You were staring at me like you wanted to give me a spanking for driving you crazy.”
Roy chuckled. As they reached the passenger side of the Suburban, shots rang out.
DJ considered himself decently strong, but what surged through him was superhuman, mother-picking-up-a-car-off-her-baby strength. He caught Roy by the shirt front and hurled them both down to the pavement, landing on top of him, trying to cover every part of him he could.
Because Roy was way more than decently strong, in a blink he’d shoved DJ off of him, and he wasn’t gentle about it.
But it wasn’t because he was shielding him.
Roy yanked DJ to his feet, and pushed him against the SUV, his arm braced against his chest. He looked like he was going to beat DJ unconscious.
“Don’t ever do that again.” He took a harsh breath and directed DJ’s glance upward. Fireworks were raining diamond glitter in the sky. “It’s the nearby mall. They do a fireworks show on Friday nights at closing time.”
“Oh.” DJ felt stupid, and Roy’s cold stare didn’t ease the feeling.
“What the fuck was that?” he demanded.
His anger changed embarrassment to something more important. “He’s after anyone between him and me. You said that. We’ve put Marjorie where she’s protected. So that leaves you. I’m not going to let you die for me. Your mom needs you. Lots of people need you.”
I need you.
For the first time in their relationship, DJ could see he’d really pissed Roy off, because Roy was visibly struggling to get a grip on it.
Not that Roy was an abusive bastard, and his foster father had never made that kind of effort to rein it in, but DJ recognized the warning signs of an anger that strong.
It came with a flashing neon sign that said Tread Carefully.
“Dying for you is part of my job description,” Roy said at last, in a stone flat voice. “Not my preference or first choice to handle your protection, but if it requires it, the reason you pay me so much is I will make that choice if it comes down to it.”
“Which is why I should have fired you.”
DJ tended to ignore signs.
Roy screwed his hand in DJ’s shirt and jerked him close to a face that was hard and mean. “You standing in the way of me doing my job is as much of an insult as me standing between you and your music. You don’t do that. Not now, not ever.”
The million emotions behind his eyes were like a city skyline. Then it went dark, the power cut.
“Get the fuck in the car.” Roy opened the door to the row of seats behind the driver. “It’s time you remember I work for you, Mr. James. Familiarity breeds stupidity.”
DJ recoiled, stung. Roy was as remote as he’d ever seen him.
He’d stepped in it. But he couldn’t say he was sorry.
He was mad at Roy for reacting this way, but the terrible contrast between what they’d just experienced inside the building, and how it had become this in a blink, paralyzed his response with anguish.
He got into the car. As Roy started the vehicle and left the parking lot, DJ untied the mask and removed it, but he kept his eyes down, feeling suddenly too naked to look up.
They rode the next few miles in silence.
If Roy decided to sleep on the couch, or asked for a different room with two beds, DJ wasn’t sure what he’d do.
He felt miserable and cold. Was even shivering, though he tried to cover it.
He didn’t want Roy going mother hen on him while he was pissed at DJ.
It would send DJ over the edge. Then he couldn’t stand it anymore.
He remembered what he’d thought back at the warehouse, that he would hold nothing back from his Master, that he’d give Roy the ability to destroy him because what he’d gain from that vulnerability would be worth it.
He had to be able to trust him. Even when he was mad like this. The uncertainty of not knowing if he could, on top of everything else, was intolerable.
“Roy. Would you pull over? Please.”
He wasn’t sure Roy would respond, but then he did, pulling into a Hardee’s parking lot. When he shut off the car, he stared straight ahead. DJ looked at the section of his profile he could see from the back seat. Strong jaw, straight nose. Corded throat and tense shoulder.
“I didn’t plan it, Roy. I heard what I thought were shots, and I just reacted. I wasn’t trying to do your job. I was trying not to lose more than I can bear, because what I’ve lost is already unbearable.
“What I’m trying to say is I couldn’t have stopped myself, Roy.
I don’t stop being who I am just because someone is protecting me.
Keeping the people I care about safe means more to me than my own life.
I can’t apologize for that. But I am sorry that I made you feel the way you’re feeling.
I would never do that on purpose. I hope you know that. ”
It was the best he could do. He just had to wait and hope.
Roy tapped the steering wheel. His shoulders lifted and fell in a deep sigh. “Get in the front.”
“You sure?” DJ said cautiously. “I’m kind of digging this Miss Daisy shit.”
“Do not make me come back there.”
DJ managed a tired grin and left the vehicle, sliding into the front with Roy.
And then swallowed a shocked gasp as Roy grabbed his shirt in two hands and slammed his mouth on DJ’s, a demanding, possessive, knee weakening, mind-numbing kiss that went on for a blissful century before Roy pulled back and gave him a hard look, though there was something not hard in it that made DJ feel like he was holding Roy’s heart in his hands.
“If you got hurt trying to protect me, it would shred me. There’d be nothing left. You understand? You want to protect me? You always, always let me do my job.”
There’s a reason I do what I do, Dory. It’s the core of who I am.
He remembered when Roy had said that to him, in the hotel room that first time.
Roy had trusted DJ right back, showing DJ a window into his soul, where raw pain, determination, violence and need all lived together.
Protecting you
Makes my life matter.
Having you
Makes my heart beat.
Needing you
Makes my soul endure.